


Silence

by koderenn



Series: Sand and Storm [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A little of fluff hidden somewhere in the story, Angst, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Developing Relationship, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Visions, Galactic politics, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Lack of Communication, Mother and son moments, POV Kylo Ren, POV Leia Organa, POV Rey (Star Wars), Resistance, Resistance vs First Order, Rey probably has bigger issues, Rogue one and Prequel elements, Semi-Public Sex, Severed Force Bond, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-07-27 15:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 85,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16222172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koderenn/pseuds/koderenn
Summary: A severed Force bond cuts deep into their haunting past, as Ben and Rey struggle to redefine themselves and what they mean to each other. But with a schism running down the New Republic and the remnants of the First order in hiding, time is of the essence and broken hearts only get in the way.





	1. The secret

“Will he live?” A cracked voice resonated in the dark chamber.

 

Waves of greens and greys danced on barren walls and across the grim features of a woman, small but elegantly dressed in her grey gown and leaning lightly over a cane. She stood before an illuminated, spacious tank filled with bacta, containing the immersed form of an unconscious man. Her brow was furrowed and her melancholy eyes spoke of a restless life.

 

A man stepped next to her, gazing at her drawn features in concern. “I believe so,” he answered, folding his arms in front of his chest and creasing the characteristic white robe of a medical doctor. Well into his middle years, with salt and pepper hair in antithesis to his chocolate skin, he studied the healing wounds on the man’s flesh. The room was quiet. Their voices the only source of sound permeating the darkness.

 

“How about Rey?”

 

“We had to sedate the Jedi girl,” he said with a light shake of his head. “She seemed to be in excruciating pain, even though there didn’t seem to be anything physically wrong with her.”  

 

The woman blinked and swallowed thickly, bringing her hand up to touch the glass before her with trembling fingertips.

 

“Leia, you must get some rest yourself. There is nothing more that can be done at the moment. The nanosurgery is complete. We were able to save his leg and mend the severed tissue inside him. His vitals are steady and his blood count is rising. Ben is young and strong. He just needs time to recuperate.”

 

“I know.”

 

A tear slipped down her cheek.

 

“It’s been so long since since I last saw him. He was just a boy.  And now he’s…” she trailed off, voice hoarse with emotion.

 

“You look pale. When was the last time you came in for blood work and diagnostics?” The doctor slid an experienced eye in her direction, but Leia just waved a dismissive hand, too focused on the man before her.

 

“Not now, Will.”

 

“Leia…”

 

“Soon. I promise.”

 

Silence stretched between them and the nurse standing in the shadows walked up to the doctor with small hesitant steps, the most recent report on the man’s readings blinking on her datapad’s screen. She wasn’t used to seeing the General in such a vulnerable state. The woman always seemed composed under the most ragged conditions, and came up with the most obvious solutions when nobody else could see them. Practically everyone she had ever met looked up to her and admired her. And to think that this was the daughter of Darth Vader and according to rumors, mother to that monster Kylo Ren…

 

_How does she carry on?_

 

“Do you have his readings?” Dr. Lydham said sternly, hand extended in her direction and an impatient expression on his face. She snapped to attention immediately.

 

“Yes, sir.” The nurse couldn’t help herself steeling a glance at the powerful man in the bacta, a shiver of fear running down her spine. He was heavily sedated as well.

 

_Thank the gods._

 

She glanced towards the General who had her deep intelligent eyes trained on her, making her squirm under their intensity.  It was said that she too had that mystical Force, but rarely used it.  The way General Organa’s eyes were boring into hers, however, stripping her thoughts bare and dissecting them one by one, made her feel that the woman very much knew how to use it with razor sharp precision.  A few endless moments passed before the General dragged her attention back to the doctor and the nurse exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized was holding.

 

“Will he be safe here? Or should I have Chewbacca stationed outside the unit?”

 

The doctor arched an eyebrow in response.

 

“No need to terrify my staff, Leia.” He handed the datapad back to the nurse with a dismissive nod. “We have the knowledge of his presence contained and that’s how it will remain until you decide what to do with him.”

 

The nurse turned around walking silently away from them, but Leia’s hushed words drifted to her ears before she exited the room.

 

“I don’t want the Republic to know he’s here.”

 

“They won’t.”

 

Louise was happy to be out of earshot.


	2. Strangers

Poe dragged a chair next to the narrow bed, its metal legs screeching against the durasteel floor of the medical bay. He flipped it and straddled it, setting his forearms on its back and looking at the young woman in front of him with worry. Rey was still asleep, but according to the medical staff should be waking up any minute now. A monitor at the side of the bed beeped in rhythm to her heart rate and its screen blinked her vital signs. A soft yellow light overhead warmed the simple white and blue colors of the room. The clean soft curves and glass surfaces of the ship’s architecture reminding him of its manufacturer’s aquatic origin. The Mon Calamari species.

 

Poe rested his chin on the back of his hands, studying the crease between Rey’s brows and the light downturn of her lips, evidence of her discomfort even in her drug-induced sleep.

 

He rubbed his red eyes and unshaven face. The image of Rey hunched over, in pain, with tears streaking down her cheeks, was burnt and seared irrevocably in his memory. And the helplessness he had felt when he and Leia came across her, bloody and writhing outside the heavy metal doors of the medical bay with nothing but _that_ man’s name on her lips, was a feeling he had never experienced before.

 

All her pain was because of _him;_ currently sedated and recovering two doors down the bay. Anger boiled in his chest blistering and scalding at the thought of Kylo Ren and the atrocities he had committed. The leniency and forgiveness that Leia was showing was understandable. She was after all his mother.

 

_But Rey…_

 

Rey’s attachment to that man ran deeper than he could have ever expected. It was obvious that she genuinely cared for him. A lot more than he was comfortable or willing to accept.

 

Poe ran his fingers through his unkempt curls, dejectedly.

 

_I doubt Rey ever felt like that for me._

 

He shifted in his seat pinching his eyes with his thumbs and willing the image of them together out of his mind. The acrid truth of their relationship stung too much. Instead he tried to focus on the last few days and the events that had transpired since then. They were equally as mind-blowing but at least he had found himself able to cope with them.

 

_Barely._

 

The world was turning upside down and he didn’t know which end was what. There were Stormtroopers aboard the ship, wishing to defect. Coruscant was in rubbles and its fugitives were boarding Republic ships with any means possible. More than half of the First Order fleet was either surrendering or blowing themselves up. General _Hugs_ with a handful of Star Destroyers had disappeared to Force knows where. And Leia…

 

_Stars, Leia…_

 

Leia was falling apart _._

 

A sigh and slight movement of Rey’s head tore him out of his thoughts and he reached for her motionless hand squeezing it lightly. She mumbled something indiscernible, but quickly went back to her fretful sleep.

 

He couldn’t stay long. His presence was needed back at the bridge. And he had to figure out what he would do with all these people aboard the Resistance ships. The ships’ supplies weren’t enough to sustain everyone for more than a week or so. Normally Leia would have already been snapping orders around. But not this time.

 

“How’s Rey?”

 

Poe looked up, startled to see a concerned Finn sticking his head through the open doors.

 

“She’s, uh…” He sighed. “Asleep. She’s still asleep.”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Finn stepped in as silently as he could. With all the commotion going on outside, Poe highly doubted Finn’s boots would be the ones to wake her up.

 

“I’ll stay with her, till you’re back,” Finn said. “There are messages coming in from the Republic fleet and Commander D’Acy has just left to take over the helm on the _Titan_. You really need to get to the bridge.”

 

_I know._

 

Poe rubbed at his face once more, before steeling himself and getting off the chair. He leaned in and set a kiss on Rey’s creased forehead.

 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he whispered back.

 

Poe patted Finn’s shoulder and turned to head out, when he caught hazel eyes trained on Finn, blood shot and racked.

 

“You’re up!” Finn exclaimed.  A flutter of relief and joy went through Poe.

 

But Rey just sighed and a sheen of tears formed in her eyes. And the voice that left her lips was as broken as the city below.

 

“He’s gone, isn’t he?”

*

 

It was time to register his vitals again. Louise passed outside the Jedi’s room and peeked inside to make sure she was still asleep. Commander Dameron was seated next to her, pensive and quiet. Louise couldn’t figure out what it is that he saw on that woman. Well, apart from those supposed powers she owned.

 

She shrugged and walked down the medical bay’s corridor to the room with the bacta tank. The guard stationed outside winked at her and she gave him a hint of a smile in reward before going through the hissing doors. The room was quiet, the General and the Chief of Medicine having obviously departed some time now. Things were finally quieting down as the ship entered the night cycle. There were no more trauma patients coming in as the battle of Corruscant seemed to be coming to its end, finally. These past three days had been exhausting.

 

She was about to log into the bay’s records, when a crack resounded in the empty chamber and she snapped her head up, the hair at the back of her neck standing on end.

 

_What was that?_

 

Everything was still, apart for the waves of green and grey illuminating the room, and disappearing into its shadows.

 

She twisted her head towards the direction of the immersed man. His palm was set on the tank’s glass and spidery cracks were covering its surface.

Her eyes widened in horror and her gaze drifted to catch his dark eyes trained at her frozen form.

 

_He’s up. Oh, my merciful gods, he’s awake!_

 

Louise blinked at the terrifying realization and the glass shattered.

 

Bacta flooded the floor. Thick and muculent. And she remained transfixed, watching the man in the shadows scramble on unsteady feet for a moment or two, and impatiently pull on tubes and cords. His broad muscled body straightened slowly, and he stared at her through dripping wet strands with burning eyes.

 

Kylo Ren was free.

*

 

Ren’s head hammered with an ache that clouded any coherent thought.

 

The room was dark and he couldn’t make out a thing about his surroundings. He tried to get to his feet, the slippery ground giving out from under him and making it difficult to properly steady himself. His right leg throbbed and piercing pain radiated around his ribs with every inhale of breath. Cords and tubes covered his body, and familiar anger rose inside him as he tugged everything off and straightened his back.

 

A woman was standing across the room, gaping at him _._

 

He looked around cautiously trying to decipher his environment through the heavy haze settled in his mind. The pale curved surfaces of the chamber had nothing in common with the harsh charcoal lines of the Star Destroyers, and the woman’s loose attire was far from the constricting First Order uniforms. Which meant…

 

Ren frowned.

 

_Where am I?_

 

It was quiet in the room. And eerily silent in his mind.  

 

_Rey._

 

Worry crept in his chest, molten and corrosive.

 

He had to find Rey.

 

The woman in front of him snapped into action darting for a panel and punching a button that caused blaring alarms to go off. The ear-piercing sound seared through his aching head. His palms flew to cover his ears and his shoulders hunched over like a wounded beast’s.

 

Ren gritted his teeth and instinctively waved his hand, tossing the woman to the wall with a loud thud. Channeling his pain, he gathered the Force and a rod detached itself from the wall flying into his hand, right as the doors opened to reveal a startled guard. A blaster was aimed at him and fired, but the bolt was suspended in midair a few inches away from his outstretched hand. Ren crossed the room in a few swift strides, brutally bringing the rod down to the man’s back.  The guard dropped unconscious at his bare feet.

 

He swirled the rod in his hand in one fluid motion, approaching the now unguarded door.

 

Something felt seriously wrong and it wasn’t the wounds he bore.  He felt empty. _Alone._ He groped for the thread of energy that tied him to the one person he madly wanted to see, only to realize he couldn’t find it.

 

_Rey?_

 

He stepped into a clean, brightly lit hall, with numerous doors running down its length. The white light stung his eyes and he brought the back of his hand up to shield them. A sterile bitter smell drifted to his nose, reminding him very much of that of a medical ward. He squinted, spotting a pair of metal doors at the end with the distinctive insignia on it. He was right.

 

A few members of the medical staff, he noticed, had shrunk to the walls, staring at him horrified.

 

Ren glanced down at his half-naked body, cursing under his breath. He needed to get a change of clothes if he were to have any hope of blending in and finding Rey, as amusing as that seemed. He gripped onto his only weapon tightly and darted for the exit, just as the doors hissed open and more men filed in. They looked scruffy and unkempt in their worn out beige and orange clothes, which resembled very much those of…

 

The Resistance.

 

_Fuck!_

 

His mind barely had time to reel over the staggering information, when weapons were leveled at him and more shots were fired. He clenched his jaw, flinging the bolts away from him in annoyance. He threw his hand out, wrenching a computer terminal from a wall and tossing its sparking bulk on the soldiers crouching at the entrance.

 

Ben clawed at the bond again, straining into the Force and frantically calling out Rey’s name, but the cold silence echoing back turned his insides into stone. 

 

_Where’s Rey?_

 

Why couldn’t he feel…

 

_Is she…_

 

No. There’s no way she was… He quickly stomped at the thought _,_ desperately un-rooting it from his mind because it simply wasn’t an option. His girl was fine. He’d find her. Fate was cruel, but not that much as to rip her away and let him live instead.

 

But the nauseating emptiness that ached and throbbed within him cast a heavy shadow on his hopes. He couldn’t feel the bond. He couldn’t feel _her…_

 

His vision blurred unexpectedly and his throat clenched, stealing the breath from his lungs.

 

_No._

 

Ren bit his lip, drawing blood and iron as he tried to contain the agony in his chest spreading like wildfire through his senses. A grunt escaped him, threatening to morph into a primal roar.  He gripped the metal rod white-knuckled, searching for a means to release the anguish and despair tearing at his insides.

 

Doors hissed open to his left and two men barged in the hall.

 

Ren immediately recognized them and crimson fury eclipsed his vision. He delved for the wide-eyed pilot first, swinging the rod in a side slash aiming for his ribs, but the man got lucky and managed to evade it in the last instant. The traitor reached for the blaster hanging on his hip, but Ren ripped it easily from his hand with the Force. He landed a hard kick on the pilot’s chest bringing him to the floor and aimed the blaster to his head, efficiently freezing all movement in the bay.

 

Eyes blinked at Ren in fear and awe and hate, hidden behind their blasters. His chest heaved and pain ignited his every breath, but it didn’t even compare to the gaping hole that pulsated inside him. The bond that once tethered him to Rey was no longer there. Replaced only by a raw chasm so deep and bottomless that it threatened to swallow his very sanity if he fumbled with its edges.

 

Rey was gone.

 

And nothing else mattered anymore.

 

“Ben?”

 

He swirled his head at the voice to his left. A young woman was standing at the doors. She looked frail and tired, with her slim figure clad in a plain medical robe and her long legs bare on the steel floor. Wide hazel eyes were staring back at him on a freckled face that he could map by heart. His girl made of sun and sand would be cold in such a room.

 

Ren swallowed. The stinging in his eyes distorting his desert girl into an illusion.

 

It wasn’t her.

 

This woman standing before him was a complete stranger.

 

She brought her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob and her eyes welled up with tears. She was looking at _him_.

 

_It can’t be…_

 

“Rey?” He heard himself rasp.

 

A blaster went off, but he was too distracted to stop it. The bolt stunned him, causing his knees to buckle and his body to sag heavily on the floor. The room spun and he fought for awareness as light steps approached him slowly, followed by a clicking sound. And then, a warm voice that colored his innocent childhood years spoke sternly, just as he slipped into unconsciousness.

 

“Sedate him.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stars I love this beast of a man! More confrontations coming up.


	3. No storm can ever be contained

“Will you move out of the way? I can’t see a thing!”

 

Nyxx barked over the loud clatter of glasses and quarreling voices in the cantina. Sure, the bar was crowded, but there was no reason why that Gammorean had to stick his ugly head right in front of the newsfeed holoprojector. It was hard enough as it were to see through that stinking fog of smoke and incense hanging in the air. “And raise the damn volume too!”

 

_Moofmilker._

 

Nyxx took a long gulp of ale from his bottle, the glass he’d been served earlier shattered by the Togrutan’s elbow next to him some while ago, and grimaced as he set it on the sticky surface of the bar. He knew he should have avoided this cantina in Chandrilla, altogether. It always watered drinks down.

 

Neesha next to him barely batted an eye, her icy gaze set on the newsfeed of Coruscant’s latest developments. He stole a glance at the direction of her pretty nose, thankful he had, at last, convinced her to lose that Knight’s of Ren outfit and get into a more inconspicuous one.

 

_Well kind of._

 

A group of Arkadians were completely ignoring the newsfeed and drooling over her nicely curved thigh protruding from her cape.

 

 _Typical_.

 

He wanted to smack himself for not having at least insisted on getting her leggings. Loose ones.

 

“Nyxx,” she called frigidly. “Pay attention.” Her head tilted in the direction of the holoprojection. The newscaster was standing in front of heaps of rubble currently being searched, and he noticed a black armored body being pulled from under them. A glimpse of brown hair and beard caught his eye, which looked very much like…

 

_Valek!_

 

They were pulling out his brother.

 

“Neesh… That’s…”

 

“I know,” she stated with a light downcurl of her lip. The only sign of emotion breaking on her alabaster face. “They’ve been searching for Kylo Ren, but can’t find his body anywhere,” she continued in a hushed voice closer to his ear. “Everyone assumed he was dead after the destruction of the Senate Hall. Things might change after this.”

 

Nyxx nodded, his charcoaled green eyes following the wrapping of his brother’s body in a heavy cloth. His throat clamped.

 

“You idiot,” he muttered under his breath. “You would still be alive if you’d listened to Ben.”

 

Neesha turned to him, fixing those unsettling pale eyes on him.

 

“They found Thone’s body too. Cracked skull,” she informed him laconically.

 

“What about Aryn?” He mumbled back glancing at the holoprojector and scratching his goatee in thought.

 

Neesha sniffed. “Who knows?”

 

Nyxx brought the bottle to his lips, took a sip and swirled it in his mouth before swallowing with a frown.

 

_Right._

*

 

It was a bacta drip this time around hooked on his forearm, slowly stitching his broken body together, but unable to do a thing for their torn bond. And restraints. So many restraints, keeping his sedated form tethered to a narrow bed inside a cell.

 

_As if they could ever stop him if he wished to free himself._

 

Rey wiped an errand tear from her cheek with the heel of her palm. One of many running their path down her face these past few days.

 

She sat cross-legged on the steel floor, on the other side of the laser field coming between her and Ben, forearms resting on her knees and swollen red eyes unwavering from his sleeping features. The grey cell was void of objects, apart for the bed and minimum medical equipment required for his sustenance. Scarce, like his cold impersonal quarters had been aboard the _Finalizer._ And completely at odds with his tempestuous character.

 

Four guards were stationed outside the unit and surveillance cameras were trained on his cell at all times. A medical droid would occasionally drop by to check on him, and doctor Lydham under heavy escort would examine him once a day.

 

It had been three endless days since the incident in the medical bay.

 

Rey herself was only allowed an hour each day.

 

Leia’s strict orders.

 

Rey reached for her half dry hair, bringing it over her shoulder and started braiding it absently down its length. She hadn’t realized how long it had become.

 

She shifted her eyes to look at his sleeping face again shadowed by the darkness of his cell. Its deathly pallor now replaced by a hint of color on his cheeks and lips. He was lucky to have survived his rampant attempt to escape the other day. Rey wanted nothing more than to run her fingertips through his dark strands and settle her hand on the beat of his heart. To verify he was still there.

 

Because the hollowness in her chest said otherwise.

 

She averted her eyes from his slack body, dressed in mismatched Resistance clothes. Everything was wrong. The colors on him were too light. The restraints tying this wild defiant man unjust. The wounds he bore too deadly. The feeling of him too similar to any other life form on this ship. Nothing made sense.

 

 It made her want to scream.

 

She bit her lip instead. Her fingers reached the end of her tresses and she expertly tied the end of the braid with a string she had ripped from the inner lining of her black heavy overcoat.

 

_His overcoat._

 

Washed and mended and warming her body in the coldness of space.

 

She checked her intercom. Only a few more moments remained in his silent company.

 

Rey sighed. An hour was never enough. She lifted her gaze back at the man who’d grown to be a hidden cherished part of her in just a matter of months. Α pair of dark consuming eyes were fixed fervently on her face.

 

Her heart fluttered at their sight and she swiftly rose to her feet, extending a hand in his direction without thinking.

 

The zap that ran down her arm, warned her not to repeat the gesture.

 

“I like your hair down better. Free from its holds,” he spoke in a coarse unused voice, his gaze studying her with longing.

 

“You’re finally up,” she said, a wide grin breaking free on her face. “You have no idea how long…”

 

“I can’t feel you,” he interrupted, his deep voice reaching past the smile to dig at the raw void in her chest.

 

_Gods…_

 

Her throat clenched like it so often did these past few days.

 

“Neither can I,” was all she could say.

 

They paused staring at one another as if that tether of energy was bound to return by the power of their will alone. But the Force was fickle like that. Tying them together as enemies and tearing them apart right when they…

 

 “You’re supposed to be sedated.”

 

He huffed contemptuously, a hint of a smirk tugging on his lips. He flexed his fingers and then clenched them into fists. Muscles rippled under his thin shirt and Rey just knew what he was about to do. No bond was needed for that.

 

“Don’t!” She exclaimed, momentarily halting his effort. “Stay the way you are. Don’t make this any worse.”

 

“I’m not staying like this.”

 

Of course, he wouldn’t. No storm could ever be contained.

 

A clang rang within the metal walls, and then another and another as his restraints fell to the floor one by one and he raised himself to a sitting position.

 

Rey glared at him.

 

_That stubborn nerfherder, he’ll get himself stunned again. If he’s lucky._

 

Doors hissed open and the guards stationed outside rushed in, blasters and rifles ready and aimed at him. They all stared at the prisoner wide-eyed, unsure of what to do.

 

Until the laser field sputtered and disappeared, that is, and Ben stood to his feet, rigid and still.

 

Not a single breath was heard.

 

One of the men panicked and fired a bolt, but Rey was quick enough to direct it to the side as it cinched the wall.

 

_Set to kill._

 

Ben scowled, crouching into position to attack.

 

“Stop!” She yelled, stepping between him and the armed guards, extending her hands and swearing under her breath. “He won’t harm you! Don’t make him.”

 

“Move aside,” the man in charge spat, calling for backup.

 

_Those idiots._

 

 “Quit messing with him. Call General Organa. Now!” She glanced at Ben’s direction, fearing he’d bring the ceiling down on them or snap their head to prove a point, but the look she came across instead, was wild-eyed and absolutely mortified.

 

It would have been funny if weapons weren’t ready to fire at them at the blink of an eye.

 

*

 

Finn stood up from his seat across Leia’s desk staring daggers at the holoprojection of Admiral Ematt and Commander D’Acy. Leia had never seen him so upset before.

 

“ _I_ was a stormtrooper,” he thudded his chest with his fist and then turned a pointing finger in her direction, veins popping on his neck. “And General Leia didn’t think _twice_ about letting me help at Starkiller Base. I know why these men have defected from the First Order because _I_ left for the same reasons.”

 

“You were only one and we have at least fifty on just the Resistance ships alone,” Admiral Ematt barked back. “No one can guarantee there are no spies amongst them waiting to get their hands on Intel and transmit it to the remaining First Order ships, wherever they may be. And we don’t even know what section of their fleet was involved in the invasion of Coruscant. You are overstepping your boundaries, young man!”

 

“You can’t just hand them over to the Republic fleet. They’ll be treated as prisoners!”

 

“They _are_ prisoners!” Admiral Ematt’s holoprojection flickered momentarily as if his anger could disrupt the connection.

 

Finn rubbed a hand on his short cropped hair in frustration, turning around to pace the room.

 

Leia remained silent, weighing the situation at hand.

 

The Resistance ships weren’t many, to begin with. And only three remained after the battle. The _Titan_ under D’Acy’s command, the _Cassandra_ in the hands of Admiral Ematt and the _Prometheus_ under Poe. With a total crew number of less than three hundred, if the Stormtroopers were to rise against them, unexpectedly, then the odds wouldn’t be good.

 

On the other hand, if these men did indeed wish to leave the First Order, then Leia was dealing with new citizens of the Republic or even possible new recruits to the Resistance’s cause.

 

She herself was not willing to turn them over to the Republic ships because they would be considered prisoners of wars.

 

_And treated as such._

 

Leia didn’t even know what to name the cluster of ships that had run to Coruscant’s aid from worlds as far away as the Outer Rim. Especially since some of the most important Core worlds had been absent from that fleet. Chances were, each and every world would have its own set of rules for the time being until a semblance of a new Republic Senate could be restored.

 

“General Organa,” D’Acy’s soft-spoken voice pleaded for her attention. “We can’t sustain all these people on our ships. The fugitives alone exceed in number the maximum capacity of the ships’ life support. We might not like it, but we have to consider handing them over to the Republic.”

 

Finn looked at her pleadingly.

 

Leia leaned back on her chair and thrummed her fingers on the glass surface of her desk, her thoughts immersed in the gleaming blue reflection of the holoprojector. Her two officers were impatiently waiting for her decision, and this was not one she was willing to make on her own.

 

“Poe, what do you believe we should do?” Leia turned to regard their youngest officer.

 

Poe was sat next to her, eyes trained on his clasped hands before him. He licked his lips nervously.

 

“I say we move the fugitives to other ships for a start. The Resistance base won’t be safe for them,” he said, carefully choosing his words.

 

Leia studied him, brows lightly raised in interest.

 

Poe darted a glance at her before continuing. “But I say we give the troopers a chance.”

 

“That is too dangerous, Dameron and you know it!” Came Ematt’s immediate objection. “We are putting the Resistance in unnecessary risk.”

 

“The Resistance has always been at risk, from the very beginning,” Poe countered. “We never played it safe. That’s why we got so far.”

 

Leia nodded in agreement. Every single man or woman aboard these ships was aware of that. However…  A pestering thought had been planted in her mind these past couple of days. And she couldn’t shake it away.

 

“They might also turn out to be a valuable asset in case we decide to infiltrate the First Order’s remaining fleet,” Leia commented. “If they choose to stay that is.”

 

D’Acy gaped at her, but Admiral Ematt just shook his head adorned with snow white hair and smirked knowingly at Leia.

 

“I knew you were up to no good,” he said, deep hearty laughter filling his chest.

 

Leia couldn’t help the smirk that tugged on her lips in response.

 

“We have come to an agreement then?” She asked.

 

“That we have,” he replied. “Keep a close eye on them, that’s all I have to say,” he added, before shutting off his side of the connection. Commander D’Acy frowned her disagreement, but other than that didn’t utter a word.

 

Leia turned to look at a clearly shocked Poe.

 

“Well done,” she said, leaning her frame is his direction. “But I have a suggestion.”

 

“Hit me.”

 

“We use Finn as their leader and our Jedi as our shield. Have those two study the Stormtroopers and get to know them.”

 

“Is this an indirect way for her to skim their thoughts?”

 

“Not necessarily. We stay alert.”

 

Poe nodded, raising himself from his chair and walking up to Finn, who was already standing by the automated doors, looking relieved but anxious as well. This was a task heavy on his shoulders, but Leia could sense an eagerness to help behind the skepticism. Poe patted his goodbye on his friends’ shoulder, as Finn was dismissed and turned to face her.

 

Leia reached for her cane, lifting herself off the chair with some effort.

 

Dr. Lydham had been after her about those diagnostics and she had postponed the visit long enough.

 

_Damn needles._

 

She absolutely loathed them.

 

 Poe held a hand out to her, but Leia shook her head.

 

“I can do it.”

 

“I know you can. But a bit of help now and then doesn’t harm,” he said, his hand hovering next to her cane.

 

The doors hissed open at that moment and a very rattled C3PO shuffled into Leia’s office. They both turned to glare at the golden droid’s usual uncalled for urgency. Ιt swirled in their direction eyes round and arms raised in eternal befuddlement. 

 

“Princess… General, I mean…You must come down to the holding cells immediately. Master Ben is awake again and free of his bonds…”

 

Leia blinked.

 

_My son._

 

She’d see her son again.

 

Leia rushed by the droid with newfound energy, Poe barely catching up to her through the doors.

 

“…You must make him understand it is not proper behavior terrif…”

 

The doors shut behind her, efficiently silencing C3PO’s rambling.

 

*

 

_No._

 

 _I’m not ready_.

 

In fact, he would never be ready to face his mother.

 

 “I don’t want to see her,” Ren stated, the familiar wrench of frustration rising in his chest.

 

Rey gave him an exasperated look while still holding up her hands at the loaded weapons trained in his direction.

 

“You know what? You really don’t have an option right now.”

 

“I _always_ have an option,” he snapped back. “And I have nothing to say to that woman!”

 

Rey pursed her lips in aggravation.

 

“Well, you’ll have to come up with something. She’ll be here any moment now.”

 

The men exchanged a confused look at the obvious lack of trepidation on her side. Rey was staring him down from her spot in the middle of the room, her slim figure shaking lightly from the intensity. He raked his hand through his tangled hair working his jaw in frustration. He did not want to lash out at Rey. He really didn’t. This was not her fault in any way.

 

And stars, she looked beautiful with those fierce hazel eyes and radiant presence in the Force. He hungered to cross the distance between them, wrap himself around her and bury his face in the crook of her neck. And he could care less about his mother, and the Resistance and the bloody battle raging outside the…

 

_Wait._

 

His thoughts screeched to a halt.

 

_How…?_

 

“Rey, how did I get here?”

 

Her brow creased.

 

“What do you mean? The staff carried you from the medical bay to the holding cells.”

 

“No, I mean how did I get _here._ ” His voice lowered, setting the men’s instincts on edge again. “In Resistance hands.”

 

The last thing he could remember was the same scene that had plagued him in his Force visions. And after that… Nothing.

 

Rey’s face fell and she looked at him silently for a few heartbeats.

 

“You… You really don’t know?” She stammered, her arms falling heavily on her sides. “What is the last thing you remember?”

 

His head hurt and his thoughts were a bit hazy but…

 

“Crumbling walls.” Ren shrugged, eyes fixed on the chewing of her lips. What he wouldn’t give to feel her thoughts at the moment. He was tempted to caress the outskirts of her mind. Perhaps, if he were careful enough she wouldn’t mind. Perhaps, their bond could return the same way it had been created the first time around.

 

 But the look on Rey’s face was that of disappointment and resign.

 

_Did I say something wrong?_

 

Curiosity got the better of him and he heedlessly flung invisible fingers at her trying to hang on to her fleeting thoughts, but her gaze sharpened and walls were brought up instinctively. He couldn’t…

 

The bond was gone. And Rey for some reason was shutting him out.

 

_Why won’t she…_

 

“You did this.”

 

It suddenly dawned on him. Of course, she had. She‘d been so adamant back in Coruscant about him joining the Resistance, despite his steadfast refusal.

 

 “I brought you. Aboard the Millenium Falcon. With Chewbacca’s help,” she admitted in a steady voice.

 

Ren threaded his fingers through his hair again, pressing his lips in a thin line and started pacing his cell with renewed fervor.

 

This was not good.

 

He could feel Rey watching him guarded and withdrawn. And in that instance, he hated the Resistance. Himself. And the whole damned war.

 

But she had no right to bring him here against his will.

 

“You should have never brought me back.”

 

“I really didn’t have much of a choice, Ben. You were…”

 

“Do not call me that.”

 

“What?”

 

“I am not that man anymore. Don’t call me by that name.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise, wanting to utter a retort but clearly too shocked to form one.  A sharp-edged emotion spiked in the Force. It only lasted a moment, because her eyes hardened and she closed the distance between them jabbing a finger at his chest.

 

“You do not get to demand such a thing from me, you ungrateful brat! Not after everything that has transpired between us. I made a choice to save your life and the least you could do is be thankful for it.”

 

“Thankful? You delivered me in the rancor’s den, Rey. It won’t make a difference when I have an execution squad aiming their blasters at me.”

 

“We’ve gone over this already. I am sure your mother won’t allow…”

 

“You’re wrong. You overestimate her influence. I am fairly certain the Republic will be thrilled to order my execution as a criminal of war. My trial will be nothing more than a ludicrous display of feigned justice and there is nothing General Organa can do to change that.”

 

 “The Republic will recognize what you did in Coruscant.”

 

“I lead the invasion in Coruscant, Rey! I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order. That is all they will see!” He snarled in her face, his fury unleashed as he loomed over her.

 

“Step back from her!” A soldier to his side spoke. He snapped his gaze at the man who dared challenge him.

 

“You do not get to speak to me!” He hissed.

 

But the guard stepped up to him with hate distorting his features. “You are lucky you’re still alive, you monster. If it were up to me or anyone else in this ship we would have sliced your throat the moment you stepped foot aboard.” He raised his rifle to punctuate his word. “Step back, from her. Now!”

 

Ren turned his body to fully face the man, clenching his fists and barely containing himself from snapping the man’s arm and bashing his head against the wall across.

 

“I am not afraid of you,” the soldier spat at him, tightening his hands on the rifle.

 

_The fool._

 

The man was completely clueless as to who he was up against.

 

“That can change.”

 

_Easily._

 

But there would be no coming back after crossing such a line. Rey would never forgive him.

 

Ren exhaled through flared nostrils. He slowly stepped back, retreating into the shadows of his cell. Eyes blazing with barely restrained fury.

 

He released the laser field’s mechanism with a crisp gesture, allowing it to turn back on and reluctantly locked himself back inside his cell. Rey flinched, but her eyes remained on him unwavering. Relief flooded the soldiers standing on edge with their weapons drawn, as they slowly lowered them down.

 

His back reached the cell’s wall and slid down its length. Ren was caged. And not because of a cell. But because he couldn’t bear to see the hurt in Rey’s eyes.

 

Gathering his knees close to his body, he set his forearms on them and dug nails in his fists. How the fuck was he to calm down? He hadn’t realized how dependent he had become of the bond and Rey’s essence seeping through, tempering down and balancing out his raging fury and spiteful personality.  

 

The inevitable hiss of the doors informed him that the time to see General Organa, Senator, Princess, and stars only knew what other title his mother had gathered along the years, had finally come.

 

Light steps followed by a clicking sound approached the laser field and the hem of a grey gown came into view. His gaze remained trained on his hands, calloused and worn from years of fighting and training and killing…

 

And…

 

He lifted his eyes to stare at Rey, who watched him unmoving and unblinking. He couldn’t look any place else.

 

“Leave us,” came the voice he had dreaded and yet hoped to hear again throughout his darkest years.

 

“Ma’am,” a man hesitantly said. “Perhaps, a couple of us should stay, just to ensure that he doesn’t put you in any kind of difficult… or unnecessary…”

 

“No!” Came the stern reply. And then a bit softer as if reconsidering. “No, I will speak to him myself. Alone.”

 

“Yes, General. Right away.”

 

Shuffling was heard and his stomach dropped through the floor, as he watched Rey’s unwavering eyes look away from him and make a move to follow the retreating men.

 

“Not you, Rey. You may stay…”

 

Rey looked up in surprise but quickly complied, darting a hesitant glance at him. And he held on to it as if his life depended on it.

 

“Ben.”

 

He swallowed.

 

“Look at me.”

 

 Ren glanced at her before he could stop himself, finally laying eyes on a face he had thought he could burry, along with every other part of him he had painstakingly ripped from his identity all these dark years. His eyes widened as he took in her features, withered and drawn surrounded by a braid of grey tinged hair. It was her face he was looking at, and yet he could not recognize. It was her strength he could sense, but somehow frailer.

 

_So much wasted time._

 

She was staring at him, her vulnerability barely held back by the clench of her jaw.

 

“What do you believe you’ll accomplish with your visit?” He found himself ask.

 

“I want to look at the eyes of my son again.”

 

 “Your son no longer exists.”

 

The reply was almost instinctive. He had said the same words to his father. And once spoken for the first time, they were easy to repeat. And easy to believe.

 

She stepped closer.

 

“He does. Or you wouldn’t be here this moment.”

 

“I am here because I’ve been captured and imprisoned,” he stated coldly.

 

And he just knew at that moment, the words barely having fallen from his lips that they had struck true. But at the wrong heart. Because Rey’s face darkened and her eyes turned to ice.

 

“I saved your life!” She spat, her self-control seeping through gritted teeth and fisted hands. “You were bleeding in my arms and all that mattered at that moment was to get you to safety. To bring you home!”

 

She paused, tearing watery eyes from him and glaring at a wall. Her bottom lip began to tremble. “You said…” She shook her head in defeat. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t even remember.”

 

“Rey…”

 

“Don’t.”

 

She refused to look at him as she reached out a hand to grasp his mother’s shoulder in acknowledgment, before completely turning away from him and walking out of the holding cell. The doors hissed closed behind her, leaving him with a sunken heart and a crawling fear up his spine.

 

Rey had been angry at him before. But this felt different. Like a shard of glass that should have never been broken, was now embedded in his heart. And he had no idea how to have it removed.

 

A few moments passed before Ren lifted his eyes to look at the only person remaining in the small room with him.  His mother’s warm brown gaze was already studying him with deep sorrow.

 

“Ben,” she said. “You were never meant to be a prisoner here, to begin with.”

 

Ren was startled.

 

Leia set her hand on the unlocking mechanism of the cell, disengaging the laser field.

 

“You are free to leave any time you wish,” she added.

 

Dragging her heavy gaze from him, she turned around and slowly made her way towards the doors.

 

He found himself wanting to say something in return. Anything. But words seemed to trickle away through those expanding cracks in his onyx armor. Soon her small figure disappeared behind the metal doors. And by then it was too late.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... I know... these two idiots are messing things up. Never promised it would be smooth sailing. The storm is now unleashed.


	4. Too much Vader in him

Rey wiped the tears running down her face with the back of her hand, stomping down the corridor as fast as her long legs would take her. She was absolutely livid and had to get away. Away from _him_ and his cruel harsh words. The comfort of their bond had been able to ebb the sting of his barbed edges in the past.

 

  _But not today._

 

 And probably not ever again.

 

She turned a corner outside the ship’s hangar bay, bumping straight into Chewbacca’s massive form. He looked down at her, whining his concern, and all she could do was bury her face in his thick fur clinging onto his tangled strands. Rey wanted to scream and sob and kick in rage. She wanted to stalk back to the cell and pound at that man’s heartless chest. Bring him to his knees and make him _hurt_. Make him feel as stupid and worthless as she felt right now. But it would be in vain. Because nothing would bring their bond back.

 

Fear gripped her heart at the thought that everything she had sensed from him, all the warmth and affection that flowed openly through their bond these past few months, was nothing more than a fabrication. A deformed mirror bouncing twisted half-truths of their feelings. And now that the veil had dropped and they could, at last, see each other in the naked light for what they truly were… Maybe he would finally see that the girl he had once claimed to love was, in fact, just a meaningless scavenger from a forgotten useless planet buried in the folded corners of the galaxy.

 

_A nobody._

 

Chewbacca patted her head in affection, wrapping his arms around her in comfort. It must have taken her a few moments to gather her broken pieces, finally mustering the courage to look up at the wookie’s soft eyes. He cocked his head, grunting a suggestion. Rey let out a short chuckle, drowned by her tears. She couldn’t agree with him more _._

 

“Just let him be. Leia’s with him right now,” she mumbled.

 

Another whine and a threatening shake of his hand.

 

“No. I think she can handle him better than us.” Rey sniffed, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palms. She couldn’t imagine how she’d make it, knowing that Ben was so close now but the farthest he had ever been. “I’m sorry about your fur,” she went on wiping at his wet strands in guilt, but Chewbacca just waved dismissively.

 

“I’m just going to head to my room. I’m so tired,” she informed him. She needed space and that was the last thing available now since she had to share them with Finn, Rose and, unfortunately, Poe. The _Prometheus’s_ overcrowded rooms making sleeping arrangements difficult for all.

 

Chewbacca lifted his arm gesturing vividly with a series of new whines.

 

“You can have the _Falcon_ for yourself, but thanks for the invitation. If I have trouble sleeping I’ll come over,” she answered back with a small smile. Another heavy pat on her head told her she was welcomed any time.

 

He cocked his head a couple of times before shuffling his way down the corridor towards the common room.

 

Rey tugged on her borrowed, black overcoat hanging off her shoulders and ran her hands down the thick fabric. She had been wearing it for two days straight. And three nights.  Ben’s lingering scent her constant companion while he slept recuperating from his mortal wounds. And she still couldn’t imagine taking it off.

 

Rey knew what that meant.

 

The image of his brown liquid eyes on a paling face, fleeted from her mind.

 

Now, she was the only one left with the memory of his bleeding body in her arms and his whispered words in her heart. And she regretted not saying them back when she had the chance.

 

_Damn him…_

 

She wiped her eyes again, inhaling deeply to compose her racing emotions.

 

Her hand brushed against a side pocket that seemed to be extremely warm for the ship’s low temperature. She grasped it, feeling a familiar heat radiating from it.  Putting her hand inside in curiosity, she pulled out a small black object and brought it to one of the lights overhead, studying it carefully.

 

Snoke’s black kyber crystal.

 

_I completely forgot about it._

 

But it hadn’t. The stark gloomy stone had found its way back to her and was radiating its affinity to the shadows as if a Dark Force user was around.

 

_It must be sensing Ben._

 

She concluded, fisting it and setting it back in her pocket without a second thought.

 

With a deep sigh, she ran her fingers down her braid, made sure her saber was in place and headed towards the rooms. She should have stopped by the common room to grab something to eat, but she felt a bone-deep exhaustion and only wished she could manage to get a couple of hours of sleep between her restlessness.

 

Tomorrow would be another day. And she needed all the strength she could get to deal with what lay ahead. To deal with the fact that she was alone.

 

_Once again._

 

*

 

Ren had no idea how long he had remained crouched in his cell after his mother walked out. The numbing sensation on his limbs informed him that it must have been a while. But even though he was essentially free, he had no desire to leave. All that mattered to him was aboard this ship and even though he was aware that he couldn’t remain in the hands of the Resistance, he couldn’t find the power in him to escape.

 

Because Rey was here.

 

And his mother. As much as he hated to admit it.

 

He rubbed at his chest where the phantom pain of the bond still throbbed. Or perhaps where his own pain lay after seeing the hurt in Rey’s eyes. He got to his feet, wincing as he set his weight on his right leg and stiffly made his way to the doors. They swooshed open without obstruction allowing him entrance to a ship’s corridor. No guards were stationed outside. It seemed that what his mother had said was, in fact, true.

 

He was free to leave.

 

Ren stood there for a long moment, hesitating for the first time in his life which way to go. A sign in front of him pointed in the direction of the hangar bay. In the direction of escape and freedom. But there was a pull within him tugging him the opposite way. He opened himself to the Force letting the web of energy ignite his senses and allowing it to liberally flow inside him. He could feel the life forms in the ship. Could sense his mother’s and Rey’s sensitivity to the Force along with those of lesser value. He could even sense…

 

Ren’s eyes snapped open. His essence immediately getting sucked back in his body.

 

 _My crystal_.

 

He sensed his cracked kyber crystal calling to him. Its crimson pain as cutting as ever in the Force.

 

He needed to find his crossguard.

 

Ren decided to follow its thread, treading carefully down the empty corridor. It wasn’t far. The corridor was quiet and apart from a quickly retreating technician who crossed paths with him, nobody else hindered his movements. Soft-spoken voices reached his ears as he was about to turn a corner and he instantly stilled. One of them was Rey’s. His breath caught as he silently took those last few steps towards the corner that hid him from view.

 

He was unprepared and anxious and had no clue what to say to Rey that could excuse his horrible behavior earlier in the cell. Apologies were never his strong suit and he was never particularly eloquent either. Even his best comments came out as borderline rude. And now that their bond no longer existed to help him get through to her, he had to depend solely on his fumbling words. Would those suffice to plead for her forgiveness? Would Rey still be able to see past the monster, and to the beating core of him, starving for her tender acceptance and dazzling light? Would it be enough?

 

_Now that all that’s left is just me…_

 

Ren bit the inside of his cheek in hesitation. His girl was standing next to Leia, who was leaning her weight on the pilot’s arm. Dameron gave his mother a smirk and she patted his hand affectionately before waving her goodbye to Rey and walking away. A slithering feeling started wrapping itself around his chest. Only Rey and the pilot remained in the middle of the corridor now, conversing in low voices in front of a simple door. Amusingly enough, that was also the place his crystal’s energy radiated from.

 

He decided to step out. Make his presence known and drive that smug pilot as far away from Rey as possible. But then Dameron set his hand on Rey’s waist. The doors slid open and he beckoned for her to enter the quarters.

 

Rey smiled softly to the pilot and stepped into the room with him. The door shut swiftly behind them.

 

Ren stood stricken as if a lightning bolt had just hit him. Stopping the beat of his heart and numbing his limbs. His mind reeled over what his eyes had just seen. The implications behind that image too grave and overpowering. 

 

It couldn’t be…

 

Rey would never…

 

_Betray me._

 

The treacherous thought slipped through his barriers before he could stop it. He found himself unable to breathe as time ceased and space threatened to crush him under its weight.

 

Ren stepped back, his very body responding with a foreigness to his will.  His chest burned and his heart  was disintegrating into a million particles. It was a devastating feeling. Agonizing. Revolting.

 

And absolutely unacceptable.

 

He swirled around, a whirlwind of emotions crackling from his fingertips and stormed away. Droids and unsuspecting personnel were shoved roughly aside as the Dark side wrapped around his hands, pliant and obedient. Nothing could stand in his way.

 

 _I am Kylo Ren_.

 

He seethed.

 

_Vader’s blood runs through my veins._

 

He answered to no one. Belonged to only himself. And damn his treacherous heart and every other piece of himself he had reverently given away to that careless girl. Her blistering sun burned everything down to ash.

 

The corridor’s lights flickered overhead, struggling to remain lit in his sweeping Dark presence.

 

A couple of Resistance members turned a corner, walking in his direction deep in discussion. They lifted their eyes a couple of feet away from him and froze in their spot. The youngest of them, a blond girl with buns on the sides of her head let out a yelp of surprise and watched him approach in fear. Her companion, however, narrowed his eyes in recognition and set his hand on the hilt of his blaster.

 

Ren stalked up to them, wrenching their surface thoughts.

 

They had orders not to hurt him unless provoked.

 

“The hangar bay. Where is it?” He snarled.

 

The younger girl glanced up at her companion, before turning fearful eyes at him again. “In about twenty paces make a left and at the first corner you come across a right. You’ll see the main doors at the end of the corridor,” she informed him, pointing a slightly trembling hand in the direction he was meant to go.

 

Ren barely graced them with a nod, before resuming his thunderous pace down the corridor. He came across a few more members of the crew, who made sure to give him a wide berth and avoid eye contact with him. His hurried stride widened and he eventually broke into a heavy run.

 

He needed to leave. Now.

 

The smooth pale walls of the corridor opened into a larger area, where the imposing durasteel doors of the hangar bay resided. Ren stood before them, chest ignited by the effort and sweat dripping down his temples. This was it. There was no turning back now.

 

He punched the panel for the doors to open. A cavernous bay lay before him with rows of X-wings and A-wings on both sides. Some of them had overhead lights brightening their presence, as technicians scurried loudly about doing their work, while others were left in the shadows awaiting for their turn to be fixed and reassembled.  Scattered crates of all sizes and shapes were set haphazardly around the bay with their bellies open wide, and their contents of engine parts and tools in full display. And at the far end, illuminated by the bay’s large viewport and its swiveling blue colors of hyperspace, stood the _Millenium Falcon_. Battered and old and more trouble than she was worth. But untamed and legendary. Like his father.

 

Like the man he had once wanted to become.

 

Eyes fell on him gradually and the bay’s clanging sounds slowly died off.

 

Ren dared to take a few steps towards the ship before heavy footfall echoed off the metal walls. Chewbacca’s form came into view, stomping down the ramp and holding a tool box under his arm.

 

The wookie must have sensed him because he looked up, his ancient eyes boring onto him and feeling like a punch in the gut.

 

A frail forgotten part of him stirred.

 

“Chewie?”

 

*

 

Leia decided to wear a second robe over the one she already had on, the temperature in her quarters feeling close to Hoth’s. It was late, well into the night cycle and she should have at least tried to get some sleep but the day’s events had been too rattling.

 

She dimmed the lights and padded to her desk, where unread messages and reports still lay on her datapad. Wrapping the soft ivory fabric around her waist, she took the datapad and lay on her bed. She shifted, resting her gaze outside the large viewport of her rooms at the blue streaks of light hurrying past the duraglass.

 

She had received an invitation to the first congregation of Republic worlds which would be taking place a standard lunar month from now on Naboo. Interestingly enough, most of the worlds that had joined forces on the battle of Coruscant would attend, but some of the main Core worlds were not invited. Correlia being the most striking example. With the galaxy’s economy in shaky grounds after Coruscant’s banking systems had failed, it seemed like primary production worlds were trying to take over the helm in the galaxy. At least for now.

 

 Leia had politely declined the invitation. She had other more pressing matters at hand. The most important of which was on board the ship.

 

She was also very much aware that the First Order had lost an important battle, but not necessarily the war. General Hux and his remaining battleships had yet to be found. Even though she now knew, that just because you eradicate an enemy did not mean you can eradicate its ideology, she hoped that there would be at least enough time for the Republic to get back on its feet, before another absolute regime rose to challenge democracy again. After all, such was the cycle of life, of the Force and even of politics.

 

She smirked shaking her head.

 

 _When did I become such a cynic_?

 

“Threepio, I believe I’ll be needing the herb infusion you suggested, after all. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping any time soon.”

 

The golden droid whirled round eyes in her direction, immediately seizing the meticulous task of folding clothes it had assigned to itself.

 

“Of course…Right away Princess,” C-3PO answered back eager to please.  “If you’ll excuse me, your Highness, I will need to make a run to the common room for that.” It shuffled its way to the doors, their hissing sound informing Leia she would be rid of the droid’s babbling for a little while. “It shouldn’t take me more than a few minutes. And I believe a dash of Arenia’s moonflower might aid you in your sleep. It is widely used in the Western regions as a form of… Master Ben, what a pleasant surprise. I was just informing your mother of the benefits that…”

 

Leia looked up in surprise at the two large figures looming at the entrance of her quarters. Chewbacca growled, shoving Ben inside. Her son stumbled, turning to glare at the wookie hovering over him. But Chewbacca just roared at his face.

 

“Boys that’s enough!” Leia exclaimed taking in Ben’s disheveled appearance. He obviously had put up a fight on their way here. “Chewie you may go, thank you for bringing him for a visit.” She gave him a half smile and Chewie cocked his head with a small whine he reserved just for her, before pushing Ben on a chair. Her son chose wisely to remain seated, body slightly hunched over and gaze glued on the carpeted floor.

 

Chewbacca walked up to Leia giving her one of his trademark hugs before retreating and dragging an appalled C-3PO along with him on his way out.

 

Leia regarded her son for a few moments. The mismatched clothes that the medical staff had dressed him in. His tresses of dark hair falling over his face, hiding from view those chocolate brown eyes that once looked up at her in adoration. Now they were downcast avoiding hers at any cost. It was impossible to believe that her son was finally back.

 

_Han would be…_

 

She twisted her wedding ring anxiously around her finger. For the first time in her life at a complete loss for words.

 

“I’m sorry,” she began. “I’m sorry things turned out this way.”

 

Ben let out a scoff of amusement, shaking his head. His face remained hidden.

 

“I can have Chewie take you any place you wish when we drop out of hyperspace. We are headed to our next base. You’re welcomed to stay with us. If you want…”

 

Silence.

 

_Keep talking, he’s bound to answer at some point._

 

“Rey seems to truly care for you. She was so broken when you were…”

 

“Don’t talk to me about Rey,” he snapped in a coarse voice.

 

Leia pulled a chair opposite him, sitting down with a straight back and fisting her robes to hide the nervous tremble in her hands. “Is there something you wish to talk about then?”

 

Ben looked up at her, anger flaring behind narrowed eyes. “I know what you’re doing and it won’t work with me. Save your diplomatic skills for your precious Republic,” he spat.

 

Leia felt fury rising in her chest but she quickly clamped it down. Nothing good would come from losing her patience. “I don’t know how much of a Republic is left. War has its toll,” she said, reaching for her datapad and handing it out to him. “These are some economic reports and speculations concerning the fall of Coruscant’s banking systems. Are you interested in reading them?”

 

Ben looked away with a scowl. She lowered her hand, drumming her nails on the surface of the datapad in thought. Of course, he’d make this difficult.

 

“Hux escaped,” she commented. “Took a few Star Destroyers with him. Rumors say he was trying to overthrow you by firing on the Senate Hall.”

 

That seemed to catch his interest as he fixed her with an inquisitive stare.

 

_Finally a common ground._

 

“You disappoint me, mother. I thought his ship would have been the first one you blasted out of the sky.”

 

Leia let out a short chuckle. “I failed you.”

 

“Yes,” he drawled.  “You have.”

 

His eyes were set on her dark and accusing. The implication behind them, one she could not overlook. This would not be an easy conversation.

 

“I made mistakes, Ben,” she admitted the words weighing more than she could bear. “I saw them along the years. But I didn’t know I was making them at the time. I was too busy trying to build a better galaxy for everyone. A prosperous world that we could raise you in. But I didn’t realize that the world in your child’s eyes only reached as far as me and your father. I see that now and I am sorry. I am so sorry…”

 

“No, you’re not,” he interrupted in a low voice.  “You would have made the same decisions if given another chance. Because this is who you are and you wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

 

“Settle for less? Is that what you consider yourself?”

 

“That’s what we were to you. Me and dad. You always chose the galaxy over us.”

 

“That is not true…”

 

“Oh, come now, mother! No reason to hide at this point.” He shot up from his seat incredulous, tossing an arm out. “Han Solo was too much of a wanderer and I was too much of a burden to fulfill the picture of the perfect family. You couldn’t handle either of us. So you sent me away to Luke Skywalker. My legendary Jedi uncle, who only regarded me as a project gone wrong that needed to be fixed.”

 

“You don’t know, Ben…”

 

“Don’t I? Don’t I know that I had too much of Vader in me? That’s what dad thought when your great secret of your ancestry was finally out in the open for your Senate to tear at.” He stepped up to her pointing a finger at his chest, glaring thunderously at her. “My own father! The great Resistance hero who didn’t have a speck of Force in him. The person I admired the most in my childhood, considered me as bad as Darth Vader. And you all agreed.”

 

Leia stared at him, lips parted in shock.

 

How had this happened? His version of their broken family was far more distorted than she had ever imagined. Leia tried desperately to think back to the countless fights she had had with Han over Ben and the dark presence she and Luke had felt inside him for years. What had he overheard? Because Ben’s conclusions were far more damaging than she had ever thought.

 

_No wonder he turned his back to us and joined Snoke._

 

Because if the Light could cut so deeply, the Dark would be a welcoming breeze in comparison.

 

“No, Ben. What we sensed in you was Snoke and his manipulations.”

 

“But you didn’t know at the time, did you? You thought it was all me.”

 

Leia shook her head, her lips pressing together tightly.

 

“That is not what happened…”

 

Ben was towering over her by now. The tall form and broad shoulders of her son filling her stinging eyes.

 

“Yes, it was. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself,” he bit back once again, vehemently.  “But it no longer matters. I am Kylo Ren, now. Snoke made sure of that, under everyone’s noses.” He bent over her sitting figure, lowering his voice. “Ben Solo no longer exists, mother. And Han Solo is dead. I killed them both!” He stated with burning eyes.

 

Leia clenched her jaw, barely containing the anger within her. Ben had gone too far.

 

She sprang from her chair eyeing him fiercely.

 

“How could you?” The words simmering for months under her breath broke free, at last, before she could reign them in. And once loose, they threatened to shatter the fragile balance she was striving to achieve. “How could you do it, Ben?” Her lip trembled and her hands shook.

 

Her son looked down at her, barely holding himself from raining havoc in her quarters. He was biting his lip and Leia knew very well what that meant.

 

“Did that creature twist your heart and brainwash your mind, with darkness and void promises of greatness and power, that you had to kill your own father to prove yourself to him? Did it work Ben? Did your blind, cold-hearted devotion to him cement you to the Dark side?”

 

“Don’t you dare talk to me about darkness when your own brother, my _uncle,_ tried to murder me in my sleep.”

 

“And he regretted it till his last dying breath, Ben! Don’t you see? Snoke…”

 

“I know damned well what Snoke did and said! But it wasn’t Snoke that ignited the saber that ran through Han Solo’s heart. It was me! I did it!” He hissed through gritted teeth, looming over her small form, eyes wild and glazed with fury and unshed tears. “And not a day goes by that I don’t regret it. So don’t you dare lecture me like I’m a five-year-old and unaware of my faults and mistakes. I have to _live_ with what I did. Carry it. And not a million Coruscants will ever be enough for me to atone for murdering my father.” He heaved inches from her face.

 

Leia could feel the blood drain from her face.

 

“You should have let me _die_ on that planet,” he rasped in an exhale.

 

Her heart started pounding in her chest and her vision blurred as she lifted her hands to cup his face, wishing she could tear away his pain and carry it herself. Wishing she could turn back time and undo the mistakes she had made, one by one. Fixing what she had broken in her boy’s heart, and stitching together the family that had been torn apart. But she could find no atonement for the mistakes of a parent.

 

“I am so, so sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered, voice too thick to be heard as tears finally rolled down her cheeks. “Let me help you, please let me help you…”

 

His calloused hand came over hers, engulfing it completely as he gazed at her with haunted, broken eyes. And his voice quivered when he answered back.

 

“It’s too late.”

 

If it were possible to hear her heart break, then this would be the moment. With her boy’s warm hand squeezing her own and his well of tears reflecting her brown eyes.

 

“You’re here… It’s not too late.”

 

*

 

It felt like a ripple in the beginning. Some kind of disturbance shaking the matrix of the Force. But the waves only intensified as time went on, and Rey found herself rushing barefoot down the corridors of the ship, covered only in a soft grey tank top and pants made for sleeping. Hair spilling over her shoulders in a tangled mess of wavy strands. It was pure instinct that lead her outside of Leia’s doors, where a couple of other crew members were standing restlessly not knowing what to do.

 

Finn and Rose had followed her, as well, calling out her name behind her. And just as she reached the doors, Poe along with Kaydel Connix came running from around a corner. They both looked ragged and worn out from their night shift, and on the verge of panic. Obviously from the urgent call out to them by the bystanders outside Leia’s rooms.

 

“What’s going on?” Poe panted, looking at Rey.

 

“I don’t know! I just sensed… I sensed something happening and just followed it here. Can we override the door?” She asked, gesturing towards the room.

 

But Poe was already punching his codes on the panel.

 

The door opened to reveal a sight that left them all gawking.

 

A clutter of objects was levitated all over the room. Anything that wasn’t attached to the ground was in the air, swirling around aimlessly in the soft light of their General’s quarters. And in the middle of it all stood Leia, in her night robe, clutching fiercely to her waist a kneeling man.

 

She looked up at them with a pale face and red-rimmed eyes. The expression on her face that of utter devastation.

 

“Not now. Please, leave.” She waved at them, but the man turned around, the messy dark strands falling on his face not enough to conceal his identity.

 

_Oh, my gods…_

 

Ben had done it. He’d found the courage to face his mother.

 

Everyone gasped as he rose himself to his feet and Poe instinctively reached for his blaster.

 

Rey caught his forearm before he was able to pull it out.

 

“Poe. No. He won’t harm her.”

 

“This man in unpredictable, Rey.” He looked at her with resolve. “There’s even a knife up in the air.  I told Leia this was a bad idea…” He grumbled, his hand still set on the hilt of his blaster.

 

Rey darted a look at Ben who was studying them with an expression that was hard to decipher. She hadn’t realized how much she was depended on the bond to understand the tangle of feelings that came with this man. But there was a rigidity to his body and a darkness in his gaze that spoke volumes about his thoughts.

 

Rey took a step away from Poe.

 

“Leia’s right. We should leave,” she said. Ben’s eyes were fixed on her like gleaming coals. “We are intruding on something private.”

 

“We’re done,” he clipped.

 

“Ben…” Leia looked up at him.

 

“No. There’s nothing more to say. When we exit hyperspace I’m taking a ship and leaving. I’ll send you its coordinates when I no longer have a use for it.” He looked back at Rey and she steeled herself for what he would say next.

 

“There’s nothing for me here. I don’t belong here.”

 

And with those words still suspending in the air, he made his way through the small party, his large shoulder bumping in provocation against Poe’s on his way out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene between Leia and Ben was one of the moments I wished to see in episode IX. I hope I made these beautiful characters justice by writing this small exchange between them. On a lighter note, I have a flair for drama and I love when this boy stomps his way around. And gets into trouble. Yeap. More trouble up ahead.


	5. Crippling beasts

Ren stepped inside the ship’s large common room. No matter how much he wished to avoid interaction with the ship’s crew, hunger was a crippling beast. And after rummaging the _Millenium Falcon_ under Chewbacca’s feral gaze for food portions, or any kind of edible substance for that matter, he had reluctantly decided to head for the common room.

 

By his third step inside, complete silence enveloped him and countless pairs of eyes turned in his direction with apprehension. He tried to completely ignore the escalating fear and animosity spilling in the Force, as he crossed the room towards the lunch room’s counter and the enticing smell that came from it. There was a slight limp in his gait which he tried to conceal as best he could. Revealing one’s weaknesses in a hostile environment was a death wish. That particular lesson had been seared in his mind in fire and blood.

 

Ren stood before the counter and whatever food was left, scrunching his nose at the selection.

 

_How in the galaxy did these people sustain themselves?_

 

He couldn’t fathom appeasing his appetite with such primitive nourishment. But his stomach was too empty for him to be picky about gastronomy.

 

He dumped a large portion of what looked like meat escorted by overcooked vegetables on his plate and grabbed a couple of slices of stale, rehydrated bread before stalking to an empty table at the corner of the room. He barely glanced at his surroundings, relying on the Force to sense any impending threat, and dug hungrily into his food. Soon after, the soft clinking of cutlery and scraping of plates began, as the rest of the members decided to continue with their food. Some of them he noticed out of the corner of his eye, took their plates and left, but the majority of them were brave enough to stay.

 

He nearly snorted in contempt between his bites.

 

_Good._

 

The lesser the better.

 

The doors hissed open and FN-2187 entered the room, followed by that petite girl he had seen last night at his mother’s room. The feisty one, with the slanted eyes that had glared daggers at him. The pair scanned the room and alarm colored their expression as they noticed his brooding presence. The traitor locked dark eyes with his for an instant before following the girl to a table. Ren held his breath waiting for _her_ to enter as well, but after a few long moments, he realized that Rey probably wasn’t making an appearance. He exhaled in disappointment, returning moodily to his meager lunch.

 

Rey would probably be hungry but wouldn’t eat if she felt upset. He forked around the tasteless vegetables. Perhaps he should find a way to pack a portion for her and find Chewbacca to hand it to her.

 

_Or maybe not._

 

C-3PO would probably be a better choice.

 

He wasn’t exactly on speaking terms with the Wookiee. He had, after all, tossed a blanket to his face and waved at him to sleep at a corner of the hangar bay. Ren had ended up on the engine room’s floor sitting with his back against the wall, glaring out the viewport and listening to the monotonous thrum of the ship’s hyperdrive, sometime in the middle of the night. It was inhumanly cold down there and the cough that plagued him since his wakening only got worse. But all this was inconsequential in comparison to the events in his mother’s quarters. Ren couldn’t remember the last time he felt so out of control before.

 

He must have stolen a half hour of sleep at best.

 

A small clearing of a throat across his table brought him out of his thoughts, and he lifted his eyes to look at three men standing in military attention.

 

_What the…_

 

“Permission to speak, sir,” the one in the middle spoke rigidly, his eyes pinned on the wall behind Ren in that stiff military address Hux used to love.

 

Ren put his fork down, raising his eyebrows lightly.

 

“Proceed.”

 

This was interesting.

 

“Designated numbers ST-3452 of the 4th Battalion stationed on the _Vigilance_ , KR-0041 of the  Selected Battalion of the _Finalizer_ and TU-8932 pilot of the 3 rd Tie squad of the _Desolation_ , reporting sir.”

 

“Wait… Did you say Selected Battalion?”

 

“Yes, sir.” The one in the middle stepped forward. “I have been assigned to your personal battalion for the past 3 years.”

 

“You’re one of my men.” Ren leaned back in his chair, pushing the plate away and studying the three men carefully. They were all humanoids, with closely cropped hair and dressed in civilian clothes. But their strict stature and detached voice reminded him very much of Stormtrooper training. And their words emanated sincerity even in the Force.

 

“Indeed sir. I was in charge of the men you lead in the invasion of Coruscant,” KR-0041 went on. “We were apprehended by sir Valek’s forces when he entered the Senate Hall ordering your arrest. We tried to resist his advance on the building, but we were too few, sir, and caught unsuspected… Practically everyone was wiped out during his entry.”

 

Ren fisted his hand on the table top, a part of him missing the cricking sound of his leather glove. Valek’s betrayal was as bad as he had initially suspected. But Hux, as it turned out, had outsmarted them both.

 

“I was lucky to survive thanks to a comrade I knew from the _Vigilance_ who had decided to defect,” he added. The other two men glanced at their fellow soldier nervously, which did not escape Ren’s attention. KR-0041 inhaled deeply before continuing.

 

“I too am leaving the First Order and if you, sir, choose to remain with the Resistance I would gladly follow your lead once more.“

 

Ren fixed the three men with a heavy stare, as murmurs started rising from the tables around him and a few Resistance members jumped to their feet. The Force grew heavy with emotions of anger and resentment, while words of protest and threat began to fall upon them.

 

He rose from his chair and stood tall, contemplating the man’s words with a frown.

 

Loyalty was the last thing he had expected to come across on a Resistance ship.

 

*

 

The common room was in an uproar when Poe waltzed in for lunch. Turning his already foul mood to that of pure aggravation.  Everyone was on their feet.  Some even on tables, red-faced and yelling at the top of their lungs. And in the middle of the ruckus, stood Kylo Ren _._ Arms folded in front of his chest, legs spread solidly on the ground, eyeing the situation with what seemed like annoyance. Three men were standing rigidly across from him, and Poe immediately recognized them as part of the defected Troopers.

 

Alarms rang in his mind at the sight.

 

“What the hell is going on here?”

 

A couple of heads turned in his direction but his voice didn’t have the impact he had hoped for. He shouldered past the crowd, which slowly recognized him enough to let him through until he finally stood across the man that had so savagely ripped through his mind during that interrogation a few months back. If someone had told him then that Kylo Ren would one day be sitting in a Resistance lunch room, chewing on frozen Bantha meat and fraternizing with the crew, he would have laughed right at their face.

 

And yet here he was. A traitor, dividing the Resistance’s beliefs and already forming his own little army within its arms. A murderer who had betrayed his family, bringing death and destruction upon the galaxy under Snoke’s orders. Here he was, standing non-challantly amongst them. This man who had broken Leia’s heart, killed his father, killed Luke Skywalker and haunted Rey.

 

 _Free_.

 

The injustice of it was suffocating.

 

Poe had disagreed with Leia on numerous occasions. But this time Leia was just not thinking straight. And she was flat out wrong about allowing this man to walk around their ship like he had never committed a single crime. As if all were forgiven and forgotten, just because he had lent a reluctant hand as help in Coruscant.

 

Nothing would ever be enough to redeem this man.

 

“The pilot.” He heard Kylo Ren speak. His acknowledgment cutting like steel through the room’s commotion.

 

Poe put his hands on his hips and jutted his chin at him.

 

“I don’t know what it is that you are trying to prove here. But you are no longer in charge. Of anybody on this ship.”

 

“I am not interested in your chain of command,” Kylo Ren said dismissively. “Or your cause.”

 

“That’s not what this little assembly looks like.”

 

“It’s no concern of yours.”

 

“Oh, I’d say it is very much my concern since it is happening on _my_ ship.” Poe narrowed his eyes at him.

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong. But isn’t this General Organa’s ship?”

 

Was he mocking him?

 

“I suggest you listen very carefully,” he warned. “The only reason why you are still alive and walking about freely is because of your mother, you murderer. If it were up to me I would have spaced you while you were still unconscious.”

 

Kylo Ren’s eyes flashed dangerously for an instant, but the threat in them was quickly reigned in behind a mask of cool indifference. It made Poe see red.

 

“Good thing it’s not then.”

 

_That two-faced monster._

 

He itched to pull his blaster at the man and rid the galaxy of his presence. Poe stalked up to Kylo Ren, whose towering form did not intimidate him the very least, and pointed a finger at him.

 

“Stay put in that little cell we assigned you,” he ordered through gritted teeth.

 

“It’s not for you to decide.”

 

“Oh, I can decide on a lot of things. And once I do, your mother won’t be able to stop me.” Kylo Ren clenched his jaw, obviously trying to hold back a retort. But Poe wasn’t buying any of his high attitude. “And neither will Rey.”

 

“Leave Rey out of this,” Kylo Ren snarled, in a voice deep enough to vibrate the ship down to its bolts.

 

“You _dragged_ her into this.  Turned her head around with all your lies and deceptions.”’

 

“I am not discussing Rey with you.”

 

_The hell you won’t._

 

Poe tilted his head up to look directly at the monster’s cold eyes. And the words that fell from his mouth turned those eyes into fire.

 

*

 

Nothing would have prepared Rey for the sight she came across when she entered the common room. It had been a tough shift in the engine room and by now she couldn’t wait to get her fingers on that juicy meat and steaming vegetables waiting for her on those heated serving trays. But all hunger dissipated the moment she stepped foot through the doors. The yells and anger reverberating in the room nearly knocking her off her feet.

 

Curiously, she began to part her way through the loud crowd.  Jimmy the chief engineer, she noticed, was actually standing on top of a table for a better view and Kaydel, an officer stationed on the bridge, was chewing on her nails. She squeezed between two pilots in Poe’s black squadron, who had their eyes glued on something happening in the middle of the room.

 

A crash was heard as if a chair, or table, or something sturdy like that had just been reduced to pieces, and she could swear a grunt escaped someone’s chest, as more shuffling and scraping raised cheers and boos from the people around her.

 

She caught a glimpse of Finn standing next to a handful of ex- Stormtroopers. His expression was solemn, and the men next to him emanated feelings of nervousness and even fear. As if something bigger than them was at stake.

 

Rey tried to go on her tiptoes to glance over a technician’s bulky shoulder, but he shifted on his feet right when she was about to…

 

_Damn._

 

“Rey, you’ve got to see this!” Louise, one of the nursing staff, grabbed her from her forearm pulling her to an opening right in front of…

 

“Ben?”

 

The man whipped his head at the sound of her voice and looked at her, granting his opponent enough time to land him a blow on the chin. Poe came into view, blood trickling from a gash on his left eyebrow. He grabbed Ben by his shirt, bringing his fist down for another hit. But Ben caught it midair, twisting it to the side and kicked Poe’s shin from under him.

 

“Rey, get out of here!”

 

His voice was drowned by angry boos and threatening gestures.

 

She barely had enough time to catch a glimpse of the cut on his lip, before he turned to spit blood to the side. Poe was up on his feet again.

 

Rey couldn’t believe her eyes.

 

“Don’t you even look at her!” Poe spat, as he furiously advanced towards Ben, who stood his ground with clenched fists. Poe used his momentum to ram his opponent viciously into a wall. Ben staggered aside a few steps, wheezing painfully, and clutching the side of his chest.

 

Rey could almost feel his barely mended ribs crack once again.

 

_They’re going to kill each other._

 

She brought her hand up to clasp her mouth at the growing realization, staring wide-eyed at them.

 

Ben barely caught a breath before Poe landed a kick to his side once again, bringing him down in a whirlwind of whistles and hurrays erupting from the crowd.

 

And then Rey felt it. That snap in the Force, letting her know that the man on the ground had lost whatever hold he had on his temper.

 

And as Poe was about to kick him in the gut, Ben caught his combat boot and pulled him down. Poe crashed on the floor. Before he could even react, Ben had already straddled him and started pummeling his fist on Poe’s face.

 

The voices around them died out instantly.

 

The Force gathered darkly around the two men, waiting for the Force-wielder to draw power from it. But the man continued to strike hard at his opponent, completely ignoring the deathly temptation within his reach.

 

“Stop!” she cried out, but Ben was too far gone by now. “Ben! No… Please just stop!”

 

A couple of Resistance members pried him off Poe with great difficulty. But Ben couldn’t be contained. He managed to shrug them off, heading for the semi-conscious pilot bleeding on the ground.

 

“That’s enough!” She yelled slipping between the two men and putting her hands firmly on Ben’s heaving chest. His eyes gleamed ravenously and Rey wasn’t even sure if he could recognize her through his fury. But as if by miracle, the moment her hands touched his chest his body stilled instantly. Emotions of rage and resentment crashed in waves against her hard rock resolution. Withdrawing and returning, again and again.

 

All sound fell away.

 

The crowd faded out.

 

Leaving behind just the sight of his pale face. The sound of their mingled breaths. And the feel of his heartbeat thudding out of control beneath her palms.

 

_I haven’t touched him since…_

 

His eyes locked on to hers and she watched in amazement the storm recede within them. Their color softened to that of liquid brown, rich and smooth. Beckoning her to a place she would never come back from. It would be so simple to give in.

 

_To feel…_

 

A long, shuddering exhale left his lips, and he blinked lightly releasing whatever hold he had upon her. And then a shadow ran across his face, as his eyes darted to the pilot moaning on the ground.

 

He backstepped without a single word, taking with him the comfort of the world he had wrapped her in. The mumbling of the crowd filled her senses once again. He turned around and walked out of the room, everyone hurrying to part a path for him to go through.

 

*

 

“They did _what_?”

 

Leia gasped at Finn, the unfortunate bearer of the brawl’s news. This was unbelievable. She slipped off the medical chair tugging her sleeve back in place.

 

“Leia, we are not finished here,” Dr. Lydham commented sternly at her side, holding up the injecting device to avoid puncturing any innocent bystander. But she just ignored him completely.

 

“Are any of them hurt?”

 

“Kylo R… I’m sorry…” Finn quickly corrected himself, with the most uncomfortable expression etched on his face. “Your son I believe is fine, but Poe has a broken nose and a slight concussion. He’s actually in a room just a couple of doors down if you wanna take a look at…”

 

“Ben did that?”

 

“Yeah, but…”

 

Leia pursed her lips, wringing her fingers together.

 

_I was wrong._

 

She shouldn’t have let him roam freely around the ship. She knew it was a risky move on her side, but part of her hoped… No. Believed, that he’d see his freedom as a form of peace offering and would appreciate the gesture. Maybe even respect it. Had she been that wrong about him? Had the darkness in her son evolved that much?

 

“General…”

 

“He needs to be contained,” she swirled to order at Finn. “I can’t allow something like that to happen again.”

 

She started pacing the room in agitation. It would be practically impossible to keep him locked up. Ben was just too powerful with the Force. He’d end up ripping the ship to shreds in order to escape if he really wished it. Sedating him would be the only solution again.

 

She lifted her palm to rub at her forehead.

 

“General…” Finn repeated, coming to stand in front of her and grasping her arms lightly to catch her attention. “It wasn’t your son’s fault,” he stated calmly. “Poe was the one out of line. He shouldn’t have provoked him the way he did.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Her brow furrowed.

 

“I’m not taking your son’s side on this. Don’t get me wrong. But we all pretty much know, that if it weren’t for Kylo R…I’m sorry… This is hard. If it weren’t for your son, there wouldn’t be a Coruscant anymore. Turning his back on the First Order. Yeah, I know what that’s like.”

 

Was Finn supporting Ben? Because it sure seemed that way.

 

 _Well. That’s a first_.

 

Guilt tugged on her chest. She had been so quick to assume it was her son and his explosive temper that had started the fight. But if it wasn’t Ben’s fault. Then…

 

Leia’s jaw clenched. And she looked at Finn sternly.

 

“What did Poe say to him?”

 

*

 

“You should have been there to see the fight,” Louise said, carefully uncovering the wound on the man’s head to inspect it under the lone, flickering light of the small, cramped room.

 

“I’m certain it was fascinating.”

 

“Fascinating? You should have seen how Poe Dameron stood in front of Kylo Ren and told him a piece of his mind. It was…” She gestured vaguely in the air, eyes illuminated with admiration. “It was simply brave.”

 

The man hissed as she detached the last dressing from his skin. The wound was deep and deformed, a gaping hole where the man’s eye had once been. But it was clean and with no sign of infection.

 

“I don’t understand why you wish to remain in the darkness of this room instead of mingling with other people. There’s no reason why you should feel so self-conscious about your wound. It’s healing just fine.”

 

The man’s remaining eye glanced in her direction, studying her sharply and sending shivers down her spine.

 

_He’s so creepy._

 

She couldn’t help but think for the hundredth time this past week. There was just something unnatural and ghostly about him that always turned her blood cold in his proximity. And even though she internally promised herself to send someone else next time to care for his wound, she always found herself coming back to finish the task, as if compelled by a power beyond her will. No one knew of this patient. She would always forget to mention him or register him in the ship’s logs.

 

Long, slender fingers wrapped around her wrist seizing her tending of the wound. They felt cold and clammy.

 

“Have you found it yet?” He drawled in a clean crisp accent.

 

Louise sighed. What a strange man.

 

“I told you. The Jedi girl has it hidden in her rooms. It’s not easy.” She shrugged defensively, as she started applying fresh bandages around his head.

 

The man leaned back against the wall, wrapping his black cowl around himself and licking his thin, parched lips. His face was swallowed by the darkness of the room.

 

“There isn’t much time left. Kylo Ren is growing stronger by the day,” his voice whispered in the shadows. “Pray, I don’t need to do this myself.”

 

Louise hated this. She hated secrets.

 

_I have to get someone else to do this tomorrow._

 

She promised herself with a shake of her head.

 

*

 

Rey stood outside the Millenium Falcon’s ramp, staring at the open hatch like she was about to enter the mouth of a beast. It was very late, and apart from the scarce emergency lights breaking through the darkness, the hangar bay was otherwise immersed in its shadows. There was a stillness around. A quietness that was almost uncanny. And it caused this creature of the sun to fidget.

 

She was dressed in her night clothes, a worn out beige tank top with old oil spots on it that she tried to hide under the waistband of her loose pants. She had walked in and out of her shared quarters, hesitant on if she should go in search of Ben or not. His unpredictable reaction turning such a simple instinctive act, into a headache-inducing decision.   

 

The quarrel between Leia and Poe in the middle of the medical bay was still echoing in her ears. Even though Poe was right to be alarmed by Ben’s presence in the ship, it didn’t make things any better by flat out instigating a fight with him. Especially where Rey was concerned. She hadn’t considered Poe’s words all that offending to begin with, but apparently, other people, including Ben, had a different opinion. Surprisingly, even Finn had told their friend off. Her Finn, who had been terrorized and nearly killed by Kylo Ren.

 

Rey sighed deeply. She had to find a way to speak to him. Silently she went up the ramp, her soft padded boots not making a sound. Chewbacca mentioned that Ben had made a bed for himself in a corner of the hangar bay, but she couldn’t find him anywhere. Perhaps it was too dark to spot his sleeping form. Or maybe he wasn’t around, to begin with. The Wookiee would probably know his whereabouts, and if he were terrorizing some poor technician struggling through his night shift.

 

Rey shook her head.

 

Ben’s mercurial personality was overwhelming even for her at times.

 

She entered the Falcon’s main corridor immediately being hit by a whiff of Chewbacca’s fury smell mixed with that of the ship’s newest feathery occupants. The porgs. This ship needed to be aired. Or cleaned. Or taken apart, sterilized and reassembled. And Rey wasn’t one to complain, to begin with. Her standards were fairly low after all.

 

The hygiene levels on Jakku were completely depended on the sand. It didn’t allow many organisms to thrive under the scorching sun and…

 

Rey tensed.

 

She could have sworn she heard a sound coming from…

 

She swiveled her head to the right, ears picking on the faintest of sounds on the dark ship.

 

_Maybe not._

 

A grip tightened around her throat and the cold metal point of a blaster was set on her temple. She felt a hot breath fan the thin hair at the nape of her neck, as she was pulled against a body.

 

Someone had broken in the ship.

 

_I have to alert…_

 

“Not a sound,” a deep voice growled in her ear.

 

Her breath hitched.

 

Was that…?

 

Rey couldn’t feel him in the Force. But then again he was very good at hiding himself.

 

“Ben?” she whispered.

 

Two heartbeats later she felt a long exhale caress her skin as the grip around her throat loosened and the blaster fell away.

 

“Force, Rey. I thought…” Lips whispered an inch away from the curve of her neck and a heated forehead momentarily settled on her shoulder. “You have got to stop creeping up on me like that.” His arm snaked around her waist, securing her against his solid body, barely leaving any room for her to turn around and look up at his shadowed face.

 

She reached out to touch his cheek. It felt clammy and hot as if…

 

“Stars, Ben! You’re running a fever.”

 

“I’m fine.” He mumbled, stepping away and shuffling down the corridor.

 

Rey frowned. This man was too stubborn for his own good.

 

“Clearly you’re not,” she said trailing behind him all the way to a cramped up cabin with a messy cot snuggled to its side. “And where’s Chewbacca.”

 

Ben dropped weakly on the thin mattress with a huff. The cabin’s simple, white light illuminated his features, bringing out the brawl’s recent marks on his face. And along with the dark circles under his glassy eyes and the fevered color on his cheeks, it made her heart clench. This ruthless, dark warlord needed someone to take care of him.

 

“He went to make me some herb concoction from Kashyyk. It brings the fever down.” He fell back on the pillow with a groan, running his hands down his face. “I always hated that stuff.”

 

Rey stifled a giggle. She couldn’t help it.

 

“Well, it looks like you’re in good hands. I’ll probably be in his way, so I should go.”

 

“No!” His alarmed, wide eyes stopped her from making a single move. “No. Don’t go.” He sat up, grasping her small wrist in his hand. “Please...”

 

A fevered gaze bore on to her, quickening the rhythm of her heart. He pulled her carefully between his legs as if to prevent her from fleeing, before releasing her wrist. Hesitant fingers skimmed the side of her thigh and settled lightly on the soft skin behind her knees.

 

“Stay…” he whispered.

 

The simple word piercing her heart like an arrow.

 

And what was she to do with him now?

 

With those pleading, molten eyes stripping away every fabric of self-preservation from her.

 

“Ok.” She said in a small voice. “I’ll stay. For a bit.”

 

She couldn’t help herself as her fingertips reached for his tangled strands, raking it away from his face. He tilted his chin up and shut his eyes, features softening under her touch.

 

“But tomorrow morning I’m taking you to the medical bay to get you a shot of antibiotics.”

 

“The medical staff hates me. I destroyed their only bacta tank,” he said, eyes still closed and an expression of pure indulgence written on his face.

 

“Practically everyone does in this galaxy. It never stopped you before.”

 

“Lay with me.”

 

_Stars this man…_

 

“Ben…”

 

“I won’t touch you.”

 

“You have a fever you’re not thinking straight.”

 

She must have said the wrong thing because his eyes opened, and he stared at her with that leaded look of his that made it hard to discern what thoughts were hidden behind it.

 

“I won’t hurt you, Rey. I never could.”

 

She sighed, sitting next to him on the narrow cot, but keeping a safe enough distance at the same time to keep from losing herself in his vortex of emotions.

 

_Gods._

 

He noticed, because his expression turned solemn, but didn’t make any move to close the distance between them. She was as skittish as could be already.

 

“I know you don’t intend to hurt me but, you do. Sometimes you don’t even realize how that happens.”

 

“I’ve never meant to hurt you. I mean… I have, back when I was part of… But that has changed now. I’m not that man anymore.” He stumbled over his words, brows furrowing in confusion.

 

“Why do you keep acting like him, then?”

 

“What? I don’t act like anybody. I’m…” He rubbed his face in frustration. “Rey. This is who I am. This is who I’ve always been. Ask my mother, she’ll have plenty of stories to support that. I’m not nice.”

 

“No, but you’re decent enough when you’re not terrifying people,” she said with a slight curl of her lips.

 

Amusement sparkled in his eyes but quickly subsided as he glanced at the small distance separating them. Half the galaxy could fit in between. His hand inched towards her but halted before touching her.

 

“Then why are you pulling away from me?” He asked gently. “Does this have anything to do with the pilot?”

 

“Yes.” He bit his already bloodied swollen lip, and Rey rushed to correct her answer. “But it’s not just about him. When you lash out at people I care about, you hurt me as well. I’m not asking you to…”

 

“When somebody is attacking me I strike back. That’s how I survive, Rey. That’s how all of us survive. You can’t blame me for that!”

 

Rey shook her head. Why did he always have to twist simple conversations into gnarling knots?

 

“I’m not blaming you for defending yourself, you don’t understand. I know exactly what that’s like. But Poe is not a real threat to you and...”

 

“I’d say Poe was threatening me and even worse,” his gaze hardened. “He was disrespectful towards you.”

 

“Hardly,” she scoffed.

 

“Is that how you think of yourself?” he objected, voice thick and gruff. So unlike its usual deep, rumbling timbers. “Saying I had fucked you up just like everyone else in my life, was not something I would have let slide. And you shouldn’t either.”

 

Rey remained silent, taken aback by the passion behind his words. She wasn’t exactly used to other people standing up for her, much less get into actual fights for her.  

 

“Ben, I think he just doesn’t trust you.”

 

“I don’t trust him either. And I don’t understand what you see in him.”

 

“See in him?” Rey faltered. “What do you mean?”

 

He cupped the sides of her jaw, softly turning it to face him. His eyes stared intensely at her, making her forget how to breathe. “I don’t care about anything or anyone else,” he said with a crack in his voice, hot breath fanning her lips. . “Don’t you see that?”

 

_Say it._

 

The treacherous memory rose to haunt her once again.

 

Now that there was no longer a bond confusing their emotions. He could say it now.

 

She looked at him. A speck of uncertainty tainting her hopes. Ben didn’t want to remain in the Resistance. And Rey did not want to leave the only home she had made for herself after wasting her life in the junkyard of Jakku.  And, even though, she had found herself willing to follow him to the ends of the galaxy a few days ago, the resilient more logical part of her whispered that perhaps their feelings alone would not be enough along the way. Perhaps they’d end up like Han and Leia. Fighting and damaging each other beyond repair.

 

Ben held her gaze for the stretch of a few moments before releasing her and sliding his hands down the curve of her shoulders in defeat. Discouragement took over his features.

 

“You’re right. I’m not myself tonight. I shouldn’t have put you in a difficult spot. You can go.’’

 

“I don’t have to leave, I can stay and…”

 

“No. You should go. I’ll be fine. I’ll even go to the medical bay tomorrow morning and have them treat whatever they feel like they need to fix, and everything will be fine.”

 

“Ben…”

 

“Rey… No.”

 

He got to his feet signaling the end of their conversation. His gaze remained trained on the floor while Rey slowly got up, wiping her palms on the fabric of her pants. Somehow, this conversation had left her feeling more hollow than her empty AT-AT, rotting under the desert sun in Jakku.

 

“Right. Well… I’ll just…”

 

She stole a glance at his face, but he was avoiding to look at her. They had managed to revert to this again.

 

Her eyes lingered on his swollen lip and downcast eyes.

 

_I did this._

 

Shame filled her suddenly. She had caused this. She was the reason why this defiant man was aboard an enemy ship he despised. Stripped from his identity and power. Haunted by his past. With a broken body and a battered heart.

 

Rey was used to salvaging scraps and reassembling pieces. Not splintering already damaged men beyond recognition.

 

“Goodnight, Rey,” his eyes lifted to meet hers steadily.

 

She could no longer bear to remain in his presence. Rey turned, nearly running into Chewbacca and his steaming concoction as she hurried out of the Falcon, her lonely steps echoing in the vastness of the hangar bay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think our babies are due for some fresh air. Get out of that stifling ship and have a little sun smile at them. Perhaps in the next chapter.


	6. Smitten

Chandrila was not Leia's first choice for a supply stop. It was one of the most important Core worlds, attracting way too much attention for her likes. Especially with the precious… cargo currently on the _Prometheus_. She was, however, looking forward to talking with a senator and old friend of hers again and catching up on the evolving political status of the galaxy. They had been traveling on hyperspace for the last two days without communications, enough time for the galaxy to turn upside down if it truly wished.

 

She had insisted on taking the helm of the bridge for the day, letting Poe recuperate from his injuries. Or blow some steam, was more like it because luckily enough, Ben hadn't used the Force during the fight and the injuries they had both sustained were merely testosterone induced.

 

Leia sat on her familiar spot by Connix's station waiting for the young Lieutenant to arrive for her morning shift. She leaned lightly on her cane with clasped hands and looked up at the swiveling blue light on the large viewport, letting the feelings of exhaustion and impatience emanating from the crew run through her.

 

She was aware of their nervousness concerning her son's presence on the ship. But their trust in her ran so deep, that it humbled and moved her.

 

"Would you like a cup of your morning caf, General?" Tim, bleary-eyed from lack of sleep politely asked her, even though, he seemed to be in much more need of it than her.

 

"No, thank you. I'll get it myself, Tim. How long till we drop from hyperspace."

 

"Any minute now, ma'am."

 

_Finally._

 

A little sun on her aching bones would do a lot of good.

 

The doors hissed behind her signaling the change in shifts. Perhaps Connix could pull out that report she had skimmed through from Intel about Kuat having turned down all manufacturing contracts for the next year or so. It was fairly curious, since the credits they'd be losing with a decision like this, was too significant of an amount.

 

Who knew what they were up to? That world was always as sealed as a clam when it came to their projects.

 

That's when Leia noticed a strange stillness having taken over the bridge. She looked around at the expressions of alarm and fear drawn on the faces of her crew, just as a dark presence stood on her right.

 

_I didn't sense…_

 

How could she have not sensed…

 

"Mother," her son's deep voice resonated on the bridge.

 

She looked up. And up.

 

Ben was standing stiffly on her side, eyes set on the hyperspace lights illuminating the viewport as everyone held their breath in anticipation.

 

He looked absolutely ragged. Hadn't he slept at all? And hadn't Chewbacca given him the fresh set of clothes yet?

 

She shook her head.

 

_That Wookiee is probably running more senile than I am._

 

"Goodmorning," she stated simply. Anything else would have probably triggered too intense of a response from him. "Have you slept?" She dared to ask.

 

Ben snorted in answer. At least he hadn't changed _that_ much. A teenage version of him drifted in mind. A slim, moody boy with black, ruffled hair refusing to wear an overcoat in the freezing winter temperatures of Hosnia Prime.

 

"I left some fresh clothes for you with Chewbacca. And a shaving set. Did he give them to you?"

 

"I can handle myself." He clipped in a hoarse voice.

 

Leia barely controlled the urge to roll her eyes at him and his stubborn behavior. It wouldn't do them any good under the crew's watchful eyes.

 

A short cough fell from his congested chest, immediately alerting her instincts. She pressed her lips together in irritation and gripped her cane tightly.

 

 _He's sick_.

 

That reckless son of hers had gotten himself sick. On top everything else.

 

It would be very difficult to drag him to the medical bay for a check-up by Dr. Lydham. Not to mention the Chief of Medicine would probably throw a fit if he were to see her son again. Ben had, after all, ripped off any form of medical treatment and refused to even be touched by medical droids. It wouldn't come as a surprise if some deadly, lung-eating bug was taking over his body by now.

 

"Where are we headed?" He asked sourly.

 

Perhaps if Chewie agreed to help.

 

"Chandrila."

 

His eyes snapped in her direction. He seemed surprised at the mention of their old homeworld. But maybe in a good way. She had trouble sensing his feelings.

 

"Why?"

 

"We need fuel and supplies and it was the closest world to our final destination."

 

"I'd rather you didn't drop me off in a Core world, mother. I can't get off the ship without being picked up by their scanners."

 

"We had the tracking implant removed during your surgery," she mentioned casually. "What would be the point in freeing you, if the First Order caught you within the day?" She said, eyeing him sharply with a raised eyebrow.

 

His dark eyes remained trained on hers for a long moment, studying the intent behind her words.

 

"The First Order won't be the only one looking for me," he said.

 

"I know…" she trailed off. "But I'll deal with the Republic when the time comes."

 

"It's too dangerous for you to keep me aboard. They might not approve of your actions." He added, his deep voice a little more mellow.

 

Leia didn't want to comment on that. She looked back at the trailing lights, wishing she could hide him within their glowing streaks forever. "We are in no hurry. You can always stick around a little more if you wish. I'll be meeting with Senator Lourd within the day. Perhaps he'll have some information you'd be interested in."

 

Ben turned to stare at the viewport again with a frown.

 

"I'll disembark in Chandrila. I can't stay."

 

She was afraid he'd say that. It would be too selfish of her to ask him not to leave. Seeing her boy and holding him after all these painful years… She just couldn't bear to lose him again this soon.

 

Leia swallowed thickly.

 

"I'll need my lightsaber when I leave."

 

"Rey has it," she sighed. "You'll have to talk with her."

 

She studied closely the small intake of breath, the bobbing of his Adam's apple and the softening of his gaze at the sound of Rey's name.

 

She couldn't help the curl of a smile that formed on her lips. Yes. It seemed her suspicions were true. Her son cared for Rey.

 

_Deeply_

 

He turned around without a word, stalking out of the bridge.

 

"Leaving already?" she commented at his retreating back.

 

"I'm going to the medical bay," he grumbled before the doors slid shut behind him.

 

Leia glanced at Tim whose eyebrows had shot to the roof quizzically.

 

Well, that had turned out easier than she initially thought.

 

Leia leaned on her cane as a small jolt ran through the ship's hall and the blue lights morphed into glittering black space before her. A beautiful planet came into view, with its cerulean seas and rolling, lush meadows, that she held very dear in her heart. Cotton formations in the planet's atmosphere were scattered here and there, but too few to be of any concern about the weather.

 

A warm day it seemed awaited them.

 

*

 

Ren rubbed his arm as discretely as possible while stomping in irritation down a corridor. What was initially supposed to be a shot of antibiotics had turned into four, along with an annoying breathing apparatus that he tossed down the trash compactor when he exited the medical bay. Dr. Lydham's stern scolding of _"You got yourself a good case of pneumonia, lad. That's what you get when you don't follow treatment,"_ still grating on his nerves.

 

A glimpse of blue light caught his eye, as he passed outside a large storage area, accompanied by a very familiar buzzing sound. He backtracked, curiously, coming to stand by the open doorway.

 

Rey was practicing forms with a blue lightsaber. And not just _any_ lightsaber. They weren't exactly lying around in abundance. But the very one they had torn in half aboard the _Supremacy_ after cutting down the Praetorian guards in an unrivaled merge of their powers. Ren still couldn't forget that awful sense of betrayal he had felt when he realized Rey wouldn't join him in ruling the galaxy. It had swept disastrously over his heart, driving him to near madness. He had wanted nothing more than to destroy her. Extinguish her Force signature and never set eyes on her beautiful face again.

 

Ren was glad he had failed.

 

He leaned his sore shoulder against the doorframe, silently watching her weave effortlessly and elegantly through difficult forms, with a precision that stunned him. Rey was evolving past the movements she had stolen from his mind. She was quick and agile. Clever with a streak of slyness in her strategy. And simply…

 

_Captivating._

 

He felt his heart cave in on him.

 

"You're leaving your left side exposed," he couldn't help comment.

 

Rey swirled at his voice, nearly losing her footing. The beam cut through the floor, leaving an ugly gash on the durasteel.

 

"You scared me," she panted out, wiping her brow with her forearm. She quickly extinguished the blue beam, staring awkwardly at him from the middle of the room.

 

He stood straight, looking at a dented crate by the wall and clenching his fists. Perhaps he shouldn't have interrupted her concentration, but he couldn't let her continue practice without correcting the weak spots in her forms. An experienced warrior could exploit that in the future. And he wouldn't be around to…

 

"Give me the saber," he commanded.

 

But Rey clutched it stubbornly with both hands in front of her chest. Her thoughts and emotions being so very difficult to sense in the Force. She had become remarkably good in hiding herself.

 

"I want to show you what you're doing wrong," he added a bit softer, taking away a part of her uneasiness.

 

He stepped closer to her, extending his hand.

 

Rey regarded him a few moments suspiciously behind long lashes, before relenting and handing him the weapon.

 

He ignited it, a surge of relief and belonging going through him. As if meeting an old friend again after a lifetime of separation. But one that was no longer needed.

 

He twirled it studying the flickering beam and appraising its sturdiness.

 

"It's unbalanced and the beam is too weak. What have you done to it?"

 

Rey huffed lightly, fidgeting on her feet. She seemed almost uncomfortable in his presence.

 

"The crystal was split in two and I only put one of the pieces inside the saber. I had to improvise, but it hasn't felt right ever since…"

 

Ren hummed, looking at it for a few more moments, before shutting it and handing it back to Rey. She took it swiftly and stepped nervously away.

 

_What have I done to hurt her so much?_

 

He couldn't help but wonder bitterly. This pilot of hers must have really meant a lot to her.

 

"The General said we'll be dropping you off at Chandrila," she said thickly. "I'm to help you gather the supplies you'll need on the planet. Chewbacca will escort Leia to the Senator's estate."

 

"Chewbacca? I figured it would be you."

 

Rey shrugged, her pretty eyes glinting on their corners as she looked away from him. "Those are the orders."

 

That was odd he had to admit. He had imagined Chewie whining his way along the crowded flea market with him. Not Rey. Definitely not Rey.

 

_But a few more moments with her…_

 

He didn’t know if her radiant presence would serve as a balm soothing the pain of their separation away or a poison running through his veins for the rest of his miserable life.

 

Ren nodded silently, the escalating turmoil within him threatening to break through. But he was determined not to let her know. Know what her constant rejections did to his battered pride.

 

He pushed himself away from the doorframe without another glance in her direction and strode away.

 

_*_

 

_Damn heat._

 

Ren cursed under his breath, glaring accusingly at the morning sky. Not a single cloud could be seen in the bright azure horizon and he could already feel the sun scorching his prominent nose and tips of his cheekbones.

 

He wiped at his brow thinking that he desperately needed a bath. And some fresh clothes that would actually fit him, and not make him feel like an overgrown stable boy. With the top half of his hair drawn back and the beginnings of a beard covering his jaw, not to mention the ridiculous Resistance outfit he had been condemned to wear these past few days, he sincerely hoped to at least blend in with the crowd in the flea market, despite his bulk. Rey in front of him easily slipped through the thick crowd, in her grey outfit. The cloth he was so accustomed to seeing her in, was wrapped around her shoulders and waist, falling mid-thigh and flowing carefree behind her. She moved gracefully amongst the people. And sometimes he'd lose sight of her braided, chestnut hair pulled into a bun at the back of her head, revealing a slender, lovely neck he couldn't take his eyes off. Her saber was clipped on her side beneath her jacket, and a staff was perched on her back.

 

And as if she was reading his mind, her bright eyes turned to look at him over her shoulder.

 

"I think you need a change of clothes. Something that actually fits you," she said.

 

Ben half-grunted in agreement.

 

This whole situation was ridiculous, to begin with. He never had to bother with such trivialities, since the First Order always provided and looked after such simple needs. His outfits, cloaks and capes would always get cinched and ripped ever so often in battles. And they would get automatically replaced, without him having to lift a single finger.

 

"How about we check that stand. It seems to have decent clothes at a reasonable price. And it even has some black stuff. That should make you happy. Or close to that." Rey commented over her shoulder again, catching his gaze momentarily before quickly averting her eyes.

 

Reasonable prices.

 

 _Splendid_.

 

He didn't own a single credit anymore since he couldn't tap into his account without drawing attention. Chewbacca had been the one to give him a lousy allowance for his purchases.

 

Ren groaned, causing Rey to turn those hazel eyes of hers on him again. They caught the sun and golden accents glittered within them. He had never noticed them before.

 

His heart sank.

 

There were so many things about her that he didn't know. Infinite parts of her he hadn't mapped out and would never get a chance to explore.

 

She came to a stop by the stand she mentioned, digging her hands into grey and navy tunics, efficiently sizing him up, while he rummaged through leather belts and combat boots. It didn't take her long before she walked up to him with an armful of clothes, all ranging thankfully, in the darker regions of the spectrum. He was holding up a charcoal leather jacket. A little worn out but sturdy enough to withstand the rough treatment it would undergo in his hands, at least for a while, when Rey stood next to him holding out her scavenge. His eyes slid to the top taking in a few…

 

Were those underpants?

 

"Stars, Rey I think I can pick those out for myself," he quickly said, feeling his face heat as he took the heavy pile of clothes from her slim arms."

 

"I figured you'd get lost in accessories and forget to get basic things. Here, I also got you some socks. I hope they fit," she said with a little scratch in her voice.

 

He looked at the articles of cloth which could actually be worn by a Hutt.

 

"I don't think I'm that big."

 

She cleared her throat. "Well, I wasn't really sure. You just seem so… massive that I just didn't know what sizes to pick. You can, of course, you know, change them and…" she looked away as a shade of pink colored her delicate cheekbones. "Or…"

 

"Thank you."

 

She glanced up at him, and the vulnerability he read in her gaze brought him back to a night not long ago, when devouring and consuming her was all he could think about. It was this exact gaze in the middle of this crowded, rowdy, flea market with the sun beating down on them, and sweat and dirt clinging to their bodies that made him realize that perhaps the bond wasn't as defining as he originally thought. That, maybe, what he was seeing in her eyes was…

 

And then she looked away again. Tugging away whatever spell she had cast on him.

 

"We should grab something to eat," she said waving at a number of cantinas and lunch bars along the narrow street. "Leia will be at the estate till nightfall. We still have plenty of time ahead of us."

 

His mother's name quickly helped him clear his melancholy thoughts, reminding him of the reason why he had primarily wanted to visit the market.

 

"In a bit. There are a few more things I wish to buy. Come." He signaled for her to follow him and she frowned adorably in confusion.

 

It was the least he could do before parting ways with her for good.

 

*

 

Rey felt as if her heart had condensed into a black hole, pulling and sucking the life from her. Leia's unexpected orders to help her son collect what basic things he'd need for his travels had hit her like a rock. Sure, Ben had been desperately trying to escape from the ship the moment he had gained consciousness, avoiding her at all cost and behaving like the masked man she had once dreaded and despised. But she didn't expect for Leia to just let him go. She'd thought that his mother would at least try to hold on to him a bit longer. Give him time to adjust, think and reevaluate his choices. To _remember,_ a traitorous voice screamed within her, what their bond had taken away when it dissolved so painfully into the Force.

 

She felt a light touch on the small of her back. His touch. Urging her to go through the squeaking door of the cantina. A haze of smoke and loud clattering invaded her senses as she and Ben entered the crowded room. It was filled to the brim by humanoids and aliens with their eyes glued to a screen, depicting the latest pod race taking place live somewhere in the Outer Rim. Rey's boot nearly slipped on some thick substance spilled on the wooden floor, immediately feeling Ben's hand grabbing her by the waist and steadying her solidly next to his body. His scent of leather and sweat, a heavenly reprieve from the stifling smells of the closely packed bodies.

 

"Let's not wander too far inside," she felt his breath fan the hair on the back of her neck. "We don't know who might be lurking around."

 

Rey nodded, throat too tight to voice a single word.

 

They slipped into a booth at a corner, his back to the crowd and her eyes occasionally darting glances around to make sure no one out of the ordinary had spotted them. She could barely sense Ben in the Force. If he weren't sitting directly in front of her she would have never actually noticed him. Mimicking his example had turned out to be trickier than she had initially thought, and she highly doubted if she came anywhere close to his ability.

 

She felt his eyes drift to hers again, bitter and guarded, their intensity burning a hole right through her ribcage. She shied away from them, once again, grabbing a datapad with the cantina's menu and skimming through it without reading a single word. Anything to avoid facing him. Facing the only battle she knew she'd come back from in pieces.

 

"What do you want to eat?" He asked, cracking the silence between them.

 

_I have no clue._

 

She really didn't. She wasn't even hungry with her insides twisted into a knot thanks to him.

 

"This," she pointed resolutely to a random plate on the datapad, handing it over to him.

 

His brows arched in surprise for a moment, before sliding amused eyes in her direction.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, it's a favorite of mine."

 

"Really," he deadpanned.

 

Rey huffed. It was just food, who cared anyway.

 

"I had no idea you enjoyed bantha guts wrapped around its genitals. Must be a delicacy in Jakku."

 

_Bantha …what?_

 

Did that even exist?

 

"Is that what it says? I didn't even…" She grabbed the datapad back flustered, carefully going through the menu.

 

_Damn it._

 

She couldn't understand a word. This wasn't in Basic.

 

"The menu is in Chandrilan," he informed her softly. "If you need help translating some of the dishes I could help you," he offered politely, reaching for the datapad, knuckles brushing accidentally against her fingers.

 

She lifted her eyes to look at him. They were warm and gentle on her. Not a hint of mockery in their depths for her low-born upbringing.

 

"Um… No… You can order for me if you want. Preferably something with no guts." She concluded pulling away. "And no genitals."

 

He signaled for a serving droid to approach the table, ordering simple mouth-watering steaks, stir-fry vegetables and a slice of fruitcake for dessert. Which all sounded absolutely perfect and her stomach growled in agreement.

 

A wide, rare smirk tugged on his lips, crinkling his eyes.

 

And Rey was caught in them like a fly on honey.

 

*

 

"Well, look who R'iia's winds have brought in!"

 

Nyxx slid in place right next to a befuddled Rey, chewing a mouthful of vegetables. Ben looked up from his plate equally surprised as her, before creasing his brows menacingly together. He wiped his mouth with a cloth, like the well-mannered prince that he was, swallowing his bight and leaning back on his seat.

 

"What the hell are you doing here?"

 

Nyxx scoffed.

 

 _What a way to greet a friend_.

 

He could swear this guy got moodier by the year.

 

"The usual," he smirked at him before leaning over at Rey forking at her meat with a vengeance. "How about you sunshine? What's a beautiful girl like you doing with a grumpy dude like him?"

 

Rey halted her chewing, eyeing him puzzled before answering through a stuffed mouth.

 

"Taking him shopping."

 

Nyxx barked a laughter, causing a Twy'lek to glance in their direction in annoyance before looking back at the screen. A series of hurrays erupted in the room making it difficult for the party to exchange another word for a few moments. Nyxx watched as Rey filled up Ben's glass with water, and emptied what little was left in the bottle into hers. He was surprised the desert scavenger in her was able to part with a single drop of it.

 

Ben stilled at her gesture, fork and knife suspended in the air in astonishment. "Do you want some more vegetables?" He asked her in a hoarse voice, that she somehow had the ears to pick up because she nodded enthusiastically. He reached over, dumping almost all his portion in her plate "I'm not that hungry," he said as Rey looked at him questioningly, ceasing once again whatever it was that she was so passionately chewing.

 

_Yeah right._

 

Ben could finish a bantha for breakfast. Maker, they were as lovesick as he remembered them. He signaled at a droid for one of those watered down ales to be served.

 

"How's your mom?" He commented, earning a glare from Ben.

 

"Fine."

 

"By the way, good to see you're still alive and not missin' any limbs." Nyxx reached over the table to give him a gruff, manly pat on the shoulder with a toothy grin. "How's life treatin' ya?"

 

"Fine." He winced, before setting eyes on his food again.

 

Seriously, hanging around with the Resistance did nothing for this guy's vocabulary.

 

"Are you alone here?" Rey cut in, looking at him with warm, friendly eyes. Nyxx smirked. No wonder his uptight friend was smitten out of his wits by her.

 

"Neesha's with me, but she's off gathering supplies. We'll be boarding the _Prometheus_ later on tonight."

 

Both sets of eyebrows shot to the sky.

 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Rey asked, taken aback. "It was hard enough for the crew having Ben around. She'll end up giving some poor guy a heart attack."

 

"Nah, she's ditched the leather outfit. No one will even notice her," Nyxx said dismissively. No need for them to know what he'd gone through to make her keep a low profile. The ex-Knight of Ren stood out in the damn city like luggabeast in the snowfields of Hoth with that arrogant walk and platinum hair of hers. He had tried to convince her to dye it purple, like any other ordinary person on this planet, but she just wouldn't listen. The woman was stubborn, insufferable, with an unnecessary predisposition to violence that really pissed Nyxx off.

 

"I've got some news for Leia," Nyxx said, lowering his voice and bringing out a pack of chewing substance. He bit off a chunk full of it, nearly gagging at its awful taste. He had picked the worst time ever to quit smoking.

 

"What kind of news?" Ben asked.

 

"Well, Ben," he said, narrowing his charcoaled, green eyes as he roamed over Ben's outfit. "As much as I may be fond of your turn towards Resistance fashion, last time I checked you weren't part of it."

 

Rey grinned, hiding a giggle behind her hand, as Ben's eyes narrowed thunderously back at him.

 

"Spill it, Nyxx."

 

"Make me, _Ben_ ," Nyxx pointed out. No one had ever succeeded in dragging a single double-crossing word from him. And his messed up, grumpy friend across, wasn't going to be the one to break his silence.

 

_Not now. Not ever._

 

The two men glared at each other over the half-eaten food.

 

While Rey had the gull to go on chewing happily away, watching them in amusement.

 

"Ok, fine," he relented with a roll of his eyes. "This is too exciting to keep quiet about anyway. Kuat is keepin' low because they have a major manufacturing project goin' on in their shipyards. _And._ Listen to this. There are rumors sayin' heavy industrial worlds like Correlia along with some other minor technologically advanced worlds in the Core and mid-Rim are collaborating with them. I haven't been able to figure out what this is about, but with all the mess that's goin' on in the galaxy, it doesn't sound good."

 

Ben huffed, his expression morphing into a scowl as he ran his hands through his greasy hair.

 

"I know exactly what this is about." He admitted begrudgingly.

 

Rey and Nyxx looked at him with expectation. His eyes drifted to Rey, the conflict inside him seeping into the Force. Ben rubbed a hand down his unshaven face, seemingly unsure if he should continue or not.

 

"I've reached this point…" He mumbled to himself dejectedly.

 

Rey reached over the table to grasp his hand, set in a tight fist next to his plate. Her brows scrunched in worry for him.

 

"Ben?" She asked softly.

 

His eyes locked on hers for a span of a few breaths. A silent exchange of a sort going on between them that Nyxx almost envied. He had never met anyone in his life that could make him feel as wanted and cherished.

 

"Kuat has the _Supremacy_ in its shipyards," Ben said, eventually. "Snoke's massive ship and home to the First Order populace. If other worlds are aiding in its repair, then it means they are supporting the First Order."

 

Nyxx's eyes widened in surprise.

 

"It means the Republic is being split in two," Ben continued. "And this might possibly be the beginnings of a civil war."

 

"Do you think Hux and the rest of the fleet are there too?" Rey asked.

 

"Possibly."

 

_Great._

 

So much for going on vacation. He'd end up stationed in that grey, sun-forsaken planet of Correlia, day in and day out, with the biomechanical screeching of metal piercing his eardrums, until Leia deemed his information valuable enough to let him leave.

 

He really needed his smokes back.

 

Nyxx glanced at Ben's and Rey's interlocked hands, his friend's thumb caressing tenderly the rough skin on her knuckles.

 

"Stay with us," Rey said, eyes searching his friend's face. "Help us end this once and for all."

 

Ben squeezed her fingers lightly before letting go of her hand. His eyes drifted away from hers, guarded. "I did my part," he said stiffly. "This is no longer my war."

 

 _A shame_.

 

Nyxx couldn't think of a more powerful ally for the Resistance and henceforth the Republic. He glanced at Rey's drawn face and glistening eyes. Her emotions threatening to spiral out of control, unless he intervened and saved them all from a very woeful and gloomy afternoon.

 

Nyxx stretched his tattooed arms over his head.

 

"What's for dessert?"

 

*

 

"I really think it's too big and it won't fit."

 

"Relax I've done this before, it'll fit."

 

"This is making me extremely uncomfortable, I hope you know. How many times have you done this anyway?"

 

Ben huffed, beads of sweat dripping down his brow that he desperately wanted to wipe, but his hands were too preoccupied to do so. "Twice on mine and once on Valek's," he said. "I helped him because he was completely clueless."

 

"So it's not like you are super experienced on the matter," Rey objected. "I knew this was a bad idea."

 

_Maker, this woman is persistent._

 

"Will you trust me?" He shot back, concentrating on his task. "Let me slide it in. The size is perfect."

 

A clank echoed in the twilight.

 

"I think the emitter matrix is inverted, Ben," Rey snapped, almost in outrage. "The saber will end up blowing up on our faces. Don't put the crystal in yet."

 

It was way past sunset as the pair worked hunched over a table on the back patio, at Ben's family house in Chandrila. They had been able to find some glowing rods stacked in the old, storage house at the side of the locked up, abandoned mansion as the sun's dying rays stole them of its precious light. The first moon was already rising over the lake, its soft ivory light dancing on the lake's light ripples. The evening was quiet as all twilights are. There was that short moment lingering in the air when the creatures of the day had settled down and the nightlife had not yet crawled out of its hiding places. A rustle of wind whispered through the treetops and ruffled the fallen, crisp leaves on the mansion's forgotten patio. And the scents it brought... Ren had forgotten what it felt like for a breeze to run through his hair, filling his senses with fresh grass, the heavy mildewy scent of forest and the cleanness of water.

 

But above all, the sweetness of her breath on his face as they sat side by side, bodies pressed comfortably together, working on restoring Rey's lightsaber. The split crystal was causing her saber to feel unbalanced in its current form, even though Rey had done a fantastic job putting it back together. And now.

 

_Now…_

 

He was itching to see her wield this saberstaff they were constructing. Finding the basic inner components and metal casing for the extended hilt had turned out to be quite tricky in the flea market. In fact, they had to search within the city for some of the rarer ones, like the focusing crystals and the diatinum power cell. But everything was falling into place. The split cyber crystals had been polished and were finally resting in their respective chambers.

 

"Give it a try," he said with a hint of a smile tugging on his lips, as he wiped the sweat on his brow.

 

Rey rose to her feet, holding the saberstaff with both hands. Her hair was matted on the nape of her neck and a smudge of dirt was splayed on her left cheekbone. Ren had been quelching down the need to wipe at it and caress the soft skin under it, for some time now.

 

"I'm afraid it will explode in my hands." She said, giving it a timid twirl in front of her.

 

"I'll help you contain it."

 

Her eyes snapped at him wide like the moon behind her. "Has it happened to you before?"

 

Ren shrugged lightly.

 

"When I was constructing my second lightsaber, after my kyber crystal cracked from bleeding, it nearly blew my hand off. That's when I added the side vents and turned it into a crossguard. I watched Valek construct his double-edged lightsaber, so I had an idea what the internal circuitry should be like. Now come on," he urged her again. "Ignite it."

 

Rey took a deep breath and Ren barely noticed he was holding his as well.

 

She pressed the ignition switch.

 

Brilliant blue light cut through the humid air between them, followed by a thrilling buzzing sound.

 

They both stared at the perfect smooth blades in awe, as Rey twirled her saberstaff with a huge grin on her face. The weapon was beautiful.

 

And Rey's expression was a work of art.

 

Ren stood up with a rare smile he couldn't contain, watching with admiration as Rey moved through the basic Jedi forms she had stolen from his mind.

 

 _Amongst other things_.

 

He watched with a practiced eye, thinking that the length of the blades needed a little adjustment, so she wouldn't end up with a severed limb. And maybe in time, he'd be able to find Brylark wood to replace the metal hilt. It would make the saber lighter to wield and softer on her hands. Perfect for this girl made of nature's finest elements.

 

Only, he would be gone… Having cut all connections to his previous life.

 

Ren pressed his lips together, working his jaw in annoyance.

 

He had to figure out a way to send it to her, even from across the galaxy.

 

"Let's call it a day," she commented straightening her back and turning the twin blades off. The wide smile on her face barely doing justice to the excitement emanating in the Force. She sat the weapon on the table, stretching her arms over her head.

 

"You're probably right," He added rubbing at his eyes. He could feel a headache settling behind them. "Weren't you supposed to be picked up by now?"

 

"Yeah, Leia's late," she said looking around the abandoned property. "She should have been here by now. I hope she's ok."

 

Ben snorted. His mother could survive anything. Even a blast in outer space as it turned out.

 

"I'm sure she's fine. Probably caught up in some debate about politics. It's not the first time," he added with a bit of melancholy.

 

Rey turned to look at the horizon still painted in hues of salmon and pink, dusted with violet around its edges. The sky was mirrored perfectly on the crystal waters. She was gazing at it with a feeling close to longing. It made him wonder if she had ever swum.

 

He nodded at the direction of the lake.

 

"There are no deadly lifeforms in it from what I recall. Do you want to try the waters? Get that flea market dust off us?"

 

The words had fallen from his lips without a decent filter, he realized. He cursed under his breath, wanting to punch himself for his lack of subtlety with her. Being suave was not his style, and unluckily for him, his father apart for piloting skills had not been able to pass on any of his charm.

 

But for some reason, this young, fearless woman was able to look past his beastly manners and into something he himself was in search for because she nodded in agreement and graced him with a smile that made his heart stutter.

 

"Let's go," she said getting off the chair, jumping easily over the small marble ledge of the patio and onto the fine sand ahead. He remained rooted in his spot for a few moments longer, eyes trailing after the lightness of her step and her slim body, as she lifted her arms to set her hair free. It fell down her back in dark waves, capturing the dying colors of the sky.

 

A visceral need rose in his soul. Exhilarant and frightening at the same time. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

*

 

It wasn't until after she'd stripped her shirt and pants that she realized with a little embarrassment that she'd be partly nude in front of him.

 

But Ben thankfully did not turn his head in her direction as he made his way through the sand, yanking his clothes off piece by piece down to his underclothes. He reached the shore and without breaking stride dived in the waters disappearing from sight for nearly a minute, before emerging further in the lake with a toss of his hair.

 

Rey remained standing awkwardly in her breast wrap and underpants, clutching her boots to her chest with a look of outer terror written on her face at the prospect of him being dragged underwater by some lurking monster.

 

"Don't do that," she protested. "I thought something happened to you."

 

"Don't be ridiculous. I grew up here," he called back from his spot far, far away from shore. He languidly stroked his way back to where she was standing, settled a few feet away from her and looked at her with a teasing smirk. "Aren't you coming in? The waters aren't deep."

 

She could swear he was floating without actually touching ground.

 

"I don't know… Maybe I should just… You know. I'm a bit cold."

 

"It's cooler outside than it is in here. Come on."

 

She shook her head. Those waters were definitely too deep for her.

 

"Rey…"

 

"No… Um… I think I'll just sit here." She decided, squatting in her spot and digging her feet in the wet sand.

 

Ben stared at her for a few long moments, eyes steady and unfathomable, before finally deciding to head out. He eventually got to his feet, streaks of water running down his broad chest as he made his way towards her with a dark purpose written in his gait. Her body tensed in response, a primal instinct to flee rushing through it.

 

He loomed over her like the beast he was, and she craned her head to look back at him, heart starting to thud in her chest for a million reasons she tried to avoid acknowledging.

 

"What do you think you're doing?" She squeaked as she suddenly found his arms wrapped around her legs and body, hiking her up next to his chest and heading towards the lake again. "Ben, no! Put me down," she gasped. "I don't know how to swim."

 

"I won't let go of you." He said calmly as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

Her hands clung to the thickness of his shoulders as he immersed them in the warm waters. He shifted her body to wrap her legs around him, as he slowly moved them deeper into the lake, eyes fixed on her huge hazels and studying every single reaction on her features. One of his hands settled on her back as he stroked the rippling water lightly with his other. She could feel her heart racing against her ribcage at the prospect of losing the ground beneath her feet, but his hand was splayed firmly on her back and his deep voice was speaking sweat words of comfort in the tranquil evening air.

 

"Try to relax. Let me move us around."

 

She anchored her eyes on his, desperately wishing she could follow his instructions.

 

"I've got you, Rey. There's nothing to fear."

 

She tried to let the fading pallet of warmth coloring the sky and waters sooth her rebellious survival instincts. Tried to concentrate on the rumble of his voice seeping in her chest and allow it to unclench the icy grip of fear from it.

 

His cheek touched the side of her head and his lips approached a hair away from her ear, whispering low enough for her heart to hear.

 

"I won't let anything happen to you, sweetheart. Trust me."

 

His promise hit deeper than probably intended as Rey stared at his wet, midnight strands transfixed and breathless. The gravity of his words and the weight of his promise hitting on the rawness of her desertion and loneliness. They were so similar to the ones uttered years and years ago from her parents, empty and careless, as she stood in the middle of a desert, bony arm clutched by a ruthless creature, feeling unwanted and abandoned.

 

They floated in orbit around each other, eyes and bodies wrapped together intimately with nothing but the sound of their mingled breaths and the rippling water to be heard, as the receding daylight bathed them in shadows and the darkness of the evening hid the world from their eyes. Because she wanted to believe him as he gazed softly at her face, brown eyes locked on hazel. She wanted to believe that he meant every single word of them. Even if she already knew that he would leave her behind, just like everyone else in her life.

 

But Rey felt safe for the first time ever.

 

In the arms of the man who had pulled the ground from under her feet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to all my lovely readers. Thank you from the bottom of my reylo heart!


	7. Gone

"It was good to see you again, Leia," Senator Lourd commented as he walked beside her through the villas' garden saturated by the scents of night flowers, evergreens, and Naboo's rare black roses. It was a peaceful night, with the two moons adorning the cloudless sky, bathing the scenery in ivory light. "Selena was sorry she couldn't make it to dinner. If you had given us a heads up warning that you would be visiting, then…"

 

"No need to apologize, Ron," Leia smirked back. "I'm glad you were able to see me under these conditions. And I hope to see Selena again. If…"

 

"If the Republic doesn't implode that is."

 

They both chuckled amicably.

 

There was a light breeze ruffling the leaves in the garden and fireflies followed their steps, illuminating the soft grass under their feet. It was serene and quiet and the evening scents enveloping her senses reminded her of a similar night, years and years ago, in a lost planet named Endor. A night when Han looked at her as if she was his world.

 

Leia's eyes misted and she blinked back the tears before the senator could take notice.

 

"Do you sincerely believe things are that bad?" She asked.

 

He sighed. "They might be worse. It all depends on Naboo's meeting. If the worlds that took place in the battle of Coruscant decide to shun the worlds that didn't, then we might be talking about a schism in the Republic. And you know what that means."

 

"Boycotts, fights over trade routes and economic treaties."

 

"Which only leads inevitably to war."

 

"And with the remnants of the First Order lurking in the periphery," she trailed off.

 

The senator stopped. And looked at her with consternation.

 

"Leia, do you sincerely believe there is enough of the First Order to still be a real threat?"

 

Leia too stopped next to him. She nodded with seriousness.

 

"Yes. There must be more to the First Order than the battleships that escaped. I don't have anything in my hands to prove it. But, Ron…" She arched an eyebrow at him. "I have a bad feeling about this and you know how my hunches work out in the end…"

 

The Senator pursed his lips as his face fell into a grim expression.

 

"The First Order is very much a threat. That's what the Resistance will be focusing on," Leia added.

 

"That's what you have focused on from the very beginning. And you were right."

 

"I'm afraid so."

 

They resumed walking in silence for a little while longer, their steps bringing them to concrete ground as the villa's landing bay opened before them. The _Millenium Falcon_ sat in its middle prepping for take-off.

 

"Anything new on Coruscant?" Leia asked, finally. It was the only subject they had forgotten to broach during their long dinner, filled with political discussions and debates. Deciding how the Republic would continue henceforth was important. And righting its failures and neglects was crucial.

 

"Coruscant's banking system was vast and had branches all over the galaxy," the senator informed her. "Which are still very much active. Its Governor is already using part of their surplus for the capital's restoration. Not to mention the deals he is already making to attract investors. It will take time, but I believe Coruscant will eventually rise from its ashes."

 

"Their governor survived?" Leia asked, a bit surprised to be honest with herself. The Senate District had after all been completely annihilated by the First Order Dreadnought. And had nearly cost her Ben's life.

 

"Apparently Kylo Ren didn't kill him. Speaking of which… Leia…" The senator came to a shuffled stop again, glancing at the two moons solemnly. He sighed and Leia could sense the sadness that emanated from him. "His body was never found in the ruins of the Senate Hall. Surely, you must be aware of that."

 

Leia regarded him for a long moment before answering.

 

"Yes."

 

Her hackles were already raised, trying to decipher where his questions would lead.

 

"Then you must realize that soon the Republic will be looking everywhere for him."

 

Another pause.

 

"I do."

 

"And you must understand that the first person they will come to is you."

 

Yes, she was very much aware of that.

 

"Ron, is there something you're trying to tell me that I don't already know?"

 

"You can't harbor an enemy within the Resistance, even if that is your own son. You are already housing defectors, as many other ships are, and the Republic is yet to decide what they will do with them. But surely, you must understand that Kylo Ren is considered a fugitive and a criminal of war. And once caught he will be tried and sentenced to death. There is nothing you can do about that. You must look after the Resistance's best interests."

 

"I am looking after the Republic's best interests, Ron."

 

Senator Lourd shook his head in disappointment. His hands appeared through the adorned robes he wore to grasp lightly at her shoulders. His eyes bore into hers intensely.

 

"Ben has made his choices and must pay for them, as much as we all hate it. It breaks my heart too to see what has become of that boy. But you can't let this bring you down as well. Recovering politically after Darth Vader was revealed to be your father, was a miracle on itself."

 

 _How ironic_.

 

"Come now, Ron," Leia said. "I never did recover politically from that. But none of that matters anymore now, does it?"

 

"Leia, I will ask you one question. And one question only. I would appreciate if you answered honestly so that I too can figure out a way to help you."

 

Leia waited without blinking once.

 

"Is Ben aboard the Resistance ships?"

 

Leia had never been so relieved to speak the truth in her life before. Even if that meant lying through her teeth about what was really happening on board the _Prometheus_. She stood tall and looked him straight in the eye.

 

"No, he is not."

 

*

 

Rey stretched her palms at the licking flames. Her fingers feeling numb after furiously rubbing twigs together to work up a spark. It had taken longer than she was accustomed to get a fire going, the humidity in the atmosphere having seeped into the wood. And down to her bones as she sat shivering on the wet sand. But she and Ben had finally done it. Both of them had taken turns painstakingly blowing at the beginnings of rising smoke, until a flickering flame caught on the straws and was nurtured into a full-blown fire. Ben's expression of utter pride at such a primitive accomplishment still making her smile fondly to herself.

 

Night had spread cold and dark as ink, with only the two moons left climbing their way upon its glittering expanse to cast their pale light on the stillness of the lake. It was a serene landscape, almost magical in its beauty, and too enchanting to believe it was real.

 

Rey heard Ben's distinct heavy footfall behind her and felt his leather jacket being draped over her shuddering shoulders. Its instant luxurious warmth enveloping her senses and mixing the leather and smoke with those of the heady scents of the forest.

 

"I brought you some ration bars to eat. It's not much. But I can hear your stomach growling from across the mansion."

 

She glanced up at him and his outstretched hand holding out the food for her. "Leia will be here any minute and I'll have dinner aboard the _Prometheus_. You need the supplies, Ben."

 

"A couple of ration bars won't make a difference. Here. Eat." He insisted gallantly.

 

Rey could argue at that. A couple of rations had been her only food to last her a week once or twice on Jakku. But Ben probably wouldn't take no for an answer, being the stubborn man that he was. She unwrapped one of the bars taking a good bite while Ben sat next to her, forearms resting on his knees and gaze lost in the dancing flames.

 

Rey studied him in secret, taking in his gruff appearance. His thick hair was still half wet from swimming and stubbles were covering his jawline and the area around his lips. His brow was set in a pensive frown as always, which was a shame really because it hid his dark, soulful eyes from her. His features were unconventionally handsome, from what she could tell from her limited experience with human males, but somehow fascinating to stare at. And the rare occasions she'd caught him smiling at her, he managed to melt her limbs into butter.

 

Ben took a small branch to rekindle the fire, while Rey took another bite from her ration, thoughts immersed on the muscles of his arms working to move the wood around, under the navy blue shirt she'd picked out for him at the flea market. Darkness always seemed to swallow this man for some reason. The only parts of him that were illuminated by the warm colors of the fire, were his face and whatever expanse of smooth skin she could see peeking out from his half-buttoned shirt.

 

She tugged on the lapels of the jacket, burying her crouched body in its depths, her eyes still set on his sharp profile. She did not want to let go of this moment. Did not want to let go of the two moon's hanging on the night sky, the memory of the lake's warm waters, his large hands holding her against him as if they were made just for her. Could not let go of his deep voice rumbling sweet words down to the tips of her toes. Could not let go of the universe splayed in those powerful eyes.

 

Could not let go of _him_.

 

The fire crackled and spat sending embers flying in the night.

 

"Are you better?" He asked softly.

 

No. She wanted to scream at him. Because when he'd leave he would tear a part of her soul along.

 

"Yes. I didn't think it would cool off so soon after sunset." The angles and curves of his face seemed almost carved from marble as he turned to look at her. "Where will you go?" She blurted out, unable to mask the crack in her voice.

 

His brow furrowed as if it could frown any more than it already did. "I haven't decided yet. The Unknown Regions most probably. I'll have to change my name. Not use the Force…" He trailed off. "It would only raise suspicions."

 

Rey nodded grimly.

 

They remained silent for the stretch of a few moments as they both studied the crackle of the fire before them. An intensity was emanating from him. She could see it in the stiffness of his muscles and the clench of his jaw. He was upset over something and it made her wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that their evening would soon be coming to an end. That they wouldn't see each other again for, stars knew how long and… Maybe… _Maybe_ part of him was considering to change his mind. Decide to stay and then… They…

 

_We…_

 

"Come with me," he said suddenly, fixing his heavy gaze in her direction. "Let's leave all this behind us. The war, the death, the hopeless, meaningless fights. Let's find a peaceful planet we could start over. Build a life that neither of us ever had."

 

_No._

 

This couldn't be what he was thinking.

 

"Ben…"

 

"No. Rey listen." He added fervently, shifting his body to better cage her in. "There's so much of this galaxy for us to see. To explore. No one will ever know who we are and we could…"

 

_Stars, please not this._

 

"Ben I don't think I…" she tried to say hesitantly.

 

"Together, Rey. Just me and you. Don't tell me you've never thought about it. You were willing to come with me back in Coruscant. You _felt_ the potential in us." His voice broke at the end, nearly coming out as a plea.

 

He reached out, taking her small hand into his and lacing their fingers together. His eyes shifted to look at their intertwined hands, with a hope inside them that shattered her. She could feel her pulse picking up as he nervously licked his lips lifting his gaze, at last, to look at her bewildered eyes.

 

"We would never be alone again," he said with a vulnerability that stole the breath from her. Ben brought her fingers to his lips slowly, his features glowing under the colors of the dancing flames and looked at her as if she was the goddess who had hung the two moons on the night sky. He pressed the warmest, most tender kiss on the tips of her fingers, one by one, with a reverence that made her eyes rim with hot tears.

 

Rey felt like the world had decided to spin around itself, uncaring about the falls and broken hearts it would cause.

 

"Ben…"

 

"Don't say no, Rey… Please don't say no…"

 

_Gods._

 

She could curse them for the rest of time for having made this universe to be the cruelest, most merciless place in all creation. How would she do it? How would she turn down his offer once again without shredding this fragile connection that existed between them.

 

 _He'll never forgive me_.

 

She realized with dread. This would be his last and final offer and if she refused him now he would excise her from his life, burn her from his memory and never look back. Because that's who Ben was. As much as she hated to acknowledge it, Kylo Ren was part of him, weaved irrevocably into his personality.

 

But she could not give up on who she was for him. She couldn't go back to being a no one.

 

Her prolonged silence caused the hope written in his eyes to shift into distress and then slowly to cold acceptance. He nodded, tearing those dark eyes away and letting go of her hand. The coolness of the night immediately stealing the warmth he had left behind. Ben went back to digging around the charcoals without another word.

 

"Maybe one day," she tried to smooth over the barren land that stretched between them. But even she was aware that it would be useless. The moment was gone. "But not now. I want to stay and try to make a difference. We have been granted this gift, Ben. Don't you see? The Force. We could use it to make this galaxy a better place."

 

"A better place? Is that what my mother has been telling you?" He snapped, pinning his eyes sharp and hard on her. "We can't change the universe, Rey. The struggle for power will always be there. It doesn't matter if the First Order is behind it or the Republic. All regimes are hungry for power and control. It will never end. And I don't want to be part of it anymore."

 

"Don't say that. You could make such a difference in this war if you joined the Resistance."

 

"Are you even listening to me? Or have my mother's ideologies stolen all reason from you? I will never join the Resistance! They are nothing but a bunch of self-sacrificial, romantic fools. Stop deluding yourself. And quit trying to..."

 

Ben shot off from his position so close to her, pacing like a feral animal on the wet sand. He raked his hand in his raven strands turning to look at her thunderously. "Haven't I changed enough for you?" He asked bitterly. "I have betrayed and left the Order. Caused the downfall of a regime I believed in. When will it ever be enough for you?"

 

_Enough for… What?_

 

"For me?" she sputtered. Was she hearing right? Or was she, according to Ben, going stupid _and_ deaf. She got to her feet, clenching her hands into fists. "Don't you dare use me as an excuse for leaving the Order. You did it because you saw the faults in their system. You did it because Snoke exploited you and turned you against your own family. You left because you chose to! I didn't force you to do anything. Quit lying to yourself!"

 

Ben looked at her as if she had just taken something precious from him and smashed it right in front of his eyes. She didn't even have the time to go back to her words and find what it was that had bothered him so, because he stormed up to her, trespassing her personal space and looming over her with scathing fury. His teeth were gritted and he seethed through them. "And _you_ quit deluding yourself that you will ever become anything more than a desert rat just because you have the Force."

 

Rey blanched at his venomous words.

 

All sounds in the night ceased. As if the life around them could sense the storm building up around a small fire by the lake. The trees remained still and the ripples of the lake died out. All life held its breath for what was to come.

 

But nothing did.

 

Rey blinked away tears of hurt and rage welling in her eyes. She dropped to the sand, furiously gathering her things and her new saberstaff. Part of her wanting to toss it to his feet and have nothing in her possession that would ever remind her of this vindictive man. Her fingers brushed against a cold metal object weighing in her bag. His lightsaber. With that unstable, jagged beam so similar to its owner. She grabbed it and got to her feet, stomping across the sand to where he stood glowering at the lake as if everything was its fault. Rey was surprised the waters hadn't started steaming under his burning gaze by now.

 

"This belongs to you," she hissed thrusting it on his chest with enough strength to make him step back. "And may the Force be with you because nothing else ever will."

 

He looked at her coldly, reaching to hold on to the weapon cradled over his heart. His hand engulfed her own for a heartbeat or two, the warmth of it breaking a little piece of her deep inside, and Rey felt a tear spill treacherously down her cheek. His dark eyes darted to it and Rey wanted nothing more than to scream at her body's rebellious ways. She did _not_ seek his pity in any form.

 

Rey, pulled away, swirling her back at him and crossed back to where her stuff lay waiting for her in a messy pile. She didn't hear him utter a single word, as she grabbed her bag tossing it over her shoulder and grasped her saberstaff so hard her knuckles turned white.

 

Across from her, the deserted mansion loomed eerily in the night, as the twin moons illuminated its imposing exterior. The forest on the side rustled and whispered darkly at her and not even the stars' flickering light could alleviate the blackness of the sky set heavily upon her.

 

It was a haunting image. Desolate and sad.

 

And she wanted to get away from it as fast as she could.

 

*

 

"Where's Ben?" Leia asked when she saw Rey enter the Falcon's lounge with her bag clutched fiercely on her side and a livid expression on her face that would even send Chewbacca looking for cover. "Wasn't he supposed to come back for the X-wings' ignition codes?"

 

"He's not coming back," Rey informed her frigidly.

 

_This doesn't sound good._

 

Leia got off the stained couch, a little startled if she were being honest with herself. She was fairly certain that her plan to have Ben escorted by Rey around the city should have turned out a little differently than this. In fact, she had expected it to move more along the lines of _both_ of them returning in far better spirits and, _well_ , more romantically involved. She couldn't possibly imagine what had gone wrong. It was a solid plan.

 

"How is he supposed to leave Chandrila without the X-wing?" She couldn't help but ask, as Rey crossed the lounge area in a few swift strides heading for the cockpit, where Chewbacca was already powering up the _Falcon_.

 

Rey stopped at the entrance, setting her hand at the metal frame and turning to look at her grimly. "I'm sorry to say this to you, General. But I really don't care what your son decides to do with himself from now and on. It's none of my business."

 

Leia felt her jaw drop.

 

What could have gone _that_ wrong between them?

 

Rey disappeared in the cockpit, taking her position next to Chewie and punching buttons and flipping switches with an aggravation that was most definitely not like her.

 

Leia pressed her lips in disappointment making her way towards the cockpit to strap down for the return flight to the _Prometheus_.

 

A series of annoyed blurps and frenzied tweebs made her shake her head.

 

"Yes, Artoo, I'm aware that he probably started the fight."

 

The droid next to her shook in aggravation, twirling its domed head.

 

Leia looked at it exasperated. "What would you have me do? He's not five anymore!"

 

The ship's engine roared to life, concealing a couple of suggestive grunts coming from Chewbacca's direction that had Rey snorting back amused.

 

Honestly, this was not helpful in any way.

 

Leia leaned on her cane fixing the Wookiee with a sharp glare. "I suggest you make sure we don't bump into any meteors breaking atmosphere, and leave Ben's derriere out of this!"

 

She fell back on her seat with a huff, feeling somewhat frustrated. Those three were turning out to be a horrible combination. Much worse than when Han was around.

 

She sighed. The irritation within her slowly ebbing into very familiar sadness. Ben was leaving and she hadn't been able to say goodbye. And Maker only knew if she'd ever set eyes on her boy again.

 

*

 

Ren kicked sand over the smoking charcoals that still remained lit, officially putting an end to what had been one of the best and worst days of his life. His mind still couldn't wrap around the way this night had so quickly digressed to such an utter disaster. It was only two hours ago that he was holding Rey in his arms. Her small hands clinging on to him for dear life, as he reveled in the feel of her skin on his body and her warm breath on his face. His thoughts had been completely derailed with _things_ he wanted to do to her, and his emotions were unhinged enough to slowly lead him to madness.

 

He had held her in his arms. She was right _there_. He should have at least…

 

"Fuck!" He growled into the dead of night.

 

He was such an idiot.

 

And now… Now everything was all over. Done. Buried right in this damn sand he was standing on. She had turned his offer down, once more, which shouldn't really have hurt as much as it did. Because he wasn't surprised by her reaction one bit. In fact, he had been completely prepared for her rejection. Armored and ready for one more of her deadly strikes and he had managed to come out of it just _fine._ Heart kicking and lungs breathing and absolutely _alive_.

 

He grabbed his backpack, tossing it over his shoulder and clipping his trusty crossguard, which was the only thing loyal to him in this shitty universe, right next to his new blaster hidden under his leather jacket. The very same jacket _she_ had worn over her delicate shoulders and would be forever tainted by her touch and scent in the eons to come.

 

_Fuck._

 

He wanted to rip it to pieces.

 

Come to think of it, he also wanted to tear down those pretty twin moons from the night sky. Drag them into the waters and drown their laughing faces. He wanted to scorch the lake and burn down the forest and wipe this bewitching landscape from existence just the way he wanted to wipe out the memory of her from his bleeding heart.

 

Because, Force, did she know how to make him _hurt_.

 

The sound of a ship's engine approaching, peeled him away from his stark thoughts and he lifted his eyes to the glittering, black sky right as the _Millenium Falcon_ flew above him. Its blue thrusters propelling it to cut through the atmosphere and disappear into the vastness of space.

 

It all happened in a heartbeat and he remained rooted in his position watching the spot between the two moons that had swallowed the ship.

 

_She's gone._

 

He thought. As simple as that. As if she had been just a dream.

 

Some time passed before he tore his eyes from the moons, stinging and sore from waiting. As if a miracle would bring her back after the petty words he'd spat to her lovely face. But the night remained still and the sky quiet, and only his rattling breath could be heard in the thick, humid air.

 

Ren finally turned around, heavy boots scraping against the sand and with a mood as black as the deep waters of the lake, disappeared in the forest's foliage.

 

A small docking bay was stationed on the outskirts of the small town he had grown up in. And an assigned X-wing was waiting for him there to take him where his heart desired.

 

_No. Scratch that._

 

What his damn heart desired, no longer mattered.

 

Chewbacca was supposed to give him the ignition codes for the X-wing. But obviously, _that_ ship had sailed into the night. So Ren had decided to just rip the panel off from the X-wing's stirring mechanism, override the ship's powering sequence and jump-start the engine. He'd enter new codes and hopefully wouldn't have to mess with the ship's id. Otherwise, he was running the risk of being stopped at the planet's check out point.

 

But he was determined to figure it out along the way.

 

His dad always did.

 

*

 

Louise was feeling a little rattled.

 

Even though, a significant number of hours had passed since Kylo Ren stumbled into the medical bay with a fever that would have normally rendered any other ordinary man unconscious, the effects of his unexpected visit were far from gone.

 

She could recall with terrifying clarity his heavy gait approach her as she was registering vitals into the medical bay's records. She had shut her eyes, praying to every single god in the known universe that he would _please_ pass her by and move on to some other poor, unsuspecting soul further in the bay. But he had hovered over her like Death himself, his distinctive presence causing goosebumps to break on the skin of her forearms, as she desperately tried to continue her task with shaking hands.

 

 _"_ _You."_ He'd said. His deep voice reverberating down to the marrow of her bones. _"I want my fever brought down."_

 

Louise had found the courage somewhere in her, to look up into those dark, unfathomable eyes. Kylo Ren had looked pale, with dark circles rimming his blood-shot eyes and ebony hair spilling over his face. Looking like a creature brought straight out of night tales. All medical knowledge flew out the air hatch as his gaze bore into her with an intensity that crackled the air between them and nearly made her heart stop.

 

Kylo Ren was the most terrifying man she had ever seen.

 

She could not for the life of her understand how Dr. Lydham, who had blessedly intervened, was able to stand so close to him and actually _survive_.

 

Jimmy, the Chief engineer, agreed that a feeling akin to static emanated from the man when he was angry, probably something to do with that Dark Force he was supposedly so good at wielding. But Louise disagreed. Electricity had nothing to do with him.

 

He was simply…

 

 _Scary_.

 

And his presence in the medical bay had reminded her of another patient.

 

Not as electrifying. Not as imposing. But just as frightening in a strange, more malevolent way.

 

She decided to head to that small forgotten room, used mostly as a storage area to check on the man with the head wound. It was past dinner time by now and she had forgotten to bring him his meal. He never spoke much and rarely ever complained. Louise believed he would have been the perfect patient under normal circumstances.

 

Only there was nothing normal about these two men.

 

She opened the creaking door and peered into the dark room. She pressed a button on the panel shedding some dim light around and hoped she wouldn't wake the man who usually huddled in the corner, wrapped in his black cloak.

 

She expected him to stir. Pin her with that unsettling gaze of his.

 

But the corner was empty.

 

And nobody was in the room.

 

*

 

Rey stopped to look at her reflection in one of the viewports lining the corridors of the _Prometheus_. The lights were bright and she could very clearly see her image against the blackness of space outside. Her chestnut hair was long and wavy. Her skin was clean, her eyes bright despite the long hard day and her body slim and almost graceful. She wasn't so bad to look at.

 

Tim, the young officer from the bridge passed by, giving her a timid wave and she smiled back.

 

She glanced back at herself. Her teeth were straight and white and all accounted for. Which was good. There was no reason why somebody might not be interested in her. She had been with Poe, after all for a little while. Even though her heart had always belonged to a tall, dark-eyed man with a mane of midnight hair framing his pale face that always seemed to brood too much. And whose name she would never utter again.

 

Mylo and Jessica, both pilots from what she recalled, passed as well, sending a friendly smile in her direction that Rey tried to return as best as she could.

 

People liked her, she noticed, as she stood for at least a half hour by the viewport gazing out at Chandrila's darkened side. She could make friends. Open up a bit and trust more. This was no longer Jakku after all. People cared for one another here, helped each other. This would be a good home for her. A place where she could perhaps find someone eventually, to love and cherish and maybe even grow old together.

 

A heavy pace caught her attention and she swirled her head in its direction, her heart skipping a beat before starting to pound erratically in her throat.

 

But it was only Neesha's imposing figure making its way down the corridor, her thick boots pounding languidly on the floor. Nyxx next to her matched her stride with his usual swagger, his trench coat flaring behind him as carefree as its owner. The pair was impressive and earned a few curious glances from the crew. They passed by her like everyone else, Nyxx giving her a friendly wink and a crooked smirk, while Neesha barely sliding an eye in her direction.

 

Rey looked outside again. Another ship had broken atmosphere and disappeared into the vastness of space. It was the thirtieth so far. There was no way for her to know which one had been _his_. There was no reason for her to be counting ships, to begin with. But one of them might have been. Carrying him away to the far reaches of the galaxy. Where he would hide and she would never see him again.

 

She felt her eyes sting and she touched her forehead on the cold glass willing her tears… No, demanding of them not to fall.

 

_He's gone._

 

She thought. And they couldn't bring him back. So what was the point?

 

Rey felt tired suddenly. Exhausted was more like it. She turned around and walked a few paces down the corridor to her quarters. Thankfully, Poe had moved out. She couldn't bear to be around his presence right now.

 

She lifted her hand to the panel and the door slid open. The corridor's light drifted in the dark room as Rey stood in the entrance, her shadow falling on the room's floor in a frame of bright white. She hesitated for a long moment. A small voice inside her telling her not to go inside. To turn around. _Leave_.

 

But Rey didn't listen. She stepped into the darkness and the door slid shut behind her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas about who Louise's patient is? Because he'll be stirring things up on the next chapter. Ben picked the wrong time to leave.


	8. The Dark Side

Darkness had always been his greatest ally. Shielding him from the cruelness of Truth and cocooning him in its warmth, away from exposure to the blinding Light. He reveled being wrapped in its Shadows, sitting quietly and patiently and observing his fellow comrades as they fought and tore at each other. Revealing their weaknesses and unmasking their true intents.

 

They were juvenile in their actions. Predictable.

 

So he watched.

 

Silently. Patiently.

 

Concealing himself even from his Master.

 

The man took a seat in the edge of a bed, clasping his long slender fingers on his lap. He glanced at the young girl currently unconscious on the floor. She had a clever, fierce mind. But not a speck of Force.

 

 _Such easy prey_.

 

And perfect bate.

 

The Jedi would be here soon enough and he couldn't be more thankful for Kylo Ren to have finally rid them all of his dangerous presence.

 

The man sat waiting.

 

Until light footsteps were heard outside the door and he stood, a shiver of impatience running down his tall frame. He could sense the Jedi girl. Her emotions of sorrow screaming into the Force.

 

_How convenient._

 

A Jedi with no control over their feelings was vulnerable to the Dark. And their lack of experience in the Dark side rendered them useless. Easy to manipulate.

 

He smiled lightly.

 

The doors hissed open and the young woman hovered in the entrance for a moment, a halo of light consuming her figure, before deciding to step inside.

 

*

 

Rey tensed in the dark, once the doors hissed shut behind her. A sinister, cold sensation sweeping down her back.

 

She wasn't alone in the room.

 

With a wave of her hand, a light on her nightstand flickered to life, illuminating a strange man standing in the middle of the room. Half his head was bandaged and he had his gaze trained on her in curiosity and slight amusement. He was dressed in worn out civilian clothes and a dirty cloak was draped over his slim shoulders, its withered edges barely touching the floor.

 

And that's when Rey saw her. Sprawled at the man's boots.

 

_Rose._

 

She darted for her friend without a second thought, looking for wounds and checking for vitals. If that man had done anything to her friend…

 

"She is alive," he said, in a clear clipped accent. "For now."

 

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, slowly rising to her feet, and reaching for her saberstaff perched on her back. Thankful she had kept it and not tossed it back to…

 

No. She couldn't let her thoughts stray to _him_.

 

"I would advise you not to use that," the man drawled. "Your friend's status could easily change."

 

He lifted his hand to reveal his grasp in the Force.

 

"I know you…" She drawled. Studying his bandaged head and plain features. He looked a lot like that man that had approached her… Her teeth gritted and fists clenched on her sides. "I gave you water in Coruscant. You're one of the Knights that stood next to Valek. You're…"

 

_Aryn._

 

 _"_ Very good little Jedi." The man's lip curled in a condescending smile.

 

"What do you want from me?" She nearly snarled.

 

The man tsked, stepping closer to her. Fixing a lone eye sharply at her.

 

"An insignificant little relic. A black crystal that you have been in possession for a little while now." The syrupy tinge of his voice was nauseating in its sweetness.

 

"You want Snoke's crystal."

 

"Well, it no longer belongs to him, now, does it?" He spat with a tilt of his head. "You and Kylo Ren made sure of _that_."

 

Rey remained quiet studying the former Knight and his spike of emotions in the Force. His irritation was quickly reigned in, leaving no residual indications of it behind.

 

"I don't have it." She eventually said, with a raise of her chin.

 

" _Liar_ ," he hissed as the composed expression fell away. A flash of gold gleamed in his eye momentarily making the small hair on Rey's neck stand on end. It was gone in an instant the cold mask of calculative indifference taking over his features again.

 

She had never seen anything like it before and part of her, that logical little voice that had kept her alive all these years, considered giving in to him. It was just some stupid crystal after all.

 

But she could still feel the tentative reverence with which Kylo Ren had set it on her hand months back, in a small storage room of Nyxx's cantina in Coruscant. Curling his gloved fingers over hers, and warning her of the crystal's dark origin. The hooded image of Ben and the intensity in his eyes made her hesitations dissipate and strengthened her determination.

 

_This is an important relic._

 

And she couldn't allow Aryn to have it.

 

"I'm not giving you anything," she spat furiously.

 

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice here," he admonished. "How about you hand it over to me since you have no need for it, and I as the generous man I am, don't kill your friend."

 

Rey's eyes darted to Rose laying on the floor.

 

"Come now, little scavenger. Fetch it for me. Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be."

 

"How stupid do you think I am? You'll kill me the moment I hand it to you."

 

He fixed her with a cold stare and threw his grip out, clutching Rose's unconscious body from her throat and levitating her from the ground.

 

"And _she_ dies now," he snarled.

 

Rey scowled, instinctively stepping in his direction to stop him.

 

But the man just chuckled, cocking his head to the side. "Try me."

 

She stared at him long and hard, chest heaving from coiled up anger. There had to be a way to bring that man down. If it had been just her she would have figured something out. Gained time. But with Rose in his clutches… She just couldn't chance it.

 

 _E chu ta_.

 

The scavenger inside her cursed furiously.

 

Rey relented with a small nod and a clench of her jaw. She reached for her back pouch, rummaging through her possessions before pulling out the small black stone. She walked up to him and handed the heated black crystal to Aryn's trembling hand.

 

His long fingers closed around it as a smile of upper satisfaction etched on his face.

 

"Time to say our goodbyes, then. Pleasure to have met the last Jedi," he added with a snarl digging invisible fingers on the soft flesh of her throat.

 

*

 

Something was wrong. Something was gravely wrong.

 

Nyxx stalked the corridors of the Prometheus, his long strides devouring its narrow corridors, following the distortion in the Force that had hit him like the back thrusters of a ship jumping into hyperspace.

 

He had been so concentrated in his next move against Mylo on the Dajerik board, back at the lounge area of the ship that his elbow had just slipped off the table, tipping it over and bringing everything down in a great crash of sparks and shattering glasses. Neesha sprawled next to him like a feline in the sun, tossing daggers in the air and looking bored beyond death, had felt the distortion as well because she snapped an icy glare at the direction of the doors and jumped immediately to her feet, completely ignoring the mess he had caused.

 

The few Resistance members they came across in the corridors swiftly cleared away at their sight, as their quick pace brought them to the crew quarters and specifically the room in which Rey resided.

 

They came to a stop outside the door and Nyxx fidgeted, scratching the back of his head because it wasn't as if he could just walk in Rey's and Rose's room announced. It just wasn't polite. And he had to draw the line at some point. But Neesha next to him had no such reservations. She landed a kick on the door's panel with the heel of her boot, overriding the mechanism. The door groaned open with a little nudge from the Force to reveal…

 

_Aryn._

 

And wreathing in his clutch was Rey.

 

_*_

 

_Thank the gods._

 

Nyxx couldn't have picked a better time to appear.

 

Aryn's attention got momentarily distracted by her friend, giving Rey enough time to shove her foot on Aryn's chest and _push_ , freeing herself from his bruising grasp. She back-flipped in the air using the Force and landed in a crouch on the floor with both ends of her saberstaff humming brightly in front of her. She allowed herself a small smile of satisfaction at her accomplishment, after countless failed attempts in the past and pinned Aryn with a fierce gleam.

 

He had threatened one of her friends. And he was, therefore, officially…

 

_Screwed._

 

*

 

Nyxx always held himself in high esteem as a man of quick reflexes. But the saber he had stolen from Aryn in Coruscant flew away from his belt and straight into its master's hand before he could move a single finger to stop it.

 

Right when he had started to get the hang of it too.

 

Aryn used it to block Rey's blade slicing through the air, backstepping out of the room and into the corridor. Neesha ignited hers with a snarl and Rey lunged ruthlessly at him again. Nyxx begrudgingly pulled out a lone blaster, the only weapon left on his belt, now that his damn lightsaber was gone.

 

And that was the last thing he remembered.

 

Because when he blinked his eyes open again he was splayed on the corridor's floor with his nerve endings fried and the tips of his hair sizzling. And with a haze wrapped around his mind that he could swear the last time he had felt it was when Snoke had cinched him with Force lightning for ignoring one of his orders. A fleeting image of a black boot stepping over his head and the unfurling of a dark cloak behind a man racing down the corridor sprang in his mind.

 

Nyxx groaned.

 

_The bastard._

 

Of all the tricks in the Force, Aryn had developed lightning.

 

He glanced down the corridor. It was dark. The emergency green lights were the only ones left, coloring the metal walls in their nauseating glow. Pleading yells and blood-chilling screams drifted in waves from further down the ship.

 

Nyxx felt his heart sink in dread.

 

_What the hell is happening?_

 

He lifted himself to his feet with some effort, his knees nearly giving out from under him. He broke into a stumbling jog down the corridor, a string of curses falling from his clenched teeth.

 

That damn lightning was as disabling as he remembered it.

 

He hurriedly turned around a corner and jolted to a stop, nearly tripping over the body of a decapitated crew member. Nyxx braced himself on the smooth wall of the corridor, now splattered with the grotesque signs of the battle that had taken place down its length. A little further down was another body, with its torso impaled by a huge scorch mark.

 

A lightsaber burn.

 

His stomach lurched at the sight. Because after that was another body and another, bringing the revolting number of dead people to four.

 

Another scream drifted to his ears and Nyxx's eyes flew wide open.

 

_Neesha._

 

He drew in as much power from the Force as he could to steady himself before dashing in a wild sprint down the corridors, trying his best to ignore the moans coming from the heavily injured crew members he came across. Following nothing else but the scream that seared through his mind and shot all the way down to his weak knees.

 

He reached the vast entrance of the hangar bay, panting, only to be met with the most disheartening scene. Smoke had consumed the bay and fire was enveloping two of the stationed A-wings. Poe was crouched behind a metal container barking orders at his scattered men, sweat and ash glistening on their skin, as they hid behind crates and boxes in an attempt to shield themselves. All rifles and blasters were aimed at the center of the vast chamber.

 

"Nyxx, no! Don't come in!" It was Neesha's warning, spat through bared teeth that made him halt. She was on her knees, clutching her severed hand with the most terrifying anguish written on her beautiful face. "He's got Snoke's crystal!" She rasped.

 

_He what…?_

 

How the _fuck_ did Aryn get a hold of that? Nyxx blanched. That stone was bad news and he couldn't fathom what would happen to all of them if Aryn figured out how to unlock its powers.

 

His eyes darted over to Rey engaged in lightsaber combat with Aryn. She wielded her saberstaff with a fierceness and accuracy that not even Valek had been able to master, as Aryn gradually gave ground to her attacks.

 

But she wouldn't last. Not if Aryn decided to use the crystal's powers.

 

Fear contorted Aryn's features as Rey used the Force to freeze him mid-track, bringing her saber down in a lethal strike.

 

Crackling echoed in the bay and lightning erupted from Aryn's fingers, violet and blue, sending Rey sprawled across the bay. She must have lain on the floor for no more than a fraction of a moment before jumping defiantly back on her feet.

 

Nyxx had to hand it to her. She was pretty resilient.

 

But that split moment turned out to be a lot more crucial than anyone could have imagined.

 

Rey stilled, clutching her head in pain. She fell on her knees, her saber clanking on the metal ground and the most heart-wrenching scream escaped from her chest. Aryn had his arm outstretched in her direction, with the crystal in his grasp humming low enough to reverberate the ship.

 

And Nyxx knew… He just knew what Aryn had done to Neesha. Because he was doing the same to Rey.

 

The black kyber crystal was draining the Force from their Jedi.

 

*

 

Rey couldn't breathe. She couldn't move and even think as Aryn drew the very essence from her, leaving behind nothing but wastes of flesh and bone. Empty and lifeless as the hauls of the fallen Empire ships she used to scavenge.

 

Her ears throbbed and her vision had blurred, darkening around its edges, as she struggled to hold on to her very _life_ hemorrhaging in the Force.

 

_This can't be it._

 

She cried. And brown molten eyes flashed before her glassy with an assurance that she is not alone.

 

_There are so many things I want to do._

 

She screamed. And the warm timbre of a deep voice told her not to be afraid.

 

_I can't let go. I can't…_

 

Rey fought. Fought to feel sunlight on her face again, to see vast green meadows and dancing waves. Fought to see glittering stars speeding by a viewport and feel the hum of her new saber on her fingers. Fought to see smiling faces on people she considered friends and feel the bubble of laughter erupting from her chest. But most of all she fought for _him._ And his broken smile that had taken residence in her heart. Because she needed to see it once again. Even if she had to spend her whole life searching to the ends of the galaxy to find it.

 

Blasts and fire filled her senses. And darkness. So much darkness, spreading icily down to her very core. And amidst it all a crimson blade cutting a gnarling path, its sputtering edges blending with that of fire and smoke and death.

 

And then everything went dark.

 

*

 

The blaster was absolutely useless.

 

"Stop firing!" Nyxx growled at the soldiers emptying their weapons at the cloaked man in the middle of the bay. Their firepower only ended up ricocheting from a protective barrier around Aryn and cinching the bay's walls.

 

He tossed his weapon aside, extremely vexed at the situation and threw his hand out at a heavy crate, shoving it with the Force at Aryn. But he just swatted it away as if it were an irritating fly, concentrating on his grasp on Rey.

 

Nyxx called Rey's saberstaff to his hand, igniting the twin blades. It was now or never. He had never been trained in wielding one of these before and he was a little rusty when it came to actual combat. Not to mention that he had never in the past been able to successfully fight off Snoke's powers like Ben was able to do on occasion. But the hell with it. He would have to make do.

 

Nyxx fisted the weapon and advanced on Aryn.

 

"Make room!" he heard a soldier yell, as he pointed at the mouth of the hangar bay. Men broke into a run clearing the landing area as an X-wing broke speed, hissing its way into the hangar.

 

Nyxx glanced towards the incoming vessel, making a swift clumsy landing, tires screeching to a halt and hydraulics steaming in decompression, wondering who was deranged enough to enter inside this hellhole of a fight, without a care in the world.

 

The X-wings hatch was tossed open and a broad man emerged, jumping on the ship's wing and landing heavily onto the hangar bay's floor. Nyxx couldn't for the life of him discern who this guy was, dressed in black civilian clothes and stalking his way with a foreboding scowl towards Aryn. He must have had some kind of death wish upon his very familiar head.

 

And Nyxx needed to get a bloody eye exam _._ He concluded.

 

 _With damn spectacles too_.

 

A very distinctive red crossguard was ignited on the man's side and Aryn was shoved straight into a wall with the most wicked Force push Nyxx had ever seen, finally breaking off the deathly grasp on Rey.

 

And that's when he finally recognized who the man was.

 

_Ben._

 

_*_

 

_I'm too late._

 

Ren thought with a shudder when his saw Rey's limp body crumple to the floor. He slid on his knees next to her, just in time to break her fall, cradling her head in his large hands. His thick fingers weaved into her hair and his heart clamped in his throat as he stared at her with wide eyes.

 

The frantic call to him in the Force, reeking of death and despair had nearly driven him mad in his race against time to get to _her_.

 

Blasters were going off all around him in a bold attempt by the Resistance to fend off his ex-Knight and the destruction he had brought upon the ship. But Ren did not care. He set his ear on Rey's chest, shutting his eyes and extending unseen fingers into the Force, searching desperately for signs of a beating heart.

 

_Yes. There…_

 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he twisted his head to look upon the drawn face of the traitor. He looked just as anguished as him.

 

"A resuscitation droid is on its way!" He yelled over the commotion. "I'll take care of Rey for you. You have to stop this crazy guy!"

 

He darted his eyes back to Rey's face, unable to let go of her.

 

Finn tugged on his shoulder and Ren barely restrained himself from shoving him aside.

 

He cursed under his breath, before pushing himself up and searching through the burning bay for the Knight. All attention was aimed at the X-wing he had brought in, currently hovering in the air.

 

"Cease fire!" Dameron yelled. "Let him go or he'll blow us up!"

 

Ren clenched his fists, staring furiously at the X-wing. No way in hell would he let Aryn survive after his betrayal in Coruscant and what he'd nearly done to Rey.

 

"Move aside!" He growled at the soldiers. His eyes burned wildly, as he extended a grip towards the ship hovering midair on the edge of the hangar bay. It shook and swiveled in place as Ren threw tentacles of Force around it, holding it from firing away in the emptiness of space. His boots slid against the floor and his arm felt like it would rip from its socket, as he roared in exertion.

 

"Aryn!" He bellowed in rage. Sweat was beading on his brow and he was starting to lose sensation on his arm. He wouldn't be able to hold on to the ship much longer. "I will find you!" He vowed. "There is nowhere you can hide in this galaxy!"

 

The ship's cannons fired his direction in response.

 

And the hangar would have been blown into pieces if the laser fire wasn't flung back into the emptiness of space by a tattooed arm that appeared next to him.

 

He felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and Nyxx's voice imploring. "Let him go, Ben! We can't stop the ship." His eyes stung and his chest felt like it would tear in two as his savage hold on the X-wing slipped from his fingers and it shot out to space instantly.

 

The roar that tore from his chest echoed in the hangar, flinging crates and tools aside and cracking duraglass and X-wing hauls.

 

*

 

Leia stood in the middle of the wrecked hangar bay with a solemn expression on her face. She always knew that Snoke's Knights were trained, vicious killers capable of the most atrocious crimes. Part of her had not wanted to accept that her son was one of them. Until the day he ran a blade through his father's heart. That was when her adamancy shook down to its foundations for the first time. And as she stood now surrounded by wreckage and death, witness to one Knight's calculated escape from her ship, the enormity of Snoke's vile influence on her son and Luke's students threatened to shatter her resolve once again.

 

Tim, the young officer on the bridge that always insisted on bringing her caf. Jimmy, their brilliant Chief engineer. Mylo, one of the Resistance's most daring pilots. All dead. Along with many others. And several crew members injured and currently being transferred to the medical bay.

 

Not to mention the battered ships and the damage the hangar bay had sustained. Dameron was already giving orders for the wreckage to be removed and the remaining ships to be repaired. All the while darting concerned glances in Rey's direction.

 

Leia fixed her heavy gaze at Ben, currently lifting Rey's unconscious body carefully in his arms. One of the medical droids had already run a quick scan for internal injuries and had cleared her to be taken away, before quickly swirling its attention to Neesha's severed hand. Nyxx hovered over her with a dire expression in his usual untroubled face.

 

"Bring Rey to my quarters," Leia ordered.

 

"Will she be all right?" Finn asked in genuine concern. "Maybe the medical bay would be a better idea."

 

"She just needs rest," Ben answered back, glancing at her sleeping features. "She'll be awake and back to herself in a few hours," he informed him in a soft voice.

 

Leia pressed her lips together in a thin line. It seemed her son had been subjected to this line of torture and was familiar with the after effects. The cruelty of that abhorrent creature felt like one more knife in her heart.

 

"Let's move on," she stated, leading the way towards the hangar bays doors.

 

*

 

"What made you come back?" His mother's groveled voice asked him, once the doors to her quarters were shut and Rey was laying peacefully on the soft bed.

 

Ren was seated next to her sleeping form, elbows resting on his knees and eyes roaming over her features. If he hadn't arrived at the moment he did. If he had decided not to return at all. Aryn would have…

 

Ren dropped his head in his hand, rubbing the image away from his stinging eyes.

 

"It's complicated," he deigned to respond.

 

"It's a simple question," she pressed on.

 

But Ren did not want to answer. Did not want to face the number of reasons that had made him grasp the X-wings lever and turn the ship around, just as he was about to make the jump to hyperspace.

 

_I came back for her._

 

He wanted to whisper. Because of the horrible words he'd said to her before parting ways with her for good. He knew he couldn't take them back and Rey had every reason to resent him. But he was done reaching out to her. He had to carve his own path somehow and stop hoping for her to be part of it.

 

He lifted his eyes and looked at his mother's stern face through his tangled strands of hair.

 

_For you._

 

He wanted to admit. Because the chasm between them was abysmal, and time would eventually run out before either of them were able to build a semblance of a bridge between them. She was his mother. He was her son. And once she had been the center of his world.

 

_Dad._

 

He wanted to cry out. Because no remorse could ever bring him back. And he had to finally come to terms with the deed.

 

_Me…_

 

"I'm done running away from the choices I've made," he said barely above a whisper. "And I don't want to hide. I am not a coward."

 

She approached him slowly, sitting carefully on a chair across for him, her bright intelligent eyes boring heavily into his soul.

 

"Nobody ever said you were a coward."

 

"You didn't have to. But I know that's what you thought. That I was running away from my responsibilities. Just like _him._ "

 

"Ben… Your father…" Leia sighed, deeply. "Your father was a good man, who loved us very dearly and did his best to make us happy. But he and I were young and selfish. And you ended up paying the price for that." She bowed her head for a few moments to compose the emotions flooding the Force. "And just so you know, I don't believe you're a coward. In fact," she said with a small mischievous smile, "I rather like your roguish look and I'm sure Chewbacca would agree with me."

 

Ren was afraid she'd comment on his clothes at some point.

 

"There weren't many choices in the flea market, mother," he grumbled.

 

He turned to look at Rey instinctively. The small rise and fall of her chest, the curl of her lashes over her freckled skin, her parted lips the color of a setting sun. He lifted his hand to move a wisp of hair away from her face, softly caressing her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. He stiffened suddenly realizing that such a gesture of affection wouldn't go unnoticed from his mother's sharp eye.

 

"I believe she cares for you," she commented.

 

Ren pulled his hand away as if caught in the middle of a crime, threading it through his hair and looking anywhere but his mother's face. He felt his cheeks heat and worked his jaw, as he always did, at a loss of words.

 

"Perhaps a little. But not the way I…" He stopped himself before disclosing anything else valuable to her. This was not a conversation he wanted to have with anyone. And least of all with _his mother_. "She and I have different priorities. And mine, for the time being, is hunting down Aryn and stopping him from becoming the next Supreme Leader."

 

His mother's face fell into a frown again, her emotions of mirth and light curiosity evaporating into the Force.

 

"He must have been hiding aboard, waiting for an opportunity to escape. Do you believe he was aware that you were here?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Then if he returns to the First Order he will inform them of your presence."

 

"Probably…"

 

"Do you think he knows where the next Resistance base is?"

 

Ren sighed. "There's no way for us to know that. Consider the information compromised."

 

His mother bristled in her chair, clenching and unclenching the top of her cane. He could sense her worry and sense of responsibility weighing in the Force. And he couldn't help feeling a bit smug at ruffling her princess feathers. A few months ago he would have been exhilarated at the prospect of finally uncovering the Resistance base and completely wiping it out. But not anymore…

 

"Did Nyxx tell you about Kuat and the Supremacy being repaired in its shipyards?"

 

She nodded, focusing intense eyes on him.

 

"Then gather information about it," he said, "and notify the Republic. You need to put a stop to this before the First Order gathers its forces. And I need to find Aryn before he figures out the kyber crystal's powers."

 

"I'm surprised you're offering your help, Ben."

 

He snapped his gaze at her.

 

"Let me get one thing straight. I don't believe in your cause," he said with steel in his voice. "And I don't believe in the Republic. But the First Order's corruption runs just as deep and far more destructive. They will stop at nothing to enforce their rule."

 

"What do you believe in then?"

 

"I…" He pressed his lips together in irritation, getting off the bed and pacing the room. "I don't know anymore."

 

Her eyes remained trained on him with an expression that made him feel like he was a toddler reaching for a jar of cookies and needed her help to do so. It aggravated him to no ends.

 

"What do _you_ believe in?" He mused before he could stop himself. It was a stupid question, really. He already knew what his mother would say. She had been fighting for it all her life.

 

"The simple liberty to choose for oneself, Ben," she offered without pause.

 

He deflated. Because of course... But somehow, in this small cramped up room aboard a starship, illuminated only by the lone warm light on a nightstand. With Rey's soft breathing in the background and his mother's bright eyes urging him on. After torturous years of having others decide his fate and dictate his actions, and after the horrendous choices he had made, her words suddenly caught another meaning.

 

His mother had spent all her years and sacrificed her personal life defending such liberties on Senate floors.

 

Ben looked at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.

 

His choices had always been defined by his legacy. He was the grandson of Darth Vader. The son of legendary heroes Leia Organa and Han Solo. Nephew to the mythical Luke Skywalker. He always considered himself doomed to walk in their shadow, never being able to carve a path of his own. And he secretly resented himself for not being able to live up to any of his family's legacies. He had been the child that disappointed his loved ones and failed everyone's expectations. The child that had hidden himself behind a mask similar to his grandfather's, and done what his Dark Master commanded without question.

 

_But not anymore._

 

He was free. And had returned of his own volition.

 

And it seemed like his mother had come to realize the change in him as well. Because here he was sitting face to face with her again, _conversing,_ after all that had gone down.

 

She smiled softly as if she were able to rifle through his mind and pinpoint his revelation. She got off her seat, making her way to her desk. Pressing a few buttons on a side panel and powering up a holoprojector on her desk. The galaxy came to life twisting and turning around itself in glowing cerulean lights.

 

She looked at him through the dancing map and leaned on her cane.

 

"Now, I've been having some thoughts. And you could perhaps share with me some of your ideas."

 

Ben regarded her with apprehension. His mother was a force not to be reckoned with from what he remembered. And his own stubbornness and temper were not a trait inherited by his father. He could only pray they didn't end up waking up Rey.

 

"What do you think we should do about this?" She gestured at the swiveling galaxy.

 

*

 

Rey blinked lazily at the sun's radiance streaming through the viewport. Its warm rays stroking away the haze of sleep from her eyes. A thick forest filled the outside view, plush and lively under the morning sun. And a clear blue sky overhead beckoned for her to come out and bask in its magnificence.

 

 _This must be Yavin IV_.

 

Her sluggish brain informed her, as she took in her surroundings. They had reached the Resistance base, while she had slept like a rock in what appeared to be Leia's room.

 

It was the oddest thing.

 

She was always a light sleeper, ready to pounce on the slightest of sounds. But for some reason, she had slept blissfully for _stars_ knew how many hours, on a soft bed with the warmest blanket wrapped around her and fingers weaved in thick, long hair…

 

Rey paused mid-thought at the strange direction her thoughts had strayed and glanced down.

 

And then her heart stopped.

 

_I must be dreaming._

 

Rey threaded her fingers in the soft, black strands of the sleeping man they belonged to.

 

Memories crashed back. A fierce chase of a cloaked man down long corridors with flickering green lights and blaring alarms. Screams of pain. An outraged Poe yelling desperately to regroup. Fire and smoke. The rush of adrenaline in her veins at the sight of her opponent's bewildered eyes as she attacked him with her saberstaff, cornering him and disarming him. A crackle of lightning. Her hopeless scream tearing out of her throat.

 

And then…

 

A flash of a red, angry blade and a man made of the darkest storm filling her vision. And relief washing over her senses, as her head was cradled softly in his powerful hands.

 

Rey pulled her fingers away.

 

And Ben looked up.

 

Their eyes locked together for what must have been ages.

 

"I fell asleep without realizing it," he said in a gruff, husky voice as he abruptly pulled away from the spot on the bed where his upper body had been resting. He sat back on his chair, blinking away sleep from his swollen eyes.

 

Rey felt as if her heart would flutter out of her chest. It was the strangest emotion. As if the universe was betraying her and handing her the biggest gift at the same time.

 

"I thought you left," she stammered, taking in his disheveled appearance.

 

_He slept next to me._

Her muddled brain informed her once again. The comfort of the thought curling in her stomach in the most pleasant of ways. And he looked absolutely exhausted. What had happened to him?

 

Concern tugged on the corners her lips and his eyes fell on their pout for a split moment before returning to her eyes.

 

"I didn't," he said cautiously.

 

"Why not?"

 

He flinched lightly as if stung.

 

"I was commed on the X-wing and told of a Dark Forcer tearing through the ship. I was asked to help," he said almost too casually.

 

She watched him as he scrambled off the chair, brushing his hair away from his face and biting the inside of his cheek. His eyes landing on everything else in the small room apart from her.

 

 _He's lying_.

 

That little wise voice inside her said. Could he have returned because of her?

 

"Will you stay?" She asked simply, withholding any sign of hope in her voice. Because.

 

 _No_.

 

He didn't deserve that.

 

A moment passed before his shoulders straightened and his expression fell into that of cold indifference. He eventually dragged his gaze to hers distant and detached.

 

It scraped at her insides like sandpaper.

 

"For now," he eventually drawled.

 

Ben reached for his jacket and heavy crossguard splayed on Leia's desk and stepped towards the door. He hovered for a moment there before looking back at her with that heavy stare she knew so well.

 

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I said to you in Chandrila. And I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable with my persistent propositions. It won't happen again."

 

She nodded, breaking eye contact and staring out the viewport.

 

"See that it doesn't."

 

She heard the hiss of the door and his heavy footfall exit the room. Waited long enough so that he was well and truly gone, before biting her trembling lip.

 

Ben had returned.

 

He would be staying at the Resistance base.

 

How in the Force was she supposed to survive that?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys knew I couldn't keep them apart for more than a chapter. Right? I couldn't resist having Ben roam around the Resistance base for a bit, under Rey's watchful eyes, before things start getting serious in the story.


	9. Of dreams and tumbling walls

**Day 1, Resistance Base, Yavin IV**

 

The closest world that Rey could compare Yavin IV to was Takodana. The forest was thick and vibrant, saturated with musky scents of wet earth and the pleasant aromas of exotic flowers. Its foliage was brimming with life and sounds, coming from multiple colorful avians flapping within the leaves and small agile creatures hanging from thick branches.

 

But it was somehow different. More lively. Plush and heavy.

 

_A jungle._

 

Rey smiled widely. This had been the planet of her dreams. Ever since she saw a small glimpse of a jungle in a holovid owned by Plutt when she was barely ten.

 

A bright large sun burned overhead evaporating moisture into the air, the thickness of which could barely be breathed. Sweat was already collecting around her brow and running down her back, cooling her overheated skin.

 

 

And Rey loved it.

 

She hitched her saberstaff on her back and made her way down the _Prometheus_ 's large ramp towards the massive stone pyramid resting in the middle of a green meadow. The trees and wildlife surrounding the pyramid had been most probably cleared out by the Resistance members of the _Cassandra_ and the _Titan_ that had preceded them. And so the base was already up and running efficiently.

 

Leia, she noticed, was already standing before the large entrance of the pyramid enveloped in a hug by a dark-skinned older man with closely cropped hair and a mustache. His outspoken, warm demeanor and animated gestures signified a friendship connecting the two together. He chuckled loudly at something Leia said and she smirked up at him playfully. Admiral Ematt appeared in the entrance of the pyramid as well, quickly shaking hands with the strange man and patting him roughly on the back.

 

"That's Lando Calrissian," Ben's deep voice startled her from her thoughts. She turned to look at him standing next to her with his baggage on his back and a heavy toolbox in his bare arms. He looked sullen and opaque, disturbing the jungle's image of color and sun like a dark vortex. "He's an old friend of my parents and the man who chose the name that was given to me," he added. "I had no idea he'd be here."

 

Rey regarded him and the heavy haze of sadness and regret that leaked in the Force through his impermeable walls. So many ghosts seemed to haunt Ben. Sometimes his resilience and resolve to right things amazed her. Flooded her heart with admiration and compassion along with those _other_ feelings. So overpowering and electrifying. And so unique that she knew she'd never have them for anybody else for as long as she breathed.

 

Until he'd go and blow things up in a fit of rage that is.

 

 _And ruin everything_.

 

"Don't you want to greet him, then?"

 

She barely caught a boyish fear in his eyes before he looked off to the side and shook his head lightly.

 

"No," he answered. "I have to help Chewbacca with the _Falcon_."

 

He glanced at her, quickly avoiding the scrutiny in her eyes, before turning around, hiking his baggage on his shoulder and stomping through the thick grass towards the vast landing bay on the side of the pyramid.

 

*

 

Ben leaned against the rough surface of a tree's bark, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he silently watched the small groups of people sitting around bonfires scattered in the meadow next to the grand pyramid, huddled in blankets and warm jackets. It was past midnight by now and the shroud of night had enveloped the jungle in its deep shadows. The only sources of light were the dancing flames of the bonfires and the eternal glittering stars of the night.

 

Mumbled voices and an occasional light chuckle would drift in his direction, and along with those the never-ending sounds of the jungle's nightlife.

 

It had been a long day as the members of the Resistance struggled through their pain of losing fellow comrades and friends. The burials and pyres were long finished by now and a number of them had gathered around bonfires since earlier in the evening comforting each other or reuniting with some of their friends.

 

It was… not something Ben was accustomed to seeing.

 

The Force flowed with feelings of content, serenity, and companionship on the most part, but emotions of amicable antagonism and even a little dislike would ripple its surface. The people scattered around were enjoying themselves, relaxed in each other's company.

 

He hadn't seen anything like this in…

 

_Too long._

 

Rey was huddled in a thick blanket laughing with a story Calrissian was sharing with the rest of the company. Her beautiful features illuminated by the fire's flickering warm colors. The image of her so similar to the one carved in his memory. Beige blanket. Dripping hair and sparkling eyes.

 

They had been systems apart then, but only a touch away.

 

FN-2987, or Finn as he was getting used to referring to him, was sitting next to Rey and had his arm draped around that feisty petit girl named Rose. A few more Resistance members and some ex- Stormtroopers were also gathered around the fire, listening with bated breath at Lando's skillfully crafted stories. Half of them were probably made up, but it barely mattered, since his captivated audience was hanging from his every word. Just the way his much younger self used to do, in curiosity and awe.

 

Steps shuffled towards him through the forest's thick grass and came to a stop next to him. A bottle was shoved under his nose, the acrid scent of alcohol inviting him to take a sip.

 

"Maybe later, Nyxx," he mumbled.

 

"There probably won't be any left. It's Correlian whiskey," he slurred.

 

Ben's solemn face twisted into a heavy frown.

 

"What are you trying to prove?"

 

"That your dad would be very much part of that bonfire and would have drunk every drop of this whiskey by now," he commented, slushing the contents of the bottle under his nose.

 

Ben slid a wary glance at his friend.

 

"I could never be part of this."

 

Nyxx huffed, taking a gulp of whiskey and wincing as it burned its way down his throat. He coughed indignantly for a moment or two before raising a finger adorned in rings and chipped black nail polish, trying to compose himself.

 

Ben would have patted him on the back once, told him this stuff would kill him but his mood was too sullen and black to even do that. So he stared on ahead, unmoving.

 

Nyxx breathed deeply and finally pointed at the platinum-haired woman at the far end of the company.

 

"Neither could Neesha. She's probably the most anti-social person I've ever met. Worse than you. But look at her sittin' on that stone, severed hand and all, making casual conversation with Resistance members. She hasn't slit anyone's throat yet, so she must be enjoyin' herself."

 

"That is not what I'm talking about."

 

"Rey is from Jakku," Nyxx continued, completely unperturbed. "Has no idea how to carry a conversation, besides exchangin' technical terms and mechanical advice on restorin' hyperdrives on outdated ships. But she's clever and fun and can beat the crap out of anyone that looks at her the wrong way. Which is pretty impressive, if you ask me."

 

"I didn't."

 

"And take a look at KR…" Nyxx waved towards the direction of the gathered ex-Stormtroopers. "Look at… _Crap_. I forgot his serial number." He paused in admirable concentration for a few seconds, before giving up with a shrug. "Well, you know which one I mean… What I'm trying to say is that these men were Stormtroopers, Ben. Fucking _Troopers_. Who weren't happy with the life they were livin' and are here now, trying to start somethin' completely new. Leaving the First Order takes balls."

 

"Nyxx, I've done worse than fire a few shots at unsuspecting civilians."

 

"Yeah," he snorted. "You killed your father under Snoke's indirect but very clear orders."

 

Ben looked ahead in silence, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

 

"You can't go back and change what you did. And we all wish you could. I mean, I loved your dad. He had great taste in whiskey and could smuggle rathtars even under the cartel's noses. The man was legendary."

 

Ben glared at him which did little to reign in his friend's pep talk. "But you can't feel guilty about having a little fun. Especially next to your girl."

 

Ben shook his head lightly. "She's certainly not my…"

 

"Does that mean I can hit on her tonight?" Nyxx cocked his head. "Because she looks awfully pretty in that beige…"

 

"I'll rip out your spleen."

 

Nyxx grimaced a well-concealed smirk. "Huh… Well. It was worth a shot."

 

Ben darted his eyes in Nyxx's direction. He was looking at him smug and utterly intoxicated. There was no glory in punching a friend who was wasted like that.

 

"Here…" Nyxx said sloshing the bottle in front of him again. "Take whatever is left, lighten' up, and go join Rey."

 

"She seems fine without me."

 

"She'll be much happier with you next to her."

 

Ben wanted to believe that. Believe that she needed him the way he ached for her. But the truth was, that she seemed content. Whether he was with her or not. She seemed fine. Unlike him. Ben had felt as if part of his soul was missing when he boarded the X-wing to leave.

 

It could only verify one thing.

 

_She doesn't feel…_

 

_Not the way I do._

 

"Ben. You won't know unless you put a little faith in her."

 

"There is no way to be certain how she…" he trailed off, hating the vulnerability and weakness cracking through his defenses.

 

"There never is, Ben. Not in these matters. You just have to give it a chance. That's what we all do." Nyxx said, looking at him with wide, caring eyes.

 

Ben didn't answer. He just looked back at the girl curled in her thick blanket beaming radiantly at her friends. Watched her speak and laugh and gesture wildly, drinking in every distinct feature and movement that composed this beautiful girl made of sun and sand. He felt ashamed of wanting and claiming even a fraction of her warmth. As if his darkness would taint her cloudless sky.

 

"I don't deserve her Nyxx," he finally said setting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Don't waste your time on me."

 

Nyxx looked at him sternly, disappointment evident in his green eyes. He shoved the half-filled bottle in Ben's chest.

 

"No, you don't deserve her. But for some reason, she believes otherwise. Because she ran through half of Coruscant to get to your sorry ass, not blinking an eye at the battle raging around her and dug through rubble to get to your bleeding body. But you my friend," Nyxx pointed a finger in his face, "are too egocentric to see that. So have it your way. It's your loss," he spat icily.

 

Nyxx stomped angrily away, tripping his way to where Neesha sat quietly, gazing at the fire. She smiled up at his friend's drunken stagger, clearly bemused. Ben couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Neesha smile at anyone before. At all.

 

Ben shifted his eyes back to Rey, only to be met with an intense, expectant gaze of her own. He looked back steadily, trying but failing to contain the hammering in his ribs as her eyes remained fixed on him for a few dragging heartbeats. It was at times like these that he wished the bond still existed to let him know if the flames dancing inside her eyes were more than a reflection of the fire in front of her.

 

Eventually, her gaze slid back to the company surrounding her, breaking whatever spell she'd cast on him. It was then that he realized how cold the night air had become. A shiver ran down his spine and his exhale misted in front of him. He remained rooted in his spot a little while longer, watching and yearning for a sense of belonging that he felt was unworthy of him to ask for.

 

The bonfires were still going when he decided to head to his designated room in the pyramid. It was warm and pleasant within the grand structure and his small room held part of that warmth as well. He stared at the simple clean cot by the lonely window overlooking the jungle's treetops and the silver moon shining over them.

 

Tiredness overtook him suddenly. Deep and paralyzing. He wanted nothing more than to shut his eyes and sleep for a decade.

 

 _Perhaps I could try. For a couple of hours_.

 

It didn't seem like anybody would be out to kill him tonight anyway. He hadn't sensed any kind of malicious intent in the Force. Maybe he could chance it.

 

*

 

**Day 2**

 

Leia tapped her nails on the surface of the large desk in front of her narrowing her eyes in thought.

 

"I could enter the planet's checkpoint as one of their customer's ordering a new ship," Lando Calrissian pointed at the blue hologram of a planet illuminating the faces of the few officers gathered around the holoprojector in the command room. "I've done business with Kuat in the past. I'll try to smuggle out images of their shipyards and find out the number of First Order ships which are stationed there."

 

"Their security is very strict, Lando, and you've been tied to the Rebel Alliance in the past. How will that work?"

 

Carlissian cracked a large grin, full of his famous charm.

 

"Is that all the faith you have in me, Princess? When was the last time I let you down?"

 

Leia arched her eyebrows at him.

 

"You do not want to open that topic with me."

 

"Images of the First Order ships being repaired is all the proof you'll need to show at the congregation of Republic worlds on Naboo, General," Poe chimed in successfully. "And if the Republic is smart enough they will strike first before the Order is able to rebuild its forces."

 

Ematt grunted in agreement while D'Acy nodded along, a little hesitantly.

 

_If this could work…_

 

Leia looked back at Lando.

 

"What about Aryn? The Knight that escaped. How can we find out his whereabouts?" She asked reluctantly. She was not particularly happy about Ben's plan to go after that man, but she knew very well that her son could not be stopped once he had set his stubborn mind on something.

 

"That part might be a bit trickier…" Lando mumbled, scrunching his brow.

 

The hiss of the doors interrupted the conversation and everyone turned to look at a very worried Rey rushing inside the command room with her saberstaff in hand and baggage perched on her back.

 

"Ben's gone!" She exclaimed hurriedly, causing everyone to blink stupidly at her. Including Leia. "It's almost afternoon and he is nowhere to be seen. He's not with Chewbacca. I've searched the _Falcon_ , the _Prometheu_ s and the rest of the ships. He's not in the mess hall. I don't know…"She brought her hand up to rub furiously at her forehead before turning to look at Leia with wide, desperate eyes. "I can't find him anywhere… He must have…"

 

Leia felt her shoulders relax, slowly letting out an exhale. For a moment there she had felt as anxious as Rey.

 

"He's sleeping, child," Leia interrupted her softly. "He's in his room, sleeping soundly. He seemed exhausted so I' haven't bothered to wake him at all. Haven't you felt him in the Force?"

 

Rey looked at her dumbfounded.

 

"The Force?" She stammered. "I completely forgot to use the Force. He's always so shielded that I didn't think to…"

 

She stopped, her cheeks turning a deep shade of pink as she stood in the middle of the command room, all eyes pinned on her in light amusement. All apart from Poe's who had set his hands on his hips in irritation and was staring at Rey in disappointment and hurt.

 

"Why don't you join us?" Leia invited her. "We are discussing a way to enter Kuat in a reconnaissance mission. There's a good chance we'll be needing your assistance at some point."

 

Rey glanced at her still looking very much embarrassed. But she nodded eagerly and came to stand between Carlissian and Finn. Her friend beamed a wide grin at her and wrapped his arm securely around her waist.

 

Leia felt Lando lean in to whisper in her ear. "Looks like you'll be getting grandchildren from Ben, after all. Who would have ever thought?"

 

She stared up at him at little incredulous.

 

_Maker, he's as insufferable as I remember._

 

She smacked him on the shoulder, all the while trying to contain a smile as Lando wiggled his eyebrows at her.

 

*

 

How could she have been so stupid?

 

Rey chided herself on the verge of breaking down into tears of frustration. She had made an utter fool of herself before the leading officers of the Resistance because their Jedi forgot to search for Kylo Ren in the Force.

 

What was _wrong_ with her?

 

Rey halted in a dark stone corridor in the middle levels of the grand pyramid, where most of the private quarters were, wanting to bump her head against a stone wall in humiliation. It had been absolutely mortifying.

 

The problem was that Rey knew _exactly_ what was wrong with her. The reason behind every single one of her insecurities sprung back to life these past few days, was currently sleeping blissfully in the room across from where she was standing right now. Unaware. Indifferent to the internal struggles she was being subjected to because of him.

 

Rey approached Ben's room hesitantly, stretching out her fingers to touch the metal surface of the door. It was late in the evening. Most of the Resistance members were either gathered in the mess hall or already resting in their rooms. And he was right _there._ Still sleeping. She didn't even know a person could sleep so much. But then again, he had always looked so exhausted with those dark circles under his eyes and the drawn paleness of his face.

 

Rey bit her lip in curiosity.

 

This could be the only time his walls would be down. His mind unguarded.

 

_No._

 

That was flat out wrong. She had no right invading his privacy when he was open and vulnerable like this. It was a ghastly thought. And she should be ashamed of herself. Absolutely abashed.

 

Ben's burning stares drifted in her mind.

 

 _Or not_.

 

Rey reached out before she could second guess herself, delving straight into Ben's dreaming mind.

 

She was instantly flooded with darkness.

 

_A booming voice resonated deep within her. Endless. Scornful and demeaning, stripping off every ounce of Light and casting it away as miasma. It was agonizing and torturous and a man screamed in pain._

 

A scream tore from her chest melding with that of the man, as she struggled to break away from the voice.

 

_A pair of wrinkled brown eyes, wide in surprise and anguish tore into her soul. A flash of red light sparkled in their glassy surface as a calloused hand rose to touch her cheek. And then they were gone. Slipping down into oblivion and leaving behind a shell of a man wondering how he'd live after what he had done._

 

It was impossible to breathe. The burden of the man's deed was heavy and oppressive, weighing down on her heart and making her eyes brim with tears.

 

_A green lightsaber illuminated the features of Skywalker pale and drawn in fear and disgust. Betrayal stabbed her heart and a blue saber was lit coming to crash against the green before the stones of a hut came tumbling down. Ceaselessly. Expanding into massive stones and infinite rubble, into shattered glass and burning ash. An enormous building capsized in on itself, crushing a man's body under its weight._

 

Pain seared through Rey's mind as if the whole world had come tumbling down upon her.

 

More images swiveled and twisted around her in a never-ending maelstrom. Leia in tears. Han walking away. Screaming and fighting. Feelings of desertion and anger and loneliness. They were overwhelming and suffocating and Rey could no longer take it.

 

She rose a trembling hand, stilling the images and screams.

 

They floated around her suspended in darkness before slowly disintegrating into thin particles. They fell on her feet and stretched around her covering what seemed like the whole world in brown sand. The voices morphed into silence. The stones into dunes of desert sand and the blackness into constellations of stars.

 

_Rey…_

 

She felt a wind sigh.

 

It caressed the nape of her neck and slope of her shoulder, making her skin prickle at the touch. She closed her eyes, surrendering to the sensation, head leaning to the side and heart beating wildly in her chest. Wanting. _Craving_ what had been so unjustly ripped away from her by Death.

 

_Ben…_

 

She breathed back.

 

Feeling his potent presence pulsing around her.

 

And then the touch was gone. The connection severed. As if it had all been nothing but a dream.

 

She opened her eyes to be met with the rough metal surface of a shut door and her fingers splayed desperately upon it. The humidity and coolness of the corridor were already crawling under her skin, causing it to break into bumps.

 

She slid down the door, resting her back on its cold surface right as tears drew their salty path down the curve of her cheeks. Something ached and throbbed deep within her making it hard for her to breathe.

 

"Ben…" She whispered softly to the sleeping man beyond the door.

 

*

 

**Day 3**

 

Ben sat on a stone at the side of the meadow, shadowed by an ancient tree, peeling a fruit and biting down on its plush flesh. It was a hot, humid day. The kind that clung to the skin with a fine film of grime and saturated every breath like the steamy lakes of Mimban. Ben had to admit that the one thing he particularly missed from the First Order's cold colorless ships was, in fact, the consistently cold temperatures inside them. And the frequent showers.

 

He took another bite of the fresh fruit. Probably the only thing worth a credit on this bloody base.

 

He studied the few technicians and random Resistance members gathered on the side of the grand pyramid struggling under the relentless sun to assemble a mechanical unit that would help them lift the huge boulders and scattered rocks obstructing part of the base's landing ground. The obvious result of a landslide taken place because of some recent tropical rainstorm. The process seemed painstaking, to say the least, and Ben did not envy them one bit.

 

He bit down on the fruit again, chewing slowly as he watched the men work. The metal beams being used didn't seem sturdy enough to lift the massive rocks. But who was _he_ to voice an opinion anyway? It's not as if anyone would listen to him. The crew had been at it since early morning and the sun had by now reached mid sky by the time they got to a first attempt at clearing the grounds. It was extremely stupid of them, he believed, not asking Rey to help them out, but it seemed they were reluctant and afraid of using her powers to their advantage.

 

He darted a glance at Rey on the other side of the meadow currently in some deep discussion with that cocky pilot. Her saberstaff was lit on her side since she had been performing forms all morning before the pilot had so rudely interrupted her training.

 

Ben spat a seed to his side with a frown. It tasted as bitter as the interaction he was forced to watch. It had been a day since he had last spoken to Rey. She was keeping her distance from him which was absolutely _fine_. They had come to a perfectly clear understanding and she was most _certainly_ keeping her end of the deal.

 

Ben threw away the center of the fruit with a little more force than necessary, wiping his fingers on the side of his slacks with irritation. Which had nothing to do with how close Dameron was standing next to Rey and all to do with the suffocating humidity of the planet.

 

Right on cue, Rey slid her hazels in Ben's direction catching the weight of his gaze on her before he could look away.

 

_Fuck! I've got to stop looking at her._

 

He told himself for the hundredth time this morning, quickly averting his eyes from her slender figure and glaring at the burning sun. Pining over her like a lovestruck teenager did nothing for his bruised heart.

 

He had to get his _shit_ together.

 

And he also needed something else to occupy his time besides helping Chewie with repairs on the Falcon. He loathed grease. Part of him still wanted to just grab a ship and hit hyperspace. Find Aryn and drive his saber right through the Knight's deceitful heart. But his mother had insisted to be patient. To _wait_. Gather information first and then strike.

 

Ben disagreed. Of course. He preferred to strike first and gather information later.

 

A metal crack echoed in the meadow and he snapped his eyes at the crew and the mechanical unit currently hoisting one of the heavy boulders. He instinctively brought his hand up suspending the rock in midair right as it was about to crush one of the technicians. A light shiver ran down his spine. The image before him too close to the Force visions of his death that haunted him mere days ago. The technician had fallen to his knees, unable to look anywhere else but the humongous stone hovering just a few feet from his head.

 

One by one the workers turned to look at Ben.

 

He levitated the stone to the side of the meadow and set it away from the landing grounds, before getting up and dusting off his slacks. His mood had turned sour after seeing Rey talking with the pilot and his empty stomach only made things worse. He made his way towards the pyramid in search of more food. The unrelenting growl of his unfed stomach a constant nuisance these days.

 

*

 

Finn pulled out a chair, its legs scraping indignantly against the stone floor of the mess hall. He set down his lunch tray on the wooden table loud enough to make an impression at the two men sitting across from him. Two sets of eyes looked up at him in annoyance. A green cunning pair rimmed in charcoal and a brown pair made of heavy steel.

 

Finn sat on his chair making himself comfortable before digging into his food. Purposely ignoring the two men staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

 

_Play it cool, man._

 

It's not as if they could skin him in the middle of lunch.

 

A few more chairs were scraped as a couple of Troopers and Rose took a seat next to him, solemn and fierce as always, eyeing the two men in distrust. All movement was stilled for a few dragging moments and the silence stretching on their table was deafening.

 

"Can you pass the salt?" Nyxx commented, forking his peas.

 

Finn narrowed his eyes at Kylo Ren currently engrossed in slicing one of those rubber protein portions called meat and stuffing it gracefully in his mouth. Finn reached for the salt passing it over to Nyxx's outstretched hand, waiting for some form of acknowledgment from his previous boss.

 

Kylo Ren was not in a hurry.

 

He heard Rose clanking her fork impatiently on the wooden table. "We're wasting our time here. This was a bad idea."

 

The man brought a napkin to his mouth to hide a quirk of his lips. Set his impressively muscled arms on the tabletop and fixed Finn with an amused stare.

 

_Unbelievable._

 

Here Finn was, ready to blast him out of the table if he so much as threatened him or Rose while _he_ considered their presence entertaining.

 

" _Traitor_ ," Kylo Ren finally said.

 

_How funny._

 

The irony behind his words was simply hilarious.

 

Nyxx snickered.

 

Finn snorted in response. "Noah here, your colonel from your Selected Battalion, has agreed to infiltrate the First Order with you. He's helping me pick out ten men from the defected Troopers who would be capable and willing to join us."

 

"Us?"

 

"Yeah, I'm coming with you. And so is Rose."

 

"Noah?"

 

"Yes, Noah. That's his name now." Finn pinned him with a sharp gaze, cocking his head at him in a challenge. "Got a problem with that?"

 

Ben forked a vegetable stuffing it in his mouth and chewing slowly.

 

"No," he drawled.

 

Finn nodded, allowing himself a sliver of relief run through his body and reached for Rose's hand under the table. She squeezed it reassuringly sending him a small smile of victory. He looked back at Kylo Ren only to catch him sending a wistful glance at Rey, who sat a couple of tables down, conversing merrily with Jessica and Poe.

 

Finn could swear he looked like a kicked cub for a split moment before his face fell into its usual solemn expression.

 

_How the mighty have fallen._

 

He thought. But quickly changed his mind. Falling in love with someone was a risky business. Leaving behind bleeding hearts, bruises and scars as ugly and painful as any battle wound. Finn brought Rose's hand to his lips giving it a quick kiss.

 

Finn felt like he should count his lucky stars.

 

*

 

**Day 4**

 

"Have you seen Ben?"

 

Nyxx looked up from his smoking apparatus to see Rey standing in front of him, shadowing the sun with barely concealed worry. He tapped the clogged end of the device impatiently on the stone next to him in hopes of dislodging whatever had plugged it up.

 

 _Damn thing_.

 

This substitute for his smokes was utter crap.

 

"Sorry, beautiful. Haven't seen him since yesterday," he answered back, engrossed in his task. Neesha sitting next to him on the thick grass, ignored her completely, her attention set on flexing the metallic fingers of her prosthetic hand.

 

Rey nodded and began to walk away when Neesha's cold voice stopped her.

 

"It would be better if you let him be," she said. "You've caused him nothing but suffering since he met you."

 

Nyxx glanced at her. "Neesh…" he warned her in a deep voice.

 

But she only pinned Rey with her icy eyes, a cold scorn on her elegant features. She cocked her head to the side, her platinum hair spilling on her shoulder and gleaming under the bright sun. Rey regarded her with apprehension and perhaps a little envy from what Nyxx could sense. Neesha's exquisite beauty was hard to ignore and Nyxx sincerely hoped that Rey wasn't aware of the Knight's past with Ben.

 

"He deserves better than a scavenger from some remote desert planet. He deserves to be the prince he was raised to become. Not a Resistance outcast," she ground through clenched teeth.

 

"Hey! Knock it off!" Nyxx cut in. He looked up at Rey apologetically. "Don't pay attention to her. She's refused to take any pain medication and is a bit snippy."

 

"Yeah, well… Perhaps she should think twice before opening her pretty mouth," Rey snapped. "She has a good friend on her side at the moment. And Ben is nowhere to be found."

 

Nyxx raised his brows at Rey's reaction, darting a glance at Neesha who had gone back to glaring at her metallic hand. Rey walked away without looking back.

 

*

 

"Have you seen Ben anywhere?"

 

Chewbacca shook his head with a series of grunts and whines of frustration, pointing at the _Falcon_ and its current state of disarray. Colin, the technician that Kylo Ren had saved the other day shook his head as well. He had volunteered to help with the _Falcon_ in Kylo's place, since this morning.

 

"Why don't you try the Command room?" He said, hesitantly. "In case he's in a meeting with the General?"

 

The Jedi was much more amicable than Kylo Ren and made him feel more at ease around her. She glanced at the darkening sky. Clouds leaden and heavy with rain were gathering on the horizon. "I already did. Thanks."

 

*

 

"I'm looking for Kylo Ren," Rey asked a bunch of pilots gathered for an afternoon snack at a corner of the landing bay. "Have you seen him anywhere?"

 

They all shook their heads just as rumbling rolled off the jungle's hilltops.

 

Rey bit the tips of her nails. Where could he have _gone_?

 

*

 

It wasn't until way past sunset that Rey felt his presence approaching the pyramid. She jumped to her feet in aggravation. His careless stupidity making her face burn in anger and rushed through the grand entrance, coming to stand under the stone pillars that shielded her from the tropical storm. One of many that plagued this land.

 

"Where were you?" Rey asked sharply when he came close enough to be heard.

 

He was drenched to the bone, carrying nothing but a miserable backpack with the simplest of provisions. He didn't even have his crossguard with him. What had he been thinking? Strolling around this wretched jungle with just a bottle of water and a couple of portions.

 

_He could have..._

 

Rey groaned in frustration.

 

"Do you have any idea what lurks in the forest at nightfall?"

 

She trailed after him watching him make his way down the mess hall and toward the first flight of stairs with an air of indifference in his stride. Curious glances were cast their way, but she could care less at this moment. Ben was back, being his usual, crude, irritating self. It made her want to scream.

 

Rey stopped after a few paces feeling absolutely furious at his cold behavior.

 

"I am talking to you!" She yelled at him. "What are you trying to prove by ignoring me? What a stubborn haughty prince you are?"

 

The words resonated in the vast hall and the murmurs and clattering died with the echo. Everyone turned to look at them.

 

He halted at last. She could see the tension in his shoulders as he stood rigid in the middle of the stairs clenching the railing to the point of fracture. He finally turned around, eyes narrowed in simmering anger. He stormed back down to where she stood and towered over her close enough to feel the heat radiating from his broad frame.

 

"Don't pretend to care," he sneered. "You do not make demands of me. And you most definitely don't get to ask about my whereabouts. Are we clear?" He stared at her long and hard before stepping back and heading towards the stairs again.

 

Rey swallowed the tightness in her throat. It felt parched and coarse. Her lips dry. But she was tired. So tired of fighting him.

 

" _Gods_ , you could have gotten lost in the swamps, Ben," she rasped watching his retreating back.

 

She took a step in his direction as his broad frame came to a sudden stop once again at the foot of the stairs.

 

"Slipped and broken a leg, or even worse," her voice quivered as she took two more steps towards him. He stood still as stone, the rise and fall of his shoulders the only indication of his unsteady breath. She approached him some more. A stone wall finally cutting them off view from the mess hall.

 

She came to stand right behind him. "Some beast could have attacked you. And we might not have been able to find you." He turned around slowly, carefully, sliding an inscrutable stare at her. But remained silent.

 

"What were you doing out there on your own?" She shoved his shoulder in exasperation. "Are you crazy?"

 

"Rey." He warned with a flare of his nostrils.

 

But Rey ignored him, giving his shoulder another shove for emphasis. "Your mother would be worried sick, you big oaf!"

 

"Rey!"

 

"No. Don't you _Rey_ me!" Her voice broke and she could feel stupid tears rimming her vision once again. "You need to grow up! You need to start thinking about the consequences of your actions." She shoved each word relentlessly into his shoulder, hard enough to bruise until his hand flew up to grasp her wrist tightly.

 

"Stop it!" He growled a breath from her face. "What's gotten into you?"

 

"You're an idiot. That's what you are! Who doesn't give a damn about anyone or anything else." She hissed at him tugging on her wrist. But this stubborn, _impossible_ man would just not let _go_.

 

"For Force's sake, Rey! Will you stop?" He grabbed her other wrist clutching them both tightly together on his chest. "I was looking for water! The base needs a fresh supply of water and my mother asked me to search for one. Didn't she mention anything to you?"

 

"No… I…" She blinked up at him and those treacherous tears slipped down her face. Is that what he had been up to all day? She was absolutely certain that he had left again. Taken some X-wing and disappeared out into space without so much as a word of goodbye to anyone. Chewbacca. Leia.

 

_Me._

 

She felt the fight leave her body and she back stepped tugging at her wrists to free herself. But he held on to them tightly, his eyes boring intensely at hers.

 

"Let me go, Ben," she said weakly, tasting the salt of her tears.

 

"What are you so afraid of?" He asked. That gaze burning a hole in her heart.

 

"I am not afraid."

 

"You were concerned about me. Why?"

 

"Of course I was concerned," she said meekly, tugging at her wrists again. Why couldn't he just let _go_? "I would have been concerned about anybody crazy enough to walk in that jungle at night."

 

His fervent gaze broke. Melted into liquid steel.

 

"Am I just like anybody else to you, Rey?"

 

She tugged again.

 

_Stars…Why can't he just…_

 

She remained silent refusing this simple admittance to him. Because it unraveled something deep inside her. Something that churned and twisted like a caged animal, locked up and put away in the farthest recesses of her heart.

 

He released one of her wrists and brought his hand up, barely touching her chin with curled fingers. He lifted it so he could look directly at her under the dim light of the stairwell.

 

"Am I?"

 

He demanded. And she realized that she couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't keep herself buried and out of reach. He had chipped at her walls and they would eventually come tumbling down. It was only a matter of time.

 

"No. You're so much more."

 

Ben stilled, his eyes darting anxiously between hers as if the answer she gave was not the one he had expected to hear. "Force, Rey… you can't…You can't do these _things_ to me. You don't understand how…" He swallowed thickly. Seemed almost fearful of her.

 

"Understand what?"

 

He looked away.

 

She stepped closer. Curious. Emboldened.

 

"I miss the bond," she said suddenly, trying to catch his eyes.

 

"I miss _more_ than the bond _,_ " he hurried to say back. And she could swear it was her face that she could see in their black depths. She reached for his curled fingers still holding her chin. They were cold and damp and made her notice his wet dripping hair and drenched shirt clinging on his chest.

 

"You'll catch your death in these clothes," she smiled trying to swallow down the lump in her throat. She could feel a fresh shin of tears blurring her vision. It was all too much. _He_ was too overwhelming for her unguarded heart. "You should go change."

 

He laced his fingers with hers, lowering them to his thudding chest. His lips parted as if to say something but he hesitated. Contemplated for two of his heartbeats, before changing his mind.

 

Ben nodded, pulling away and started going up the flight of stairs. It was dark in these stone walls and damp and lonely and Rey couldn't bear to watch him leave her behind. It made her throw caution to the wind.

 

At last.

 

"Can I come with you?" She asked suddenly. "To the jungle. Tomorrow morning. To look for water with you?"

 

She watched his broad body halt once more. His head swiveling to look right down to her very soul. The distance between them throbbing and aching in tandem to the beat of her heart.

 

"Yes," he finally said, his voice deep and hoarse. "I'd like that."

 

Rey smiled wide and unabashed and watched him turn around to walk up the stairs, a lightness to his step that wasn't there before.

 

A lightness that lifted her heart as well and made it soar up as high as the heavens.

 

She sniffed, wiping the tears from her face with her dirty fingers and drying her nose in her arm wraps. She swallowed a sob and nodded to herself as a wide grin broke on her face.

 

Yes.

 

_They could do this._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-dah... Miracles happen! Who's up for some jungle trekking?


	10. Of wild berries and beasts

**Day 5**

 

Ben stood rigidly outside a door his knuckles hovering indecisively over its metal surface. This was not a meeting he was looking forward to having. He pressed his lips together, stepping away and started pacing the corridor, his hand raking nervously through his clean and carefully combed hair. He was supposed to be meeting Rey an hour after dawn for their search in the jungle and he was already running late due to his immense procrastination. But he didn't know if he would have this chance again. This chance of catharsis and one more absolution from the man that had been almost a second father to him.

 

He clenched his fists.

 

_I have to do this._

 

His knuckles hesitated over the door once again, as he chewed the inside of his lip drawing blood. He inhaled deeply.

 

This was it.

 

A shrill and a series of alarmed beeps broke his determination and he swiveled his head to the side. And then down. Looking directly at a round droid painted in those irking Resistance colors of white and orange. It had its lens trained on him focusing and twirling, as it swiveled agitatedly on its round body.

 

Ben frowned.

 

The droid was releasing a series of very offending beeps in his direction and he found himself very tempted to just give it a good kick and send it rolling down the corridor when Rey's distinctive accent stopped him.

 

"There you are!" She called out and he could swear his heart missed a beat. She approached him with beaming eyes and a radiant smile, squatting down to give the droid's belly a good rub, before looking up at his looming form. Ben watched her, unsure of himself. Was she happy to see _him_ or the droid?

 

"This is BB-8," she informed him with a wide grin. "The droid that carried Luke Skywalker's map."

 

_Figures._

 

Of course, he would cross paths with it, when he no longer had a use for it.

 

"The one I was in search of. For at least two years as I recall."

 

"The one and only." She rose and approached him close enough for him to smell the lingering scent of generic soap the Resistance was so fond of using. Her hair was wet, pulled back on a round bun on the top of her head, revealing that slender neck he yearned and dreamed and _hungered_ to run his finger down its curve for days now. Droplets of water were still beaded on her skin and _Force_ did he envy them. They were closer than he would ever get.

 

He licked his lips.

 

"Ben?" She asked, probably completely unaware of her effect on him.

 

His attention was snapped back to her bright eyes.

 

"The droid is outdated," he commented offhandedly because he had to say _something_. "I'm surprised you haven't broken it down for parts and purchased a new one in its place."

 

Rey arched an eyebrow, while the orange droid focused its lens on him. A heavy silence hung between them.

 

"Don't act so surprised," he shook his head condescendingly at the droid. "Your selenium drive is the only thing worth a decent amount of credits on you."

 

A metal arm was extended from some hidden small pocket in the droid's round body.

 

The zap on his knee came so fast it nearly buckled under him.

 

"What the fuck!" He yelled out. Clamping down the urge to send the droid flying against the wall. That had really stung.

 

"You weren't exactly polite. What did you expect?"

 

 

"It's a _droid_."

 

The lens twirled again and Ben narrowed his eyes at it.

 

"And very self-sufficient," Rey commented with a smirk.

 

"I noticed," he grumbled, rubbing at the numbing sensation on his knee. That droid was lucky Rey seemed to be so fond of it, otherwise, he would be in the process of dismantling it in the middle of the corridor. With his bare hands.

 

"This is Calrissian's room. Are you here to see him?" Rey pointed out, looking at him with what felt like hope. "He's leaving for Kuat today, you know."

 

"I know…" he mumbled back, sliding his eyes back to that cursed door.

 

"Just knock on the door and go talk to him. You don't know when you might see him again." She held his gaze steadily and expectantly and Ben found himself knocking on it as if compelled by her will alone.

 

Steps approached and the door was swung open revealing a very surprised Lando Calrissian.

 

"Well, look who decided to drop by," he said, a tinge of mockery in his brown eyes. "The little Starfighter finally worked up the courage to join the battle."

 

"Don't call me that."

 

"And what _should_ I call you?"

 

A drop of water echoed off the dark stone walls.

 

"Ben," he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "May I come in?"

 

Lando, studied him an indecipherable look on his face, before moving aside and gesturing for him to enter. Ben glanced at Rey for a moment and she nodded for him to go inside. The door was shut behind him, but not before Lando sent a quick wink and a smirk in her direction.

 

_Figures._

 

Sometimes Ben wondered if the whole galaxy was conspiring against him.

 

*

 

It was hot and unbearably humid in the jungle. And Rey felt as if her legs would start to disassemble any moment now. She used the Force to flick away a swarm of insects to her left in frustration while dodging a branch to her right. Her boot got snagged for the millionth time on roots protruding from the muddy ground and she barely caught herself from falling flat on her face.

 

Ben must have heard her curse because he looked at her over his shoulder with a concerned " _Are you ok? Do you need any help?_ " expression on his face. But Rey refused to seem weak in his eyes. He was supposed to be the spoiled prince and _she_ the tough scavenger, after all.

 

But this jungle was not Jakku. And she would have taken the deadly scorching sun and lifeless dunes of sand any time in comparison to _this_.

 

"I'm fine," she bit out. "Go on."

 

She darted a glance at the glistening skin of his arms. His torso was covered only by a black tank top and his raven hair clung to the nape of his neck with sweat. He was moving steadily ahead, his broad body and powers opening a path for her to follow with an ease that made her wonder if he had been hiking through jungles all his life.

 

"The vegetation is thicker in this part of the jungle," he commented over his shoulder a little while later, darting an ascertaining glance in her direction. "I had taken the opposite direction yesterday and noticed halfway through the day that the plant life was getting scarcer. Perhaps because the water wasn't enough. I think we're on the right track today."

 

He lifted a fallen log with the Force, and tossed it inside the foliage, probably disturbing a nest of some sort because a number of avians flapped their colorful wings overhead croaking their annoyance into the jungle's thickness.

 

Rey closed her eyes, reaching for that clean cool sensation in the Force she was so familiar with, after countless years of searching for it in deserts.

 

"There is definitely fresh water in these lands, can you sense it?" She said, stopping in her tracks and inhaling deeply. It was soothing and refreshing, but she couldn't exactly feel where it was coming from. She sighed. The numerous lifeforms of this jungle were very distracting.

 

She opened her eyes to Ben's intense gaze studying her face less than a foot away.

 

His proximity made her flinch.

 

How had he walked up to her without her hearing him? He was usually very loud. This man was full of contradictions.

 

"I only sense mud and the decaying waters of the swamps," he deadpanned. "Can you sense a river or spring?"

 

"Yes, it's very refreshing. Can't you?"

 

"No," he answered gloomily. He tilted his head towards the direction he had been moving, snapping his command. "You lead the way."

 

"Ben, I have no idea where it's coming from. I only know it's somewhere in the vicinity."

 

"That's good enough."

 

He was annoyed with himself. Rey could feel the prickling of his self-disdain. She huffed, her shoulder brushing lightly against his solid chest as she moved in front of him, in what little space he had allowed.

 

"I really don't understand why you're making me do this," she grumbled. "You only have to reach out and feel the balance of the Force, and then just choose to follow its Light expression or its Dark. It's really very simple. The first lesson Luke Skywalker gave me. And there weren't many. Barely three. I had become something akin to a pest in order for him to finally relent and show me…"

 

She halted and glanced back. Ben was standing rigidly in the same spot she had left him, a darkness in his eyes.

 

"Luke Skywalker taught you about the Dark Side?" He asked.

 

"Well, if you can call a few minutes of talking and a slap on my hand a lesson? Yeah, I guess he did."

 

"My uncle taught you about the Dark Side." He repeated flatly.

 

"He wasn't exactly fond of it, but he did in all his lessons. In a sense. Especially when he spoke about the Jedi Order and their mistakes."

 

Ben chuckled darkly with a shake of his head and looked to the side with a scowl. And suddenly Rey understood.

 

"He never spoke to you about it," she said. "Never mentioned the balance needed in the Force…"

 

"No. He was afraid of the Darkness."

 

 _Was afraid of you. Or for you_.

 

Rey realized as she took in the powerful man with the hot, easy to evoke temper and consuming personality. With eyes smoldering from pent up emotions and nowhere to release them. The exact opposite of what a Jedi was supposed to be. No wonder Luke had failed him.

 

"The Luke Skywalker you knew and the one I met were two completely different men," she said. "I think you would have gotten along with the one I knew better now."

 

Ben eyed her steadily, a need hidden in his dark eyes that he didn't know how to put into words.

 

"Let me show you how to look for the water," she said softly stepping closer to him and reaching for his temples. His eyes widened, unsure and almost frightened.

 

But Rey was not afraid, as she touched the sides of his head, threading light fingertips through his sweaty strands. Was she allowed to do this? She didn't even know. A part of her felt guilty for reveling in the thrill of touching him. But he didn't move away. Rey rested her gaze on his dark eyes, marveling in the shades of warm brown and molten amber that flickered in their depths. Letting their raw power and heat draw her in. And as his warm breath fanned her lips, she parted them and said.

 

"Let me in."

 

*

 

A slice of heaven.

 

That's the only image Ben could conjure to compare to the sensation of Rey taking over his mind. He had forgotten what it felt like having her breeze through him, bright crisp morning air disturbing the dark stuffiness of his thoughts. Her Light had stung and prickled and had felt absolutely euphoric.

 

And was over before he could react…

 

Her slim fingers had fallen from his temples, she had stepped back and he had been left with only the memory of her sweet taste in his soul and no idea how to reach for it again.

 

Ben jumped over a fallen log, his hand set on its rough disintegrating surface, as he followed Rey treading through the uneven terrain.

 

Her walls were up, smooth and sturdy as always. She was the punishment the universe had inflicted on him. There was no other explanation.

 

"I think we should stop for a bite," Rey said, as she pushed her way through the last foliage and into a small clearing amidst the jungle. Her hair had slipped from her bun some time ago, and leaves and tiny twigs were perched on her wild strands. Her arms were full of infinite small scratches and her clothes were ripped and torn beyond repair. She looked like a savage and he couldn't help the smirk that broke on his face.

 

The sweetest, most torturous punishment, indeed.

 

"What's so funny?" She asked narrowing her eyes at him while trying to untangle a branch from the piece of grey cloth she always seemed to be wrapped in.

 

"Nothing in particular," he answered dismissively, refraining the mirth that swelled in his chest. "Let me help you with that."

 

He kneeled next to her taking hold of the branch and slowly detaching in from the fabric. And that's when he noticed the cut.

 

"Rey, how did you get that?" He moved aside the piece of torn cloth on her thigh revealing an ugly gash and the ruby blood trickling from it. He looked up at her in alarm. "Was it some plant that did it or animal?"

 

"What? I didn't know I had a cut and…" She glanced at it, raising her eyebrows. "Won't you look at that… It's really bleeding! I didn't even feel how it happened…"

 

Ben pursed his lips. If Rey couldn't feel it that meant the wound was probably poisoned. And from what he'd heard about this planet's plant life and lifeforms…

 

_Fuck!_

 

Ben tore the cloth surrounding the gash and fumbled through his backpack for fresh water.

 

"Sit down," he ordered as Rey leaned over to check the cut, her wild mane of hair cascading over his head, shadowing the jungle from their eyes. "Rey," he looked at her beseechingly with a tilt of his head. "Sweetheart…Please sit down so I can clean it for you and check it out."

 

She smiled at him softly which under different circumstances would have his heart stuttering for completely different reasons, but this was not the time.

 

"I mean it," he nearly snarled at her, because this girl didn't have a single bone of self-conservation in her, as her smile widened and her cheeks flushed. And was this some kind of effect the poison had? Because he had to get it out of her system.

 

_Immediately!_

 

"I don't think it's that bad," she commented, and he could feel that bubble of frustration rising in his chest at her nonchalance. Sometimes he wondered how she had even survived this long on Jakku.

 

"Rey… please…" he begged, because _Force_ this woman would be the death of him.

 

She relented, at last, sitting down on the plush grass with a cryptic smile, studying him carefully behind her long lashes.

 

Ben washed off the blood in quick precise movements, appraising the rims of the gash.

 

Definitely a plant. He concluded.

 

_But still…_

 

Without a second thought, he leaned over her thigh and set his lips softly on the deep gash, carefully sucking a taste of blood and spitting it to the side.

 

He repeated the motion two more times before raising his eyes to check on Rey.

 

Her eyes were wide and her hand was set on her neck, her face a deep shade of crimson.

 

"Are you all right? Because there's no taste of poison in the blood and … Rey?"

 

"I'm feeling a little dizzy," she said in a small voice, laying down on the grass with a heaving chest. "I think I just need to lie down a bit…"

 

Ben could swear his heart stopped. He crawled up to her and grasped her face in his hands trying to figure out if she was about to pass out on him, or if…

 

Her eyes were shut.

 

No.

 

_No, no, no…_

 

"Rey, please say something…" He brushed away her tangled hair from her face, caressing it desperately and yet gently with his rough hands. Any word would be fine, really. Just as long as he could hear that little accent of hers and …

 

Rey cracked open an eye, and the most beautiful sound rang in the clearing. It took him a couple of moments to register what it actually was. He scrunched his brows.

 

"You're laughing," he said accusingly. "I thought you were dying on me and here you are laughing."

 

He watched her extremely annoyed as she struggled to gain a breath between her merciless giggles.

 

"I'm sorry," she gasped with a wave of her hand and a huge grin plastered on her face. "I didn't mean to worry you it's just that I felt the world spin for a second when you…"

 

"Save it," he snapped, causing her mouth to clamp shut and the laughter to die out. He felt absolutely ridiculous.

 

She looked at him, this strange light in her eyes as he pulled back, reaching for his backpack again. He brought forth a bacta patch, utterly agitated at her and the prankster that seemed to lurk underneath all that innocent looking exterior. He secured it on her thigh with a torn cloth, all the while being extremely careful not to touch any part of her skin, because he had to salvage _some_ part of his dignity. However small and insignificant it may be.

 

He got off the ground, all bothered, avoiding those bright, pretty eyes that he could just feel were trained on him, and dusted the dirt from his slacks.

 

"Where are you going?" He heard her sweet voice ask in adorable curiosity as he stomped his way back towards the thick jungle with a deep frown.

 

 _The woman is ruthless_.

 

"To bring back actual food, because no way in hell am I eating those damn Resistance portions. I need something fresh and bloody nutritious for once," he groused, sliding an irritated glance in her direction before disappearing into the thick foliage.

 

He'd seen some avians flapping around earlier that from what Chewbacca had mentioned were edible. And after that stunt she'd pulled on him, he was seriously considering not sharing them with her.

 

 _Oh, and wild berries_.

 

He remembered suddenly, as he flicked away a four-legged mammal from his path.

 

Ben was _definitely_ not sharing those with her.

 

*

 

"Ben?" Rey said softly, popping one of those delicious berries in her mouth that Ben had brought back from his remarkably quick hunt.

 

 _"I was hungry,"_ he had said _,_ before plopping a half dozen plump small avians on the ground before her feet and a sack full of wild purple berries, _"so I cheated by using the Force_ _instead of conventional methods of hunting_."

 

Rey wasn't one to argue with that.

 

He was sprawled on the thick grass, one arm behind his head and one on top of his sated belly with his eyes shut in light slumber, while Rey sat next to him polishing off the last of the berries he had brought for her, feeling utterly fed and satisfied.

 

She gazed at his calm features and relaxed body. Small splatters of light permeated the shadow of the tree they were laying under and formed random patterns on his face and dark tunic. She studied them as they drifted to and forth. Dancing in accordance to the leaves overhead. There was a serenity to this moment that she never thought she'd witness with him. He carried so much of his past on his shoulders that he never stopped to set the burden down and enjoy the present.

 

But seeing him like this. Now. At ease next to her. Surrendered.

 

It made something twist and ache deep inside her.

 

Ben had called her sweetheart like that one time in the lake. There was no mistaking it. He'd cradled her head softly in his hands and had seemed so afraid of losing her.

 

 _It has to be_.

 

Her mind shouted at her, what her heart had been whispering all along.

 

He _cared_ for her. And the bond had nothing to do with it.

 

"Ben?"

 

She didn't want to wake him. She wanted to stay there, under the canopy, forgotten and lost from the world. With him, forever.

 

"Ben?"

 

She reached out, touching his shoulder gently.

 

"Hmmm…?" He stirred. Brown, bottomless eyes still closed.

 

"It's time to go."

 

He brought his hand forth to rub at his eyes and face with a light moan.

 

"Just a few more moments," he said in a hoarse voice.

 

_Stars, he must have been in deep sleep._

 

She crawled up to him, stretching her body by his side and perching herself on her elbows, with a wide smile.

 

"Get up sleepy head. Everyone back at the base is probably dying of thirst."

 

His lips tugged in a small smile, but kept his eyes shut. A light breeze ruffled his hair again, blowing withered leaves and anemone blooms their way, and she watched them settle on his dark tresses. She inched forward, and plucked the closest one out. Then the one next to it and the one after that, clearing whatever she could from his tangled strands.

 

It would take all day to get them all out, she thought engrossed in her task.

 

His eyes opened lazily and he turned his head to watch her carefully as she performed her task almost a breath away. A simmering need laying just beneath their surface, growing.

 

He untangled his arm from behind his head bringing it to rest on her back. Rey paused darting a hesitant glance his way, before continuing on.

 

She could feel his fingertips trail a path down her spine coming to a stop at the exposed skin on the curve of her waist. They stayed there, light as a feather warming the bumps that had flared under his touch.

 

She brushed away a bloom settled on his cheekbone, feeling the taught skin underneath.

 

Her fingers lingered.

 

Slipped slowly down the angle of his jaw. Coming to rest on his full lips.

 

Time trailed painful and slow as his eyes remained transfixed on hers and his body completely still. Breath bated and eyes unblinking. Waiting.

 

Wanting.

 

What Rey was too scared to give.

 

His fingers curled and dug lightly on her skin.

 

"Don't tease me, Rey," he warned her, his voiced low and coarse. "Be careful…"

 

Rey exhaled a quivering breath. Sensing that she was indeed treading on dangerous grounds.

 

It would be so simple. To lean over and set a kiss on those lips. To run her tongue on their seams and taste him. But there was more to this man than a kiss or a random night in his bed.

 

This wasn't a friend.

 

This wasn't a relationship.

 

_This is something else entirely._

 

If she did this. If she started down this path with him, would she ever be able to return if things turned out bad? Would she be able to find herself again?

 

_Would I want to?_

 

His lips parted and two of her fingers slipped inside, grazing against his teeth. Feeling the heat and wetness that lay beneath them. The sensation ran like a livewire down her body. Sparking a need deep inside her that she always tried to ignore around this man.

 

She jolted away, as if electrified. Coiling instinctively at a safe distance from him. Heart pounding relentlessly in her ears.

 

He lifted himself to a sitting position and watched her from the shadows of the tree, eyes sharp. Knowing.

 

"I will never be the same," she whispered to him. "I am afraid I will never be the same if I let you in."

 

"You won't," he answered softly. He lifted his hand to caress wisps of hair from her face. His gaze heavy with a promise that she was too scared to believe. "But then again, neither will I."

 

Rey resisted the urge to lean in to the touch.

 

"What if one of us grows tired of the other?" She asked her voice quivering at the edges. "I've seen it happen more times than I can count within the Resistance. Or we end up fighting like your parents did?" Rey nearly shivered with Ben's memories. "What then?"

 

"I'm not repeating my parents' mistakes," he stated firmly, his gaze losing part of its warmth. His hand fell from her face and he clenched his jaw.

 

"But you don't _know_ that! We might end up making the exact same ones," Rey insisted, because she'd seen it. Couples never made it in the long run. Happy endings didn't exist. Her parents deserted her. His parents broke him.

 

"No, we don't know!" Ben shifted, closing the distance between them. His stunning face mere fingers away from her. "For all we know this planet might implode tomorrow, or one of us might end up getting bitten by some venomous insect and dying on the spot. You scared the living Force out of me earlier! But that's just it, Rey... We can _never_ know. It might turn out to be the worst decision of our lives or it might end up being the best. There is only one way to find out!"

 

He was breathtaking in his thunderous intensity. Away from the tree's shadow and in the brightness of day. And with a steadfast expression written all over his features that could shatter a Death Star.

 

She was unable to look away from him.

 

"Stop running away from what you want…" He finally said almost in a whisper, an understanding in his eyes that she had seen before. More than once.

 

She nodded, heart swelling and eyes blurring, and she rose to her feet in a desperate attempt to pull herself together.

 

"We should be heading back," she said in a thick voice. "I'm just going to go and pick a few more berries to have on our way."

 

There was a long, dreadful pause. An insect buzzed between them, going its merry way.

 

"Berries." He repeated gruffly. "You want berries."

 

Rey stole a glance his way.

 

She needed space. She needed to _think_. And she couldn't think when she was around him. He was just too…

 

 _Derailing_.

 

"Yes, berries. They were delicious," she stated, crossing her arms around herself.

 

Ben breathed out a chuckle to himself, raking his hand through his hair before gesturing in the air.

 

"Be my guest. I'll be right here. Waiting."

 

*

 

"Run!"

 

Ben looked up just in time to see Rey sprinting towards him full speed from across the clearing.

 

He shut off the datapad resting on his lap with a small raise of his eyebrows at the panicked expression on her face. She was at his side in the blink of an eye, picking up their few scattered possessions and stuffing them in their backpacks.

 

She was supposed to be picking those damn berries. What in the galaxy could have her running like that?

 

"We need to go! Now!" She screeched, tugging at the blanket underneath him.

 

He nearly chuckled at her exasperated face, flushed pink from her sprinting.

 

"Calm down, whatever it is can't be all that…"

 

A roar breeched the jungle air, ruffling trees and causing avians to fly off and small creatures of the woods to hide in the trees. His attention was dragged to a reptilian creature emerging from the spot where Rey had just appeared, massive as a shuttle and with a mouth full of razor sharp teeth that could probably fit both him and Rey in one bite.

 

"…bad. Shit!"

 

"I _told_ you."

 

The creature focused its eyes on them, releasing a violent huff, the stench of which stretched across the meadow, all the way to their make-shift nest.

 

"Forget the blanket!" He clipped.

 

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it firmly in his, as she helped him up. They both stumbled through the forest line right as they felt the ground shake from the creature's pounding gallop.

 

"That thing is massive!" He yelled, his grip still tightly holding on to hers.

 

"I know!" She chuckled back, easily catching up to his long strides.

 

Twigs broke under their running feet and the leafage blurred as they rushed through the jungle.

 

"I believe it might be a Night Beast," he panted out as they barely dodged a falling tree. The curious academic in him trying to categorize it into to some familiar species. "It's an alleged creature left behind by the Massassi, to guard and protect their homeworld against any invaders until their return."

 

Rey looked at him out of the corner of her eye, teeth gritted from the strain of their sprint.

 

"I really don't care! I just don't want to become its next meal!"

 

He grinned at the ridiculousness of their situation.

 

Cracking of trees and rustling of foliage followed their trail, along with the beast's roar breathing down their neck.

 

"Can you freeze it with the Force?" She cried out, after a particularly sharp claw whisked over their heads, and wedged itself on a nearby tree.

 

"Are you insane?" He barked at her. "I don't have _time_ to conjure the Force _and_ run like hell! Who do you think I am?"

 

Rey threw a hand out in irritation. "Kylo Ren. That's who!"

 

Ben tried to sputter some kind of smart retort because…

 

_What?_

 

Where had _that_ come from?

 

" _You_ do it!" He suggested, the crack of a tree letting them know that the beast had probably freed its claw from the bark.

 

Rey let out a string of swears that Ben surprisingly did not recognize at least half of them. And that was pretty impressive, since he had been raised by Han Solo and Chewbacca after all, and was familiar with at least seven different languages of…

 

"Watch out!" She said, tugging his hand towards her, as he barely evaded the edges of muddy waters, resembling very much those of quicksand.

 

 _Damn that was close_.

 

His girl had good instincts.

 

Another roar filled the jungle, shaking the ground under their feet and Ben clutched her arm tightly just as she stumbled over a protruding root.

 

"Ben, we have to do something," she heaved after a few more paces, "we won't last much longer…"

 

Ben clenched his teeth, because _fuck_ he was aware of that too.

 

 _We need cover_.

 

He allowed his senses to spread out, searching, looking, _feeling_ for anything that could possibly provide any kind of protection.

 

"Do you feel that?" She panted out, right when he came across the unmistakable sensation of clean, cool, refreshing…

 

_Water…_

 

His eyes went wide.

 

He had felt _water_.

 

"Yes…" he stammered. _Yes!_

 

"This way!" She pulled on their tightly clasped hands again, dragging them off the path and into the thick vegetation to their left. It was a lot more difficult to move through it, as branches and leaves created a near impenetrable green barrier.

 

"What is that sound?" Rey called out as they struggled through a series of bushes.

 

"You mean besides that beast's deafening roar?"

 

Rey looked at him rather miffed, because he knew _exactly_ the sound she was referring to. It only grew louder and more distinct as they cut their path through what seemed like the jungle's receding tree line.

 

Moving a branch out of the way, he helped Rey through the last of the foliage and they both stepped foot on the unmistakable edge of a cliff. Cascading waters misted their faces and their rushing sound enveloped their hearing. Beneath them jungle trees stretched all the way to the mountainous horizon in the far distance. The sun burned bright and radiant above them and sparkled on the waters of the river falls next to them. Multiple colors formed in the mist, turning the wilderness into an image taken from fairytales.

 

Rey stared at the falls with wide eyes, clutching his arm.

 

And Ben stared at Rey.

 

"We can't jump into _that!"_ she said.

 

Another roar tore into the air closer than anticipated and a pack of creatures screeched into the trees behind them.

 

"There's no other way to go!" He implored. "If we're lucky that thing won't know how to swim."

 

"Are you serious? I don't know how to swim either! Remember?"

 

"I won't let you drown."

 

"Well, that's good to know," she huffed.

 

Rey dug her nails in the muscle of his arm in determination. She lifted her hazel eyes at him, their depths catching the sun's rays and turning nearly into gold. He remained transfixed for a moment, treasuring the faith and trust buried in those clear eyes. It made his chest expand with this feeling of nobility and protectiveness, so similar to the ones he used to feel when hearing his mother read stories of knights and dragons and princesses in distress as a child.

 

_Where is Kylo Ren and what have I done to him?_

 

"Ben?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Are we taking that jump or what?"

 

"Absolutely."

 

*

 

"I think we found the water supply we were looking for," Rey spat climbing out of the riverbank, with shaky legs. Ben's firm grip never having let go of her hand for a single moment.

 

He pulled her forth with a lot more ease than Rey felt comfortable with, because her boot slipped in the mud and she slammed into him with enough force to send them both sliding down the murky earth with a great _oof_!

 

She found herself splayed on top of him in a tangle of limbs, mud dripping down her hair and clinging disgustedly on both their clothes. His face was scrunched in a wince of pain, even though not a single sound had escaped his lips, and Rey found her elbow digging into his lower abdomen. Any lower and it would have…

 

"Sorry," she mumbled feeling her face heat as she scrambled to get off him.

 

"Not your fault," he coughed back.

 

This mud was ridiculously _thick_. It would turn out to be a complete nightmare to wash off them. Not to mention the sewing needed to patch together the rips and tears already running down the fabrics.

 

"I don't think I'll be visiting the jungle for any more errands any time soon," Ben commented rather lightly about the horrid state they were in. He turned his head to look at her, clearly amused.

 

"Yeah, well…" Rey grumbled. "That makes two of us."

 

Rey set a hand on Ben's side trying to lift herself off him, only to have it slip once more and have her nearly smacking foreheads with him.

 

_Damn it._

 

This mud was absurd. She was surprised Ben hadn't started fuming by now.

 

Until she felt it.

 

It started as a snort, really. Spreading silently on his chest in tiny small shakes and then breaking out of his throat in a burst of ridiculously loud, unashamed and contagious laughter _._ She snapped startled eyes in his direction, catching a wide toothy smile, with dimples running down the sides and sparkling crinkled eyes. A torrent of laughter shook his body beneath her, the likes of it she had never seen before.

 

"Ben?' She asked, trying to contain a tug of her lips, because she was most certainly _not_ joining him in laughing to tears. This was an awful situation. "I hope those berries weren't hallucinogenic or something. Because there is nothing funny about the situation we're in," she pointed out, trying especially hard to sound stern. She made an attempt to get off him again.

 

But he grabbed her, rolling her over before she could do a thing to stop him and she suddenly found herself with her back against the icky mud and his broad body pressed on top of her, caging her between his arms.

 

"It's not the berries," he said, the laughter ebbing away, leaving a soft smile behind and a pair of gleaming, burning, _beautiful_ brown eyes. "It's you. It's always been _you_."

 

Rey felt the air leave her lungs, in tiny tingling particles churning in the space between them.

 

She swallowed thickly, her heart fluttering its way out of her chest. And she knew she was in this too deep. Way deeper than the muck she was currently buried in. And if he were to make a single move, _anything_ resembling what he had done in the clearing, she would melt right then and there and become one with the goo.

 

_Where is Kylo Ren and what have you done to him?_

 

She wanted to cry out. Because the man settled on top of her had nothing to do with the Dark Lord of storms and burning fires. This man before her was immersed in a soft glow. Beaming into the Force the most bizarre and radical of emotions.

 

_Happiness._

 

Rey couldn't believe her eyes.

 

"Now come on," he said tweaking her nose with his muddy thick fingers. "Let's get going before night falls and we end up getting chased by Howlers."

 

"By what?"

 

"You don't want to know."

 

*

 

"What the fuck happened to you?" Was Nyxx's natural reaction when Rey and Ben entered the mess hall of the pyramid sometime late in the evening.

 

A few pairs of eyes turned to look at them as well, their shabby appearance earning them a couple of chuckles.

 

Ben, or at least he believed that was Ben under the mud and leaves clinging on his clothes and hair, slid an irritated glance in his direction.

 

"It's been a long day," Rey answered, her presence just as pitiful as her man's.

 

 _Huh_.

 

Nyxx arched an eyebrow, bringing the rim of a bottle to his lips and taking a long sip. They looked as if a galoomp had vomited all over them.

 

"You guys didn't try killing each other, did you?" Finn commented over a board of Sabacc, the game he had been engrossed in with Jessica.

 

Brows all around immediately scrunched in worry.

 

Rey and Ben both shook their heads in unison, dragging their feet towards the staircase.

 

"We forgot our lightsabers," Rey drawled.

 

"Not making _tha_ t mistake again..." Ben mumbled next to her as he started following her up the stairs.

 

*

 

They reached her floor first and Ben walked her to her door, setting down her bag full of berries.

 

They stood in awkward silence for a few long moments. Rey fiddling with the hem of her tethered shirt, feeling his intense gaze on her.

 

Time ticked by without a word.

 

Ben suddenly leaned in. His nose brushed her cheek and his lips left a light kiss there, making her skin tingle with the softness of his breath. He pulled away almost immediately, his expression shadowed in the darkness of the stone corridor.

 

"Goodnight, Rey..."He said.

 

The deep groveled timbre of his voice, tugging on her heart once again. Her fingers rose to touch the spot he had just set his kiss on.

 

"Ben?"

 

_Don't go._

 

Her hand flew to grasp his, and he turned his head to look at her.

 

"I had a good time today," she said.

 

_I don't want it to end._

 

He chuckled low, rubbing his face with a light groan. "Go to bed Rey. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

She swallowed. Because no… She wasn't done. She wanted _more_. So much more.

 

Rey didn't know if it could all fit in the span of a lifetime.

 

She held on to his hand as he was about to turn around and leave, causing him to glance at her again. In the darkness of the corridor it was hard to decipher his expression.

 

"Don't go yet," she said.

 

She felt his gaze on her heavy and concrete when she tugged on his hand. His grasp tightened around hers and he responded silently by inching closer to her.

 

A step.

 

A breath.

 

Rey didn't know what it was that had taken over her senses. Perhaps it was the lightness that lingered between them. Maybe the darkness of the corridor and the secrets it could keep.

 

Or maybe it was just him.

 

But Rey set her fingers on the sides of his neck. And felt his hot pulse accelerate under the coolness of her touch. She rose up on her toes, her chest brushing against his tall body. She slid her fingers in his messy hair, pulling his broad frame down to her.

 

Rey didn't look in his startled eyes. Didn't let her gaze linger on his black strands falling in his face. She didn't hear the light moan that escaped his throat. Neither did she smell the wet earth and musk of his skin.

 

She noticed none of those.

 

All she felt was the warmth of his breath as she closed the space between them, and his full lips as she set a tender kiss on the softness of them.

 

It must have lasted a heartbeat. Or perhaps an eternity.

 

Rey wasn't sure. But it didn't matter.

 

Because perhaps tomorrow she could have a little more.

 

She released her hold on him and stepped back. The fever in his eyes the only thing she allowed herself to see.

 

"Goodnight, Ben," she said, turning on legs that shook and knees too weak to carry her. She scooped up her berries and went into her room.

 

And allowed herself to breathe when she heard the hiss of the door behind her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an old fashioned kinda gal and swoon over a chaste kiss at a girl's doorstep. And because this is Star Wars this is as close as it'll get to a first date!


	11. Black sun

**Day 6**

 

"I feel sick."

 

Louise lifted her eyes from the computer terminal determined not to let any of her nervousness show. She was a medical assistant, after all, and he was a just patient for heaven's sake and she needed to act professional about this. She took in a deep breath, trying to gather her scattered thoughts of _malevolent powers_ and _impending death_ screaming in her brain and looked straight into those dark soul-sucking eyes of the looming man in front of her.

 

She cleared her throat under his expectant gaze.

 

"And… wh…what are your symptoms, may I ask? Mr. Ren. Sir?"

 

He huffed impatiently running a hand through his black hair. Which looked much cleaner and glossier than the last time she had seen him. In fact, he overall looked much better kempt and put together, more like an imposing young man and less like a creature of death. Under normal conditions, normal as in him not being on the constant verge of a probable mass murdering spree, she might have- _maybe_ \- considered him- _may the gods help her condemned soul_ \- somewhat attractive.

 

"Nausea. I feel…" He rubbed at his chest in discomfort scrunching his brow. "Heart palpitations, restlessness… Practically the whole time. It's all very discomforting and I want it to stop."

 

Louise was mentally ticking off illnesses from indigestion to heart angina but somehow she couldn't quite make all the symptoms _stick_ under one condition.

 

"Perhaps I should have Dr. Lydham take a look at you," she said rather proud of herself for not stammering at her words. "He's currently evaluating General Organa's vitals since she has been put into stasis for her therapy. If you would like to wait on one of these seats for him to finish, I'm sure that he… Sir? You're not allowed in the…Sir?"

 

*

 

Ben stormed inside the room, completely side-stepping the petrified nurse, the most foreboding of emotions having wedged itself in his chest. He was greeted by a glass cubicle containing his mother's sedated small figure. Monitors were blinking her vitals and Dr. Lydham was standing over her, deep in discussion with the surrounding nursing staff.

 

His heavy gait alerted everyone of his presence, as eyes shifted to look at him in apprehension. The room fell silent.

 

"Why is she in stasis?" Ben demanded.

 

"This is hardly the time to discuss your mother's condition, young man," the Chief of Medicine said in a firm voice. "If you wish to be informed, I will do so when I am finished evaluating her and giving instructions for her therapy."

 

Ben clenched his fists, rigid in his spot.

 

"Therapy? For what?" He nearly spat, unable to direct his frustration at a proper recipient.

 

He was gone for what? A day? How had his mother managed to get herself in intensive therapy in just a matter of hours?

 

Dr. Lydham removed his spectacles and turned to look at him sternly. "Please leave and let us finish our work."

 

He completely dismissed the doctor's insignificant request and was about to open his mouth for another blatant question when he felt a light touch on his forearm.

 

"Ben."

 

He snapped his head to look at Rey's wide hazel eyes.

 

"What's going on?" He asked thickly, instant relief flooding his body at the sight of her. "Why wasn't I informed of this?"

 

"She'll be fine," she said softly, squeezing his arm in assurance. "It's not the first time she undergoes such therapies. She should be coming out by tomorrow. She probably just didn't want to worry you, is all."

 

Ben swallowed the dryness in his throat.

 

"You know."

 

"Not much. Just that these therapies help keep her blood illness at bay," she said, tugging gently at his arm and pulling him out of the room. The door hissed shut behind him, allowing the staff to work in peace. "I'm sure she'll tell you all about it if you ask her yourself."

 

Ben bit his lip. Hating to admit how concerned he felt.

 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, stirring the conversation away from the prickly topic of his relationship with his mother.

 

Rey's face scrunched into a sour grimace.

 

"Turns out I had a few too many berries. At least that's what Dr. Lydham believes."

 

Ben frowned.

 

That would probably explain his symptoms.

 

_Wonderful._

 

Rey looked at him for a few heartbeats, eyes growing warm and soft on him. Yesterday's memories stirred in the air between them, settling lightly on their shoulders and easing the tension away.

 

Until the creak of a chair informed them that they weren't alone.

 

"Maybe if you actually gave a damn about anyone else but yourself, you would have noticed that your mother is not well," Dameron clipped, as he approached them.

 

He came to stand a couple of paces away, not making the simplest of efforts to conceal his hostility towards Ben.

 

"This isn't a good time," Rey said.

 

"He needs to know the extent of his indifference, Rey. All these years that he's been gone, we were practically a family to Leia. Just because he decided to act like the prodigal son, doesn't mean he's converted to our cause."

 

Rey's back straightened. As if Poe's verbal attack was directed at her.

 

"You make far too many presumptions about me, pilot," Ben intervened, towering possessively behind Rey.

 

Poe glared at him.

 

"Am I wrong? Go on then. Tell Rey that you won't be turning your back on us the first chance you get. She'll be thrilled to know you're part of us now."

 

"Hey!" She snapped. "You're taking this too far. He's not what he used to be."

 

"Really? Is that what he's been telling you? Because that's exactly _who_ he is. It's only a matter of time before he shows his true black colors again."

 

"You are wrong!" Rey bit out, cheeks flushed in rightful anger. The same kind of anger that always seemed to simmer in his chest. Sometimes low enough to ignore its presence. But always there. And Ben could feel it flaring inside him right now. He couldn't understand why Rey felt the need to defend him in Dameron's eyes. He could care less about the pilot's opinion about him but it obviously mattered to her.

 

It didn't sit well with him.

 

There was a score that needed to be settled with the pilot. But not in front of Rey.

 

 _Definitely not in front of Rey_.

 

Ben set his hand on the small of her back. He leaned into her ear, soft fragrant wisps of hair caressing his face distractedly so.

 

"Can you give me a moment with him?" He whispered, trying to conceal the irritation in his voice. Rey turned to look at him anxiously. "It won't take long."

 

Dameron clenched his jaw, setting his hands on his hips.

 

"Don't…" She shook her head, voice imploring but eyes stern.

 

Yes. He was very much aware of her feelings towards the pilot. Painfully so.

 

"I won't," he reassured her.

 

Rey walked out of the bay sending them both one final warning glance over her shoulder. Ben waited for the doors to hiss shut behind her, before turning to face the pilot. The restraint in his features fell away instantly and his face contorted into a snarl.

 

"I will say this once. And once only," he said through clenched teeth. "This is the last time you try to turn Rey against me with invalidated speculations about me and the reasons I'm here. You will not speak of me again. You will not mess in my affairs. And you will stay away from Rey. Consider yourself warned."

 

Dameron stood stricken in his spot for a long moment, before composing himself and scrunching his face in hate.

 

"She deserves better than you."

 

"So I've been told. But she is no longer your concern."

 

"You," Poe lifted his finger to point at Ben's chest angrily, "are the biggest mistake Leia ever made. And may the Force help us all when everything comes crashing down," he spat, eyes ablaze with fury.

 

"Get the hell out of my face, before I end up breaking my promise to Rey!"

 

"Or what pal? Are you going to pummel my face into a pulp, like you did the last time? Will you Ben? Or is it Kylo Ren? Because I'm really confused at the moment." Poe let out an ugly chuckle, dripping with sarcasm.

 

Ben's wrath burned out. Transformed into jagged, cutting ice that stretched in the small space between the two men. He took a step closer.

 

"Careful," he gritted out, words measured and cold, running down the glass wall behind him with a loud crack. "Do not take this there. I will make the interrogation you went through on Starkiller seem like a walk in the park."

 

Ben could feel his emotions spiraling out of his control.

 

Poe stepped back alarmed.

 

He stared at Ben for a few silent moments, eyes narrowed under his furrowed brow. He pressed his lips in a hard line, clearly contemplating his next words. It was a good sign because his logic was the only thing standing between the two men. The only thing that could save them both.

 

He eventually nodded with a scowl and looked away. Took another step back.

 

"You'd better watch it," he warned with a raise of his eyebrows, eyeing Ben coldly. "I will kill you myself if you fuck us all up. Consider that _my_ warning."

 

"Don't test my patience, _pilot_."

 

Dameron was smart enough to bite down a retort. He turned around and marched out of the medical bay, kicking a chair out of his way and sending it screeching across the floor.

 

Ben glanced at the nurse standing behind her station, datapad clutched fiercely in front of her chest. She was as white as the walls.

 

"What are you looking at?" He growled. "Aren't you supposed to bring me medication for my nausea?"

 

*

 

Rey secured her second water bottle in her backpack's side pocket. Made sure a couple of bacta patches were nestled in the main compartment, along with a few rations and necessary equipment for the Resistance's expedition in the jungle. Around her, the few members of the team she would lead back to the waterfalls were equally as busy in their preparations.

 

She stood up on the sound of Ben's footsteps approach her, looking at him with relief. It had taken him a while to come and find her. But whatever confrontation had taken place between the two men had not left any visible marks this time around. She hiked the heavy backpack on her shoulders. They were only supposed to be gone for a few hours, but after her last experience in the jungle, Rey believed that she couldn't be too prepared.

 

Ben came to stand next to her just as she was strapping her saber on her back.

 

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked, folding his arms in front of his chest.

 

Rey tried to ignore the bulges of muscle under his thin tunic, choosing to concentrate instead on the look of disbelief and utter irritation on his handsome face.

 

"Someone has to show them how to get to the waterfalls. They chose me to lead the way. Simple." She stated, securing a hunting knife _and_ a blaster on her belt. She could feel his heavy gaze trained on her and knew there was a storm brewing behind it.

 

"You are not going back in that jungle on your own."

 

"Ben, there's at least seven of us heavily armed and prepared. We have communications and trekking devices. We'll be _fine_ ," she pointed out because his reaction was not one bit surprising.

 

Ben sniffed his contempt.

 

"You're still not going on your own. I'm coming with you."

 

Rey secured her braided hair into a bun at the back of her head. It had taken her two hours to remove all the twigs and leaves tangled in her hair the night before.

 

"No, you are not. I will only be gone for a few hours and there is no need for you to come with me. Not everyone feels comfortable in your presence."

 

"That jungle is a death trap!" He pointed at the treeline outside of the storage area they were currently in, raising his voice. "You can't handle the team on your own. Stop being so stubborn about it. You know it would be safer with me around."

 

"You're not coming with us! Poe's orders…"

 

"I don't give a flying fuck about Poe's orders!"

 

"Well, too bad! Because as long as the General is in stasis, he's in charge around here." She lashed back, a little too ardently than intended. She immediately regretted it when she saw his face fall into a pained frown.

 

"You don't seriously expect me to buy that."

 

Rey sighed. She knew Ben would never comply with anyone's orders. Least of all Poe's.

 

"No, I don't. What I _do_ expect from you is to stay here. At the base. Just like I asked you to do and not make this any harder. Yes, I wish you could come with us. But this is not my decision and I am not the only one voicing an opinion here."

 

He regarded her broodily.

 

"Ben, please…"

 

Ben ran a hand down his face with a grunt. He scowled at the jungle, chewing the inside of his cheek. The petulant frustration on his face about her wellbeing the most endearing thing she had ever seen.

 

People hurried around them, gathering their belongings and exchanging light conversation. Ben and Rey stood still, facing one another in the middle of the bustling storage area. An island of quietness amidst the surge of activity.

 

Rey stepped close to him, snaking her arms around his body and tucking her head under his chin. She closed her eyes reveling in the sound of his ragged breath as his own large hands came to wrap around her back, pulling her tightly to him.

 

A solid body in such close contact was not an indulgence she had allowed herself to have. Too many instincts of survival always came in the way. But the way he enveloped her now. Molded her body safely along his broad frame, it thawed at them. Peeled them off year by year, layer by layer all the way down the lonely creature huddled in his strong arms.

 

"I'll be back before you know it," she mumbled in the skin of his neck. She felt him nod reluctantly, running his warm hands down her back. She found herself unable to break away.

 

"Ok, everyone!" Mika their new Chief engineer ordered, snapping Rey's attention back to the cold present. "Let's get moving. We've got to be back before sunset."

 

She pulled away slowly, glancing hesitantly up at him. He was looking at her with an intensity that had her pulse spiking instinctively. He cupped her shoulders, fingers digging lightly through the fabric, as his eyes fell to her lips.

 

They remained there.

 

_Will he do it?_

 

The little thought pattered through her mind. Would he kiss her in front of everyone? Laying a claim on her that nobody could challenge? Her heart stuttered, anticipation tingling in her veins that had her blinking expectantly at him. She watched him swallow, gaze fixed on her lips and palms traveling down the length of her arms.

 

"Be careful out there," he said in a hoarse voice, dragging his eyes back up.

 

_Come back to me._

 

She could almost imagine his words were meant to say.

 

Ben pulled away abruptly and stepped back. He turned around and Rey watched him stalk his way towards the stationed X-wings at the side of the great temple. One of the technicians approached him cautiously, gesturing at the battered wing of a ship. She saw him nod in acceptance before pulling off his black tunic over his head.

 

Rey didn't know how she'd make it through the day without him.

 

*

 

Rey couldn't shake away that feeling of guilt nestled inside her. It was eating at her like a pest all morning and she couldn't figure out why.

 

Everything annoyed her. From the humid air of the jungle clinging on her skin to the murky ground that slushed under her boots. From her aching muscles and burning lungs to the endless tangle of vegetation stretching in her path. But what annoyed her the most. What absolutely aggravated her to no ends and blistered inside her like a foul abscess, were the hushed random comments her team made about Ben that drifted to her ears during their cumbersome hike.

 

Yes. She could understand they had reasons not to like him. Grave reasons. His crimes were horrendous. But during his stay in the Resistance base, he had not given them one single reason to feel threatened. He had stayed out of everyone's way and had even gone as far as actually _help_ with the Resistance's needs. This very expedition was evidence enough.

 

But it seemed as if she was the only one that could see that.

 

And Poe…

 

Poe had been more than a friend and she would always care for him. But his reservations on Ben were beyond those of a skeptic leader. They were fueled by a personal vendetta. And even though they were justified to a point, it was obvious that Poe's opinion of Ben was biased.

 

_Because of me._

 

"Weren't they a couple?"

 

A question reached her ears once again, coming from a pair of Stormtroopers munching on their snack a few paces from the fallen bark she was resting on.

 

"JT-6543 once told me that she frequented his rooms, but not on a regular basis. JT was stationed in laundry and would collect the Knights' clothes every day from their rooms. Hers were found in other rooms of the ship on occasion, so I don't think they were an actual couple."

 

"Yeah, I highly doubt Kylo Ren would put up with cheating. He doesn't seem like the type."

 

"Yeah… Don't think so either."

 

Rey chewed on her portion bar, teeth grinding viciously together between bites. She was never one to eavesdrop on people's conversations and she had really tried to ignore the gossiping ex-Troopers.

 

But it was practically _impossible_.

 

Her suspicions about the she-Knight's feelings towards Ben were turning out to be true. There _was_ a history between the two of them.

 

The realization brought a bitter taste in her mouth.

 

Rey was fuming mad with herself for not letting Ben come with her to the jungle. What if Neesha tried to take advantage of her absence? Would Ben give in? No.

 

 _No_.

 

Rey shook her head to herself. Ben wasn't like that… But is that how he felt every time she spoke to Poe? Did this awful sharp feeling twist at his insides like a knife as well?

 

_I've been so cruel to him…_

 

She couldn't believe what a complete idiot she had been, trying to smooth over Poe's suspicions and taking into consideration the team's hostile feelings towards Ben instead of the ones that mattered the most to her.

 

 _His_.

 

She could just scream.

 

"You know who has a crush on him?"

 

"On who? Kylo Ren?"

 

"Yeah. Ch'iira, she's one of the technicians that was stationed on the _Prometheus_."

 

"Isn't she a Twi'lek?"

 

"Yeah, yeah… She's a Twi'lek."

 

"You think he'd go for her?"

 

"Who knows… I heard…"

 

_For fuck's sake!_

 

"Will you two just stop!" Rey thundered at them, causing a few chewing heads to snap in her direction. "Not everyone here is interested in Kylo Ren's bloody love life. If you two are done with your food then I suggest we all get going, because we still have a long way to cover."

 

Eyes blinked at her in surprise. But Rey didn't care.

 

She got to her feet, wiping her hands on her clothes and grasping her backpack. She threw it on her shoulder with a huff, stomping her way in the vegetation. The rest of the team hurried to gather their things as well, muttering under their breaths about those strange Force users and their even stranger mood swings.

 

"Oh, and one more thing," Rey swiveled to look at them, a murderous expression on her face. "His name is no longer Kylo Ren. It is Ben Solo! It is his choice and you had better learn to respect it."

 

She turned around, swatting a branch out of her way. Completely missing their gaping faces.

 

*

 

"Clear your head, Kylo. Focus!" Neesha snapped at Kylo after a particularly swift strike of her lightsaber came too close for comfort with his right leg. She straightened her back swiping hands with her saber, clutching its hilt tightly with her new metal fingers. "I don't believe the Resistance can purchase another bionic limb," she said caustically, enjoying his befuddled expression of surprise at being bested.

 

_Arrogant prick._

 

"I _am_ focused," he snarled back, twirling his crossguard in the air and hunching over. "You just got lucky."

 

_Lucky?_

 

It seemed the Jedi had stolen more than his heart.

 

"I wouldn't call that lucky, _Master_ ," she bit back. "Your mind is clearly distracted. Probably following the little Jedi and her team in the jungle."

 

Nyxx looked at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to pretend he hadn't heard her jab. He continued disassembling his blaster, blowing imaginary dust from the weapon's compartments and rubbing it down with a rag.

 

Kylo powered down his weapon, crossing the thick grass to where she stood defiantly, chin raised and saber lit up brightly red. His imposing frame came to loom over her, looking at her with a stony expression.

 

"Her name is Rey. And there is nothing little about her. Try to remember _that_ , if you are ever unfortunate enough to cross lightsabers with her," he clipped coldly with a raise of his brow.

 

Nyxx spat at a particularly difficult stain on the hilt, rubbing ferociously at it.

 

Neesha scowled.

 

Kylo turned around and walked back to where he stood, digging his heel in the ground and readying himself for another round.

 

But the corrosive disappointment she felt toward him had been eating at her for far too long.

 

"You've changed, Kylo…" Neesha commented from her spot with a groveled voice. "That girl has changed you."

 

"We all change," he said, avoiding to look at her.

 

Neesha chuckled darkly. "Who would have ever thought the mighty Kylo Ren would have crawled for hiding in the Resistance, running after a desert scavenger, just because she had the Force."

 

Nyxx stilled all movements and turned to squint at the sun. "Guys, maybe we should head inside…"

 

Kylo set his jaw, looking at the rustling of a tree in the meadow's forest line.

 

"What happened to you?" Neesha spoke again, fixing her pale eyes at the man whose lead she had followed blindly ever since the destruction of Skywalker's academy. "Because I know for a fact, that the Master of the Knights of Ren would have rained hell on earth if he had come across the Resistance base, and would have leveled it to the ground without quarter. Not galavanting around jungles with a lovestruck smile across his face."

 

"That's enough!" he growled, finally fixing burning eyes at her.

 

"No, you need to hear this!" She spat back, stomping long curved legs through the grass of the meadow towards him. Her usually emotionless features broke into a heated sneer. "That girl has made you weak! Half the Knights turned against you because of the weakness they saw. That girl is the reason we fell apart. The reason you _failed_ us!"

 

"I have not failed you! Snoke was the one who manipulated us…"

 

"Don't you dare bring Snoke into this! This isn't about him. Yes, he deceived us…But you betrayed us! We trusted you. And you turned your back on us. Decided you had enough and wanted out. But that is not how the game is played, Kylo. You can't change sides on a whim. And that desert Jedi will care for you as long as you agree to her terms."

 

Kylo barely flinched at her words. But Neesha knew better than what he allowed her to see. It was the color that left his cheeks and the light blink of his eyes that told her of the effect they had on him. Her Master was not certain of the Jedi's feelings.

 

_He should have known better._

 

"Rey does not…"

 

"No, she does not…" she nailed her conviction. "She only cares for Ben."

 

Kylo fell silent, glancing away again. And Neesha couldn't help but despise the weakness in him. Kylo was powerful, determined. Proud. A Laelaps of fire and destruction that no one could escape from. Not some subdued beast, with its canines ripped out and its claws removed, pacing helplessly under leash with its tail between its legs. She wanted to run her saber through his body and shake him awake.

 

"Neesha, I know I have not been fair to you."

 

His eyes were upon her again, warm and understanding and she couldn't bear to look at them. They chipped and melted at her frozen walls.

 

"No, you have not, Kylo. But I do not want your pity," she hissed. "We Knights of Ren have been taught to harness the pain, sharpen it and use it. I will be fine. The question is, will you? When the time comes and the Jedi abandons you?"

 

He fell silent again, glancing at Nyxx. Neesha refused to follow his gaze. Did not look at the man whose green clever eyes seem to read her like an open book. Did not want to see the emotions of hurt fleeting on their usually laid back expression.

 

"My allegiance lays with you. It always has," she finally declared. "And I will defend you to the death just as our oath dictated."

 

That was all she could say. There was nothing left.

 

She disengaged her lightsaber, its humming sound disappearing abruptly, leaving behind the unsettling peaceful sounds of a ruffling wind and chirping of birds. She started making her way through the thick grass towards the cool shadows of the grand pyramid. The heat of the sun an unbearable sensation on her creamy skin.

 

"Well, that could have gone worse…" Nyxx's scratchy voice drifted with the wind.

 

Kylo snorted a half laugh in response. "Yes. She's in a good mood today."

 

Neesha snarled, ripping a long-stemmed flower from its root.

 

 _Assholes_.

 

*

 

Ben darted an anxious glance back at the pyramid's dark entrance, careful not to be noticed by anyone in the small group of people sitting relaxed around the fire. He knew very well that Rey and the rest of the team had returned from the jungle sometime in the late afternoon. He knew it because he could _feel_ her presence beaming from the grand structure.

 

He sat with his arms on his knees, clenching and unfurling his fingers nervously, all the while listening but not paying much attention to the chatter of the few men and women around the flames. His thoughts were running inescapably back to Rey.

 

She hadn't come to him yet.

 

"You ok there, man?"

 

He turned his head to look at the man sitting a couple of paces away from him, _Colin or Kaylen_ , he couldn't quite remember. The man was holding up a can of ale. Offering it to him.

 

Ben shook his head mumbling a _no thank you_. He didn't believe he could swallow a single drop of it. Not the way his stomach felt as if it were lodged in his throat.

 

"I'll have it," Nyxx piped in from across the fire stretching an arm adorned with an obscene amount of bracelets, clanking in the night.

 

"Find your own damn beer, Nyxx," _Colin_ said, "You already gobbled down two of mine without me noticing. Quit using those creepy powers on people."

 

Nyxx snorted, not at all offended by the man's remark. "If you weren't making google eyes on Ice Queen here, then maybe I _would_ have used those creepy powers on you," he said impishly.

 

Neesha slid a rankled stare at him. "Seriously, Nyxx!"

 

Finn burst out laughing along with Noah, Jessica and a few more people that Ben had seen around, but had barely exchanged words with them. Neesha looked at the company thoroughly annoyed.

 

Ben smirked.

 

His gaze fell on a couple, huddled together a little further away from the fire. They were content in a little world of their own making, whispering and smiling at each other as if they held the secrets of the universe.

 

His chest constricted for the hundredth time today.

 

They probably did _._ And he _envied_ them.

 

Ben lifted his gaze up in the stars as if their scattered constellations held the answers to all his unspoken doubts clawing at his insides. The night was peaceful and exceptionally dark since the single massive moon had not yet risen in the horizon. It was the darkest moment of the night. As dark as the tangle of thoughts and uncertainties running through his mind.

 

He was afraid to admit it.

 

What if Neesha were right? What if Rey would eventually choose not to stand next to him in this new path he was taking? She had been so hesitant at the clearing back in the jungle. Full of doubts and fears. What if she had reconsidered? What if that was the reason she hadn't wanted him to come along?

 

He had seen her turn her back and flee once too many times. If he were to watch her leave again…

 

Ben threaded his fingers through his hair, clutching desperately at his strands. This woman was toying with his very sanity.

 

 _Force_ what he wouldn't give for her to come back to him.

 

"Hi," the sweetest voice breathed out above him and he snapped his head to see Rey taking a seat next to him, her slim arm brushing against his shoulder. Her hair was wet, spilling fragrantly over her shoulders with no leaves in their midst, and her clothes seemed fresh and crisp, not a single tear on the fabric from what little he could see. A wide smile broke on her lovely face. "Are you ok?"

 

The dying embers of the fire barely illuminated her face, but the brightness of her eyes when she looked at him was more than enough to chase away the shadows of his previous thoughts.

 

He swallowed thickly. His stomach and heart returning to their rightful places.

 

_Maker, help me…_

 

He had missed her.

 

A long exhale escaped his body and Ben fought the urge to crush her in his arms. Kiss her senseless and never let go of her again. And the hell with righteous paths and fucked up destinies and crumbling galaxies.

 

But his eyes only roamed over her beautiful face and he smiled back.

 

"Yes, I'm fine."

 

*

 

He looked as striking as ever wrapped in his alluring darkness, the small fire lighting up his face and bringing its paleness to battle the shadows of the night. He never ceased to take her breath away. Even when sitting completely still, his fiery eyes always managed to consume her every movement.

 

Only this time Ben was staring at her with the most wondrous of expressions. That of sweet relief entwined with the most torturous agony. It was as tangible in the air as the smells of the jungle, and a broad silly smile formed on her face.

 

Gods, had she missed him…

 

She wondered what kind of thoughts had run through his restless mind during her absence. If she had stolen a little part of them.

 

Their eyes remained locked, sides pressed together closely, neither of them wishing to withdraw their gaze.

 

"Did you find the waterfalls, alright?" Finn asked from across the fire. People were looking at her, curiously and somewhat expectantly.

 

She cleared her voice.

 

"Um…Yes! The waterfalls were there, thank you," she hurried to say.

 

Finn grinned widely, his perfect teeth illuminated by the fire's light. And Rose bit her lip to prevent herself from smiling. She glanced back at Ben, whose sparkling eyes seemed equally amused, minus the smile. He leaned back and rested his weight on his hands, one of them coming to settle on the ground behind her. His heavy gaze never leaving her face.

 

"No. I meant if you all found the waterfalls without giant reptile creatures chasing after you?" Finn explained lightly amidst the numerous giggles and good-natured chuckles going around the fire.

 

_Of course._

 

Rey deadpanned, mentally kicking herself.

 

"We did come across some flesh eating fish at the river. Mika ended up losing a finger because of them, but other than that all was fine," she commented, as eyes widened all around.

 

Ben tensed next to her.

 

"Rey, where in the Force do you come across these things?" He said sounding a bit exasperated.

 

"We couldn't help it. He fell inside. I had to levitate him out of the waters, but not before, you know…"

 

She felt a shiver run down everyone's back.

 

"Maybe we should start thinking about moving to another base…" Jessica chimed.

 

"It was either this or Hoth," Rose said. "They were the best-supplied bases in the Resistance. And I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather I didn't lose my fingers due to frostbite."

 

Nyxx grimaced, pulling out a small piece of paper and placing a string of smokes in its center. "How 'bout we find a planet where we're in no danger of losin' _any_ appendages," he said licking the paper's ends and rolling them together.

 

Neesha eyed him icily again, making him squirm under her gaze. "Didn't you quit those?"

 

"I… Yes." He admitted, setting diligently the roll of smokes between his lips after carefully lighting its end in the glowing charcoals.

 

Ben reached out suddenly, snapping the roll from his friend and tossing it in the fire before Nyxx could react.

 

"Those things will kill you," Ben muttered.

 

Nyxx glowered at him with a narrowing of his eyes. "This kriffin' planet will end up killin' me first." He stated firmly, digging in his pockets for more of his smokes. "Hope your mother wakes up soon enough 'cause otherwise I'll die of boredom."

 

A few more grumbles went around about the planet for a little while longer, before everyone settled slowly into low conversations.

 

Rey rubbed her hands down her arms. She could already feel the night air numbing her skin through her thin shirt.

 

"You're cold," Ben said next to her, ceasing the conversation he was having with Darren, one of the engineers about some X-wing he was helping him repair. He wrapped his hand around her body rubbing down the length of her arm languidly. The comfort of his touch settling pleasantly deep in her chest. Rey daringly set her head on his shoulder and draped her own arm around him, letting his solid warmth seep into her shivering skin.

 

"I'm much better now," she whispered in the crook of his neck.

 

His arm tightened around her waist pulling her closer to him.

 

She curled her fingers on his tunic, grasping the rough fabric.

 

His breath fanned on her temple and his lips seared a burning kiss there. Marking her for all to see.

 

"Good," he whispered in her hair. "Because I'm not letting you out of my sight again. Not with the way you get yourself in trouble the whole time."

 

Rey smiled up at him. "You really shouldn't talk. I'm not the one visiting the medical bay every chance I get."

 

His chest rumbled with light laughter, making her fingertips tingle.

 

"Hardly," he scoffed, with a curl of his lips.

 

"Hey everyone, look! It started!" Rose pointed excitedly at the dark sky.

 

Streaks of falling light appeared in its vast expanse, glowing and shimmering before disappearing completely at the end of the horizon. The whole night lit up slowly with countless of their counterparts cutting through the sky in a grand show of light. Rey had seen occasional meteors appear in the endless skyline of Jakku. But nothing like this.

 

Everyone's attention was captivated instantly by the brilliance of the rare meteor shower.

 

Rey turned to look at Ben. His dark eyes capturing the stars in their depths. They looked magical and surreal under the star's falling light and Rey found herself surrendering to the beauty of the moment. She knew that it wouldn't last forever. She knew that darker times would eventually come for them. But he was here by her side now, after everything they had been through, struggling with his demons and battling with his own self. And Rey knew he would find his balance in his own time. She would make sure he got the chance.

 

Because Rey vowed that she would never again walk this universe without him next to her.

 

_No matter what._

 

He turned to look at her, a boyish look of amazement in his eyes. She gazed back steadily, an unspoken need rising in her chest. He must have sensed it, because the lightness in his eyes fell slowly, transforming into the fire that always burned for her.

 

Rey's mouth opened to say something to him. Something that writhed and ached deep inside her for a long time. Words that in the heat of battle had been left unsaid. Had been forgotten. Words that had been always meant for a night like this.

 

But her throat was tight and his breath too close.

 

His lips closed the distance between them, eagerly, fiercely. Seizing hers with voracity. It was a hard and demanding kiss from its very beginning, his lips commanding her to open for him and his tongue delving hungrily to mold with hers. Rey buried her fingers in midnight tresses, powerless to stop. The feel of them so soft and thick and warm under her touch. And so different than the matted bloody strands that haunted her dreams.

 

Time stilled.

 

The falling stars and shadows of the jungle disappeared.

 

The whole universe fell away.

 

And all that remained was this flaming black sun in her arms, setting fire to her lips and devouring her heart.

 

*

 

Swift steps crossed the polished dark floor, heels clicking impatiently against the immaculate surface and echoing down the vast glass corridor.

 

Howling winds and stinging rain broke against the thick glass walls, a vicious storm releasing its most violent nature upon the grand structure of metal and glass. Multiple lights flickered as far as the eye could see in this cataclysmic dark night, shedding what little light they had on the grand building machines and endless shipyards, currently occupied by the most massive ship ever constructed in the Known Universe.

 

The scurrying man caught a reflection of his pale face and ginger hair spilling over his forehead, as he hurried down the corridor fuming with barely concealed anger. He brushed the errand strand away from his face with lithe fingers setting it back into its crisp position.

 

"When did he arrive?" He sneered at one of his followers.

 

"Less than an hour ago," the man responded patiently, not a sliver of emotion slipping from his expressionless face.

 

General Hux absolutely loathed this planet and it cryptic people.

 

"Aboard a Resistance X-wing. Demanded he saw you at once about urgent matters," the man continued, the whispers of his robes on the sleek floor grating on Hux's nerves. They reminded him too much of his most despised adversary.

 

_Kylo Ren._

 

He scowled.

 

"Did he say what those matters were about?"

 

General Hux was practically livid at the gull of this complete stranger raising him from his sleep in the middle of the night.

 

"He did not. He simply requested that we inform you of his presence and his desire to see you."

 

_Requested._

 

Hux scoffed at the man's audacity.

 

Massive metal doors parted at the end of the corridor allowing entrance into a grand chamber surrounded by the same glass walls that seemed to be such a basic component in this planet's architecture. Hux had grown tired of glass and transparent walls.

 

He strode into the chamber, heals clicking fervently against the floor without missing a beat. "What is the meaning of this?" He snarled at the tall dark figure standing in the center of the room. His back was turned and he seemed to be studying the shipyards through the torrents of rain crashing against the glass.

 

Lightning struck amongst the leaden clouds surrounding the grand building, just as a chuckle resonated from the cold walls.

 

"Is that a way to greet an old friend?" A smooth voice asked, creeping ominously up Hux's spine.

 

The General tugged at his gloves in annoyance, trying his best to conceal the uncanny sentiments being brought forth by this strange man. "I don't have time to play games."

 

"A pity," the man said, turning around slowly and looking at Hux with a tilt of his head. "You of all people should know that a game is what this galaxy is all about. And the best of players only survive. Wouldn't you agree, General?"

 

Hux narrowed his eyes at the approaching figure draped in a black cloak. Its frayed edges brushing against the spotless floor and scratching on his patience.

 

_One of his eyes must be missing._

 

He thought with aversion, as he noticed the dark cloth covering part of his head. And he seemed oddly familiar, but Hux couldn't quite place this man's face. It was plain and easy to forget.

 

"I was informed of urgent matters you wished to speak to me about."

 

"Indeed. For what is more urgent than meeting your next Emperor?"

 

Hux's eyes widened before his face contorted into a sneer of amusement. "You are wasting my time. Get this man out of my face," Hux ordered the two men who had been following him. He swiftly turned on his heels, ready to depart as quickly as he had entered.

 

But General Hux found himself unable to take a single step. His windpipe constricted robbing him of air, right at the strange man stepped in front of him, bringing his face close enough for Hux to finally recognize who it was.

 

_It can't be…_

 

"You should be dead," he croaked, red-faced and fighting for breath. "You should have died along with _him_."

 

"Oh, on the contrary, my friend. I live," Aryn drawled. He brought his gritted teeth next to Hux's ear and hissed. "And so does _he._ "

 

"Impossible…"Hux whispered, clutching at his throat with desperation.

 

"Silence!" Aryn roared, a golden gleam in the depths of his single eye.

 

Hux's body crumbled to the floor as whatever power had gotten hold of him was released. He looked at the man looming over him through his messed up red strands with a burning hate. There was no way he would allow this madman to be in charge of the First Order.

 

He was sick and tired of falling prey to Force users' twisted powers.

 

He should have found a way to kill the Knights one by one himself, instead of relying on Valek to do the job. The man had been too arrogant to pull this through and had only gotten what he deserved in the end.

 

"Kylo Ren lives. In the arms of his mother's Resistance," Aryn stated calmly as if his previous outburst had never happened. It brought a chilling sensation in Hux's guts. He had witnessed far too many times for his likes, Kylo Ren's vile temper which spiked in the blink of an eye and burned hot as a furnace. But this Knight's eldritch nature slithering in the air was a whole new experience.

 

 _Bloody vipers_!

 

He would have to tread carefully around Aryn.

 

"And what do you suggest we should do about it?" General Hux asked rising on his feet and tugging on the rumpled collar of his coat, thoroughly vexed with the situation. He was curious to see the inner workings of the man. Find his weaknesses and exploit them. And when the time came…

 

"Nothing… We will wait for Kylo Ren to come to us. It is only a matter of time."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How hot should I let this sun burn?


	12. The stars above

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will know exactly what this chapter is about from its very beginning. Tread carefully. You have been warned.

"Stay with me tonight," Ben whispered in her ear.

 

He was unable to contain the hoarseness in his voice as tentative lips trailed slowly down the sweet curve of her neck. Rey shivered under his breath, a subtle invitation for him to venture for _more_.

 

He had waited too long for this.

 

The fire was down to cinders and the crackling embers were doing little to warm up the cool humid air of the night. But they had no need for such elementary heat. Ben was afraid that what simmered inside him was more than adequate to set them both ablaze if its true potential were to be unleashed.

 

Rey's fingers under his shirt dug into the muscles of his abdomen, most probably leaving little crescent marks on his skin. But Ben didn't mind. He had been enjoying the exploration of her slender hands under his shirt a little while now, as they both lay in a tangle of limbs on the plush damp grass. Their group of _friends_ had scurried inside the old temple a little while ago, with exaggerated stifling of yawns and stretching of arms, leaving a couple or two behind content in their ministrations. One of them being Rey and him. A primal, ancient part of him felt a surge of pride at having claimed her lips in front of everyone. It left no more doubts as to who she belonged to.

 

He slowed down his advances on her neck, razing his tongue along the jut of her collarbone all the way to the soft flesh at its end. Her skin was velvet and honey and so very much enticing. Ben wanted to latch lips and teeth on it and never let go.

 

Rey sighed in his hair, tracing daring fingers down his midline, all the way to the fastenings of his trousers.

 

"Rey…"

 

She hummed, continuing her delightful path lower, towards an inevitable meeting that his body was all too eager to assist.

 

"Baby, if you go there we will never make it to my room," he mumbled on the skin of her elegant neck.

 

Rey let out a wicked throaty giggle, continuing her movements.

 

 _That little fox_.

 

He would most definitely have to remember to add _that_ word to his growing list of descriptions of her. It turned out she was a lot slyer than he had given her credit for. Underestimating her had always been his biggest mistake and…

 

_Damn…_

 

Ben bit the end of her collarbone in a desperate attempt to distract his attention elsewhere, because she had already done her damage.

 

How the hell was he supposed to walk back in this condition?

 

Rey let out an exasperated sigh of disappointment, fingers crawling up his abdomen once again and causing shivers to run down his spine as if he were a hormonal teenager. Her palms settled above his thudding heart that kept pumping blood to all the wrong places, despite his most ardent attempts to compose himself.

 

Lips came to caress the pulse behind his ear and Ben knew he was in trouble.

 

" _Force_ …"He hissed a warning, as his composure slipped.

 

His body bucked instinctively against her and his hand grasped her thigh bringing it around him. The friction against her warmth the most delicious thing he had ever felt.

 

She let out a small moan at the shift of their bodies and his hand flew to cup her mouth.

 

"Shhh…" He begged. "We're not alone here."

 

Her eyes were wide with mirth and she let out a muffled snort of amusement behind his hand.

 

"Promise me you'll be quiet if I remove my hand." He whispered very much aware that his plea would probably fall on deaf ears.

 

Rey nodded enthusiastically. Her eyes, sparkling with constellations, the only thing he could see in the blackness of their surroundings. Ben was thankful for the shroud of night covering their exploitations. His girl was a savage through and through and her reservations turned out to be a lot more scarce then he had initially thought. Acting purely on impulse and the most basic of instincts.

 

Containing her had turned out to be a troubling, yet intoxicating process.

 

She wrapped her other leg around him and grinned. Her fingers left the warmth of his chest and found their way in the mess of his hair. They laced themselves in his strands, tugging gloriously at them and bringing him painfully close to coming undone right then and there…

 

Her lips closed the distance between them, suckling on his bottom lip first before capturing them both, unreserved. The heat of her sweet breath and delicious taste of her tongue, calling for him to finally let go. Relax. Enjoy. Give.

 

 _Take_.

 

Stars were falling above him as unwavering in their path as his heart was falling for this girl in his arms.

 

"I don't want to go to your room," she whispered huskily when they stopped for breath. "I want to stay here."

 

_She wants to…_

 

Ben shut his eyes because he just didn't know how much longer his reason would be in charge. "I think there's another couple or two further down," he said, kissing the side of her mouth, in an honest attempt to control the situation. "I don't believe it would be wise for us to…"

 

Her hands threaded through the strands of hair falling on his face, pulling it back. She sucked at his Adam's apple.

 

_Sweet Maker…_

 

"I think they are just as busy," she whispered. "Maybe even more so, from the sounds of them," her hot breath fanned his skin.

 

He groaned some kind of embarrassing animal sound from the back of his throat that he never recalled having made before.

 

His head dipped claiming her lips again fervently and he rubbed himself on the heated apex of her thighs. His hand slipped under her shirt, moving to the sides of her breast. He ran a thumb around its curve, on top of the piece of cloth that was wrapped over her chest.

 

He hesitated.

 

"Rey," he mumbled hotly in her mouth. "Are you sure?" He broke away, panting. He looked at her beautiful face and her expression of unreserved longing and desire and more…

 

_So much more._

 

"I won't… Stars, forgive me but I won't be able to stop if we continue," he breathed out. Because she had to _know_. Had to know what she did to him. The seismic extent of her effect on him.

 

Rey caressed his hair away, luminant eyes boring into his.

 

"I am certain. Don't stop."

 

Something in his chest erupted at her words, capsizing in on itself and threatening to burn him whole. And he was powerless to stop it.

 

*

 

All his inhibitions collapsed in a fraction of a moment. The man barely restraining himself on top of her was transformed into a fabled dark creature, about to ravish and consume her as the most divine of meals.

 

His mouth crashed to hers and his hand hovering a hair away from her breast, dug frantic fingers on the cloth, yanking it down and exposing her nipple to the coolness of the air. She let out a small moan of surprise. His hand covered her lips once more, as he lowered himself to suckle at it, pebbled from the cold and the want coursing through her body.

 

The stimulation was overwhelming and Rey arched to get away.

 

"Hush," he commanded as he sucked and licked mercilessly at her breast. He slid his hand to palm the other, his thumb and finger rubbing at the nipple there without remorse.

 

"Ben, wait…" She called to him.

 

 _It's too much_.

 

He froze instantly. Looking at her anxiously and broken through ruffled hair. "Did I hurt you?"

 

Rey blinked at him. The rapid loss of warmth from his torrid embrace leaving her a jumbled mess under him. She rubbed her lower body against him, instinctively, desperate for _some_ form of contact with this wrecking man.

 

"Yes…No… Maybe a little." Was all she could think to say, because the heat pooling between her thighs, was robbing her of coherent thought and demanding attention in a way she had never thought possible before. She rubbed against his hardness again, the blissful friction of it causing her to clench in want. It was a maddening sensation. Her body craving and searching for more in the most primal of ways. Her hands desperately ran down his broad back coming to land on a curve of hard muscles, nails digging in wantonly.

 

Her thighs opened wide for more.

 

Ben groaned low. His voice hoarse and dripping with need. Mixing with the hoots and growls of the wilderness at night. Her body was overwhelmed with sensations. The dampness of the earth below her, combined with the heat from his body. The evening scents enhanced by the masculine taste of his skin. His soft hair. The falling stars. His burning gaze.

 

Rey couldn't believe the lust and affection thrumming in the Force were for her. That this powerful, massive man in her arms was currently aching with want for _her_. It ignited her body. Set fire to her veins.

 

"Ben… I need more. I don't think I can wait…"

 

Her hand slipped between their bodies, searching for a way to alleviate the burning need curling inside her. But the hard erection in his trousers derailed her path and she wrapped her slim fingers along the length of him, stroking and rubbing, fumbling to know his size.

 

Ben rumbled her name low in his chest. In warning, in pleasure… Rey couldn't tell.

 

His hand was more daring as it hurried to bury under the waistband of her pants, thick fingers slipping against the wetness of her throbbing folds. They brushed roughly on a swollen sensitive spot, the instant electrifying sensation making her body buckle in response. His fingers chased after her, his breath hot in her ear, sliding a finger deep inside the warmth of her, before coming out slowly to collect more of her wetness. It circled once, twice a third time around that torturous spot, throbbing and tingling under his touch before he delved that same sinful finger in her sleek walls again.

 

"That's my girl," he moaned in her ear as she clamped around his fingers, her eyes shut and mouth open in a silent plea for more. "So slick and wet for me…"

 

He rubbed himself in her hand, his length hard and hot and _massive_ as the rest of him in her fingers. Part of her had started to fear for the frailty of her body under this man's unrestrained strength and passion.

 

A second finger slipped inside her, dissolving her thoughts and stretching her to the brim as Rey tried to drown the urge to just _let go_. The wicked sounds of his slicked fingers curling and rubbing eagerly at her insides, felt as if the whole galaxy bore witness to the stroking sensations that threatened to shatter her to terrifying unknown pieces in a matter of instants.

 

She tugged his hand away because it couldn't go on like that. Not on her own without him following her on this dangerous precipice.

 

"Wait…" she whispered on his full lips, inhaling his hot breath. He looked at her, eyes heavy and unfocused, lost in the trill of his touch. She brought both hands between their bodies, trying to unfasten his trousers and release him with trembling fingers. He brought a hand on the ground next to her head, to steady himself as he groped the waistband of her pants, yanking them down to her hips. Another powerful tug and they were down to her knees. The moisture of the grass brushed coldly against her heated skin as Rey fought to untangle her foot from the constricting fabric, exposing herself further to his insatiable touch.

 

He delved for her lips and his fingers slid inside her again, the lewd sound mixing with her stifled moans.

 

And then he stilled. He threw his head back, exposing his powerful neck to her hungry eyes as he fought to drown the low sound clawing for release.

 

Rey's hand was wrapped around the girth of him.

 

_At last._

 

He jerked helplessly in her hand, as she took in the vigorous man before her, crumble to a vulnerable, pliant creature with just a stroke of her hand on the smooth skin of his throbbing length. He hissed, as her thumb came to touch lightly a little bead of wetness nestled on the open tip of him, spreading it curiously on its surrounding silky skin.

 

His fingers slipped away from her folds and she almost whimpered at the empty sensation. It was the cruelest thing he could have done. She slithered and moved underneath him, arching her body towards the hardness of him she knew was inches away from her slit. Seeping and pulsing just like her.

 

Ben brought the two fingers that had been buried in her to his mouth, sucking at her taste and heady scent with eyes shut, savoring her, as if he were a starving man and her juices were his nectar.

 

Rey's eyes widened at the sight. Mouth fell agape. She never imagined a man would want to do that.

 

It was breathtaking to watch. Mesmerizing. Sensual. Absolutely debauching.

 

And he was staring at her again as if she were his last meal.

 

 _Force, he's such an animal_.

 

Her hands grasped the sides of his face, molding her lips at his hungrily, desperately, searching for a way to become one with this crazy man on top of her.

 

"Ben you have to…"

 

"Shhh, I know baby. I know…"

 

His hand moved between them, steady and certain in its task and she felt a smooth pressure on her sleek folds. They were parted easily, allowing the tip of him to slide through. Her hands came to rest on the hard muscles of his shoulders, bracing herself for an entrance that had always stung and hurt in the hands of another man.

 

Ben exhaled on her lips as he gave a light nudge down low, nestling his tip further inside.

 

"Does it hurt?' He rasped, probably sensing her uneasiness.

 

She wiggled around finding that the slippery sensation was very much helping. Making the penetration not just bearable but pleasant and _wanted_.

 

"No," she whispered out, caressing his cheek and trying to calm the concern in his eyes.

 

He leaned in to give her a smoldering kiss, as he eased inside hard and pulsing. She stretched easily around him. He was bigger, so much thicker than what she was used to but her body craved for him, as he filled her slowly and she engulfed him wantonly at the same time.

 

"Are you ok?" He breathed out and she nodded, arching lightly towards him. What restrains he had cracked because he gave a big thrust seething himself fully deep inside her with a grunt.

 

"Force, you're so tight," he cursed by her ear, remaining completely still for a few shuddering breaths.

 

Rey kissed the side of his parted mouth heartily, the sensation of him inside her divine and lascivious and a million other words that she couldn't for the life of her think of at the moment. He moved out slowly and she _moaned_ at the loss. Another hard thrust and he was back inside, shaking her to the core.

 

A whimper left her swollen lips and he was there to catch it with another of his kisses.

 

He moved in and out of her in long languid strokes, watching her silent pleas with intense eyes. His breaths grew ragged and his rocking deeper as he braced himself on both arms over her, their joined bodies building up to the cadence of their heartbeats.

 

He looked beautiful, carnal and powerful above her as the Force rippled the air in tandem to their rhythm. Her body came up to meet his hard thrusts one by one, escalating beyond the waves of pleasure. Their movements grew sloppy and frantic in their fervor, clawing to a crescent that Rey had never felt before. It flattered in her insides, clenching and tingling with every rub of him against her, a warning that something profound, shameless and marvelous was gathering and coiling deep inside her body.

 

His ramming grew merciless and his head dropped, raven hair hiding his dark eyes from view. "Rey, you feel so good… Maker, I can't…"

 

Rey snaked trembling fingers through his hair pulling it away from his face and lifting it so she could look at him, as his lower body worked its way deep inside her. His eyes were raw on her, molten brown with a vulnerability that she had only seen once before. When death was claiming his body and whispered words of love were uttered from his lips that had embedded themselves in her heart forever.

 

Gods, what she wouldn't give…

 

"Sweetheart," he moaned. "I…"

 

And she shattered.

 

Her body broke into a thousand shards calling out his name, as whiteness enveloped her eyes and the sound of her pounding pulse took over her hearing. Her body spasmed under a surge of euphoria that Rey never thought existed in this world. It took her breath away and brought her heart to a stuttered stop, as the only sensation that was left was the merciless clenching of her lower walls under his ruthless thrusts.

 

It was enough to drive him over the edge as well.

 

"Rey," he heaved as his body came to a forceful halt seethed fully inside her, his first ripple of cum spilling from his throbbing cock. He pulled away lightly and shoved once again with a groan, as waves of it followed, releasing and emptying the rest of his seed with a look of the most sacred ecstasy written all over his face.

 

Their panting breaths mingled along with their joined bodies, eyes locked reverently together in this moment of pure fulfillment and rebirth as Rey finally came to realize that they were, in fact, still alive and death hadn't come to claim them in a surge of unparalleled pleasure.

 

He remained buried inside her for a few more moments, seed leaking from her folds and trickling down her soft skin, neither of them willing to move away and break the intimate merge of their bodies.

 

She grinned widely at him, caressing the stubbles of his jaw. "I could stay like this forever," she said softly, reveling in the tenderness of his gaze.

 

He smiled back, a shy big smile that dimpled his cheeks as he pulled away gently and came to lay his head on her chest. He nestled himself on her breasts with a long sigh, shifting his body between her legs so that he wouldn't crush her with his weight.

 

"What are you doing?" She giggled lightly at him. "We can't sleep out here."

 

He hummed in contentment, closing his eyes and resting his head on the wild thud of her heart. "Just a little while longer," he mumbled.

 

Rey let out a long exhale, bringing her fingers to thread in his thick hair, caressing its damp strands tenderly. The sated calmness emanating in the Force from his relaxed body seeped into her racing heart, slowly bringing its light rhythm down to match the heavier steady beat of his own.

 

_It probably wouldn't hurt to stay outside for a bit more._

 

Rey figured.

 

She lifted her eyes to the black heavens and their weeping lights, chest clenching with a wish that she did not dare to voice into the world, lest some wild spirit of the forest stole it away from her.

 

A wish that would remain an eternal secret between her and the falling stars.

 

So that one day, perhaps, it could come true.

 

*

 

Moonlight drifted through the narrow window in his dark room, a long-awaited visitor shedding silver color on rough ancient stones and on the smooth skin of their bare bodies.

 

Rey slept peacefully, soundly, her spent body stretched beautifully on his single bed. Chestnut waves spilling on his pillow and long lashes curling on her cheekbones. Her swollen lips were parted, soft breaths coming out in a steady rhythm, glistening chest rising and falling in accordance.

 

She was the sight his most sinful of dreams had been made off, ever since he'd carried her in his arms in Takodana.

 

Ben watched her. Memorized her. His sleepless eyes stinging and red for far too many reasons.

 

He had taken her again under the silver rays, powerful hips pummeling into her slim, wanting body relentlessly, shallow pants joining the sounds of the wild jungle outside, rutting and emptying himself in her as if it would be their last night in this forsaken galaxy. And she had accepted him, eyes glistening in the darkness, as his name spilled from her lips in adoration.

 

It was the most erotic thing he had ever seen.

 

The most magnificent. Most fragile.

 

And Ben was afraid.

 

So afraid that this was merely an ephemeral fantasy and he would eventually wake up in a cold pristine room once again, stars fleeting outside a viewport, a starship about to lay destruction upon one more world. With his very heart ripped out and crushed under her slim boot.

 

He rubbed at his swollen eyes.

 

_It won't happen._

 

Ben assured himself. It wouldn't happen because he wouldn't allow it.

 

He brought his hand to her cheek, trailing his thumb lightly over the curve of her lips.

 

He never thought his heart could beat like this for a woman. Never thought he would allow anyone this close to him. He had watched his parents tear their marriage to pieces as a child, wiping the wells of tears in his eyes in his pillowcase at nights and tiptoeing around his parents' dire moods in the mornings. And he had vowed hidden behind the railings of the staircase at his home in Chandrilla, as he watched his father storm off in the night and his mother scream at him in tears, that he would not make the mistake of giving his heart to anyone ever. He would not marry. Would not father a child.

 

His hand caressed the length of her body coming to rest gently on her lower belly.

 

How wrong he had been.

 

Rey had taken his world and capsized it. Breathed life into the hollow wreckage of his soul as if she owned him. Naturally. Effortlessly.

 

And now…

 

Ben slid himself next to her, his hand never leaving the place it had claimed on her body. Now he found himself wanting, yearning, _praying_ for that very same life he had denied himself. For the family, he had forbidden himself from creating. With this radiant, brave girl from Jakku whose smile had broken his shackles of the past and set him free.

 

_Someday, perhaps._

 

He hoped. When this world would be safe enough to bring such a child in it. Maybe then this remarkable woman sharing his bed would also choose to share a life with him.

 

Ben chuckled bitterly to himself under the moon's pondering face.

 

He was sounding more and more like his mother with each passing day.

 

Nighttide clouds shifted in the sky, casting their passing shadow on their bodies. On the naivety of his dreams.

 

This galaxy was very far from earning its peace.

 

He sank down, resting his face on the silky strands of her hair and inhaling her scent. Eyes never falling away from her beautiful sleeping features. When she would wake, he would take her again slowly and deeply, caressing her lovely face and worshiping her sweet lips. And Rey would come undone for him, clenching and writhing around him and setting his heart ablaze with the brilliance of her Light.

 

Ben was determined not to waste one single moment away from her anymore. He would be her shadow. Her most devoted protector and her lover.

 

He would be anything Rey ever needed.

 

For as long as she would have him.

 

_Until the Force tears up apart._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to keep it relatively mild since this isn't what the story is about. Buuut... those two got a little carried away.


	13. Legends

**Day 9**

"They let him go?" Leia halted in the middle of the mess hall to look up at Nyxx's troubled expression. "Are you sure?"

 

He grimaced, bringing a rough hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "Well, I wouldn't exactly wager my life's savings."

 

Leia looked at him pointedly.

 

"Nyxx, you don't _have_ any life savings."

 

"That's not the point," he said dismissively. "Maz's message said that Lando was stopped and searched at Kuat's check out point and more than half of his equipment was confiscated. But other than that he was free to go." Nyxx raised his shoulders unable to explain any further that curious gesture from the Kuaties.

 

_That's not good._

 

Leia frowned.

 

_Not good at all._

 

"Was he able to smuggle out any images of the shipyards?"

 

Nyxx shook his head.

 

"They too were confiscated."

 

Leia pressed her lips in a tight line, as she always did when the situation she was faced with was not evolving the way it should. She had been really counting on those images to use as proof of the Order's existence on the Congregation of Republic worlds in Naboo. Now they would have to come up with an infiltration mission just the way Ben wanted. And they weren't ready. None of them were. Not the Resistance. Not the Troopers. Not Ben _._

 

 _Me_.

 

She had only been able to sketch out a vague plan with Ben. Too much was at stake.

 

"Leia, I really believe Aryn is there," Nyxx said, sounding almost worried.

 

She sighed because she couldn't agree more.

 

Nyxx continued. "I also think they knew Lando was spying for us."

 

"How could they not. He was a known friend of mine and Han's." She bristled in her spot. "They had no reason to let him go with such intel in his hands unless he was being used as bate. I was never fond of this plan, to begin with. But Lando insisted he could pull it through."

 

"Isn't it good that they now know that we know?" Nyxx grimaced at his choice of words. "I always hated using that expression. It makes me sound like a third rated spy."

 

Leia smiled despite herself.

 

"No. It's crucial that the Resistance and therefore the Republic doesn't seem to be involved in this."

 

"Why does it matter so much?"

 

"At this moment. The less you know the better it is."

 

Nyxx huffed in annoyance, setting his tattoed arms on his hips and scowling at the sunlit entrance. Leia knew he always hated being left out of the Resistance's strategies, even though he was conniving enough to figure them out along the way and play his part more than adequately. If he weren't so nonchalant he would have thrived as a politician or businessman. His father had been devastated when he and Valek had chosen to follow Luke and his teachings of the Force.

 

Which reminded her.

 

"I will need to speak to your father, Nyxx. I heard he survived the battle of Coruscant."

 

A shadow darkened his bright eyes. "Yeah, Neesha told me," he mumbled.

 

"You hadn't mentioned anything."

 

"What is there to mention?" He snapped, the Darkness he hid so well rearing its ugly head for a split moment. "He was supposed to be executed along with the rest of the Government officials of the capital. Ben saved him. That's that. Why does it matter?"

 

It seemed Nyxx still hadn't made peace with his father after all these years. Leia waited for the moment to pass, as Nyxx fought to regain control of his temper. He looked at her sheepishly in the end, his way of apologizing for his outburst.

 

"Everything matters," she said softly with a touch on his forearm. "The Force is behind it all. Didn't Luke teach you anything in that school of his?"

 

Nyxx smirked. "What else does your hunch tell ya?"

 

"That I won't be able to stop my son from going after Aryn at Kuat. And that my best undercover spy will be joining him."

 

Nyxx snorted. "I highly doubt that stuck up O'reenian will be willing to follow Kylo Ren's lead." He looked at her amused.

 

Leia chuckled lightly before the lightness in the air settled down to a more somber feeling. "Do you trust him Nyxx?"

 

He frowned.

 

"I knew you'd ask me that," he grumbled. "I'll do what needs to be done."

 

"That's good enough for me."

 

They resumed their stroll towards the pyramid's large entrance.

 

Shimmering morning light was drifting in, almost blinding in comparison to the grand structure's dark damp insides. It was a beautiful day outside and Leia felt the best she had in these recent few months. Dr. Lydham wasn't particularly hopeful, but Leia had learned to live each day to the fullest since early adulthood. Her path had always been dangerous and full of risks. Sometimes she even wondered how she had made it alive thus far.

 

But here she was still. A glorious sun warming her face, surrounded by lifelong friends, fighting for what she had always believed in. And her son was just a few feet away, radiating a calmness that she had never thought possible before. It was more than she had hoped for in years.

 

She stopped by the entrance with Nyxx next to her, his eternal restlessness causing her to smile. She studied the couple sitting closely together on the stone steps, heads leaning over an old crumbling book. The sight of them together, serene and lighthearted made her heart swell and eyes to blur. It was the most beautiful image she could have ever wished for. It brought completion to her life.

 

_I have to remember to thank Rey._

 

Leia thought. She was the reason this image was even possible.

 

"I must have missed a few things while in stasis," she commented.

 

Nyxx smiled slyly, leaning his shoulder against the rough stone and looking at the couple as well. "They've been a thing ever since they returned from that water search in the jungle. Something to do with berries is all I know."

 

"Berries? Aren't those poisonous here?"

 

"An aphrodisiac is more like it," he snickered.

 

Leia's face turned serious and she looked at him sternly.

 

Nyxx fidgeted under her stare. "Why are you lookin' at me like that? Everyone's cool about it. We could all sense the attraction between the two of them beneath all that bickerin' for some time now. They were bound to get together eventually. Wagers were flyin' around like crazy and now they're the _it_ couple of the base and…" Nyxx's little speech wavered.

 

Leia narrowed her eyes at him.

 

_A thing? It couple?_

 

Such degenerate language. Didn't this new generation have _some_ form of proper education these days? Not to mention the complete lack of discretion.

 

Nyxx scratched his goaty looking rather uncomfortable. "Well, anyways… I have a thing that I gotta do with um… someone… so I'll see you around. Bye."

 

Leia shook her head.

 

 _That rascal is just as bad_.

 

She watched him flee down the steps, his long legs nearly stumbling over Ben and Rey, who slid an irritated glance his way before burying their noses back in the book.

 

The seemed really engrossed in what they were reading, foreheads close enough to touch and his hand resting comfortably on the curve of her waist. She was pointing at something in the pages and he was gazing at her with the tenderest of looks.

 

_Stars, I hope they're not rushing into things._

 

Leia had once been just as in love with Han, after all. She hadn't regretted one single moment with him. But she _did_ wish they had given themselves more time together before bringing Ben into the world. Perhaps if they had found a way to accept and work around each other's faults better, their marriage wouldn't have spiraled down so easily. And Ben's psyche wouldn't have been damaged as badly as it had.

 

The guilt never ceased to gnaw at her.

 

_But he is here now._

 

She reminded herself. And it was all because of Rey and her belief in him.

 

Leia stepped closer, curiously drawn by the swirling glow of their combined Force signatures. She had never seen anything like it before.

 

She hovered over their shoulder for a moment or two, peeking at the rumpled yellow pages of some ancient text filled with the most awful handwriting she had ever come across.

 

"What are you reading?"

 

Rey let out an indignant yelp just as Ben's hand jumped to his empty spot by his belt, searching for his imaginary lightsaber.

 

They must not have heard her approach.

 

Both he and Rey turned to look at her with startled eyes. Rey let out a long exhale while Ben shifted on the steps to better glare at her.

 

"I didn't mean to scare you." She smiled at them.

 

"You could have offered some warning at least," Ben grumbled.

 

Leia looked at the old pages again trying to decipher the writing. Her eyebrows arched, intrigued.

 

"That's Luke's handwriting on the margins!" She couldn't help out exclaiming. "What is this book?"

 

She noticed Rey sending Ben some kind of meaningful look. He immediately frowned at her, shaking his head.

 

"Absolutely not."

 

"Why? She was the closest person to him. Perhaps she could help us figure this out."

 

Ben looked at her, his brow still set in a heavy frown. "My mother was never trained on becoming a Jedi. She doesn't know the Force."

 

_Nonsense._

 

Leia scoffed amused. "Your mother, my boy, was very well trained on Luke's handwriting. And you will definitely need my help on _that_."

 

Rey grinned adorably at him and Leia watched her son's determination melt away. He shook his head dejectedly, shifting Rey on his lap so that he could make room for Leia to sit down on the narrow steps next to them.

 

Leia nearly leaped in excitement.

 

*

 

"If you look closely enough these two symbols are very similar. They're practically mirror images of one another," Rey said pointing to a couple of symbols barely visible on the book's disintegrating pages. "I've come across them numerous times in all of the Jedi books so far."

 

"What do you think they mean?" Ben squinted trying to decipher the calligraphy surrounding the two intricate symbols. It was hard enough trying to figure out the meaning behind these symbols even without the shadow of the grand pyramid falling upon them. But the sun was ruthless this hour of the day and the humidity had reached new levels of unbearable due to the shifting of the season towards summer. Sweat was running down their bodies, seeping the thin fabric of their clothes and aggravating him to no ends. But Ben tried really hard to contain his acidic remarks about their current predicament.

 

He really did.

 

Neesha had dropped by checking out Luke's scribbled notes on the margins with a clench of her jaw. They seemed to be contradicting a large number of Luke's teachings about the Force so far. It made him wonder how different things would have been at the academy if they had known anything about these texts.

 

Nyxx stood on her side, seemingly indifferent and blowing out tulips of smoke to emphasize his boredom. But Ben knew his friend well enough to recognize perched ears listening attentively to Rey commenting on the symbols she had managed to decrypt these past months.

 

"I believe they symbolize the Force," Rey said. A trickle of sweat was running down the back of her neck, tickling his attention and Ben chewed on his lip in an attempt to prevent himself from swiping his tongue on her soft skin and tasting it.

 

His mother was here for Force's sake.

 

He trailed the tip of his nose along its path instead, causing Rey to turn around and look at him all stern and feisty. "Ben, are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

 

She reprimanded him. But her eyes were sparkling wickedly.

 

"I haven't missed a word of what you've said." He declared innocently for all to hear. No reason for anyone to know he was at her complete mercy.

 

"I think they symbolize the Force," she repeated with a little shiver down her slim spine as he leaned over to look at what she was pointing. "The Dark side and the Light, but for some reason, they are always next to each other. I've very rarely come across them separately."

 

 _Well, that's intriguing_.

 

In a way.

 

His attention strayed back to the page they were currently studying.

 

"It could be referring to one person. Someone who has both sides of the Force in him. The Chosen One perhaps, like the prophecies had said," Neesha commented. It must have been the first they'd heard her speak this whole afternoon.

 

But Ben had never been fond of that theory. His grandfather was supposed to have been the One and that hadn't ended well for the galaxy. Or himself.

 

"The handwriting on the side doesn't say that, though." He pointed to a few words at the margin. Everyone hunched over trying to make out the writing. "It talks about wielding, not being both sides. It seems to separate the Force from the person. As if the Force doesn't define who one is as a character. But those are just Luke's deductions."

 

Everyone remained quiet for a little while, engrossed on the ancient texts.

 

Everyday life went about, with the clanking of tools and drifting of voices, with the chirping of birds and the whistling of wind through the narrow windows of the temple. Completely oblivious to the enormity and value of the struggle these few people were giving around a disintegrating book.

 

Rey shifted a page, its soft crinkling sound causing their eyes to shift along with it.

 

"Or it could also be referring to a way to use both sides of the Force at the same time," Rey said eventually.

 

Everyone turned startled eyes in her direction. Including Ben.

 

"What?" She asked. "Why would that be so strange?"

 

"Rey… No one has ever…"

 

Nyxx lifted a hand as if to silence him.

 

"I think she might be on to something, Ben," he commented, bringing his palm down to swat at some insect on his arm. Blood splattered all over his tattoo and Nyxx let out a long string of curses.

 

"I wish we could make out the meaning of this ancient Arabish language." Ben huffed exasperatedly. "There's just so much _knowledge_ here."

 

"WelI, I believe we might be needing Threepio's help in this." Leia's groveled voice suggested as she straightened her back with a wince. "Artoo, do me a favor and go find him for me. He'll be so excited to assist he'll probably blow a circuit on his way."

 

*

 

It was moments like these that Rey enjoyed the most.

 

Ben was splayed on his bed relaxed, the Jedi text forgotten on his side, their easy companionship the only stirring emotion within the ancient walls in the stillness of the night. And it was the stories shared between them that filled in the chasm of their years apart.

 

"Hux, the General stationed on the Finalizer, back when I was part of… you know," Ben trailed off, glancing out his room's window and towards the dark midnight sky. Rey watched the fleeting clouds shadow his face, his relaxed features morphing into a light frown. His shirtless body was resting on the stone wall with a pillow supporting his back. She was sitting cross-legged across from him, in underpants and a thin tank top, assembling Ben's broken communications device under the flickering light of a candle. Power was off on a large area of the compound to save energy. But Rey didn't really need it. She could practically do it with her eyes closed.

 

"Well, anyway. Hux had this small feline animal. Orange and irritating like your BB unit," he continued after a moment or two.

 

Rey slid a glare in his direction, barely catching the small curl of his lips that she had come to perceive as his way of disguised amusement.

 

"It was mostly confined to Hux's apartments, but that creature on occasion would escape when a cleaning droid or some unsuspecting officer would enter his quarters. It would roam the corridors in search of mischief and for some odd reason would always, _always,_ end up on the bridge, jumping on computer panels and pawing on buttons and levers. It once fired an ion torpedo on a Star Destroyer stationed next to us. Gave its Commander a heart attack. Literally. The poor man ended up in the medical bay for a week."

 

Rey snorted a laugh, scrunching her nose as the last bolt was snugly tightened on the device.

 

"If the Resistance could get its hands on that animal, we wouldn't need a war," she commented with a giggle.

 

"It would probably bring down _your_ organization first. That damn creature was a menace, I tell you. It made me trip over myself more than once, because I could barely see it when wearing my mask." He made a frustrated gesture over his face to emphasize his words. "You remember the mask I used to…"

 

"Very well," she cut him off, with an arch of her eyebrow.

 

That apparition still gave her nightmares at times.

 

"Well, Milicent… That was the feline's name, by the way. Milicent would rub its head against my boots, tangling its claws in my robes and I'd always end up tripping over it, before bringing down an officer or some other significant and sensitive technical equipment in my immediate periphery."

 

"No wonder Hux hated you."

 

He chuckled lightly.

 

"Still does…"

 

They looked at each other for a long moment, their upbeat mood dampened by the mention of the stiff stuck up First Order General. He folded his legs, resting his forearms on his knees and lacing his fingers together. His gaze shifted to the night sky once again, pensive.

 

Rey traced his sober eyes and sharp profile, half illuminated by the light and half hidden in the shadows.

 

"Poe spoke to me the other day," Rey said. "After he and his squad came back from a meeting he'd had with Maz on Cantonica."

 

Ben turned his head and watched her unmoving, eyes fixed steadily on her face. The quickened rise and fall of his chest an indisputable sign of irritation emanating from him. He always kept a steel wall around his thoughts and emotions at all times, rarely letting them slip away even in front of her. His Dark training a natural shield around him.

 

But lately, something had changed. He was less guarded around her, allowing her to brush against his thoughts and emotions, letting her get a glimpse of his intentions before making a sudden move that would have her hackles rise. As if he respected her. Trusted her.

 

And she could feel the prickle of his emotions at the mention of Poe like a roll of tangled barbwire.

 

She picked on a piece of yarn sticking from the hem of her shirt, wrapping it nervously around her finger.

 

"He said I should have come with them because the sector was too close to the Hutts. He didn't want this mission compromised in any way."

 

Ben studied her silently.

 

"He said I'm too distracted and have lost focus."

 

"What did you answer back?"

 

"I didn't."

 

"Is that how you feel?"

 

She huffed, disentangling her legs and crawling next to him. She lay her head on his chest and splayed her hand on the smoothness of his skin. His steady heartbeat grounding her thoughts and conflicts. An arm wrapped around her shoulders and his lips caressed her hair.

 

"What do you want Rey?" He whispered.

 

"I want to stay here with you. Like this. Forever." She swallowed a lump in her throat, fingertips mapping lightly the muscles of his chest.

 

"Perhaps you should have accepted my offer to run away with me to the Unknown Regions," his deep voice rumbled. "We'd be blissfully happy digging for coal in a mining planet or laboring in a Quinto field under some ruthless lord, by now."

 

Rey pinched his side playfully, causing him to let out a priceless chuckle.

 

"Ben, I'm serious,"

 

"As am I."

 

She settled her head back on his chest, returning fingertips on his warm skin. Rey cherished his rare chuckles as if they were precious stones. Collected them one by one in her heart, wanting to make a whole treasure of them to have and to hold.

 

"Sometimes I wish we didn't have the Force," she admitted. "That this galaxy didn't have to be in such a constant uprise. That we could live on a peaceful planet like Chandrilla and have a house by a lake, like your parents did."

 

She paused, stealing a quick glance at his expression. His features were soft, almost wistful. His eyes gentle.

 

 _Beautifu_ l.

 

"Maybe someday…" He said, tightening his hold on her.

 

She returned to the tracing of his skin. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. Words on the rim of her heart waiting to spill over. Dreams of warm white sand and ruffling green trees. Of a radiant sun and a crystal blue lake. Of a man with a boy's smile coming out of the waters to kiss her lovingly. Of a warm hand caressing the curve of her belly.

 

_This is what I want._

 

Her very soul ached to tell him. It beat on the ribs of her chest. Fighting to break free.

 

A deep sigh escaped him. Long and shuddering.

 

_Me too._

 

It was as if Rey could hear him say.

 

She chose to show him instead.

 

*

 

**Day 11**

 

Noah leaned on a stone pillar in the Command Center, feeling the dampness seep into his light shirt. These past few weeks had been a torrent of new sensations, the Resistance being the most diverse and unorthodox experience of his life. But even though everything seemed to be unruly and rowdy to the point of almost being dependent on pure luck, he had come to appreciate the bonds of loyalty, companionship, and ideology that held everything together.

 

He had come to appreciate its people. Their cause. But above all, its inspirational leaders.

 

He gazed at General Organa's figure standing by the round table of the Command Center. The chamber was dark, penetrated here and there by shimmering rays of light from the carved stone windows of the temple. She had stepped under such a ray unbeknownst to her, its light giving an almost ethereal, transparent glow to her.

 

Noah felt as if he were partaking in forging a piece of history.

 

The chamber was filled with members of the Resistance to the point of asphyxiation, willing to voice their opinion in this meeting's grave decisions. The highest ranking officers of the Resistance were gathered around the table, catching part of the shifting rays on their somber features. All equals around the table. No one above the other in importance.

 

And between them all, Kylo Ren and his beloved Jedi.

 

The Force thrummed around the powerful Force users, differently around each and every one of them. Organa's cool serenity very much resembled that of the sea. Calm and playful on its surface but with the potential to morph into the giant tidal waves if provoked. The Jedi was radiant and warm in her brightness, but the heat she emanated could very much do the damage of a scalding sun. The thunderous, stormy nature of his former leader with his crackling spurts of anger and leveling maelstroms of fury was very much familiar to Noah. He had, after all, served under the man and seen his destructive nature with his own eyes. But the man he saw now was not on the verge of laying destruction upon this room. He rather felt like a fresh gust of wind, bringing the change needed in this stifling galaxy.

 

Noah knew these things, even though the Force within him didn't thrum nearly as powerfully as theirs. And part of him felt honored at witnessing this decisive moment in the fate of this galaxy. It was the reason he had remained silently and discretely on the side this powerful man. The man he had always hoped would end up being the Chosen one.

 

"Why should we give a damn about some stone that once belonged to Snoke. We have other much more important things to worry about."

 

Noah glanced warily at the man leaning on the table with tight fists. The hot-tempered Commander was glaring furiously at the man across from him. Kylo Ren remained still, crossing strong arms across his chest with nostrils flaring and a rare case of self-restraint washing over him.

 

The Jedi huffed with a roll of her eyes, making to move between them, but General Organa next to her held on to her arm, shaking her head sternly.

 

It seemed those two had to figure it out themselves.

 

"I don't have to convince you of its importance, since you know nothing of the Force," Ben's thinly veiled fury vibrated in the room. "But I know Aryn. And this is exactly the opportunity most of my Knights have waited for. If he is to find the Order with this crystal, which I am fairly sure he already has, we are looking at the new Supreme Leader. And this man is uncaring and ruthless in his pursuits. And very clever. So yes, this is something you _should_ give a damn about."

 

"The First Order's leadership doesn't concern us," Poe reproached his words heatedly. "It's the Republic that matters. And you have worked really hard in the past at bringing it down. So why should we trust what you have to say? "

 

Ben clenched his jaw. "The balance between the worlds was frail, to begin with. It was only a matter of time."

 

"So blowing up worlds and waging war was your way of restoring balance?"

 

"Dameron!" Admiral Ematt was the one to intervene this time around. Shaking his snowy mane and barking at Poe to contain himself. "There is nothing to gain by rehashing the past. Correlia has already formed its own Union with other lesser worlds and is taking complete control over hyperspace lanes within its sector. We need to decide on our next move."

 

"Then we don't have time to go after some hypothetical leader of the First Order remnants. Not with the Republic at each other's throats. I'd say _that_ is more important right now. We need to support the Republic."

 

"Remnants?" Ben chuckled darkly. "You have no idea what the First Order is consisted of, _Commander_. The _Supremacy_ is in the shipyards of Kuat being repaired, as we speak!"

 

"Why does it matter if the Supremacy survived the attack? It's only an empty ship."

 

"I had all non-combat personnel transferred from the First Order Starfleet to the remains of the _Supremacy_ before the attack on Coruscant, you ignorant fool! Only one of the ship's two pieces was salvageable, but it was large enough to sustain its crew while under reconstruction."

 

"How many people are we talking about here?" Admiral D'Acy asked, her small voice managing to cut through the escalating tension between the two men.

 

"A little over two million."

 

Noah watched jaws drop and eyes widen all around, as the gravity of the number seared through their minds like a comet. Voices of concern traveled around the Command Center.

 

 _"_ And that is the number on the _Supremacy_ alone," Kylo Ren sneered, over them. "I'm not even taking into account the crew in the remaining Star Destroyers. Which I am fairly certain are not all stationed in Kuat."

 

Noah agreed. General Hux was smart enough not to do that.

 

*

 

Leia raised her hand to silence the room. It was no longer easy for her to speak loudly.

 

"This new Union that Correlia has declared is backed up secretly by the Order. Correlia is collaborating in secret with Kuat to restore the First Order ships," Leia said in a stone voice, her synopsis making everyone shuffle uncomfortably in the room. "I can only imagine what their agreement is all about. It is important to expose the Order before the Union makes any destructive decisions that will affect the fate of this galaxy. And we _must_ do it without anyone knowing of the Resistance's involvement. Our name is too closely tied to the Republic. It will be considered sabotage and might instigate the war." Leia stopped, eyeing everyone in the room carefully, before solidifying her next words. "It is the reason why my son will be leading this expedition."

 

The chamber filled with uproar at her declaration, which Leia had expected. She watched as hands were raised in protest, accompanying the yells and commotion that had followed her last words.

 

 _This won't be easy_.

 

She glanced at Ben who was standing solidly a few paces away from her regarding the commotion coldly. He seemed unaffected by the objections flying all around and if it weren't for that small twitch under his left eye, Leia would have thought he was completely indifferent.

 

Poe lifted his hands in an attempt to silence the crowd, while Leia watched patiently, clutching her cane in both hands.

 

It would be very difficult, as expected.

 

" _Oi_!" She heard a girl yell, before a long ear-piercing whistle resonated in the room. Heads snapped to look at Rey standing on top of the conference table, her radiating presence demanding everyone's attention. The voices quieted down in curiosity.

 

"We have to somehow stop the progression on the _Supremacy_ 's repairs and find a way to notify the rest of the Republic of what is happening. So if anybody knows a better way to infiltrate the First Order besides the ex-Troopers and Ben Solo, speak now!" Rey stated.

 

"How do we know Kylo Ren won't go back to the Order and betray us?" A voice spoke up from the back of the room. A few more backed it up, in agreement.

 

"You don't!" She countered, to everyone's astonishment. "Next question."

 

"What is that supposed to mean?" The same voice protested. "He might come after the Resistance. He knows where we are!" More heads nodded.

 

"The Resistance is unimportant. It's the Republic that matters." Rey said firmly to everyone's chagrin.

 

"You're just supporting him because you two are together," another hesitant voice came from the side. Rey saw Ben clench his jaw from the corner of her eye. She hurried to answer before him.

 

"So what if I am? It doesn't change the aim of this mission. Any other objections?"

 

A few unsatisfied glances were exchanged here and there and a few dry coughs resounded on the damp walls. But other than that no one else spoke.

 

"Good," she said. "Because these men will be putting their lives at stake to warn the Republic. The least you could do is have some faith in them."

 

Ben approached her, craning his neck to look at her. "Come down," he held out his hand to her. "You don't have to do this."

 

"Neither do you. Or the Troopers."

 

All eyes were trained on them, when Admiral Ematt decided to take over. He rose from his chair, signaling for Rey to come down. Ben helped her jump off the table, lifting her lightly from her waist.

 

"Let's get down to business," Ematt said, his heavy voice stirring attention to the matter at hand. "We must find a way to slip into Kuat undetected."

 

"Admiral, that's practically impossible," Poe said warily.

 

"The Resistance has done this before," Commander Connix admonished. "With Han Solo. In Starkiller. It seemed impossible then, but the Resistance did it."

 

"We can't just blow up Kuat, Kaydel!"

 

"We're not talking about blowing up Kuat, Poe!"

 

"She's right," Ben pointed out. "All that needs to be done is buy enough time for the Republic to be informed. We don't have to blow up anything." He gravitated behind Rey and set his large hands on her slim shoulders.

 

Leia watched her son's stern face without saying a word.

 

Ben turned to stare heavily at Finn who seemed to eventually catch what was in his mind and rubbed his face in response.

 

"Listen, you guys. I have already talked with the men. Not too many of them are fond of returning anywhere near the First Order, but some of them have agreed to join Kylo Ren in this infiltration mission, for whatever reason. I and Rose included. We'll find a way to transmit the information needed on the Order and the whereabouts of its fleet, once inside."

 

Poe pursed his lips shaking his head in displeasure.

 

Ben simply ignored him. He walked up to Leia's office setting his hands on the wooden surface. Leia sensed a power emanating from him, pulling in everyone's attention like a magnet. Including hers. It surprised her, setting her instincts on high alert as the man in front of her captivated their minds in a way she had never seen before. She didn't know if she had to fear it or be in awe of it.

 

Until she realized…

 

_I do the same thing when speaking._

 

Luke had told her so on numerous occasions, shaking a finger and scolding her with his large blue eyes dancing in amusement.

 

"Some of the Stormtroopers' codes might still be active if they are considered MIA," Ben said. "Mine might be as well, if Hux hasn't taken it upon himself to deactivate them. We infiltrate the _Supremacy_ using those codes as Stormtroopers who have found their way back. All we need is a ship not tied to the Resistance and an experienced slicer in case it doesn't work."

 

"Aryn will suspect it's you, Ben," Leia spoke, at last, unable to stop herself. The General in her knew this had to be done, but the mother… "What if he fires at your ship?"

 

"He won't," he answered softly at her. "He will want to defeat me and humiliate me in front of the Order. Aryn will be waiting for me, mother."

 

"Ben, this mission…" she whispered at him, raising pleading eyes to his determined frown. She had been trying to come up with an alternate plan for a while now, to no avail. Ben could no longer be contained.

 

"Once my Knights and I are inside. There is no stopping us. They won't even notice Finn and Rose slipping through their defenses."

 

Poe walked up to Ben. He regarded him sternly, for a few moments before speaking.

 

"I hope you don't screw us over."

 

Ben fixed him with a cold stare but decided to answer anyway.

 

"My aim is to track down and eliminate one of my former Knights. He'll be a lot more dangerous than a few Star Destroyers if I let him live. The rest is up to you."

 

Poe sighed, running his hand down his face.

 

"Well, I know what we can use to sabotage the ships," he said.

 

Eyes turned on him expectantly. Including Ben's.

 

"The cyber virus that the First Order had used to attack Coruscant. Rose has a copy of it."

 

*

 

Nyxx had already clamped down five yawns by now as he rubbed at his red eyes. He knew that staying up stupidly late with Jessica, competing as to who could gulp down more Fireball shots had been a bad idea. That woman could really hold her liquor. And Nyxx was miserably out of shape.

 

He stifled another yawn.

 

_I miss my kriffin' cantina._

 

And his lumpy floor mattress as well.

 

These gatherings and endless talks and disputes were the reason he had avoided any kind of promotion within the ranks of the Resistance. But somehow Leia had managed to drag him by the teeth this morning and made him sit through yet another _important_ meeting while he tried his best not to fall asleep.

 

Nyxx chewed on a hangnail, spitting it out in annoyance.

 

_Whatever._

 

They would eventually form some kind of a wacko plan in the end, no matter how much they argued. He had seen this happen more times than he'd like to remember. In the meantime… Perhaps Leia wouldn't notice if he slipped out through the side door. His starving stomach was growling like a Loth cat in heat, since he hadn't had a chance to eat anything this morning, and Nyxx swore that if this meeting dragged on any further he'd end up having Chewbacca's plump pet porg perched on his shoulder for breakfast.

 

His stomach growled.

 

_Yeap. Definitely, time to go._

 

He'd ask Neesha to fill him in later.

 

"What do you mean I'm not coming with you!"

 

Nyxx's attention was instantly caught by a fuming Rey glaring at an equally vexed looking Ben.

 

Nyxx straightened his back. Finally some action.

 

"Rey, you are not taking part in this," his friend towered over her, flaring his nostrils. "It's dangerous and there is no reason for you to be part of it. You'll escort General Organa to Naboo as planned."

 

Rey barked an unamused laugh.

 

"Too dangerous? Since when? You didn't particularly mind my assistance in the Throne room when I helped you kill the Praetorian guards."

 

"That was different."

 

"How so?" She stuck her nose up at him, setting her hands on her waist.

 

"First," he snarled. "There is no bond, which means that I can't follow or predict your movements, making you extremely vulnerable to whoever might be attacking you. Second," he lifted his forefinger, "you can barely wield a lightsaber, much more a staff, since the only training you have ever had is plucked from my own mind…"

 

"What!" She exclaimed indignantly.

 

"Third…"

 

"That is not true!"

 

"Third," he repeated as a fluster of anger started coloring his cheeks. This was turning out to be _fun_. "The First Order knows exactly who you are and if you get caught, which you will, it renders the whole mission useless."

 

"That is utter crap, Solo!" She yelled. "I don't know what this bloody plan of yours is, but I'm coming with you and I don't give a bantha's ass what you think!"

 

"Too bad, because Mustafar will freeze over before you come anywhere near Kuat!"

 

"I am coming."

 

"You are not. And that's final!"

 

"I beat you on Starkiller and saved you in the Throne room," she pointed a finger to his heaving chest. "Don't you dare lessen the value of my help!"

 

"You were lucky I did not want you dead, Rey."

 

Her jaw dropped and Nyxx rolled his eyes.

 

_Good going, Ben._

 

What a way to soothe her temper.

 

With calculated and measured movements she unhooked her saberstaff from her back, bringing it in front of her horizontally and igniting the two cerulean blades. People shifted on their feet uncomfortably and Leia's eyes widened.

 

"Prove your worth, Kylo Ren," she sneered. "If what you say is true, then it shouldn't be a problem to you."

 

Ben worked his jaw obviously on the verge of spitting out a retort.

 

"If I win, you stay here and away from this mission." He stated finally, reaching his hand out and ordering his crossguard to his grip from across the room. The weapon flew through the crowd, igniting midair. Ben grasped it and twirled it once in front of him.

 

_You have got to be kidding me…_

 

Nyxx conceded. They couldn't be _that_ crazy.

 

Ben landed a quick strike on one of Rey's blades, willing it to the ground. The edges of the two weapons carved the moldy stone floor of the pyramid, while the two opponents locked narrowed eyes at each other.

 

Nyxx noticed some people hurry out of the chamber, which was the logical thing to do in his opinion. While others remained glued to their spot, intrigued by the upcoming confrontation. Nyxx decided to make himself comfortable on a ledge. He had nothing better to do anyway. Besides eat that is…

 

But that could wait a few more minutes.

 

"Guys, I'm sure there's another way to discuss this," Finn tried to smooth the tension between the couple. "Peacefully. Without hacking the floor and, you know, each other…"

 

But Rey only brought the other end of her saberstaff at Ben, causing him to stagger back. They circled each other in the wide chamber, the crackling and humming of their blades the only sound within the walls, while the remaining crowd watched in curiosity and excitement a duel that legends were made of.

 

Ben brought forth another strike, measured and controlled, testing his opponent. And Rey easily parried it.

 

A few more followed from either side. None of them dangerous enough to bring any real harm, from what Nyxx could tell.

 

"You're leaving you left side exposed," Ben commented as if this were merrily some training exercise.

 

Rey clenched her teeth. "And you are still putting your weight on your left leg. Someone can easily take advantage of that."

 

Ben smirked, eyes fixed intensely on her.

 

"Who? _You_?"

 

Nyxx cringed at his snobbish remark. Rey would not appreciate _that_.

 

Her next strike came lightning quick and her next one as well, as she finally came at him in earnest, bringing down both sides of her saber at him in accelerated speed.

 

Nyxx arched an eyebrow.

 

These were Force assisted hits, that not too many warriors were capable of parrying. Especially when wielding a heavy weapon such as the one his friend had. Normally, Ben would have taken advantage of his superior strength and height to strike mercilessly at his opponent. That crossguard of his could shatter bones if it came down hard enough.

 

Only he didn't.

 

"Fight me!" She spat at him.

 

"You are being ridiculous about this," he answered back, barely avoiding his hand being sliced off. "You are not coming with me!'

 

Rey shoved him furiously to the wall with the Force, hard enough to cause dust and debris to rise in the air. Ben eyed her through his ruffled hair.

 

"Rey." He warned.

 

But she wouldn't listen.

 

She came at him again, and he barely avoided her blade.

 

His next strike was a lot more solid and serious. It came heavily upon her staff, bringing her to her knees.

 

Yeah, Nyxx could remember how those felt. He'd been on the receiving end of Ben's lightsaber a few times himself. Dressed in beige Jedi robes under Luke's careful eyes and in black armor with Snoke's taunting gaze on his back.

 

Rey swirled elegantly to the side, in a movement that to Nyxx's surprise had only been used by the Jedi of the Old Republic, before slashing her blade down at his leg again.

 

Ben cursed loudly, jumping to the side.

 

"Damn it, Rey! Why must you always make things difficult?"

 

Ben lunged at her fiercely.

 

Their weapons clashed over and over as everyone watched with bated breath the two Force users come at each other aggressively and relentlessly. They were a sight to behold as their bright blades carved through stone, sending myriads of sparks flying in the dark chamber.

 

Leia watched somberly leaning on her cane and Poe had his hands on his hips, eyeing the pair with irritation.

 

"I think that's enough you two," Leia voiced out after a few minutes ticked by without either showing any signs of yealding. "We can find another way to settle this."

 

"There is nothing to settle," Ben growled. "She's not coming to Kuat."

 

Rey pressed her lips together, a thin white line in a heated angry face.

 

She took advantage of his distraction and tugged on Ben's leg with the Force, bringing him heavily to the ground. She straddled him immediately, blue blade coming to his throat decisively. Ben's eyes widened at the sight of her.

 

"Want to say that again?" She snarled. "I win!"

 

They gazed at each other, chests panting from exertion and bodies coiled from tension.

 

Ben closed his eyes, extinguishing his blade and leaning his head against the cold floor. The universal sign of defeat. Rey swallowed her unease, before disengaging her staff and rising to her feet. She held out a hand to help him. But Ben ignored it. He got up, dusting off the dirt from his clothes and looked down at her icily for a few moments.

 

"Ben…" She sighed.

 

But he didn't say a word. Simply turned around and stormed out of the Command Center.

 

*

 

Rey didn't see Ben for the remainder of the day.

 

She kept herself busy by helping out with repairs on the X-wings and A-wings. Lent a hand at Mylo trying to reboot the generator. She honestly tried but failed spectacularly to concentrate on the yellow pages of the Jedi texts. She even went as far as watch Neesha perform combat forms on the meadow.

 

When the blazing sun had traveled the majority of the sky and was approaching its resting place behind the mountainous horizon she decided that she had given him enough time and went in search of him.

 

The clouds were blushing from the sun's last rays and the blue of the sky had deepened into a majestic lavender by the time she found him perched on a thick solid branch of an ancient tree, back leaning against the rough bark. It wasn't very high off the ground, but Rey never did have trouble with climbing anyway. It was second nature to her.

 

He didn't give her much heed, as she settled comfortably next to him, the branch sturdy enough to hold them both in its arm. His dark eyes were trained on the setting sun and its stunning display of melancholy colors. Sadness reflected on the glassy surface of his irises.

 

Rey hated seeing him like this. It cut right to her beating heart.

 

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," she began not knowing what else to say. But even those words felt wrong.

 

_I didn't mean to hurt you._

 

Was what she should have said, instead. "I was caught off guard when you said you didn't want me with you on the mission. And the way you acted afterward…"

 

Ben remained silent. Rey bit her lip. Hard enough to taste blood.

 

"Is what you said true? Do you truly believe I am not capable of standing next to you? Of protecting you?" She swallowed thickly and felt her eyes misting.

 

Ben still didn't answer. Or even look at her. Anger bubbled in her chest.

 

"Do you consider me a _burden_?" Her voice wavered with the flooding of emotions. She stopped, trying to compose her ragged breathing. None of this was fair. "Who will be by your side then in this mission? _Neesha_?" She nearly hissed the name out.

 

He snapped steel eyes at her.

 

"Is that what you think this is about?"

 

"You don't consider me worthy enough to be by your side," she bit back. "You'd rather have _her_ or a Stormtrooper instead of…"

 

"I can't bear to lose you."

 

Her breath fled her body. Leaving behind a heavy, aching chest.

 

_Gods…_

 

"What are you talking about? Why would you think like that?" She protested with a shake of her head as more tears gathered in her vision. She couldn't make out his eyes. They were always so intense and heavy on her heart. Possessive. As if it could ever flee away from him. But Ben was always stupid like that. Demanding things from her that he already owned.

 

"Aryn is dangerous. The First Order is dangerous." He said.

 

"I've held my ground against Aryn. And have escaped the First Order more than once. I'm not scared of them."

 

Her mouth felt sticky with emotion, tongue glued to her palate. She felt the rough skin of his fingers lace with hers and his thumb wipe away an errant tear.

 

"I am," he breathed out a whisper. It caressed her lips. "I am so afraid of losing you."

 

She blinked and more tears spilled down her cheeks. Her vision was swimming but she could feel his heavy gaze following their path down her cheeks. He brought his other hand up, cradling her face and wiping them away tenderly.

 

"You won't," she whispered back. "We'll make it through this."

 

He closed his eyes, tightening his hold.

 

"Rey, you don't know…" He swallowed, voice faltering. Pausing, as if trying to think of the right words. He opened his eyes, that little boy peeking through his dark armor once again. "I've thought of nothing else but you, ever since you stole my father's damn freighter with that ridiculous BB unit. You've brought my whole life upside down since then… And you…"

 

Rey opened her mouth to say something back but blinked at him confused instead. His cheeks were flushed from excitement. He looked so eager and yet indecisive. She let out a thick, sticky giggle and an embarrassing snort.

 

_This man…_

 

Leaning in suddenly, she set a soft salty kiss on his lips. It lingered tenderly for a few heartbeats.

 

Rey had done more than think of him, ever since she slashed his face and left him to die in the snowy dark forest of a planet that no longer existed. It hurt to think of that day. And she couldn't find it in her to tell him about it.

 

"It's the best piece of garbage I've ever flown," she said pulling back just a bit.

 

He smiled widely at that, just the way she liked it. "We're not done discussing this yet," he said and Rey leaned in to kiss that rare precious smile of his again, with a heart that was about to burst. His lips were eager to kiss her back.

 

"I want you again tonight," he said hoarsely, when they broke off for air. "Say you'll stay with me."

 

_Every night._

 

Rey nodded, because there was no voice left in her. He had claimed that along with every other part of her.

 

The sun disappeared behind the mountains, its bleeding colors lingering on the cotton clouds, before Rey was able to whisper back.

 

"I will."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at this boy... Learning how to express his feelings... 
> 
> Can I just thank you all for your reviews and support? You have no idea how inspirational you can be! I appreciate every single one of you who have taken the time to read this story. Thank you!


	14. This isn't goodbye

**Day 13**

 

Leia raised her hand to shade the setting sun from her eyes. She walked slowly, her long dress bristling on the meadow's grass and her cane soundlessly breaking through the weaving flowers. A petit nonhumanoid accompanied her effortlessly, with large spectacles around shriveled dark skin, reflecting the sun's last rays.

 

"I can sense them," Maz said. "They shouldn't be far."

 

"No. They usually meditate together, under an ancient Aphor tree on the edges of the meadow. They shy away from attention, even though their presence is far from unnoticed amongst the Resistance members."

 

"How is Ben?"

 

"He's seemingly at peace, even though we both know he has a long road ahead of him," Leia commented, stopping for breath. "But he won't be alone anymore." She smiled lightly glancing over at Maz, who had stopped as well, lifting her giant spectacles to study Leia with her small intelligent eyes.

 

"And how about you, child?"

 

Leia turned to look at the sun once more, closing her eyes and drinking in its last warm rays.

 

"There are so many things I still want to do," she said softly. "Enjoy my son a bit more. But I'm afraid I don't have a say in this anymore."

 

Maz's long slender fingers wrapped around Leia's hands clutching her cane.

 

"This isn't the end, my dear, dear girl. Merely the beginning of a new adventure." She said, looking up at her with an understanding and deep most affection. Almost motherly in nature.

 

It brought her back to the sixteen-year-old girl she had once been, running carefree down the corridors of her home in Alderaan.

 

_How time flies… And we remain the same._

 

Leia thought, smiling down fondly at the ancient being next to her.

 

"So, I've heard. I just wish…" She trailed off, a sadness wrapping around her voice. "I wish I had more time."

 

"There is no time. There is only peace and the Force. You'll see. We all will."

 

Leia wiped the wetness pooling on her lids with the heel of her hand, inhaling deeply to sooth the heaviness in her heart.

 

"There is one more thing I need to do first. I will help clear my son's name in the Republic. Give him a fighting chance to live without being hunted all his life. But I need to go to Naboo for that. There will be old friends of mine there. Some might be willing to help. If we can bring down the remainder of the First order and Ben plays his part in this, then they must take it into consideration."

 

"Leia you always put too much faith and hope in people. It won't be that simple."

 

"It won't. But nothing ever was… It is worth a shot. Besides, there are rumors of Kylo Ren being alive. Someone is bound to track him down eventually."

 

Hustling steps were heard behind them and Leia turned to look at Finn, making his way through the plush grass towards them.

 

"The ship Maz brought is fueled and ready to go," he informed them, setting his hands on his hips.

 

"Good," Maz said. "I sense restlessness in the Force. The quicker we leave the better the odds will be."

 

Finn glanced over at the side of the meadow where Ben and Rey sat, meditating together. Instantly, his brown eyes flew wide and a low whistle escaped his lips. He nodded at them to take a look in the same direction.

 

Leia's mouth fell agape at the sight of Ben holding tenderly Rey's hands. They were facing each other, eyes closed and legs wrapped under them in meditation form. It would have been a familiar sight altogether if it weren't for their bodies levitating a foot at least off the grass, a halo of power surrounding them the likes of which she had never encountered before.

 

Maz raised her already wrinkled brow, smirking lightly. "I believe we are ready to go, indeed."

 

*

 

"Beeen Soloooo!"

 

Ben couldn't recall cringing before in his life. Ever. But that voice pierced his eardrums worse than Mitaka's shrills of fear. He shut his eyes, shoulders falling in defeat. Of course, Maz would spot him from across the mess hall. It was the reason his father would dread entering her castle, to begin with. Her acknowledgment would only send every gang member and bounty hunter he'd managed to shake off his tracks, right back at him.

 

Nyxx pressed his lips together in pity while Rey looked at him amused behind her bottle of ale.

 

"I hope you're ready to face that First Order again, boy. I didn't get dragged across the galaxy for nothing," Maz swirled her spectacles, fixing humongous eyes in his direction. Ben looked down at her in annoyance, allowing her the time to study whatever she felt she needed to find in his face. He'd watched her do this to his father far too many times.

 

And Chewbacca had managed to hide once again.

 

Maz pursed her small lips, wrinkling her dry parched skin. "Just as I thought," she mumbled to herself. "These Solo men have no idea what they're doing. It's a good thing this one it tagging along," she pointed at Rey with her thump, "otherwise who knows what trouble you'd bring upon this galaxy again."

 

Ben felt his face heat in anger.

 

"You don't know what I have planned," he stated heatedly.

 

"On the contrary, boy, I had a good long talk with your mother. It's a good plan. Don't mess it up," she stated turning to look at Rey. "Watch after him. This boy is so whipped by you, he might forget everything else."

 

Maz dropped the words and turned around with no remorse to cut through the dancing crowd that still remained and towards the food area. Ben dropped his face in his hands.

 

Nyxx was wiping the ale he had sputtered on his shirt, while Rey looked at him with a curious smile on her face.

 

He wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

 

"Don't pay any attention to what she says," he finally said. "Dementia has probably caught up with her after a thousand years."

 

"Not likely," Nyxx coughed out, rubbing at the stain.

 

Rey chose to give him the space needed, by remaining silent and turning to look at the few dancing couples in front of them. She had never attended a wedding before or ever heard of wedding vows until today. The ceremony had been quick under the canopy of the trees with Admiral D'Acy joining Marie and Brojik, two pilots from the blue squad, officially as a married couple in front of the whole Resistance. But the party had lasted late into the night and was _thankfully_ dying out, at last.

 

"I've never danced before," she said suddenly, dragging her eyes from the few couples still on the dance floor and looking at him rather bashfully.

 

Ben blinked at her, feeling a little awkward. He stared at the color staining her cheeks not knowing what to say. "I haven't in years. I was never fond of dancing."

 

"It looks simple."

 

He shifted nervously on the crate they were sitting. Images of him as a young adult dressed in formal wear, accompanying his mother to balls and being forced to dance with this Senator's daughter or that Chancellor's wife, made him shudder with aversion.

 

"It can be," he admitted, half-heartedly.

 

"Show me," she demanded of him with a bright smile, hopping off the crate they were sharing. She extended her hand expectantly.

 

Panic surged down his body.

 

"No," he shook his head adamantly, "no, no, no."

 

A thousand times no, regardless of how many bottles of ale Nyxx convinced him to have. He was most definitely _not_ stepping foot on that floor to this pathetic excuse for music, and dance in front of what had once been his mortal enemies. Not even for Rey.

 

He would never forgive himself.

 

She laced her slim calloused fingers through his, tugging at his hand.

 

"Rey, I don't dance," he stated as firmly as he could. Because she really seemed to completely brush away his reluctance and trample over his distress without a second thought.

 

 _How the hell do I get myself in these situations_?

 

"Aw come on, loverboy. Give the girl what she wants. It won't kill ya," Nyxx smirked at him behind his bottle. Next to him, Finn was grinning widely and he could swear he caught Rose sending Rey a wink.

 

He frowned at the engineer girl but she just smirked back utterly satisfied. She had never once been intimidated by him. For some peculiar _stupid_ reason.

 

"Just for a little," Rey said, not for a moment relinquishing her hold on him.

 

"Rey…"

 

He couldn't believe he was even considering this. This day was flat out turning into the most embarrassing day of his life. Right up there with that prank Nyxx and Ra'ya had pulled on him in the Jedi academy years ago. He could still feel that disgusting crawling sensation of Tasek spiders under his clothes even after all these years.

 

He huffed in frustration.

 

"Rey, please don't do this to me. I'm not that good in…"

 

"I won't bite," Rey commented slyly, sending his filthy mind back to their previous night together. "And I promise you'll enjoy this," she taunted him wickedly.

 

_Damn it._

 

A hard-on was the last thing he needed.

 

He got off the crate with a grunt coming from the bottomless pit of his black, stygian soul. He could not _believe_ Rey was making him do this. He allowed her to drag him a few paces into the open area that was considered a dance floor before she stood nervously before him.

 

He cleared his throat. Because...

 

 _Shit_.

 

He was about to make an utter fool of himself.

 

Ben inhaled deeply. No use in postponing the inevitable. Besides, he wasn't being asked to obliterate a civilization. It was just a dance. With Rey.

 

He could do this.

 

She watched carefully as he brought her hand up to rest on his shoulder. He snaked his hand around her waist gently, licking his lips. Her features scrunched in concentration as he brought their already clasped hands close to his thumping chest.

 

"This is how we hold each other," he said hoarsely as she lifted sparkling eyes to look at him. The joy reflected in them made his heart skip. "And now we just… dance."

 

Rey looked down at their feet trying to move hers in accordance to the soft music. She felt stiff and rigid under his touch and her boots stepped on his more times than he was willing to count. The nervousness radiating from her worsened with every wrong step she made.

 

It made him smile.

 

"Don't think too much," he leaned into her ear, bringing her body closer to his. "Relax." He mumbled to her temple. "Let the music lead you."

 

He reached out to her hesitantly with his mind, brushing against the prickle of her agitation. Ignoring the stinging sensation of her emotions, he pushed through enough to reach the outskirts of her surface thoughts. He stayed there, absorbing her self-annoyance. Softening the edges of her irritation.

 

And then he did it. He didn't quite know what compelled him to leave the words there. But it happened. Instinctively.

 

_Just feel…_

 

Her eyes snapped to his wide with surprise.

 

Ben swallowed. Wondering for a split moment if he had gone too far.

 

Her hazel eyes remained locked with his, and her body slowly softened under his fingers.

 

He didn't dare venture any further inside. He could already feel the hardness of her walls on the edge of her mind. But just the clearness of it and the warmth that wrapped him were...

 

_Ben._

 

A thought coursed down his body.

 

He closed his eyes, sinking his face in her soft tresses. The beat of his heart accelerating wildly inside him. The sound of his name on her lips always thrilled him. But the sensation of her voice throbbing in his mind and taking over his thoughts brought him dangerously close to falling completely apart.

 

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. Her body molded to his slowly, swaying in tandem to the music. And he held on to her as the most precious of things in the middle of this ancient stone hall, with its drunken inhabitants chatting and laughing away. Upturned crates filled the role of make-shift tables, while scattered empty bottles and broken plates decorated their surroundings.

 

The moment would seem insignificant to any bystander. But somehow it carved itself in his memory and heart as the one he would always come back to in the struggles to come. As the first moment in his life where he felt truly and utterly…

 

_Complete._

 

*****

 

**Day 15**

 

Louise hurried down the long dark corridor, her padded nursing shoes barely making a sound within the stone walls. Her quickened breath huffed in her ears and her heart pounded anxiously in her chest.

 

_Almost there._

 

Just around the corner, she thought tensely. Commander Dameron's brisk urgent order to find and inform the General _immediately_ was still ringing in her ears and making her run down the corridors as if chased by a ghost.

 

The generator had picked the absolute worst time ever to fail in this area of the compound. And Louise had chosen the most unfortunate moment to pass by the Communications Center in search of her boyfriend, John.

 

She knew that General Leia barely ever slept but it was still early enough for her to be in her quarters. Louise did not want to interrupt the General's fragile rest in any way, but there was no way to avoid this.

 

She halted outside the rooms, pressing the call button on the panel outside and wondering for a moment if her son, Kylo Ren, would be there. A spike of anticipation fluttered in her gut at the prospect of seeing that dark compelling man and those intense dusky eyes of his.

 

There was just something about him…

 

She brushed her fingers through her hair quickly and ran her hands down the creases of her medical garments. Louise hated night shifts. They made her look like a zombie the next day and…

 

_Oh no._

 

She smacked her forehead. She had been in such a hurry to get to the General that she forgot to pass by the medical bay and get her daily injection from the cold storage. Dr. Lydham would skin her alive if he were to find out.

 

The doors whooshed open to reveal the Jedi at the door.

 

 _Darn it_.

 

Louise pouted in disappointment, as the woman across from her offered a friendly smile. Which Louise would have appreciated a lot more if she didn't feel that strange mythical power emanating from the Jedi like a heated halo. It always prickled at her skin.

 

Louise nodded nervously at the woman, who stepped aside to let her in. She glanced in the softly illuminated room. The sun had barely risen and the shadows inside the room were mostly untouched by the timid rays.

 

"Ma'am," Louise said, slightly out of breath.

 

General Leia rose to her feet gazing at the nurse steadily. Tingling power brushed against Louise's emotions, like fingertips tracing the texture of a fabric. She tried to ignore it.

 

"Republic ships just appeared in orbit, ma'am," she announced in a hurry. "A cruiser with several fighter ships. They demand permission to land and investigate."

 

The Jedi looked at the General worriedly. "The distortion in the Force we had been feeling. They have finally come for _him_."

 

The General gave a curt nod in agreement, features hardening with determination in the darkness of her room.

 

"No one will get to him, Rey. Not if I can help it. Now hurry. It's time for you both to go."

 

*

 

"Come on you guys, speed it up!" Finn waved from the open ramp of the _Falcon_ , while Chewie behind him roared in agreement. Ben watched Rose hurry up in small but swift strides carrying a heavy backpack full equipment. Rey was still in deep conversation with Maz at the base of the ramp most probably exchanging rendezvous coordinates for their two ships to meet. The Troopers and Resistance members who had volunteered to assist would be taking a ride in Maz's much larger freighter.

 

Ben lifted his eyes to the leaden sky. A tropical storm was brewing. Violent and disastrous in nature from the looks of it. Marking and accompanying his departure from the Resistance base as a kindred spirit or an ominous sign. It was hard to tell.

 

Republic fighters breached the atmosphere at that exact moment, approaching the base from the far horizon.

 

He tightened his hold on his own backpack and brushed his fingers on the hilt of his crossguard. He had always known that this small haven wouldn't be able to hide and protect him and Rey forever. Now it seemed time had, at last, run out.

 

He took a couple of paces towards the _Falcon_ stealing himself for what their team would come up against. But a voice stopped him.

 

"Ben!"

 

It was groveled, carried by the wind and broken. He halted, shutting his eyes momentarily. Wishing that somehow he wouldn't need to go through with this. It was too similar to…

 

He turned slowly, readjusting his bag higher up on his shoulder.

 

His mother stood just a few paces away, leaning her weight on her cane. The wind was rumpling her grey robes and messing her perfectly made hairdo. The thick grass swept at her feet with every gust of wind and the heavens above bore heavily upon her small figure.

 

"Dr. Lydham said not to exert yourself under this therapy, mother," he called out over the whistling of the wind. His dark hair whipped against his face and stung his eyes. "Go inside and rest. The Republic delegation will just run their search and come out emptyhanded. Do not concern yourself over them."

 

She waved her hand lightly as if his words had no meaning at all. "I'll handle them," she said with a slight smile. She stepped closer. "That's' not what I'm here for."

 

He looked away. At the forest line being ruffled by the wind and the grand temple that stood stubborn yet solid against the forces of nature.

 

"There's no reason for you to go to Naboo either and listen to Republic worlds bicker over their next course of plans. Don't you think the time has come to let others run this galaxy?"

 

She chuckled lightly at that. Her eyes turning warm and playful.

 

"An old goat like me, let the new generation make a mess of things? Whatever made you think that?"

 

He smirked at her words. Somehow he had always doubted she would let things be. Fighting for what she believed in was akin to breathing for his mother.

 

Her features fell into a sad smile. "Besides," she said after a small pause. "I might still have a few aces up my sleeve."

 

_Just a few?_

 

He nearly snorted at that. Those ambassadors wouldn't know what hit them.

 

"You did get to beat dad a few times in sabacc, come to think of it," he commented bemused.

 

"That I did."

 

"You made Calrissian very proud."

 

She chuckled again, but the smile never reached her eyes. Ben glanced away in unease. He hiked up his backpack on his shoulder again. It was heavy and kept sliding down. He caught Rey's gaze on the top of the ramp, looking at him softly. Waiting.

 

"I have to go," he said hoarsely after a few moments passed by, without either of them breaking the silence between them. "Those fighters will be landing any minute."

 

"I know." His mother took a few more steps closer, coming to stand directly in front of him. Her hands were clutching the thick fabric of her gown tightly. "Kuat has _terrible_ weather," she said thickly. "Make sure you dress warmly. Wear the leather jacket you got in the flea market."

 

He rolled his eyes at that. Was that seriously what she had been meaning to tell him all along? He was thirty.

 

_Can she give it a rest?_

 

But when he glanced back at her, her gaze was blurry and wet. Her hands came up to wipe at the tears forming on the corner of her eyes. She swallowed a couple of times before training those red-rimmed eyes on him.

 

"Mother?" He heard himself say in a low, cracked voice.

 

She shook her head unable to say a word.

 

He extended his hand instinctively in the space between them, hesitant, not knowing what to do with it. "I'll be back. Rey and I will make sure everyone gets back safely. Please don't…"

 

Her withered hands came to clasp his in an iron grip.

 

"Please be careful out there..." she pleaded. "Watch over Rey. This girl cares about you so much, Ben… She _believes_ in you. And she is so good for you, sweetheart… It makes me wish I could be around to see the two of you…"

Her voice cracked and she swallowed thickly again as new tears pooled in her eyes. She wiped at them again and again and he just stood there watching her, unable to breathe.

Feeling his lungs burn.

"But I don't know," she said with a tremble of her lips. "I don't know if I'll…"

 

Something broke inside him.

 

His arms crushed her frail form to his chest suddenly, unable to restrain the strength of his embrace. A drowned sob warmed his shirt as her small hands came to wrap around his torso. He held on to her tightly, unwilling to let go.

 

"Take care of yourself please," he said hoarsely into the top of her grey strands. Because she _had_ to still be here when this would be over. There were so many things he wanted to ask her. Discuss with her. He couldn't think of a better person to explain to him the frailty of the Commerce Treaty of 1647. Or which would be the best way to approach the Chiss. And he _still_ didn't know where his dad had left the entrance codes to the lake house in Chandrilla. And Threepio would eventually need a new power source. He was so ancient and they were rare and _impossible_ to find…

 

_And no…_

 

He wasn't ready yet.

 

"Don't you worry about me," she said gently, lifting soulful brown eyes to look at him. _His_ eyes. He blinked at her, feeling overwhelmed and lost for a moment. As if he were decades younger, feeble and small. Her hand caressed his face like it always had when she would feel his emotions spilling over. "May the Force be with you, my son. Don't ever lose hope," her voice quivered. "I love you."

 

He tried to clamp those feelings down immediately because there was no more room left for this boy in his world anymore. But the words carved in his heart for her were too strong and true to be ignored.

 

And so he said them to her. Their lightness fluttering in his chest the same way they did years and years ago when she would set a kiss to his forehead and tell him everything would be fine.

 

"I love you too, ma. This isn't goodbye."

 

Her thump traced his cheekbone.

 

"It never is, my sweat, _precious_ boy. I'll be with you. Always."

 

 

*

 

Poe narrowed his eyes at the delegation walking down the long corridor. A stern pompous man dressed in expensive robes was the one leading a good number of officials and armored soldiers towards the Resistance's Command Center. They passed right in front of him all stiff and unyielding, without giving him anyone else they came across a single glance.

 

He pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning upon and signaled at Kaydel to accompany him. He followed their brisk military march, making sure to stay far enough behind as to not gain any unwanted attention, all the way to the grand chamber where Leia and the rest of the Resistance highest officers awaited them.

 

"General Organa," the man spoke upon entry. The soldiers immediately fanned out within the large room. Poe made sure to remain amongst the curious crowd gathered at the doors. He watched with a furrowed brow all the while feeling Kaydel's worried eyes on him.

 

"Ron," Leia said dryly. "Good to see you again so soon. How's Selena?"

 

The man straightened his body and cleared his throat awkwardly. "This isn't a house call, General, as you have undoubtedly figured out. I would appreciate any personal feelings and use of familiarity to be left aside."

 

"I see," Leia drawled setting her weight on her cane and fixing her infamous stern gaze that would always have Poe shifting feet uncomfortably, at the delegation. "And to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit then?"

 

The man stepped forward, closing the space between the two of them. He looked at her with the most uncomfortable expression etched on his features.

 

"Don't make this hard, Leia. You know exactly the reason I'm here."

 

Leia tilted her head to the side. "You'll have to be more specific than that, _Ron_."

 

His face started turning bright red and he looked around the room as if in search for help.

 

_What did you expect pal?_

 

That the Resistance would give him a hug and a pat on the back for bringing in half a fleet to turn the compound upside down in search of Ren?

 

"There is footage of a man in Chandrilla, taken a couple of weeks ago that has been identified as Kylo Ren," the man finally said. "The same time that the Resistance's starship _Prometheus_ was stationed in orbit around the planet. You came to visit me at my home in…"

 

"Spare me the details, Senator. I was there. I remember."

 

"Very well," he admonished. "It would make everyone's life easier if you just handed your son over to the Republic, General. For him to be justly tried and…"

 

"Sentenced to death?" Leia cut him off with a humorless chuckle. "Please, Ron… Surely you haven't come all the way here just for that. I told you then as I am telling you now. My son is not here. He would be smarter than that."

 

"Do not mock me, Leia. I _know_ you've been sheltering him. Hand him over!"

 

"I wouldn't hand over a single strand of his hair to you if it were up to me!" She erupted furiously. "But luckily for all, it isn't. The man you are searching isn't here and even if he were, you have no authority over the Resistance. The Republic is in pieces. Any laws that once existed have ceased to do so in months. And so I am giving you one last chance to walk out of here peacefully. Otherwise, we are throwing you out. Am I clear?"

 

"Search the premice!" The Senator roared at the soldiers, before turning an outraged face at Leia. "This," he pulled out a datapad, "is the official order from seven major Republic worlds to search the Resistance for Kylo Ren. And you are obstructing our search," he pointed an accusatory finger at her, shaking with wrath. "It is also an order dismantling your Resistance and ordering the arrest of your highest officers for interrogation. And as for you, _General_ , my orders are to arrest you and escort you to Naboo where you will be officially tried for being an accomplice to a traitor of the Republic."

 

_No._

 

Poe felt his face drain of its color.

 

"You can't do that!" Mylo protested next to him and similar voices joined in from the gathered crowd at the door.

 

"That goes against any law we ever had!" Leia's groveled voice was heard over the commotion. "You have no proof to make such an arrest!"

 

"The Resistance is the reason the Republic still exists, Senator!" Admiral Ematt objected thunderously amongst a torrent or raised arms and heated angry faces. "These accusations are unfounded!"

 

Poe wanted nothing more than to walk in that room and join in with the rest of the voices. He rubbed at his face, barely restraining himself from doing exactly that. Kaydel next to him grabbed his arm and shook her head at him as if reading what was in his mind.

 

_We have to stay away._

 

He tried to convince himself. Tried to believe. But he hated everything about his decision.

 

"Silence!" The Senator ordered in an attempt to gain control over the situation. He signaled at the soldiers to move in for the arrests. "I would advise you to cooperate and not make things any worse for you. As of today, the Resistance ceases to exist. Anybody who chooses to remain in this base in the next twenty-four standard hours will be considered an outlaw and arrested at sight."

 

Poe slipped out just on time, hiding with Kaydel in a dark crevice of the wall close to the doors. Admiral Ematt was lead out first, being shoved roughly between the shoulder blades, followed by a calm looking Admiral D'acy walking with her head held high. He found himself unable to swallow as one by one the Resistance officers were all lead out. And he heard his name being called out as soldiers went in search of him.

 

The last person through the door was General Organa. Poe saw her glancing over her shoulder at the darkness of the crevice that enveloped him and Kaydel and giving him her last order. Silently. With just the widening of her eyes.

 

_Go. You know what needs to be done._

 

Poe clenched his jaw. He never thought it would come down to this. But Leia had been right all along. And she had prepared them for the worst.

 

Now it was down to him. His squad.

 

Ben. And his team.

 

And a shaky plan that could fall apart at the slightest of wrong moves.

 

_Great._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up! Gettin' down to business.
> 
> And also... don't be too harsh on me on the Leia and Ben scene. I've got two boys of my own. I couldn't help it : )


	15. The promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. Also a warning. Short mentions of body trafficking, rape, and substance abuse. Oh, and murder. Stay with me.

"Are they firing at us?"

 

Ben turned to stare rather sharply at an appalled looking Finn standing just behind his right shoulder.

 

"Yes," he said, the twitch under his left eye flaring to life.

 

 _It's fairly obvious_.

 

Chewbacca growled, powering up the shields just as the _Falcon_ swirled to the right, sending boxes and tools tumbling and rolling on the floor. Ben gripped the metal support of the cockpit's entrance, already working his jaw. There was no way the _Falcon_ could withstand such firepower for long. They had to do more than just power up the shields.

 

"Better hold on tight," Rey informed them from the co-pilot's seat, eyes focused on the window in front of her. "We've got to shake them off our tail."

 

"There's too many of them. No point in trying to outrun them," he stated as calmly as possible. This bucket was way too old to get away from these Republic fighters. Surely Chewie and Rey were aware of that.

 

"I know that! We have to lose them in the hills." Rey said just as the ship shook from a direct hit.

 

"Fuck! We're going to die," Finn stated, quickly disappearing further in the ship and calling for Rose to hold fast, just as another hit rocked the _Falcon_.

 

"Pull up! Up!" Rey yelled at Chewie, just as the wookie pushed the lever down instead with a roar of disagreement. Ben dug fingers in the hard metal of the entrance clenching his jaw, trying painfully hard to contain his scathing remarks.

 

Another shake of the haul sent alarms wailing and Chewie threw hairy arms in the air in frustration. A porg was sent flying in the air and Ben could feel the ship tilt to the left.

 

"Power to the rear right thruster is out!" Rey informed them over the commotion running quick fingers over buttons. "Someone has to redirect energy to the… Hey! Where do you think you're going?" She glanced angrily at Chewbacca as he got up, deserting the pilot's seat.

 

"Chewie get back in the seat!" Ben growled at him, setting a hand on the wookie's hairy chest as if he could stop him.

 

Chewbacca roared at his face pointing at the engine room below.

 

"What do you mean no one else knows how to fix it?" Ben objected furiously. "Surely, it can't be…"

 

Chewie shook his head, whining a suggestion. He pushed Ben to the side and shuffled down the corridor, while Ben remained thunderstruck on his spot, glaring at the wookie's retreating back.

 

There was no way…

 

Another hit made the haul screech in protest and Rey cursed.

 

"No. Absolutely not!" Ben pointed at the empty pilot's seat. "You get back there. I am not flying this ship."

 

"Ben."

 

"Damn it Chewie! Get back here!"

 

" _Ben!"_

 

He swirled his head to look at Rey who was giving him a pleading urgent stare with her wide enchanting hazels. " _Please_!"

 

Ben gazed back at her bewildered, chest heaving and fingers buried in metal.

 

What they were asking him to do… To take the place of his father in the _Millenium Falcon_. It was too much.

 

He couldn't…

 

"We need a pilot!"'

 

"Rey, you are more than qualified to…"

 

"No, Ben. Chewie is right. It has to be you. The _Falcon_ is part of _you_."

 

Ben swallowed, his throat as dry as the Tatooine desert. His fingers ran lightly, hesitantly over the worn out leather of his father's seat as Rey turned back to flipping switches in an attempt to reengage the thruster. Green covered hills and the blue of the sky rushed past the distinctive duraglass window of his father's ship. His gaze fell at the spot overhead where the twin golden dice used to hang from, catching the colors of the blinking lights on their shiny surface.

 

The alarms faded. And so did the nauseating swirling of the ship.

 

_Chubby small hands were reaching out to grasp the dangling dice while strong sturdy arms held his body securely within their grasp. "That's it big guy," a scruffy voice said. "Give them a nice old rub for good luck. You don't know what adventure is waiting for us out there."_

 

Ben's breath hitched and he blinked a couple of times to clear his vision.

 

The spot was empty.

 

And so was his father's seat.

 

Lead sat heavy in his heart.

 

No one could ever come anywhere close to replacing Han Solo. And he was the last man entitled to that seat. He had no right to it.

 

 _Not after what I've done_.

 

Alarms filled his ears once again.

 

The ship vibrated, shaking him down to his core. Calling for him to do _something._ To try and save what remained of his father's legacy and not just stand there.

 

Ben inhaled sharply, holding on to his breath. He slid in the seat without thinking and grasped the pilot's lever tightly. White-knuckled fingers curling and digging into the worn out metal. Rey next to him smiled, eyes gleaming proudly at him. The _Falcon_ shook once again but she extended her hand at him despite the numerous laser beams flying past the ship. And waited.

 

Ben reached out, clasping her small hand in his and brought her fingers to his lips to set a warm sloppy kiss on them. Rey's smile widened, turning into a dimpled grin. Unraveling whatever trepidation still lingered in his heart.

 

He let out the breath he'd been holding in a long huff. "I hope this rusty bucket doesn't fall apart in midair," he mumbled with a shake of his head. But part of him already knew that it could never happen. The _Falcon_ was too damn stubborn.

 

He smirked at Rey, sending her a wink. Which was probably the last thing she expected to see coming from him because she snorted, her contagious laughter ringing in the cockpit.

 

"All right there, tough guy," she said. "Let's see what you've got!"

 

*

 

**10 Days later**

 

"Who else made it out?"

 

"Just my squad," Poe said keeping his voice low, despite the fact that the small alley was basically empty. "Everyone else was either arrested or gone within the day. Jessica sent me a private communication stating that whoever is left from the Resistance will gather eventually at a meeting point. But I haven't decided on when or where yet."

 

Ben stared at the roguish pilot from under his dark hood, clenching his hands into fists.

 

"This changes everything," he said unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. He'd grown fond of some of the Resistance's members in the last few days. And there was no glory in the way it was dismantled. "The Resistance has lost its credibility in the eyes of the Republic," he continued.

 

_And its mission has been rendered void._

 

"Probably and it's all your fault…" Poe said but there was no heat or resentment behind his words. Ben watched him rub his dirty face. He looked tired and distraught with dark bags under his sleepless eyes. "Ben, the way those fighters were going after the _Millenium Falcon_ … For a moment there, I thought you guys wouldn't break atmo."

 

That made two of them. Ben furrowed his brow as he recalled those dreadful few moments when laser beams were raining around the _Falcon_ and he was flying the old ship like a madman. Rey was doing everything she could to navigate him through the terrain and to redirect extra power to the engines, while Chewbacca whined and groaned from the crawl space below. It really hadn't been his best moment barking at Chewbacca to get his hairy paws moving, and fix the thruster. Chewie had been cordial enough to growl at them to get their respective heads screwed back in place, stop evading the kriffing fire, and aim for space with whatever thrusters they had left.

 

Thankfully they had listened to him.

 

It had been an exhilarating feeling spin-barreling between the fighters in a sudden turn and sending them scattering in all directions as they tried to avoid crashing into the _Falcon_. Up until Rey decided to hit hyperspace that is, barely out of the planet's atmosphere and with the rear thruster still malfunctioning.

 

Ben had nearly thrown a fit.

 

He knew _exactly_ where she had picked up _that_ trick.

 

Ben looked away, avoiding Poe's scrutiny. The alley they had chosen to meet in was as bad as they would come. Filthy and grimy, with the planet's reddish fine dirt clinging to every surface. Even the light filtering between the cracks of the buildings had the same sickening red color. And the rotten smell of the sewage ensured that not too many people would be willing to cross paths with them. The only living creature in their immediate surroundings was a man passed out in the far dark corner of the alley, most probably high on spice.

 

It was, indeed, the perfect meeting point with Poe, much to Ben's loathing. He settled the hood over his head to better hide his features and distinctive scar. He could never be too certain about curious eyes and he wasn't making the same mistake twice.

 

"Leia pretty much gave the order to continue," Poe said, setting his fists in the pockets of his fly-jacket. "Have you told Rey?"

 

Ben snapped his gaze back at the pilot. "No. And that's how it will remain."

 

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I don't think she'll take it very well."

 

"That's between me and Rey. It's none of your business."

 

Poe shrugged as if he were indifferent.

 

"Didn't mean to offend you there, _buddy_. All I'm saying is that Rey deserves to know."

 

Anger curled in Ben's gut. That pilot was too defiant. He couldn't imagine how his mother had put up with him for so long.

 

"She deserves to stay alive and I might not be able to protect her. You will get her out of there, along with the rest of the team when the time comes."

 

Poe clenched his jaw. "Fine," he said. "But just for the record, I disagree with everything about this plan. Starting with _you_."

 

"There's a plan?" Nyxx's groveled voice was heard as he strode into the alley, trench coat flaring behind him. It seemed that Maz's ship had made it to their rendezvous point. Neesha approached as well, imposing as ever despite the heels of her boots digging into the red mud. Nyxx tilted his head at Ben, curiously. "I thought we were just runnin' for our lives. I'm afraid to ask how things would have been if we had no plan at all."

 

Ben rolled his eyes.

 

Neesha scrunched her nose at the alley's grimy walls deciding to sit cross-legged on a wooden crate. Her pale features and platinum hair had adopted a pink glow due to the environment making Nyxx itch in his attempt to hold back a comment. No doubt one that Neesha would not appreciate. Unease radiated from her in the Force. Which didn't surprise Ben at all. A grimy side alley such as this was where he had discovered her years and years ago, being manhandled by a trafficker of the flesh. The man had been Ben's first kill and the reason Skywalker regarded him distrustfully ever since. Neesha on the other hand never left his side ever again, her loyalty and blind devotion one of the few things that accompanied him from his Jedi life.

 

Nyxx's green eyes slid at her bare thighs showing, and he hurried to cover them with the ends of her dark cloak.

 

"Whatever this plan is, chances are it won't work because Correlia just broke peace by opening fire on Plexus ships under some silly territorial excuse," Nyxx informed them, patting at his pockets.

 

They looked at him with wide eyes.

 

"What? When?" Poe stuttered.

 

"Dunno yet. Just found out about it. Don't think the Republic will take it too well, though. Where the hell did I put them?" Nyxx grumbled, continuing his search in his multiple pockets. He pulled out a lightsaber instead, setting it carelessly on the crate next to Neesha, swearing under his breath as he continued emptying his pockets out.

 

"How could you not know? This is crucial, Nyxx!" Poe bit back.

 

"Not as crucial as me finding my smokes right now," he mumbled, searching his back pockets.

 

"A civil war is the last thing this galaxy needs. Please, tell me you have more information!"

 

"Where did you find this?" Ben asked out of the blue. The lightsaber Nyxx had pulled out was set on the edge of the crate looking awfully familiar. Nyxx stilled in the middle of his search, staring curiously at him.

 

"Coruscant. And don't you _dare_ ask me what it is that I was doin' there."

 

"What color is the blade?" Ben continued narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the weapon. He studied the hilt carefully in his hands.

 

"Purple. Why?"

 

Ben gritted his teeth.

 

_That lucky bastard._

 

He nearly seethed.

 

_Where the hell does he come across these things?_

 

"That's Mace Windu's lightsaber, Nyxx!" Ben erupted. "Where in the Force did you find it?"

 

Nyxx's eyebrows rose, impressed. The thin roll of smokes he had just put together hanging from his bottom lip. "Huh. No shit… Wasn't he this really important dude on the Jedi council of the Old Republic?"

 

"Yes, yes!"

 

_For fuck's sake!_

 

It angered Ben to no ends that Nyxx was from Coruscant and barely knew or cared about any of the planet's history.

 

"Hey, man! No need to get your knickers in a bunch. There are all sorts of old scraps in that city. I happened to dig it out," he said, catching the roll of smokes between two fingers and pointing it at Ben accusingly. "Which reminds me. Where's Rey? I haven't seen her anywhere. And I'll bet Poe's BB unit she's the reason you're throwin' such a hissy fit at me."

 

Ben scowled.

 

_A hissy fit? Please._

 

He was perfectly fine with Rey's decision to go off exploring the dangerous rubbles of this dead city all on her own -for _Maker_ only knew how many hours- and with no communications device on her because she had conveniently _forgotten_ it back at the _Falcon_. There was no reason for him, whatsoever, to be concerned and worried _sick_ out of his mind. No reason at all.

 

_Nope._

 

He leaned back against the wall, crossing thick arms in front of his chest petulantly.

 

"She's out scavenging," he groused. "Without me."

 

*

 

Rey unwrapped the cloth covering her nose and mouth as she stood in front of the dark entrance of the demolished Jedi temple. Behind her the wind blew, gathering sand over the rubbles of the Holy City of Jedha. Nothing remained to tell the tale of the city's tragic destruction by the Death Star's virginal attack, apart from dust and rocks.

 

Her boot crunched on pebbles as Rey set foot within the ancient temple. Or whatever was left of it.

 

She had felt the pull of the Force calling to her, steadfast and powerful. Exactly as she had on Ach-To. And she had followed it. Reluctant, yet intrigued. Wondering if there was a sign or warning that was to be disclosed. To her and her only.

 

Her thoughts fleeted back to Ben and his dark hooded figure walking somberly next to her. The dusty narrow streets of the small town that had been built over the remains of the city in the years that followed its destruction, were barely wide enough to allow her and his broad, solid frame to walk side by side. He hadn't been happy about her wishing to part ways with him and go off exploring, even if it were only meant to be for a couple of hours. The press of his lips and intense, anxious gaze on her were enough to express his disagreement. Rey had come very close to caving into his sulky demeanor and pressing a kiss to his lips right in the middle of the road. But this call was not something she could surpass, and he had pressing matters of his own to attend to.

 

And so here she was.

 

Her fingers touched the rough stone as she ventured further inside, following that call that thrummed invitingly inside her.

 

It was practically impossible to see a thing within these rubbles. Rey weaved carefully around fallen stones and ducked under broken pillars, her slender body accustomed to such movements from her scavenging days on Jakku. The sound of her breathing was the only thing that stirred in these buried grounds, as it once did in the empty hauls of the wrecked starships. But only darkness reigned within these stones and not a sliver of dusty light could be seen anywhere. Eventually, she pulled out her lightsaber and pressed the ignition switch.

 

The friendly cerulean light spilled over the ancient walls. Symbols and ancient letters were illuminated, scattered carelessly on the broken stones. And amongst them all, the symbol of the Force that Rey had puzzled over on the Jedi texts for months. It stood out staring at her in its perfect harmony and balance.

 

_What do you see?_

 

She could almost feel Luke's desperation for a student to comprehend what he had failed to teach.

 

_Light, Darkness…_

 

_And between them?_

 

_A balance._

 

It was the way of nature. The way of the Force.

 

Rey was slowly witnessing the works of it in her daily life. But there was more to this calling than a theoretical lesson about the Force. She was here for a _reason_.

 

An image came into sight. One of many adorning the walls of the temple. Rey approached it with her saber held high to shed better light to it.

 

Rey scrunched her brows at the figure of a man holding two stones together. A white and a dark one carved into the wall. He was wielding their merged power into the fabric of the cosmos, almost like a focusing lens. Using it to…

 

Rey cursed. Her voice echoing in the dark chamber. The rest of the image had been chipped and fallen off the wall. It was impossible to make out what the man was using them for. Or who this man was.

 

She swiveled her head to look at the rest of the walls, but the scattered images of civilizations and galaxies made no sense to her.

 

She sighed, resting her fingers on the image of the stones. Thinking… Her fingers brushed against the smooth surface of the white stone but faltered over the crevice where the dark one was meant to be.

 

Blackness enveloped her.

 

_A man's heavy breathing echoed off the walls. The prickle of fear ran down her spine, raising the fine hair on her forearms. And then she heard it. A crackling sound, as the room turned crimson and a man dressed in black loomed over her. His distinctive crossguard with its sputtering beams came down on her and Rey instinctively brought her blue saberstaff up to meet it. Their blades crossed and hissed at each other. She brought startled eyes to look at the steel heavy gaze of the man in front of her._

 

_Ben?_

 

_She rasped._

 

_The man snarled and the room broke into a million shards of glass. Their sparkling surface reflecting the blue and red of their joined blades._

 

_Searing pain went through her chest and the man's eyes widened, mirroring her agony._

 

Rey stepped back startled by the vision, tripping over a protruding rock and falling on the rough pavement of the temple. She clutched at her chest, panting, searching for signs of the impaling weapon between the lapels of her vest. But it was intact.

 

 _A Force vision_.

 

It had just been a force vision.

 

Rey shut her eyes, as relief coursed through her. She should have expected it. It was, after all, turning out to be a regular occurrence for her to have a vision every time she touched anything remotely close to a relic of the Force.

 

_Damn it._

 

She got up, legs shaking lightly from the adrenaline and noticed blood dripping on the dirt. It was coming from her right fist. She unclenched her hand. On her palm, covered in dirt and blood lay a white small stone. It felt hot on her hand and pulsated brightly in the Force.

 

And Rey finally recognized what she was seeing.

 

A white kyber crystal.

 

*

 

The metal doors groaned as they whooshed open, reluctant to grant the visitor entrance to the holding cell and its sole occupant. Leia lifted her gaze from the magnetic shackles clasping her hands together to stare at the man standing across from her dressed in simple but expensive robes.

 

The elder man stilled in the middle of the cell to study his surroundings, clasping his hands behind his back. The holding cell was fairly accommodating to Leia's standards, with clean white walls, a decent bed, chairs, table, and the basic refresher. It even had a window overlooking one of Naboo's many sun-lit, sparkling lakes. It was made of fire-proof duraglass, of course, but all in all, had a much better view than most cells Leia had come across in the galaxy. The man's expression softened at the sight of her, and his square shoulders curved in a long exhale.

 

"Gods, Leia…"

 

She smirked lightly at the man, as he approached glancing warily at her.

 

"This isn't what I had in mind when I messaged you for a meeting," she said.

 

His eyes fell on the shackles binding her hands together, and he swiveled to glare at a soldier standing by the entrance of the cell.

 

"Is this necessary?" He pointed at her hands. "I highly doubt General Organa is in a condition to escape. I want them removed!"

 

"But Governor…"

 

"Charles, it's really not that big of…"

 

"I said. _Remove_ them."

 

The soldier looked away, obviously uncertain as to whose orders to obey. His commander had been adamant about keeping General Leia Organa bound when visited. But the Governor of Coruscant was not a man to be trifled.

 

"Right away sir," he relented, taking out the key to the shackles.

 

Leia couldn't have been more grateful at having these awful things removed from her wrists. She rubbed at them trying to get the circulation flowing and glanced at the pale palms of her hands tightening them into fists.

 

_My blood count is low again._

 

She had noticed the day before with a sickening feeling in her gut.

 

 

No wonder a fever was settling in once more.

 

The screech of a chair echoed in the room and the Governor took a seat across from her. A silence stretched between them for a little while as they regarded each other.

 

"Nyxx came to find me," he said, his voice betraying the anguish that Leia knew he hid so well behind a very stern and collected expression. The man before her looked older and much more tired than she recalled. Wrinkles of worry creasing his once clear brow. The unmistakable sign of life's cruel ways catching up with him.

 

"It took him long enough."

 

He chuckled, a dry humorless sound and shook his head. "It wasn't a pleasant meeting, I hope you know."

 

"They never are. But they can get better with time."

 

He fixed pale green eyes at her, the same exact shade as that of his son's.

 

"I don't know about that. Nyxx had a lot to say. About me, his mother… The day he walked out on a brilliant career in politics and joined Luke's academy," he paused shaking his head dejectedly. "I should have listened more to what the boys had to say, Leia. And Valek... He always looked up to Nyxx, I never thought he would…"

 

Leia reached over, grasping his forearm.

 

"I'm sorry about your son, Charles. Snoke's manipulations damaged us all."

 

He shook his head once again, tearing sorrowful eyes from her and staring at his hands. "Losing a son… It's not something I'd want you to go through. I can understand where you're coming from."

 

"I don't want you to help me out of obligation. I know you have great influence in the political scene of the Republic but that is not the sole reason I reached out to you. I believe you have an open mind and the galaxy's best interests in your heart."

 

He waved a hand as if to silence her, his features tense.

 

"Leia, I know for a fact that Ben was trying to break away from the First Order when the attack took place in Coruscant. He saved me. But those kids were part of the Order for far too long and have done too much damage. No one will be willing to pardon Ben or any of Luke's other students. No matter what they do to try and help."

 

"That's where you're wrong! This isn't about a pardon, Charles."

 

"Leia, the Republic won't let your son live!"

 

"It won't be up to the Republic in the end. Not the way things are evolving in the galaxy. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

 

"Yes, Leia! I do know… It has already started. And the Republic does not want to accept the technological superiority of the Union." He sighed, looking even more tired in just a matter of moments. He hesitated, obviously trying to figure out if he should disclose whatever information he had to her. "The Republic will be reaching out to the Unknown Regions for alliances."

 

_What?_

 

She tightened her hands into fists again. Her mind running at light speed through the repercussions of such an act.

 

"No, Charles. That is exactly the opportunity some of those civilizations are looking for to set foot in the Core!"

 

She paused as a coughing fit rattled her chest and she fought for breath. Nyxx's father looked around in concern, trying to find some way to help. But Leia waved for him not to bother, regaining her composure and wiping the blood that stained her lips.

 

"Leia, I know that would be one of the Republic's biggest mistakes. Not all of us at the Congregation will agree to such a gesture. But the Union is behaving erratically. And if the rumors are true… That the First Order is backing the Union…"

 

He looked at her. The unspoken question mirrored in his eyes.

 

"Yes," she said in a hoarse voice, verifying his words. "Ben is already leading the Resistance in an infiltration mission within the First Order."

 

"To do what? Stop them from helping the Union? Leia, it would be a waste…."

 

She shook her head fiercely, clutching her friend's hand between hers.

 

"Don't you see, Charles? This galaxy needs peace. Unification. It needs leaders that could bring the two warring sides together. It needs leaders that understand where both sides are coming from and can find common ground for peace and prosperity. No losers or winners in a war that never ends. "

 

"I don't understand…"

 

"Ben's mission isn't to expose the First Order," Leia wheezed, wide imploring eyes captivating the man in front of her. "My son is there to regain power and become the leader that he was always meant to be. The one that will unify this galaxy and bring balance to the Force."

 

_At last._

 

*

 

There had been a desperation in their movements. An unsated need. An indistinct fear that neither of them had been willing to acknowledge, as he buried himself in her earlier in the night, fingers digging into her thighs hard enough to bruise.

 

She didn’t know what had triggered his shift in demeanor that he tried so hard to conceal from her. But Rey knew that her own insecurity stemmed from the vision of his old self coming to haunt her once again.

 

Rey tried to push the thought away.

 

They were back at the _Falcon_ , laying together on their narrow cot on what was probably their last night on board his parent’s ship. Tomorrow they would board Maz’s freighter and join the rest of the team.

 

She fingered away tenderly dark wet strands from his forehead and inhaled the scent of leather and sweat coming from his hair, mingled with the faint smell of the spicy shampoo he had used earlier in the morning. His head was set right above her heart as always, heavy arm draped over her body listening to the steady beat within her chest. It grounded him somehow, from what Rey could sense in the Force. Calmed and strengthened him at the same time.

 

The image of his forehead dipping into the curve of her neck, his powerful body thrusting into her and demanding an assurance that only she could provide fleeted through her mind, as she now caressed the relaxed muscles of his back. He had breathed out her name like a prayer when she had shattered around him, his hand flying to the metal railing of the cot to steady their frantic joining. His release had been long and grinding, his dark eyes fixed on her as if she carried his very last breath in her hands.

 

It had been terrifying to see.

 

The frailness that lay beneath his heavy walls. How close their lives were intertwined.

 

The thought that she could lose him once again was unbearable to hold. The fear of what could become of him if she would to perish in this mission...

 

The vision returned. Of the man currently in her arms twisting into a monster.

 

_No._

 

It was unthinkable.

 

“Ben,” she whispered into his strands. They were raven silk under her fingertips. And she couldn’t get enough of them.

 

He didn’t move. Just hummed a question lazily at her.

 

“Promise me something,” she said, her eyes fixed on the metal roof of their cot. There was a dent in its middle. The only thing out of place in an otherwise smooth surface. It made her want to reach out and fix it somehow. But her bag of tools was left behind on _Yavin IV_.

 

His arm loosened his hold on her as he shifted his head to look at her. It was dark in the small room but his eyes were alight. Unguarded and trusting.

 

“Anything, sweetheart,” he said, his deep voice resonating through her body and down to her bones.

 

Rey hesitated, uncertain as to how she should word her thoughts. She hadn’t told him anything about the vision. She licked her lips.

 

“That you will never become Kylo Ren again.”

 

He stilled. Staring at her as if he were made of stone. A shadow crossed his features, making Rey almost regret what she had uttered. Perhaps he hated being reminded of the person he used to be. But it only lasted a moment, because he lay his head on her heart again and tightened his hold on her. His voice was careful and did not waver one bit when he answered back.

 

But his emotions were sealed shut from the Force.

 

“I promise.”

 

He said.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As powerful and determined as Rey may be, I always saw an innocence in her and a naivete that comes with her young age and the fact that she has no experience in relationships with people. And even though she is learning, there are plenty of mistakes still to be made. And that goes for Ben too. But in a more selfish, immature way. They might be making progress but no one ever ceases to mature. We can see that in Leia and Nyxx's father who have reached an older age and are finally coming to realize their faults.
> 
> Just thought I'd put this little note out there. And thank you all for your support and patience! You guys are superb!


	16. Bloodline

“General…”

 

Hux raised his head from the latest report in his hands to eye the Commander who had just walked into his glass office. He seemed anxious under the sun’s dying rays breaking through leaden cloud. Hux still had trouble getting accustomed to this planet’s strange architecture. On top of it all, a splitting headache had been tormenting him practically throughout the day making it impossible for him to concentrate on the news coming from his network of spies stationed in the Core worlds and Outer Rim. And it had just skyrocketed due to his aggravation at being disturbed so late in the evening most probably on some mundane issue.

 

He huffed tossing his pad on the glass table in front of him, hearing it slide across its surface with satisfaction.

 

 _This had better be good_.

 

“I’m listening.”

 

The man shifted feet obviously unnerved and in a hurry to report.

 

“I don’t know how this is possible, sir, but there seems to be a group of foreigners currently on Kuat.”

 

Hux arched a red eyebrow. “Foreigners?”

 

The Commander cleared his throat. “More like invaders. Sir.”

 

Hux’s gaze sharpened on the man across from him and he could feel his face heating up.

 

“Invaders?” He spat. “What kind of invaders?”

 

“I’m afraid I don’t have much information on them. They registered as a group of missing Stormtroopers. Their serial codes were valid on the initial scan. But as their personal files were being double-checked they opened fire.”

 

_Missing Stormtroopers?_

 

Was this whole Order consisted of imbeciles?

 

“Who is the idiot that allowed these men to enter without apprising me? How did they get here?”

 

“Unknown sir.”

 

“They must have had a ship. Where is it from?”

 

“Unknown sir.”

 

“What the hell _do_ you know then Commander?”

 

The man swallowed dryly, removing his hat to swipe at the sweat beading at his temples. He fidgeted with the hem of his hat before gathering the courage to continue.

 

“I don’t quite know how to say this, sir. But it seems that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and his Knights are leading the team.”

 

Hux stared at the man with eyes that seemed ready to pop out from their sockets.

 

_So soon?_

 

He had expected Ren to have taken at least a few more weeks to discover the First Order’s layabouts.

 

_General Organa and her filthy network of rebel spies. Of course._

 

He didn’t know how long he remained frozen in his seat staring at his Commander like a fool but when his brain started regrouping, he was already out of the sliding doors and hurrying down the glass corridors of his residence in Kuat, in search of Aryn.

 

He hated to admit it but the Knight needed to be notified. And if he were lucky, the man would be willing to intervene and stop Ren’s progression.

 

_Eventhough…_

 

Hux paused momentarily, catching his mirrored idol on the duraglass. He relaxed his shoulders and curled his lips.

 

There would be nothing wrong with the two men conveniently eliminating each other in this last and final stand.

 

In fact, it would be ideal.

 

*

 

Metal screeched and fire erupted as the Gorrilla Walker came crashing down on the concrete  ground of the landing bay by Ben’s powerful pull in the Force. Stormtroopers scurried to break away from the war machine’s deadly fall only to be savagely thrown across the bay by Neesha.

 

Nyxx barely had enough time to appreciate her beautiful snarl and long platinum waves of hair flowing around her black ensemble when a DLT-19 blaster beam flew next to his head, grazing a dreadlock from his head.

 

Nyxx glanced at the deep scorch mark on the wall behind him, gripping the hilt of his blade a little tighter.

 

_Damn that was close._

 

He really had to try and keep his head in its proper place.

 

“Keep those heavy-armed Stormtroopers at a distance,” Ben roared at Noah over the commotion, pointing at a group of Troopers sporting DC-17m Interchangeable weapons. “And cover our rear.” His former captain nodded crisply, waving at his team to fall back behind the Force-users.

 

Lightning split the evening sky, electrifying an already charged atmosphere. A light drizzle had already set in, sizzling on their ignited lightsabers and evaporating on laser beams. Scattered in the distance and over the unique metal and glass buildings of Kuat, Nyxx could see the faint lights of the shipyards flickering in the violet haze.

 

Nyxx swiped his new lightsaber at a barrage of incoming beams in a series of fluent moves, its purple blade bending to his will with a lot more ease then he had initially thought. Kyber crystals rarely obeyed anyone else than their original master, but this one was turning out to be rather friendly.

 

 _Maybe because it hasn’t seen any proper action in decades_.

 

Nyxx couldn’t help but conclude with a grimace to himself.

 

“Ben, to your left!” Rey shouted, as the shimmering green Force-shield she had conjured to protect their front, wavered.

 

“Shit!” ‘Ben turned, raising his arm to stop an incoming cluster of beams in midair. “Nyxx, you’re supposed to be covering our side!” He growled. “Quit staring at Neesha’s legs.”

 

_Excuse me?_

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nyxx objected, feeling rather insulted. He was perfectly concentrated on his task at hand. It wasn’t his fault if they were surrounded by three battalions of Stormtroopers and the landing bay’s heavy artillery all aiming their fire at them. What was he supposed to do? Turn into some intergalactic superhero with a flying cape and an immaculate hairdo and blast their enemies away in a single blow?

 

A Gorrilla Walker sent another blast their way and it ricocheted off Rey’s shield with an ear-piercing crack. She gritted her teeth and grunted, barely holding it up as her boots skidded on the ground.

 

“We’re sitting ducks, Ben!” Nyxx yelled, wondering if his voice could even be heard over the pandemonium. “We’ve got to get outta here.”

 

He could see his friend clenching his teeth and a muscle twitching on his jaw. Which was good. At least he seemed to be contemplating his words.

 

Another crash resounded in the landing grounds as Rey brought down a metal structure on a group of Stormtroopers firing at them behind two of the fallen Gorrillas. A loud blast went off, shaking the ground and sparks filled the air as whatever bombs were gathered there erupted.

 

“Baby, I won’t be able to hold up the shield much longer,” she coughed over the grey smoke that started enveloping the area. “We’ve got to move inside the buildings where it will be…”

 

“…narrower. I know.” Ben nodded in agreement.

 

“I still haven’t been able to sense Aryn,” she said fixing her hazel gaze on his sharp profile. She seemed worried.

 

“He’s near. I can feel him.”

 

He locked eyes with her for the span of a breath. His gaze purposeful against the dark sky as be brought down the third Gorrilla Walker with his outstretched arm. He reached over with his free hand, curling it around Rey’s waist and stealing a moment to pull her in for a kiss on the temple. They remained wrapped together, her white cotton outfit merging with his charcoal shirt and black pants, light chestnut strands tangling with the ink of his hair. Their lightsabers angled loosely to the ground. They seemed to almost forget there was a battle raging around them.

 

Nyxx shook his head to himself.

 

Those two idiots were bat shit crazy.

 

_Come to think of it…_

 

Another sugar-coated couple also sprang into his mind. Currently tasked with the most imperative of jobs. To insert the cyber virus in Kuat’s systems.

 

What was taking them so long?

 

Nyxx ran his blade through a Stormtrooper’s armor and sliced off the arm of another, mumbling to himself.

 

With this rate, the First Order would eventually have an epiphany and decide to finally fire up the Tie fighters strapped in the Star Destroyers. And use them to obliterate the Resistance team before any of them had a chance to step foot anywhere near Aryn.

 

Nyxx felt very close to vowing that if he were to ever make it alive out of this hellhole he would quit his smokes.

 

_For good._

 

“All right you two!” He grumbled pointing the tip of his purple blade at them. “You guys can get a room when all this is over. In the meantime, I say we get movin’.”

 

*

 

Rose peeled off the black constricting fabric from her neck her attention glued on the large screen in front of her. Blue schematics blinked on her face in the darkness of the room.

 

“BB-8 I can’t stay inside their systems much longer,” she stated, her fingers flying on the holoscreen in front of her. “Their Defenders are too powerful. You have to slide in the cyber virus now!”

 

She could see the droid’s domed head twirling and its lens focusing on her before a series of aggravated beeps followed suit but she couldn’t stay hacked in the power distributor’s system much longer. They were bound to be discovered. Soon.

 

“I know you don’t want to catch the virus by accident but if we don’t do it now, the team doesn’t stand a chance.”

 

Its outstretched metal hand which was connected to the server gave another small turn as BB-8 whined configuring more data. She had never seen this little droid more agitated before.

 

“Maybe Chewbacca was right,” Finn piped in. “Artoo has far better experience in hacking enemy computers. Maybe we should have brought him in instead.”

 

_Seriously?_

 

Rose’s eyes widened just as an offended beep came off the orange and white droid.

 

Talk about picking the worst time _ever_ to comment on BB-8’s efficiency. They wouldn’t hear the end of it when they met up with Poe.

 

“Don’t get him mad,” she hissed at Finn. “He’ll insert the virus in the wrong system, and the next thing we know life support will be down.”

 

“Yeah, but if he doesn’t do it _now_ then Rey and Ben and the rest of the team will probably end up being blown to bits by some latest technology First Order fusion bomb!”

 

A snapping sound resonated in the room and all lights died out instantly. Rose could hear her and Finn’s harsh breathing in the darkness before BB8 gave out a beep of satisfaction.

 

“I think we’re in,” Finn said.

 

*

 

The black crystal was beguiling and treacherous. Its power humming just out of reach from him. Teasing him. Questioning him if he were strong enough to wield it.

 

Aryn curled his fingers into a fist around it, feeling its heat scorch his skin.

 

Too many hours had he spent meditating within his chambers. Pleading with the crystal. Threatening to grind it into dust or coaxing its powers out with promises of grandeur. The kyber crystal mocked him. Asked him if he were the One.

 

 _Yes_.

 

He’d said. In a futile attempt to crack it into submission.

 

Aryn had found himself kneeling on the floor with blood dripping from his nose, and his head pounding painfully from yet another vision.

 

He watched a man with big blue eyes and blond short hair raise his blue blade defiantly against a red one.  The figure of a black-armored man in a mechanical mask breathing ominously down at him. A shriveled old man gleaming with sinister laughter under a dark hood.

 

_I do not need to be of lineage to wield your power._

 

Aryn had objected vehemently.

 

These men had been weak. One immersed in Darkness but craving the Light. The other promised to the Light but being tempted by the Dark.

 

The vision shifted.

 

It revealed a handsome young man with tousled brown hair and eyes burning with determination. He was kneeling in front of an older man dressed in a politician’s robes. Swearing allegiance to the Darkness. But in the name of Love.

 

_I do not have emotions binding me to anyone but myself and the Darkness._

 

He had protested, sensing the young man’s heart tainted by affection for his beloved wife.

 

Aryn had never cared for anyone but himself. He had always been devoted to the Dark side. The Light had no place in his black heart.

 

The vision shifted again.

 

Two men fought on a stream of burning lava. Their lightsabers crashing into each other in a fight to the death. They had been friends but were now mortal enemies. “You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you.” One of them shouted moments after slicing his opponent’s hands and legs from his body.

 

Aryn stood frozen in his chambers watching horrified as the mutilated body caught on fire from the lava. The burning man dragged himself against obsidian stones yelling in excruciating pain.

 

He jumped back, trying to get away from him.

 

_Will you?_

 

The stone asked him.

 

Aryn hesitated, swallowing dryly. Realizing that these weren’t just visions. These were events of the past that he was being shown, and they felt as real as if he were right _there_. A living, breathing part of them able to interact and alter their progression. Not just a stale witness.

 

_Time flow…_

 

He thought.

 

_Will you give your life to the Darkness if asked?_

 

The stone repeated its question.

 

_Yes._

 

Aryn answered, wondering briefly if Snoke had gone through the same trials.

 

_We shall see…_

 

The black kyber crystal burned.

 

The visions evaporated, leaving him alone in his empty, dark chambers. Reality started settling in as he slowly felt his senses returning.

 

There was a disturbance in the Force. Powerful entities approaching him, slicing a deadly path along their way. The time had arrived for him to face the first of his trials.

 

To overthrow the man whose bloodline stood between him and true, unlimited Power.

 

*

 

Ben led the progression. Merciless in his strikes. A true Force not to be reckoned with.

 

Rey could barely see his stark figure cutting through the laser beams in the darkened sleek corridors of the strange buildings. Finn and Rose had managed to cut off power to a vast part of the shipyards from what she could see, judging from the complete absence of twinkling lights in the far distance. Only streaks of lightning remained, cutting through the bruised colors of the sky and and shedding occasional light into the glass compounds.

 

And the lightsabers.

 

Rey swung her blade at a Stormtrooper’s legs severing them in a clean cut.

 

Those poor men didn’t stand a chance. It was unsettling to watch. Rey could feel the unease emanating from her own team just as strongly. Former Stormtroopers were within it and their opponents had once been their comrades after all.

 

She kicked an attacking man running her blade through his chest, easily piercing through armor and flesh and blending the burned material into one nauseating smell. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ben next to her slam his own opponent to the ground one-handedly before stepping over him to run his crackling blade through another. Neesha behind them finished the job with a single experienced strike.

 

They must have been a sight to behold.

 

Humming lighsabers in the dark casting an eerie light in the charcoal metal and duraglass walls of the compound. They sliced through the air in swift precise strikes, grazing steel and white armor and ricocheting laser beams back to the First Order Stormtroopers. Rey could sense those men’s terror and confusion. They were not trained to go up against Force-wielders. How could they have ever been prepared?  

 

Havoc rained around them.

 

Metal cracked and armor was split, the anguished cries of dying men covering the high pitch sounds of beams and the deadly thrum of lightsabers. The blended sounds resonated in the corridors and pounded painfully in their heads.

 

Rey knew that the terror would have been reflected in their opponent’s wide eyes. But their pristine white and black armor hid it well.

 

But nothing hid the burning amber in Ben’s fierce gaze. His jaw was set in a clench. His emotions resolute. He wanted nothing more than what lay behind the First Order’s defenses.

 

Ben had once said it was Aryn. But Rey knew it was more.

 

He had promised it would not be Kylo Ren again. But Rey could see him spreading Death right beside her. Without a flicker of hesitation.

 

 _Have I been dreaming this whole time_?

 

Had any of it been real?

 

Or had the monster been lurking under the surface only to be woken at the slightest smell of spilled blood?

 

Her strike faltered.

 

An electroblade razed her side and she groaned, clutching the crimson wetness that started coloring her white garments. She lifted her saberstaff to stop the deadly strike coming down upon her but came across empty air instead.

 

“Don’t lose focus!” A voice roared and she looked at the man towering over her. He removed his sputtering blade from a Stormtrooper’s chest. His face was bathed in red light, casting sharp shadows on the angles of his face. The softness of his gaze was no longer there and neither was the boyish smile that lightened her heart. He stared at her with wide eyes. “Are you hurt?” His voice rumbled in the space between them. The familiar sound almost comforting.

 

_Almost._

 

She wished she could wrap herself around it.

 

“Just a scratch.”

 

“Are you sure? Let me see.”

 

Rey shook her head. “I’m fine.”

 

She channeled everything she had in her from the wild beat of her heart to the pain on her side to raise steel walls against the inspection of his heavy gaze. It seemed to last forever.

 

“Stay behind me,” he relented in the end. “I’ll cover you.”

 

She nodded. Falling back and staring at his broad back with trepidation.

 

His powerful arms continued their work, muscles that she knew by heart rippling under his shirt. She had been in their tender embrace just a few moments ago. How could they belong to the same man?

 

She took another step back.

 

Neesha came into view parrying incoming beams with her red blade. She was ruthless with her sword her flawless features pulled into a menacing snarl. A true daughter of the Dark Side.

 

The former Knight of Ren passed her, following her Master’s trail.

 

Her shoulder was shoved as one of the Troopers in their team strode past her in a hurry as well. And then another. And another.

 

“Are you OK?”

 

It was Nyxx’s voice that pulled her from her thoughts, bringing back the stinging ache on her side along with it.

 

“Yes, I’m just catching my breath. I’ll be right with you,” she said.

 

“Don’t fall too far back,” he advised her, studying her face under the purple light of his saber. “Are you sure you’re all right? Maybe I should tell Ben to…”

 

“No!”

 

_No._

 

Ben was not there.

 

“Don’t break his concentration. Go on. I’ll be right behind you.”

 

Nyxx hesitated for a moment before pressing his lips tight and jogging to catch up with the Force-users.

 

Rey stood still in her spot, watching the team pass her by. A few quick glances were cast her way but no one asked what it is that she was doing standing in the middle of the corridor. They had always been skittish around her and Ben anyway.

 

_Ben…_

 

She swallowed. Eyes stinging and heart clenching as painfully as the slash on her side.

 

This all felt like an ugly nightmare. One that she would surely wake up from and would find Ben’s arms wrapped protectively around her. Just like every night. Driving the pungent remains of her haunting past away.

 

Rey curled her fists.

 

But Ben had no place in this fight. He belonged in murky jungles. Jumping fearlessly from waterfalls and laying under starry nights. Raking his hair away when he was nervous, and smirking boyishly down at her when he felt embarrassed. Ben belonged in twilights. And rippled lakes.

 

He belonged in dreams…

 

Rey felt her chest constricting. Crushing her breath into nothingness.

 

And a thought that she had been suppressing these past few days was once again finding its way to the forefront of her mind.

 

_What if…_

 

She glanced to the side. At the short corridor leading to a dark empty turbolift. Power was out and would probably stay that way for an indefinite amount of time thanks to the cyber virus. But she could work her way through the inner dwellings of the ship all the way to…

 

She bit her lip.

 

Ben would be furious.

 

But it was the only way to protect him from the Darkness that throbbed in the Force around them, waiting and craving to dig its claws back to his healing soul. Undo all that she had so carefully put back together.

 

Rey couldn’t allow it.

 

She brushed her hand on the pocket that held the white kyber crystal. It felt warm and comforting. Urging her to find its counterpart. If she followed its lead it would bring her to the black crystal. Rey was certain. And to the man currently in possession of it.

 

 _Aryn_.

 

If she could face the Dark Power that called to Ben so enchantingly… If she could defeat the man behind it and toss that cursed black stone back into the abyss it had come from.

 

 _Then maybe Ben wouldn’t be so vulnerable to the Dark calling anymore_.

 

Rey rubbed her forehead in frustration.

 

It was childish of her to think that way. Darkness was not confined to a small stone. And it had taken residence within Ben for too many years. It held Power over him. Rey could just _feel_ it.

 

 _There is no passion. Only peace_.

 

Rey’s breath hitched. She swirled in her spot wondering what those words were. Or where they came from.

 

_Are you the One?_

 

They said.

 

Rey darted a glance at her pocket.

 

A child fleeted through her mind. With hair the color of sand. Tinkering with a golden droid in a desert world.

 

Rey tilted her head curiously at the boy. She found herself relating to the child very much. Being very drawn to it. And suddenly she knew why. It all made sense.

 

_I am not the One._

 

She admitted.

 

_But I know someone who might be._

 

The words never came back, leaving her alone in the shadows.

 

She nodded to herself, her decision made. There was only one thing she could do. Protect the spark of Light within the man that had come to mean the world to her and give him a fighting chance to fulfill his destiny. Whatever that was.

 

And that meant she would have to face Aryn and the Dark Side.

 

Alone. 

 

*

 

“What do you mean you lost her?” Ben roared inches from Nyxx’s face, fists clenched on his side, barely containing himself from unleashing his rage within the metal and glass hall they had managed to slip in for a break. His voice reverberated in the grand room.

 

“I didn’t lose her,” Nyxx cocked his head to the side glaring back at him. “She fell back. How was I supposed to know she’d disappear on us?”

 

“She was injured!” Ben threw his arm out, pointing at some vague direction. “You were supposed to keep an eye on her.”

 

“I was… What? Are you delirious? Do you have any idea how difficult it was trying to keep our asses covered? I didn’t have time to babysit for Rey.”

 

Ben felt heat crawling up his neck, spreading to his face and all the way to the tips of his ears.

 

“I will personally rip your spleen out and shove it down your throat if _anything_ has happened to her!”

 

Nyxx would be extremely lucky if he came out of this alive.

 

“Yeah, yeah you’ve said that before,” Nyxx dismissed him, stepping aside but Ben was far from being done with him. He grabbed him by the shoulder pulling him back. Nyxx’s eyes narrowed dangerously at him.

 

“She might already be in the hands of our opponents,” Ben spelled out icily, sounding a lot more composed than what burned and simmered inside him. “They might use her to…”

 

_Fuck!_

 

Ben couldn’t believe this was happening. How could he have been so careless and stupid? He could have sworn she was right behind him. Had felt her next to him throughout the whole fight. How the _hell_ did she disappear on him without him realizing it?

 

His vision blurred and ears started throbbing. And something ugly unfurled within him.

 

“This is your fault,” Ben gritted out, pointing an accusing finger in the face of his friend. “You should have stayed with her.”

 

“My fault? Why the hell is it my fault? She’s your girlfriend!”

 

“I was clear with you before this whole mission even started. Don’t give me this shit!”

 

“Rey is perfectly capable of fending for herself, you _asshole_! You never gave her enough credit. And don’t you blame this on me when you were too preoccupied slicin’ down your own men to pay attention to what Rey was doin’!”

 

“Nyxx. No!” Neesha exclaimed, coming to stand between the two men. But Ben brushed her aside. He fixed Nyxx with a cold and hard stare.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“You heard exactly what I said you stuck-up, arrogant prick.”

 

Ben grabbed Nyxx by the lapels of his trench-coat shoving him to the nearest wall nearly blinded by rage. In a split second his crossguard was ignited and set on his friend’s throat. He thought he heard a few gasps around him but all he could hear and see was Nyxx’s silent bobbing of his throat and the widening of his charcoaled green eyes. It wouldn’t take much to silence the rebellious nature of the man before him.

 

In fact it would only take…

 

_Just. One. Strike._

 

“I don’t know what’s happenin’ to you, Ben,” Nyxx said barely above a whisper. “But whatever it is, you’d better get a hold of yourself, you fuckin’ idiot, before everythin’ spirals down to hell.”

 

Ben remained still, his breath coming out in small quick puffs through his flared nostrils. He could feel his eyes burn and throat constrict painfully. The fingers of his hand grow numb because of how tightly he grasped his lightsaber.

 

He was suddenly so aware of how easy it would be to take away the life of his friend. And even wondered how he had allowed himself to get to that point.

 

Ben blinked, feeling very confused.

 

His hand fell away from Nyxx’s throat but held the crossguard ignited.

 

A hand clutched his bicep and he turned to look at who it belonged to. It was Neesha. With her long hair the color of white gold catching the crackling of lightning outside the window.

 

“Kylo?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Is everything all right?”

 

_Ben. My name is Ben._

 

He ran his hand through his sweaty strands, looking at the frightened men gathered around him. They were looking at him as if they had seen a ghost.

 

_Shit._

 

“Yes. I’m fine.” He disengaged his lightsaber, feeling his mind a bit hazy. “Quit staring at me like idiots. We have to find Rey.”

 

*

 

Leia had always admired the elegant, intricate architecture of Naboo for as long as she could remember. Its earthly toned buildings blended beautifully with the thick forests and misting great waterfalls. It was a serene and beautiful planet. Very similar to her beloved Alderaan and it brought forth nothing but loving memories of her own young life. But there was more to Naboo than beauty. It was Padme Amidala’s home planet and part of Leia’s heritage.

 

_My bloodline._

 

Leia stood in the middle of a grand hall. Two lines of intricately carved columns supported a series of elegant domes, all artfully decorated with images of nature, while tall windows stretching from floor to ceiling offered their own delicate support to the ornate domes. Colorful mosaic and polished white marble reflected the blinding daylight the generously filled the Throne room.

 

And the fragrances that drifted inside, carried by the light breeze…

 

_Those fragrances…_

 

If the heavens had forgotten a piece of them in this crude galaxy than Naboo would be it.

 

Leia shut her eyes inhaling the aromas and letting the melodious singing of the birds lift her heart. She pushed the murmuring voices and hushed words that filled the Hall to the back of her mind.

 

The Force couldn’t have chosen a better day than this.

 

A loud gong echoed in the Throne room signaling the beginning of the hearing, and Leia opened her eyes. She could see C-3PO whirling restlessly in his spot just a few paces away with his round droid eyes fixed on her. Louise was standing next to him looking at her equally concerned. But there was not much that the poor girl could do anymore.

 

Leia filled her lungs with a fragrant breath, gathering the Force around her for support now that her frail body was giving up on her.

 

_I have to do this._

 

It was her last fight after all.

 

Rustling of fabric was heard as the Queen and her entourage entered the Throne room in all their glory. The young woman was quick in her movements, despite the heavy embroidered dress that she wore, and she set on the throne gracefully, brushing away the ripples of silk crimson garment that draped around her legs. She glanced around the room at the gathering of Leaders and Senators from around the galaxy, eyes clever under her heavy black lashes as she assessed everyone’s intention.

 

Finally Leia saw the Queen’s white face turn to gaze at her, stern and elegant with just a stripe of red running down the middle of her lips and a dot signifying the wisdom of her status between her eyebrows.

 

Leia remained straight and still looking back at the woman steadily. She could feel a bead of sweat run down her temple, her fluctuating fever doing its best to weaken her.

 

“You have been charged with treason, Princess Leia Organa,” the young woman began, her sweet voice ringing harmoniously within the marble of the Throne room. “You have hidden Kylo Ren amongst the Resistance and collaborated with him against the Republic. How do you plead?”

 

Leia felt a touch on her shoulder just then. Almost featherlike, as if it didn’t come from this world. A blue glow seeped into her vision but no one seemed to notice apart from her. She blinked lightly, trying to clear the tears that were already pooling in her eyes.

 

Of course, he had to wait till the last moment to come to her.

 

_But it’s good to know I’m not alone._

 

Leia straightened her back.

 

“Funny. Every word that you have just said is a lie,” she said. “Kylo Ren no longer exists and I have not conspired against the Republic.”

 

Murmurs filled the grand room. Some in protest, others in support. As expected in a trial of this magnitude. For it was not her fate that was at stake here. But that of her son’s and the future of the galaxy.

 

The Princess raised her chin and gathered her breath. And spoke loud enough for the heavens to hear.

 

“I plead innocent.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so blown away by the ep. IX trailer that I just had to insert little elements in this update! And Palps laughing at the end... Damn... It nearly made me go back and rewrite half the story.


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